Archive for April, 2017

Learning to improve my discipleship

April 9, 2017


I am super late again this month in posting this blog because of two reasons: 1) I received the topic for this blog fairly late. 2) My eyes have shown more problems when typing for long periods and even this computer has been playing games. For example, out of the blue, everything gets colored in orange and purple, including Our Lady Queen of the Universe that appears in the screen before I do anything else. Of course, I still fear (unfortunately) that the entire blog could disappear and never be found. The question was: it’s this from God or Satan? I still do not know and for both possibilities I must act as a true disciple: patient and trustful that my Lord and my God is in charge… At the end, He will decide and I will say yes to it!

So far, this Lent of 2017 has become rich in realizing that my work as a disciple of Jesus needed some reflection in order to find out what is still missing and what I can do to receive His grace to become a better one.

Something that touched me profoundly and that I reported in the last blog for February posted on March 10, was to reflect much on my interior “broken Christ.” His love expressed in His conversation that inspired Fr. Ramon Cue, S.J. to write about it, touched me profoundly. Sure, I knew and know that He loves us; however, in the case of the broken Christ, He opened my eyes with the details of His love for us. I had never gone so deep in realizing the profound tenderness of His love… In fact, I felt moved also by the idea that our Father, our Daddy, sacrificed His Son to bring us to change our ways and at the same time, to elevate us to be His kids as well, which we always were but now being shown to us in a clear way through the sufferings of Jesus.

In the following days, I found myself thinking and perhaps too much, regarding our future move. My son is working in training some of the already existing employees to cover all the things he is responsible for.  It will be sometime before June (perhaps one month before) when he will look for another job. This is good for me to pray much in order for him to find exactly what God wants for both of us. Please if you could keep Ernie in your prayers… However, I kept wondering about the huge amount of work I need to do in throwing away many things, giving away others, and perhaps selling a few things. I bought a treadmill back in 2009, when I was accepting the wrong idea of weight loss through diet and exercise; I want to give this item away; yet, I cannot deal with E-bay as a conduit to do it. I do not trust the Internet that much!


Wednesday, March 15

Only a very few times in my life, have I found myself talking to and receiving direction directly from my Father in heaven. On this day, I heard, “Listen to your Father” and as the sun came to the room where I was sitting, which is the typical sign that I am used to receive when the Lord is ready to enlighten me. I said, “Dad, what do you want to tell me?” I prayed, “Come Spirit of my Dad (knowing well that the Spirit is the Love between Father and Son) and speak to my heart and soul. Te amo (I love You), Holy Trinity.”

I was directed to the bottom of page 999 of my Bible (Joel 4:17-21). It dealt with the “SALVATION OF GOD’S ELECT” and in those days, this referred to Judah and Jerusalem and that they would receive many blessings. I understood that it applies to all of us and in my case, that all be well with the move and the selection of the city and job for my son. It gave me much peace. My Daddy was right there within me, instructing me through His Word that I should not think much about the whole thing because He is in charge!

My Mother intervened shortly after (as I was thinking again about the move and the amount of work to be done, especially because of my poor health) and she said, “You will lack nothing. Some suffering will be there but needed to be offered for the many that lost the way.”

Shortly after, I heard the Spirit sending me to page 769 in the right side and middle of the page. It was Sirach 44: 14-21. I heard these words, “This story reminds you of the many of our ancestors who had their work cut out, like Noah and Abraham. As it was with them, so it will be with you! You are writing history with your life and many will convert. At this moment, there is no reason or need to wonder about how you will be helped and where you will go.” I felt much better.

Saturday, March 18

In a Hispanic TV channel, I found a horrible story (later I did find two more which will be mentioned on the particular day). Here is the story: on March 7, a young female teenager who was living in a place for homeless youth in Guatemala, made public that the girls were raped daily and that they felt this was like living in hell. Nothing was done on the next 24 hours and who knows how much this girl and others suffered from the men that were taking care of the facility after this problem was revealed. The following day, March 8th, probably out of desperation, the girls set some mattresses on fire and most of them died when the fire destroyed many parts of the home.  

