Archive for September, 2017

I discovered the meaning of embracing my crosses and how to find spiritual healing for peace in the world!

September 3, 2017

INTRODUCTION

“Will you offer yourselves to God to accept all the sufferings which He may send to you in reparation for the countless sins by which He is offended and in supplication for the conversion of sinners?” asked our Mother in Fatima to the three young shepherds…One hundred years later and on this month of August, I have been instructed on how to personally best fulfill this request. My crosses have increased and I have been instructed as to how most perfectly accept them. Yet, with great surprise and towards the end of the month, I was surprised to understand what truly means to embrace my crosses… This would be the main topic for this blog. I am definitely super fascinated with this new teaching for me…

I will add some other topics of issues I did not know in detail… It all came via television. In the Hispanic TV outlet Univision, Joseph of Egypt mentioned last month, ended and left me so touched… It has been followed by “The Promised Land” with a central figure being displayed with great detail, that is, Joshua. How beautiful it is to have one hour of Bible stories amongst soap operas in prime time… This combination produces a certain feast in the soul, since the Biblical story is real and soap operas are make-believe situations

I have mention that for many years Univision has presented similar religious stories. They are called, “La Rosa de Guadalupe or The Rose of Guadalupe.” In every story, Our Lady of Tepeyac forms part of the prayer of one of the actors and a white rose appears on top of a piece of furniture under the picture of Our Lady. The actor notices it but has no idea why and this according to the story. The end always brings a good blessing to one of the main characters and reaffirms the intercessory power of Our Lady in their lives. So, I cannot complain about my Hispanic culture in TV land. Of course, the stories sometimes have horrible scenes of immorality, but the end of any story is conducive to reaffirm the importance of prayer and of the Mother of God, acting as our true mother.

Just one week ago, this same TV outlet brought a recent interview of a KKK couple by one of Univision hosts, a younger Hispanic woman with black African ancestry. I never knew that in the Bible, Jesus was described by Pilate as a good looking man with golden hair and blue eyes and this according to this KKK couple. Of course, it does not say so! They claimed that it is not their invention and that actually it appears in the Congress Library Bible in Washington, D.C. in two letters from Pontius Pilate to two specific friends (Tiberius and Claudius?)…

Of course, when Univision checked these letters in the so called Bible in the Congress Library, it does not exist…!!! So, according to their views, they should not give any food or help to any outside of their group (white supremacists, KKK, etc.) because He did not do it as He refused to give it to the Canaanite woman who asked Him to heal her daughter who was possessed by an evil spirit. The woman answered that even the dogs ate of the leftover that fell from the table… As it turns out, they claim that Jesus is a member of the KKK and He will protect them…!!!

The Univision host said that at the time she felt she was in danger. She asked them what they would like to do to her. The man answered that she deserved to be burned because she was ugly and lacked importance on this earth…(As I wrote these notes in my diary, little did I know the important connection that this interview had for my spiritual growth as you will see later).

Back to Our Lady of Fatima asking the children to sacrifice in atonement for the sins by which He is offended, of course, I also should do that for the KKK members and do it with love for them since they were created in His image. Forever and ever, I must CONFESS that I have not placed their name in the list of petitions of my community Rosary for any of the white supremacist members of our society… Ouch! In fact, I always had felt some rejection and resentment for all of them up to today… There you can see how much I need to grow in this part of my soul’s conversion… And this conversion is sooo easy… if I do what I am supposed to do, especially with prayer and sacrifice in atonement for their sins and for their salvation; however, this is done AFTER I PRAY DAILY FOR GOD’S MERCY for me TO LOVE THEM AS JESUS DOES! If I pray for them resenting their behavior, well, I have missed the call…

As you can see, I must confess how poorly I follow Jesus at times. I will proceed to narrate some teachings and encounters with the Holy Spirit and my Mother according to the calendar dates.

Wednesday, August 9

I have a rather big piece of carton that I wrote in 1979 and have kept on the wall of my bedroom where I have a prayer corner next to images of our Lady’s different titles and of Jesus and some Saints, like St. Paul of the Cross, St. Therese of Lissieux, St. Anthony of Padua, St. Teresa of the Andes, St. John Paul II, St. Pio of Pietrelcina and St. Alberto Hurtado Cruchaga (Chile). It is a prayer from St. Benedicta Teresa of the Cross, OCD, or Edith Stein, the Hebrew atheist who converted to Catholicism. After reading the life of St. Teresa of Avila she became a Carmelite nun and died in Auschwitz during the Second World War. This is what she wrote:

“My God, I do not want to know Your paths since I am your daughter. You are a Father of Wisdom and also my Father and if You take me through the darkness of night, I know You are taking me to Yourself.”

This has always being a formidable reminder that my Dad takes care of me regardless of my sins, and that all suffering that He allows is for my own good for one day to be received in His arms. Well, little did I know on this date that surely I had much suffering to endure for this month and that it all would gain for me a new understanding of how to embrace my crosses… I always thought that it was a sort of acceptance of my crosses, and yet, I was very short in truly understanding what it truly means!