I mention this because Satan’s fury over the world has no limits. It is possible that it existed in previous centuries. However, they lacked the means to pass the information to the entire world minute by minute. In the other hand, how is it possible that in this so called Catholic country, nothing had been done and that seriously ill men were doing such thing?

Tuesday, March 21

Apparently, God was after me to show me the state of many souls in order for me to pray more and more and not ever complain about my pain… I came to my room and fell asleep in my chair and suddenly woke up for the 11 PM local news. After it, the late program of Jimmy Kimmel LIVE came on and as I was taking some medication for pain, I heard this male guest showing Jimmy what he does. He is an architect and told him how he had fixed his own home. For example, he said, “I built a special room for myself, just to be alone to have peace and to relax by doing X sexual activity.”  He did not say “X” activity; he mentioned it with its real name. Everybody laughed… I almost passed out. He could have mentioned this special room just to rest by himself, but did not have to tell us the details of his job within the room… I felt nauseous. This and the previous story in Guatemala forces me to understand my need to sanctify my discipleship (as Jesus has explained and which will be discussed later) so that my prayer for all these horrible events bring their salvation and protect those who hear it so that they do not do the same! But still at a later date I will mention another story quite similar to these first two.

Wednesday, March 22

By the end of the Kimmel story, it was already a new day…

12:00 AM – I called my Mom and complained to her by saying, “This is too much. This world is a disaster.” My Mom said, “Yes, there is much to do for both of us but ALWAYS REMEMBER that God is in charge. I will be with you. Offer your crosses, including this one for their salvation and the salvation of all of those who are part of showing these stories.” I felt better and went back to sleep.

I had to go shopping to one supermarket (I have to divide the places I go for different days not to bother my legs with long periods of walking…) I chose the afternoon at the best time possible with the least amount of traffic, between after lunch and 3 PM when many are already coming home from their work places. I left at 1:50 PM. I was in need of buying Evian water, the only one that I drink and cook my meals with because it has the least amount of fluoride… They keep packs of 6 one liter bottles right in front of the cashier’s area. I needed someone to place these heavy packs in my cart. Out of the blue, a man who seemed to be an employee, offered to do it and said, “I will open my cash register and take care of you so that you do not have to make a line. He did and called someone to help me out to my car. He turned out to be the manager of this supermarket. I arrived home at 2:35 PM… In only 45 minutes I had returned home…Of course, this was my Lord saying to me, “Remember what your Mother told you. I am in charge of your life and can do all things.”  The whole event helped much in restoring my faith and to pray and sacrifice for those who just hours before had scandalized me.

Friday, March 24

I spent most of this day offering all my pain for the new health care plan to replace Obamacare. I only wanted God’s will in all of this. I have no expertise to judge which one is the best to protect all people with a decent health insurance coverage. Suddenly, I heard that Mr. Trump had pulled it out  from consideration in the House or Senate for a later date and just  before the voting took place… I knew it was God’s plan… I have been praying also much for the confirmation of Judge Neil Gorsuch for the Supreme Court if it is God’s will. I also know that He is in charge of this horrible show of politicians acting as 5 year olds…However, it is hard to see grownups taking the serious matter of electing a decent  judge just because they are in favor of killing babies… Of course, days later, Judge Gorsuch was nominated when the 5 year olds were outsmarted by their opponents. It is hard to see how beautiful images of God, Senators and Representatives of the House, allow these things…

Sunday, March 26

1. This was a day of much reflection, thanksgiving and amazement as to what God can do. 42 years before, my third son was born and I will repeat the story of his birth mentioned in old blogs, because it will illustrate how our Lord manages all our lives from the womb to the tomb! Many mistakes were done in the hospital (one of the best in the U.S., William Beaumont Hospital in Royal Oak, MI, north of Detroit), by simply ignoring me as I entered it the night before(March 25) in early labor. They came to check the degree of evolution of my labor the following day at 6 AM… They ruptured the membranes to accelerate the birth of the baby and water came up totally green, a sign of SEVERE FETAL DISTRESS… They ran to prepare an operating room for an immediate cesarean section. Yet, I gave birth within minutes of rupturing the membranes. The child was almost dead and sent to the neonatal intensive care unit. He remained there for two days. I took him home on March 28 and was told by my pediatrician, a greatly respected man, that he most likely would be retarded in some form or other because his brain had suffered severe anoxia (lack of oxygen).for too long.

As it turned out and after I presented him to the Eucharistic Jesus at St. Thomas Apostle Parish some 2-3 days after coming home to Ann Arbor, MI, this child developed well and on this particular day of his birthday in 2017, he was the person giving a Lent retreat to his parish in Omaha, NE. Soon, he will be able to baptize and conduct funerals as a permanent Deacon. He is married to a very holy woman and has 4 holy children… He attended Franciscan U. of Steubenville for his first degree in Theology, and subsequently he attended a university in Dallas, TX (I forgot the name) to get his Master in Theology. On this day I kept thinking of my Mother’s words not to worry because God is in charge!!!! At Mass, I thanked Jesus for His mercy in his situation and how poor I act when I worry about how to close this home and move somewhere else… Remembering this story moved me to contemplate my poor behavior of lack of trust in His mercy, when 4 decades before the Lord had defied the odds that science had placed on his life. There is no question that God is good and His mercy endures forever.

2. On this same day in the Hispanic channel, they showed how the recycling of used car batteries was moved from the U.S. to Mexico! These batteries have several sheets made of lead… They did move this job to Mexico because in that country they allow very hi levels of environmental lead versus much lower levels in this country of ours. Of course, lead is a horrible toxic agent that can cause all kind of illnesses in our bodies… What an injustice this is!

3. To aggravate even more the stories for this special day, I learned how the deportation of illegal immigrants are done in the middle of the night!!!!! In this way, many are taken away while leaving behind children born in this country and the media and people around pay almost no attention, stopping in this way all negative points of view…

4. I ended up finding an EWTN program that discussed how to pray. The author, Matthew Kelly in his book “The Prayer Process,” describes it as a method to initiate a time of prayer. He mentioned the points below, all excellent but I wonder how many people can remember them and do them daily!  I am sure that practicing to be a true disciple will bring the graces necessary to start falling in love with prayer… However, it is important to mention these points for those who may find them helpful, especially as there are Scripture verses that find Jesus going to pray all the time!!!

1) Close the eyes.

2) Seek a comfortable position.

3) Take deep breaths to reduce stress or anxiety.

4) Initiate a time of thanksgiving to God with a personal dialogue. Think what you are grateful about for that day, including other people around.

5) Initiate a time of awareness by talking to God recalling what situations had been encountered in the previous 24 hours. Bring to mind what your feelings were, like feeling good about yourself or how you did not handle well some situations. Recall significant moments for that period with the people around and talk to God about it.

6) Seek a time for peace by asking God for forgiveness for all sins encountered in that period against Him, neighbor or self. If you feel any shame, ask for forgiveness and healing.

7) Seek freedom. Speak to God as to how to change your life to experience freedom. Ask for courage to make the necessary changes in your life.

8) Regarding neighbor, lift people up to God asking for special blessings for them but do it one person at the time.

9) Pray the Our Father but paying attention to the words, slowly and deliberately.

10) Open your eyes.

11) DECISION TIME: Check Scripture about prayer –

Mark 1: 35 – “Rising very early before dawn, He left (Capernaum) and went off to a deserted place, where He prayed.”

Matthew 14: 22-23. (After feeding the 5,000) “Then He made the disciples get into the boat and precede Him to the other side, while He dismissed the crowds. After doing so, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray.”