Thursday, August 10

Our international fights with North Korea keep getting more and more aggressive and dangerous, especially from their side. I have been praying for Mr. Kim Yong Un, but I have not been blessed as yet with love for him. I need to work on this conversion of my soul by offering my sufferings for myself to see in Mr. Un, an image of God who is confused and whom I want saved. In the other hand, it was on this day that I started feeling the call to get to Alabama and try my best to attend daily Mass again and do at least one Holy Hour. This was my routine for many, many years. As of now, I need some health to go back to the same practice and offer my prayer in His Presence, and to spend my last years on earth truly working full time for the Kingdom. By then, I will be away from so much toxicity around here and after doing a good detoxification of my body, my health issues could get better in order to start spending more time with Him. Obviously, I suspect that my Lord will help me and my health will get much better.

At 6 PM on this day, I asked my Father to heal my body to the point of being able to spent time with His Son’s real Presence and intercede for  world’s peace regardless of race, color, religion, etc. In retrospect, I am happy to report that I did not ask to eliminate all my health problems and only enough to be able to go and visit Him on daily basis. You will learn why I say it at the end of the blog.

Friday, August 11

On the feast for today of St. Claire, I took a large picture of Our Lady of Fatima that I received in her honor for the centenary of her apparitions and wrote in the back of the picture, the call for my last years on earth as described above and asking her for help.

ON THE LEFT HALF OF THE BACK OF THE PICTURE I wrote:

PRAYER PLAN

1. Daily Mass offered for the salvation of souls (through an ongoing conversion), and souls representing all Catholics, Christians, agnostics,  atheists and from all other religions.

2. Four daily Rosaries (that some days before the Lord and my Mother had asked me to pray for peace in the world)

3. Daily Holy Hour (s)

4. Lectio Divina when called to do so.

ON THE RIGHT HALF OF THE PICTURE,

SACRIFICE PLAN

1. Offering all pain and allergy symptoms and any health issues

2. Offering my self-denial of personal desires with a constant YES to God’s will (later on I had more to add to this section)

3. Writing of blogs on a monthly basis if led to and physically able do it.

4. Working for this project with other Catholics when I would prefer to do it alone!

Below these two columns I wrote:

I promise to DAILY ASK MY FATHER IN THE NAME OF JESUS FOR THE GRACE TO FOLLOW THESE TWO PLANS OF PRAYER AND SUFFERING and bringing as my intercessors to succeed, my Mother Mary, St. Clare, St. Pio and my Guardian Angels Angelo, Pio and Joachim. In case you did not know, when I consecrated myself to the Holy Angels in the 1980’s, I received the name of my original guardian angel while I was in Medjugorje in the late 1970’s and after a priest visiting this apparition site, taught some of us about all the choirs of Angels. . This priest was from Cleveland and our traveling group was from South Bend, IN. So, a couple of months later, he came to Indiana to further instruct us and consecrate us to them.

I was told to call my original guardian angel,  Angelo. I was surprised that it was in Spanish or English but in Italian. Shortly after and upon returning home I realized that now St. John XXXIII’s name was Angelo Roncalli!!! In the next two years or so, two more guardian Angels were added to help me: Pio was given to me to help me as a wife and mother. Joachim was given to me to help me in my medical practice…

On this day, after writing on the back of the picture of Our Lady of Fatima, I signed this covenant at 3:35 PM (during the Hour of Mercy)

Friday, August 12

I took Miralax (a stool softener) needed because of the poor surgery they did in my bladder which is wrongly attached and also because of Tramadol that causes some difficulty in the proper elimination of my stool; therefore Miralax helps much. I had been taking it since the surgery in 2015. I am allergic to it reacting with some pain but it was not a super allergic. I took it at evening time after my dinner.

Saturday, August 13

At midnight I woke up with severe pain in my already  bad left eye. On a normal basis, I have about 50% vision deficit. At this time, my deficit was around 75%!!! It continued all day. I did not take Miralax for the breakfast meal. By the afternoon, the vision loss was slightly better. I thought that maybe I was blaming this product for my sight problem. I took Miralax at supper time and bingo, the same symptoms with severe pain and loss of vision were back to 75%…. I had pain the rest of the night. This was a severe allergic reaction to this medicine with generalized inflammation which it showed in this eye by reduced vision.

I was unable to go to Mass because my eye was aching much and the vision was very poor. My legs, besides my knees, had started to ache so much that Tramadol was barely covering the discomfort. I reflected on the plan of April 11 and realized that suffering had arrived in a manner not suspected.