Luke 5: 15-16. (After the cleansing of a leper). “The report about Him spread all the more, and great crowds assembled to listen to Him and to be cured of their ailments, but He would withdraw to deserted places to pray.”

Luke 9: 28-29. (After Jesus explained the conditions for discipleship). About 8 days after He said this, “He took Peter, John and James and went up the mountain to pray. While he was praying, His face changed in appearance and His clothing became dazzling white.”

CLOSING OF PRAYER time: Ask yourself if prayer is in the center of your life or in the periphery. (The author advices that if the question is to pray or not to pray, to try this method for 30 days, and after this, one will be convinced do it! (End of quotes)

As you can see, this day was filled with special messages, some of cruelty for our brothers and sisters, and one that brought the fact that prayer was at the center of Jesus’ life…             SO FAR, I HAD NO IDEA ABOUT WHAT THE TOPIC FOR THIS MONTH’S BLOG WOULD BE!

Friday, March 31

I heard via EWTN that St. Therese, St. Faustina and other Saints said that PRAYER AND SACRIFICE will lead us to the Truth! Apparently my Lord was emphasizing the importance of suffering and of prayer…

Shortly after I prayed the first Rosary for this day, I was sent to page 115 to find the theme of this blog… It turned out to be Luke 9:23, all about discipleship!!!

“Then He said to all, ‘If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me.’

Sunday, April 2

The Hispanic channel showed a program titled: Torture in Mexico. They explained how in a large prison in Mexico, many are falsely accused of committing acts that deserve incarceration. They are kept in jail up to two years without any trial to proof their guilt! In the mean time, many women prisoners have been raped on a consistent basis by the marine guards of one particular prison. This is known by many and nothing gets done to stop it…

It hit me that Our Lady of Guadalupe came to this country in 1531 and converted millions in short years. Now, this country is full of drug cartels and much violence in the streets. However, the horror stories in Guatemala and the abuse of workers in Mexico that are working to recycle used car batteries, practically SCREAMS TO ME that I must truly get to be a super disciple. I could evangelize the entire world from my home as St. Therese did during her short life (24 years). How could I do it? Prayer and suffering could be perfect tools to pray for all who are living such horrors, plus our own national problems that are getting worse by the week…

I re-read the definition of discipleship:

Luke 9: 23 – THE CONDITIONS OF DISCIPLESHIP: “Then, He said to all, ‘If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me.’ “

It was the time to dig deeper into what this definition of discipleship calls me to. In the next two days, I was able to enter into a deep exploration of what I need to do to be able to grow in my discipleship… I WILL POST IT AT THE VERY END OF THIS BLOG because it is too long and you may want to bypass it… I will continue with a few stories from recent days.

Tuesday, April 4

I am so tired of hearing about Russia electing Mr. Trump with its Internet shrewdness to do so…However, it is obvious that NO ONE could truly believe it because Mr. Trump lost with the majority of votes nationwide being much lower. He won only because he had the majority according to what each State added to the electoral number. Russia could have never gone State by State and give him that majority in CERTAIN States. Of course, God gave Mr. Trump the win… because some of us were truly praying to HIM for this miracle in order to protect babies and elders from being killed… by abortion or euthanasia. Let me add that only the Holy Spirit could have led some voters for Mrs. Clinton to stay home and those in favor of Mr. Trump to go and vote in order to obtain the win of the electoral vote for each State needed. Also, we needed a majority of votes in both the House and Senate to elect Judges to the Supreme Court that could stop this destruction of human lives that if not done, WOULD DESTROY THIS COUNTRY AS IT IS… In fact, it is happening to a certain point with so many killings going on in different States for no reason at all…

At this point, I was digging the Scriptures to find what I need to do to be the best disciple possible, and I kept finding myself “resenting” this constant story of Russia having elected Mr. Trump… How easy it is to resent…

Wednesday, April 5

On this the date, the anniversary of when our St. John Paul II died and when he came to tell me at what time he would be going to the Father (I was in Toledo, OH and I have written in these blogs about it, even if it sounds crazy!), I kept asking my P.K as I call him, (Papa Karol) to intercede for us… He helped in bringing down the wall in Europe that divided it; why not to help us obtain from the Lord the destruction of the wall that now divides this country into pro-killers of human beings and pro-lifer’s.

On this same day, we heard how Dr. Bashar al-Assad (ophthalmologist) had ordered the killing of many people with a poison gas attack… At times I wonder if many of the present and previous politicians who murder their own are evil possessed… 

Thursday, April 6

1. Early morning, President Trump explained why he ordered a strike to destroy the place from where the airplanes that released the poison had departed. He mentioned God several times and even prayed for the souls of Syrians killed.

Later, the news brought the question as to why Mr. Trump had mentioned God several times. I was also surprised but proud of him. I hope that some of you are praying for him; I keep saying one Rosary with Chaplet of Mercy for his soul and his decisions for this country.

2. I also ended up on this day remembering that I needed to come to this very toxic environment to be able to watch many health programs through a public television in San Francisco. It is a huge enterprise and they bring important speakers and produce their own programs. Shortly after I arrived, I saw a great program by a Dr. Mark Hyman, now associated to the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio and who also practices the so called “functional medicine,” the one that puts together how to avoid illnesses by what we eat. In late 2008 (just 3 months after I arrived in California), he spoke about his latest work on how to get help for our brain. He called it “The Ultramind Solution.” I bought his program and from there, although Dr. Hyman did not mention it as such, the Lord led me to put together my existing dementia and toxicity as the cause.

I also found evidence in the Interne of how toxic fluoride happens to be, important information for us anesthesiologists because all our anesthetic gases are fluorinated… Dr. Hyman mentioned in his book that some of us have a genetic makeup that does not make enough glutathione, the natural chemical made in our liver to normally detoxify our bodies. I then remembered how my grandmother had received in Cleveland a general anesthetic at age 84 and never recognized me until her death a few years later. I was her first grandchild of 3 and she helped my mother raising me with all the Catholic great practices like the daily Rosary. She was the one who could not detoxify her body naturally and I probably inherited it. It all came to prove that yes, I could reverse my dementia and I did!!!

Since I kept living in this area and with time, I found out about the nearby refinery and the next to our home huge expressway with toxic fumes… This was like the way to understand better what toxicity can do to us. JUST NOTICE HOW GOD HAD PREPARED FOR YEARS my coming to this particular home…where I would find excellent health programs in this public television, KQED… The Lord wanted me to write blogs and had to preserve my brain and He did… JUST IMAGINE IF I HAD MY OWN PLANS AND NEVER ACCEPTED TO LIVE IN CALIFORNIA! I would have missed my call, especially because I did not know what a blog was!!! I would have suffered dementia with no clue as to why and no idea on how to reverse it!!!

I am making this blog too long; yet, it is so important to see the love and mercy of God for us, when we receive the grace to deny ourselves and do whatever He tells us as our Mother invited us to do, because in this way, we can witness to His immense providence and evangelize others without even trying. Not following His will is a very dangerous and risky proposition!

Friday, April 7

I was praying my second Rosary (12:30 PM with EWTN) and it was the Rosary for Mr. Trump but I decided to also pray for Bashar al-Assad when A MIRACLE OCCURRED! I felt so much love for the latter… I cried for his sins and offered my severe pain at that moment for his soul. I asked the Lord to convert him or at least to make him repent, and once he repented, to possibly free him from Satan. After I finished the Rosary I understood that I had felt love for Bashar in his likeness of God… I did not feel love for him for what he did. I understood that the miracle consisted in being able to feel love for him in order for my prayer for his salvation to be answered very soon. The story of the broken Christ came home again. Of course, Jesus loves him a lot… and He died for Bashar as well as He did for me… My brother Bashar will be in my prayer although I have had his name written in my community Rosary list since he started to mistreat his people; may be this is the time to complete the job since for a few years my Mother has been interceding for him.