Tuesday, August 15

On this great feast of Our Lady and for Costa Rican’s is Mother’s Day, I could not go to Mass. My body was a mess… Also, my son was working and I could not drive to Mass by myself. My eyesight has made of my driving a very difficult and dangerous task…

Thursday, August 17

From this date on I will bring some facts on Hurricane Harvey found in the Internet. It will serve to realize how this disaster started and to make some comments at the end.

“Tropical Storm Harvey is named, six hours after the National Hurricane Center in Miami issues a potential tropical cyclone for several small Caribbean islands.”

Saturday, August 19

“Moving westward between the northern coast of South America and the larger Caribbean islands, Harvey is downgraded to a tropical depression, with maximum sustained winds of 35 mph (56 kph). Six hours later, it is further downgraded to a tropical wave.”

 

Pain in my body continued to worsen. Of course, as of the last 2 months, I am allergic to ALL FOODS, some more, some less. I only have two meals per day: The white of 4 hard boiled eggs plus one avocado and ground turkey cooked with carrots plus a sweet potato or more avocado… No use of garlic or onions and only salt is added to the turkey. So, I am also allergic to both proteins, the egg white and turkey…

 

In the evening, I was sent to read a particular page of the Bible, Psalm 37.  Some of the words gave me peace and hope…Here are a few verses:

“Find your delight in the Lord Who will give you your heart’s desire. Commit your way to the Lord; trust that God will act. Be still before the Lord: wait for the Lord.

Sunday, August 20

I was up at 4 AM praying the Rosary with EWTN/Spanish, this to have time to evaluate my health to go to 8 AM Mass. The pain was unbelievable despite taking Tramadol 2 hours prior, and I could not proceed to attend Mass!!! At 9 AM, and considering how much trouble I had to even go and visit Him and have Him within me, I started taking a wonderful product that in 2009 I used for my detoxification to reverse my memory loss. I still had a little bottle of Zeolite (a volcanic product) and one takes 13 drops, three times a day with a glass of water. Of course, I reacted somewhat to it and had some pain. I took it the three times on this day with much prayer since  I was afraid to have my left eye vision get worse… By Monday, I had to stop it because the pain got worse, which means that it was causing inflammation and could affect my left eye. Yet, I did see changes in my body…. The pain got worse but my memory got much clear and my vision got better at least with 5 doses!!! I did not want to experiment any further because of my left eye…Yet, I thanked the Lord for showing me that detoxification is what I need and what will work once I get to Alabama!

Monday, August 21

The entire country was involved in watching the eclipse of the sun by the moon. I had just heard a little summary of what the Universe is composed of and I decided to look it up further in the Internet. This is what I found of interest to me:

The Universe is composed of all existing matter and space considered as a whole; the cosmos. The universe is believed to be at least 10 billion light years in diameter and contains a vast number of galaxies; it has been expanding since its creation in the Big Bang about 13 billion years ago (Well, most likely since our God made it!!!!)

   

A galaxy is a system of millions or billions of stars, together with gas and dust, held together by gravitational attraction. The galaxy of which the solar system is a part, is the the Milky Way. Our solar system, made up of the Sun and the planets that encircle it, is a tiny part of that galaxy. The solar system is the collection of eight planets and their moons in orbit around the sun, together with smaller bodies in the form of asteroids, meteoroids, and comets.

 

A planet is large celestial body, smaller than a star but larger than an asteroid, that does not produce its own light but is illuminated by light from the star around in which it revolves. In our solar system there are nine known planets: Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto.” (END OF INTERNET INFORMATION)

 

The entire day I kept thinking of the immensity of our universe all created by our God Who takes care of each of us as if we were a precious star or a planet, but of the size of a sand particle… Wow! And to think that our Mother is the Queen of the Universe, and this the title that has done many miracles for me… The patroness of this Diocese of Oakland is Our Lady Queen of the World. Forever and ever I thought it was the same title… No way! Under the title of Queen of the Universe, she is right here on my screen covering the entirety of it and also in my I-phone screen… and from now on, whenever I am at this computer or every time that I look at my phone, I will rejoice to KNOW THAT SHE IS THE QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE…… And yes, it defines her powerful intercession… So, this special day when we had this eclipse of the sun by the moon, brought me to a new excitement in my soul as I consider that my troubles are all under the protection of my Mom, as I call her.

 

And whenever I pray the Rosary, I will think of her love for us appearing in Fatima, located in this tiny planet… that God chose for Adam and Eve and for His Son to come and die for us… I am sure that by now, our Mom does not need the GPS system to find us… Even more, from now on, when I pray the Rosary I will feel so loved because when I was a child of 3 or 4 and on, I saw my maternal grandmother talking to this Queen… in a tiny country in the America’s where she had appeared some 200 years before to an Indian girl in the province of Cartago, the province where my father and mother and relatives were born…

 

On this day I heard via television that the most important fact to grow in holiness is prayer… Just imagine if we pray all day but without any practiced self denial (choosing God’s will and not ours) while we keep our resentments alive… Jesus never said so… Yes, we should pray but for ourselves to be converted to live in self-denial and to love our enemies. He went to pray despite being God, and yet, his prayer time was there but his love time for those who needed to be loved was a preponderant story of His life. As far as I am concerned, growth in holiness is a combination of actions, all directed to do the will of God at all times. One rejection of our suffering can truly devastate our growth… How hard is to hear these things and maintain our love and appreciation for others.  I immediately offered my suffering for the people involved and asked my Father in the Name of His Son, for the same grace of love granted to me and that the Triune God has for them.

 

Tuesday, August 22

Feast of OUR LADY QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE…

 

The homilist for the EWTN Mass was fantastic, a Passionist priest, Fr. Cedric Pisegna.

 

At 3 PM I made another consecration to Our Lady under this title. I have done them since the 1980’s and I lost the count. I used to do them every month with preparation from the first to the thirtieth of the month. It was in 1988 that she started conversing with me and obviously, I kept this as a secret… Any parishioner, who would hear me say it could become very upset… It was not the time for me to go public on this issue and I am sure that God was behind this practice. At least now in my old age, I can do it!

 

Wednesday, August 23

 

“10 a.m., Harvey regenerates into a tropical depression about 535 miles (860 kilometers) southeast of Port O’Connor, Texas, with maximum sustained winds of 35 mph (56 kph).” (On Sept. 2, I saw the remnants of Port  O’Connor and the lack of purified water and food for those who lost it all…)

 

I asked my Mother for help for the pain I get consuming all foods… I have hardly any hunger but I should not stop eating for the good of my body… At times, I have wondered if I should just drink milk on a daily basis until all inflammatory symptoms get better because at times the pain is intolerable. She explained that my plan for my last years on earth written on August 11 was from God and good. She added, “However, if you are seeking as the main reason to follow the plan of prayer and suffering, to have a better health and vision, then, you would not get much out of the daily Masses and Holy Hours and four Rosaries…”

 

She added, “The main plan is to do it for PEACE IN THE WORLD, through a massive conversion of the entire planet regardless of race, religion, lack of God in their lives, violence, etc. You have the opportunity to offer yourself to die to yourself for them. Loving your brothers and sisters is crucial. Otherwise, your prayer and sacrifices may not make you grow in holiness to TRULY HAVE THE GRACE TO OBTAIN PEACE IN THE WORLD.

 

“Also remember that finishing the book with so many good points for your neighbor to live better lives without dementia or depressions, is essential in your love for them. If death finds you totally consecrated to obtain peace for them after your are gone and if death comes when you are totally dedicated to pray for them and to give glory to God with your close to perfect fiat, then, your blogs and even the book will count at the throne of Mercy for their salvation. Remember what I told you in July: ‘Now you know much about what to do for the Kingdom; however, be certain that you practice it day and night in order to be counted as a great servant of His and as a witness to your brothers and sisters of His love for you and them.’”

 

Thursday, August 24

 

“1 p.m., after quickly strengthening over the course of a day, Harvey becomes a hurricane, with maximum sustained winds of 85 mph (140 kph). It is about 325 miles (525 kilometers) southeast of Port O’Connor, and Texas coastal communities in its path are urged to complete their preparations. By midnight, it is upgraded to a Category 2 hurricane and is 220 miles from Port O’Connor, with sustained maximum winds of 100 mph (160 kph).”

 

Friday, August 25

 

“2 p.m., Harvey is upgraded to a Category 3 hurricane, with sustained maximum winds of 120 mph (195 kph). It is centered about 75 miles (120 kilometers) southeast of Corpus Christi. By 6 p.m., Harvey is a Category 4 storm just 45 miles from the city, with maximum sustained winds of 130 mph (215 kph).

 

“Harvey made landfall around 11:00 PM EDT on Friday, August 25 between Port Aransas and Port O’Connor, Texas as a category 4 hurricane. Harvey was the strongest hurricane to impact Texas since 1961 and the first category 4 storm to make landfall in the United States since Hurricane Charley impacted Florida in 2004.”

Saturday, August 26 – Feast of Our Lady Czestochowa

 

“2 a.m., Harvey is centered about 15 miles inland and is weakening as it slowly passes over land. It has been downgraded to a Category 3, with maximum sustained winds of 115 mph (185 kph). Two hours later, it is downgraded further to a Category 2.

 

“5 a.m., With maximum sustained winds of 90 mph (150 kph), Harvey is downgraded to a Category 1 storm. Forecasters warn of potentially catastrophic flooding in the coming days.”

 

As I inclined to wonder what was God trying to tell us with this hurricane, in EWTN/Spanish, I found these words from St. John Bosco. – “Put up willingly with the faults of others if you want them to put up with yours.” I kept thinking of the end times and reviewed what Jesus had said regarding those times, and how we should learn to love all our brothers and sisters regardless as St. Bosco said.

 

The temperature outside was high (106 F). I had too much pain… I decided to ask the Lord through the intercession of Our Lady from Poland, to help me because the suffering was close to untenable. I ended up praying 9 Rosaries for the chaotic state of Texas and for me.

 

Sunday, August 27

 

From St. Philip Neri: “People are sometimes the carpenters of their own crosses.”

 

I had these words in my mind… Was I making my own crosses? I was up at 4 AM P.T. praying the Holy Rosary with EWTN/Spanish. Yet the pain was beyond my capacity to go to Mass. (Unbeknown to me, this suffering was exacerbated for one reason only and I had not yet even figured this out, that is, why the suffering was getting worse by the day and even eating little of the offensive foods More on this subject later).

 

This suffering not only consisted of pain in my knees and legs (the latter as of the last two months) but also it has to do with my medical knowledge and knowing that this intensity of pain tends to raise my blood pressure. This pushes me to take hi amounts of the medication lisinopril. The toxicity itself, keeps my immune system working overtime against all foods and also affecting all my internal organs. It can also star a cancerous growth at any area of my body. So, this cross is made of many parts and by paying too much attention to my medical knowledge, I could be the carpenter of my own crosses…

 

On this particular Sunday, I ended up realizing about the suffering of Our Lady when her little Baby was supposed to be beheaded and they had to travel on donkeys to Egypt… Wow… And before that, the suffering of having to give birth to a child and no one giving them a room to stay? What about St. Joseph’s carpentry shop, the source of money for their living and that had to be abandoned when they left for Egypt, where they did not know for how long they would live there and for St. Joseph to find a job and provide for the family? What about Our Lady’s nutrition needed to make enough breast milk for her Son?  What about the meaning of going back to Egypt after Moses and Joshua had brought Israel to the Promised Land? Eventually, they had to come back to their city and start all over again!

 

Well, I am sure that the Holy Family, specially the mother and father, were totally sure of being servants of God and survived this cross due to their faith, hope and love for the Father… I ended up understanding that in my case of severe pain, at least I am living in a large home with all possible needs taken care of, under the protection of my son and soon to leave this so toxic area… The example of the Holy Family started to give me hope and accept what is going on because God is in charge. Here came a point of poor self-denial, where my will is to feel better but His will is to allow me to suffer for the salvation of souls, as Our Lady of Fatima told the children.  Any fear or doubt that God is the best physician to end my symptoms of toxicity, are simply a waste of time on my part.

 

What bothers me even more is to forget stories like the one that follows, when God had a plan for our lives as a family and we just followed His orders and miracles occurred. This event should serve me to trust that all the problems with my health have a reason to be, and that He will solve them in His time. I am purposely writing the story for me to keep it more at hand in my memory files in order to trust more in His mercy!

 

Monday, August 28

 

Harvey: “As of 7:30 AM EDT Monday August 28, there were 291,181 customer power outages across Texas and no significant power outages in Louisiana. Impacted utilities have issued statements that they are expecting power outages to last several days. Restoration efforts cannot begin until weather conditions are safe. High rainfall total and flooding could extend restoration times in many affected areas. Before equipment in flooded areas can be reenergized, waters will need to recede and equipment at substations will need to dry out and be inspected for damage. Additionally, before customers can have electricity restored to homes or business impacted by flooding, customers need to have electrical equipment inspected. As of Sunday 22% of the oil production 25.7% of the natural gas production in Gulf of Mexico are shut-in as a precaution and most refineries were shutdown. Retail gas station outages have been reported in the impacted region; however, overall stocks of gasoline and distillate in the region are at or above the top end of the 5-year range. DOE is working closely with the Energy Information Administration to further assess potential impacts at both a regional and national level.”

 

This whole scenario as described above is simply unbelievable… Harvey was getting less ominous but resurged again and destroyed the peace of so many people in different ways.

 

On this date, my Deacon son and wife celebrated their 13th anniversary of their wedding. Their marriage has been a total corporal and spiritual success. I have shared parts of this story before but I have been led to repeat it 1) just to PROVE the importance to adhere to God’s will. 2) Also, it can demonstrate another way of discerning such will because He can be very clear when He wants us to suddenly do something with our lives that seems to be absurd. 3) It helps our discernment when we are the ones moved to change the course of our life since it can demonstrate how we can use our trust in Him and simply ask to show us the way based on His Word that for God all things are possible, and believe it…His mercy can do it all if we simply trust in His love for us. And how to get to such trust?

 

THERE IS NO DOUBT IN MY MIND that the fastest way to trust in God’s love is to DO HIS WILL at every moment of the day; when we do not know what His will is, we simply tell Him to lead us to understand it and that is enough for Him to guide us. It works because we are loving Him with super self denial when we simply ask Him to guide us to do His will. It is soo simple… This our self-denial to which we add the embrace of such cross… opens the door for the Holy Spirit to take us to follow His guidance. (More to come on the embrace of our crosses!)

 

Below is what I wrote to my son and wife as part of my congratulation for their anniversary. This is also the son who almost died at birth due to medical errors and he was also discharged with the possibility that he would be a retarded child. Today, he holds a Master degree in Theology and has become a Deacon! God had a plan and saw to it that it would be fulfilled.

 

“I have thought of your anniversary for days since it has been extremely present because it happened in HOUSTON….!!!! Texas (now very present in the news due to Harvey) on Thursday, May 4th, 1979 on the Feast of the Ascension of Jesus and I had been to Mass as required by the Church on those days. I was attending a medical meeting and on that evening, I used some time to read the Bible (the Gideon’s Protestant version), which I always I do in hotels. I was led to go to a particular page and it was Joshua 4. I was told that just as Joshua had crossed the Jordan River with the Israelites in route to the Promised Land, that our family would cross a new  river in our family life and WOULD NOT GET WET. I then was told to move out of Mishawaka, IN, (from a home we had just purchased some 6 months before and one where I had finished the basement and had added three more bedrooms and another family room). I heard also that jobs for both of us would be offered and to accept them!!!

 

I returned home on Sunday afternoon and that evening, Kaiser Permanente from Cleveland called offering us jobs. I would be the chief of the department of anesthesia (because I was Board certified in Anesthesiology and with more years of experience) and your father would be one of the anesthesiologists as well. As he was telling them that we were not interested, I quietly told him to accept and to at least go and talk to them. Your father accepted but he was totally lost as to why I was telling him that. He had worked at Kaiser before we all moved to So. Bend/Mishawaka, IN area and we knew that they paid very poorly. After he hanged up, I took him to my prayer room (by the way, because I had added three bedrooms in the basement, I could have one bedroom in the first floor just for prayer). I explained to him what I had heard the previous Thursday. Miraculously, he did not object to this kind of “crazy” plan (he was a fallen away Catholic) and went to Cleveland and we were offered very good salaries and combined we would make $350,000. (Notice that when God directs us, He smoothes the course).

 

It was this move that placed you, my son, closer to Steubenville. In the other hand, attending St. Ignatius High School who had these sophomore trips to different places, you traveled with your class to some country (believe it was the Dominican Republic) where you apparently felt attracted to become a theologian. In Steubenville you found your now brother in law and later your wife and the rest is history. Because of the horrible destruction of the city of Houston, I have thought about this story of God sending us to Cleveland that would never had happened if I had not received such clear call to proceed regardless that we had to sell our home in Indiana and look for another in Cleveland and worse, for me to join a hospital that was not my favorite and turned out to be a nightmare. Yet, the Holy Spirit was guiding us… At times I have wondered what would had happened if we had not obeyed these orders!”

 

As you can see, my reader, God directed Abraham, Moses, Joshua and Our Lady to accept jobs that seemed impossible and all turned out to be the product of a yes to God’s will while carrying heavy crosses to follow Him. It also helps me to remember this story because our move to Alabama has come as a miracle when my son was retained as an employee in his company and given permission to work from home… I needed to get out of this very toxic area and had asked the Lord for help. He delivered… So, the cross of my bad health must be embraced!

 

Wednesday, August 30

 

This was the day when I received an explanation for much of what I had experienced on this month.

 

About Hurricane Harvey: I have understood that God ALLOWED such disaster to clearly show us that it is impossible to be divided according to the color of our skin or race…because we all have seen in Texas how blacks, whites and Hispanics have loved each other and served each other during this brutal explosion of Nature’s forces. Strangers helped strangers and they all became one. And I suspect that God used this means to make sure that we understand that using His Word to lie and divide as the KKK’s  interview revealed, it must have been directed by demonic forces… The color of the skin and the different features of our external look are different but our internal organs are of one color and physical appearance… and are all the same worldwide. As an anesthesiologist, I saw thousands of internal organs and all were the same! I could not distinguish any difference… The liver of a black person was identical to the liver of a white person!

 

My sons have a mixed background. I am Hispanic but possessing the genetics for a white skin, blue or green eyes and all my grandchildren (5 of them) from two different sons, are  also white looking. My ancestors for the most came from the Canary Islands with a heavy mixture of white and Hebrew genes. My intelligence was always recognized as very high. My husband was a mixture of African American and white (Dominican Republic) and he was very intelligent. One of my sons was declared a genius by two of his high school teachers and his expertise is in computer science. Another is also a well known researcher in kidney problems. My oldest is very good at computer graphics and my Deacon son has also been a success in regards to his Theology studies. The Nazis and followers were extremely confused. I am super sure that Satan worked very hard on this German founder (Hitler) who was Catholic and who killed millions of people.

 

I am also super sure that this confusion on the supremacy of a minority represents one of the worse sins ever committed and with no scientific background; of course, the worse sin has been killing the Son of Man…In the other hand, what happened with Harvey can also represent a call for all of us to undergo a daily conversion where prayer and suffering go together to remind us that God is Mercy Himself. No matter what goes on in this tiny planet of this huge universe, our Father loves us sooo much. His Son gave His life for us in the cruelest way possible and His Holy Spirit was sent to live within us and keep our Church as the mother that provides us with Sacraments to receive God’s Spirit. To top the story, just to have the Son of God’s real Presence everywhere in the world, is enough for all of us to drop our differences and to seek God’s mercy to love Him profoundly by always doing His will, and to love everyone with all our heart. He will take care of the rest.

 

Regarding the words of Jesus, “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross and follow Me” and in some other translation it says, “must embrace his cross,” I understood the following, which is a repetition but worth it to be written again:

 

Denial of self is the same than saying that we deny ourselves of our own will and do His will to show God how much we love Him. In the other hand, carrying or embracing our crosses speaks of holding on to our crosses. It does not mean to get rid of them since taking up our crosses or embracing them are actions opposite to dropping them and running away from them… IT ALSO MEANS that these are  not just words but that we  have to practice this holding or embracing them and it can only be done by clearly saying “yes” to the crosses,  and at no moment asking God to make them disappear or even change them.

 

In my entire spiritual life I have never truly cherished my crosses second to second, even that I understood their importance and once in a while thanked God for them. Yet, many times I asked God for them to go away altogether or at least to be less painful. I never saw in this act of embrace of my crosses a SUPER powerful way to bring salvation to my neighbor. Yes, I would offer the suffering for them but never truly WANTING TO KEEP THOSE CROSSES around forever. I have asked many times to get health and only a few times I have accepted my suffering wit h great joy. I always have joy but it comes from my God and I usually did not connect it with my crosses… and I never truly thought that I was joyful about the terrible pain I had. Only once, Jesus said to the Father to change His will during His Passion but immediately added, “But not my will but Yours be done.”  I have finally understood that my pain getting so bad was allowed by my Father for me to be purified and lead me to clarify the Holy Spirit’s guidance in this matter…

 

In another side of this teaching, yes, prayer is very important to keep me afloat; yet, I needed to understand that He truly needs me to suffer and embrace the associated cross, so that I can become the best disciple to save many souls. The practice of the LOVE OF GOD is best practiced with 100% self-denial. The practice of the LOVE OF NEIGHBOR is best practiced by praying for their salvation and by embracing all suffering and never thinking of opposing or diminishing the pain of each cross. If toxicity around is destroying my body, well, I must totally agree with this destruction for the sake of saving souls. Our Lady in Fatima was clear inviting the children to suffer and atoning for the countless sins (like abortion on demand), and begging God for these sinners’ conversion. I WILL REPEAT her message to emphasize our need to become eager to suffer BUT out of love for our neighbor.

 

OUR LADY OF FATIMA: “Will you offer yourselves to God to accept all the sufferings which He may send to you in reparation for the countless sins by which He is offended and in supplication for the conversion of sinners?”

 

With these two first parts well practiced of His teaching on discipleship, following Him is sooo easy… and holiness becomes doable. Jesus happened to pick up His cross and embrace it. Yet, if we drag our crosses and pray to get rid of them, we are not following Jesus’ teaching. Of course, Satan will work overtime trying to divide us, confuse us, continue with past misunderstandings and resentments, etc, and all to keep us distracted on the meaning of how to become a true disciple. 

 

The medicines against Satan and for our minds and hearts is to ask our Mother to pray for us (the Rosary) and receiving the Eucharist in the state of grace, at least once per week. All of this under the strict practice of discipleship. ONCE WALKING INTHIS WAY, evangelization of the entire world will be fairly easy and successful because we would have opened our hearts to the Holy Spirit for us to go and truly become light for others. We then can become witnesses of Christ and move others to action for a conversion that fixes its eyes on becoming a TRUE DISCIPLE…who loves God, loves neighbor and follows Jesus by practicing His teaching.

 

Twice in this month I have felt the same desire to live near Him, just as I received at age 61/2. Never before had I felt that need since then. In fact, this trip to Alabama seems to be a call to dedicate my last years on earth living near Him and spending time with Him, suffering whatever and truly embracing my crosses according to His will in this matter, all offered in atonement for all sins and the salvation of the entire world . I want to die as a disciple who practices her trade to be considered a TRUE follower of my Master.

 

Saturday, September 2

 

The pain in my inferior limbs gets worse by the day…This is due to the toxicity over my immune system which reacts more and more to all foods. Eating has become a major problem for me. The medication only diminishes somewhat this feeling. Moving to another far away state will be a real tough action since I have to get rid of many books and some furniture and the like. The home is in construction and my daughter-in-law that lives in Birmingham, keeps sending pictures to my son hat she takes on week-ends about the building that will be our home. I am praying for the company owners and workers that are doing this job so that they do not cheat with the quality of the material… Satan of course will be busy… and the Lord has come at the right time to alert me that the extra suffering brought up by the move, can truly be used in a powerful way for peace in the world and for all the victims of Harvey, etc. I feel that I am attending the school to graduate one day as a better disciple.

 

Sunday, September 3

 

I was very surprised that the Gospel for this Sunday is exactly about Jesus’ definition of discipleship … Yet, I had not recently read about how St. Peter tried to stop Jesus from His upcoming ordeal and death. The first Pope would become the devil if he had tried to dissuade Jesus from the will of His Father. Wow! Do I become a demon if I disobey the will of the Father for me? Well, this explains how so much hatred and division we have in the world, especially on this particular Sunday when North Korea announced how it successfully tested an advanced hydrogen bomb!!!

 

Of course, the origin of lack of peace in the world comes from our disobedience to the will of God for each one of us…OUR PRAYER SHOULD BE a daily request to the Father  in the Name of the Heart of Jesus for all of us, personally and for the rest of us, to do God’s will. All logic is present since Satan was thrown out of heaven precisely due to disobedience. Also, original sin came to contaminate all of us through Satan asking Adam and Eve to disobey God and eat of the fruit of the tree that they were forbidden to do!!!! IT IS ALL IN THE FIRST CHAPTERS OF SCRIPTURE…

 

What about it if some of us could start praying at least one daily ROSARY for the intention of keeping our obedience to do God’s will at all cost and saying a chaplet of Mercy, asking God’s Mercy upon us to be able to do so? As for me, I will embrace my crosses like never before and offer them to bring the entire world to comprehend this truth and to become obedient to all that God is calling them to do…!!! I now understand how Our Lady and Jesus became POWERFUL witnesses of the importance to say “YES” to the Father’s will… Even Jesus was tempted three times by Satan to precisely do His own will and change the course of His work on this earth, of course, disobeying the Father’s will… IT IS ALL THERE and I never was instructed by anyone to think in these terms!!!

 

I thank God at this moment for all this suffering that purified me when this month of August 2017, I accepted it in a different and more profound way. My purification allowed my eyes to see this truth and yes, now I am ready to intercede for peace in the world as I suffer and offer it for all of us to show a blind obedience to the will of God.

 

PLEASE KEEP ME IN YOUR PRAYERS… I truly need them to use these upcoming rough times during this move to Alabama for the glory of God, to love Him like never before with complete obedience to His will, and to love my brothers and sisters also like never before. I will place as an intention in my daily prayers, the offering of my suffering for any of you who are helping me so much with your own prayers, especially to have the Holy Spirit bless you with a personal understanding of what you should do in your private lives to perfectly obey God’s will. And when I say obedience to God’s will, it does not just cover our present vocation. It covers obedience to Him at every hour of the day for everything He wants us to do or suffer.

 

Of course, our own Mother was instructing the little shepherds to show their obedience when she asked them, “Will you offer yourselves to God to accept all the sufferings which He may send to you (perfect obedience to God’s will) in reparation for the countless sins by which He is offended and in supplication for the conversion of sinners (through perfect obedience to the will of God)?” There is no doubt in my mind that today’s Gospel Matthew 16: 21-27, had the greatest clue for us to be faithful to… And I will suffer much through the move and work to be done for it; yet, I will be totally open to such suffering to show obedience to God’s will for my son and I. It will be offered for many to find and accept this truth and become faithful obedient children of the

Father.

 

There is one more interesting point. I have suffered a lot with unjust persecutions in the professional field. I never could understand why God allowed it… Well, the reasons for the suffering or the kind of suffering are not important at all… What it is important is to say yes to whatever suffering as proof of self denial, that is to put our will to the side and accept God’s will even in cases of injustice. The Lord tried me with so many tough moments, but my acceptance (I never recall to be upset with Him because of them) was the important point to build my character as a true obedient disciple. Once I was obedient to whatever happened, I was able to forgive my persecutors and heal any resentment. The quality of my spiritual life depended on my suffering that was not rejected, a form of obedience to God’s will. Of course, I never truly embraced these crosses as I understand to do now, but I lived them a day at the time. I never thanked God for them but I never resented God for allowing them. My persecutors did not become a stone in my spiritual life. I suppose that my obedience to the suffering although imperfect, kept me from wishing them any harm.

 

I also must add here that submitting to God’s will during these crosses rendered me with great blessings. For example: my fallen away Catholic husband upon learning in November of the year 2000 that he had 6 months to live, he went to confession and received Communion and died very peacefully in front of two of us  I kept losing attachments to anything or anybody. I made a lot of money and had huge homes and expensive cars (3 Mercedes Benz) but I gave all away, including the money because I had no attachment to them. I never missed my mother, father, maternal grandmother (like a second mother to me) or husband when they died… I never knew why but now I finally understand the powerful blessings of doing the will of God always.

 

P.S. : Please forgive my possible mistakes upon writing this document. My eyes are not happy with their use for long periods of time. And thank you again for your prayers.