The time is here to drop our own plans of work for the Kingdom. I am certain by my experience of many years in several parishes that we should stop 1) Wasting time in repeating over and over what is wrong in our society or in our Church! 2) Stop giving and getting more information about what to do to evangelize through reading more books, texting, even writing blogs and attending conferences. Of course, all those things are wonderful but in general they have not worked for several decades. The fruits are minimal. On the contrary, despite having the luxury of EWTN’s help with many very important programs, less and less people attend Sunday Mass on a regular basis. If we did not have EWTN, we probably would be experiencing a worse scenario!  The time is here when we must accept that even great communication about the things of God is not working 100%. Of course, many change their ways for a few days, weeks or months but eventually come back on a regular basis to a rather poor obedience to God’s commandments and never actually work on discipleship.

But why? In part, the problem is the aggressive Internet media and television’s abundance of non religious programs that distract us and worse, deny God and His Truth. In other words, the minds of most human beings have been infected and filled by the wrong message. This message falsely claims that the dignity of humans depend on their worth, power, education, etc. and not from God Himself at the time that He created us as His images.  This has led us to kill babies and elders as something necessary to respect our right to decide what is best for us.

At the same time, a large number of people dedicate their lives to destroy others in different situations. The latest is how to place bombs inside lap top computers to explode in mid air. I do not want to waste any more time mentioning the innovative ways for some to kill others in different countries. It is clear to me that it has nothing do to with us humans as much as Satan tempting people to produce chaos everywhere.  

LET’S REMEMBER THAT these evil forces cannot be attacked by us with words and programs. No, only our Lord has the power to undo this mess. However, as part of being His Body, we have to become TRUE DISCIPLES… and let Him use us in whatever way He needs to. A true disciple has to have a deep personal relationship with the Master… and MUST FOLLOW HIM…

In general, the results of following God’s will the best we can with the deep desire to become TRUE WARRIORS in the salvation of all souls, will bring results… Our Mother is the best human model of such assertion. As we do God’s will 24/7, we will easily sense the Presence of God within us and in the person of everybody around, friends and enemies. It is only then that we find ourselves becoming witnesses of the love of God for us and the entire world. Also, we lose the desire to plan anything… or do things without checking with Him for His O.K. This way of living becomes easy and doable… and I have seen it happening for several years in my own life.  The power to embrace all other crosses becomes doable as well. All along, we cannot figure out how we do it except for our “yes” to His will and denial of ours. Yet, no one can completely convince us of this truth until we try it ourselves.

As we find ourselves multiplying the bread of witnessing, without prior plans except through our obedience, many get fed and we do not even know about it… This is a form of spiritual power where God uses us and we feel honored but never proud, since it becomes super clear that we are only living as true servants. It must be clear that the battle is God’s and we simply become soldiers who know that God’s mercy is always available for ourselves and others. It is then that we read a book only when we feel the call to do so… and God has suggested what kind of book. The Internet has no power over us; we use it but as guided by the Holy Spirit. Of course, we constantly pray for the salvation of all souls and follow His guidance when we find “a customer of His.”

In summary, our personal ongoing evangelization must occupy our interest at all times. Following Jesus becomes a super attraction. Slowly but surely, through the years, we lose our fear of death or of suffering. We keep remembering to use our suffering for the salvation of others. We recognize that we live in times of powerful spiritual warfare, but we have also power over it if we accept that the battle is God’s and that the Holy Trinity will give us all we need to win every battle through the Holy Spirit within, our lawyer received at Baptism and Confirmation. We also truly feel accompanied and loved by the Father and the Son.

May this Easter start in all of us, a serious growth time in our discipleship to become witnesses of His love, as we resurrect with Jesus on Easter Sunday. Also, may Mercy Sunday be a special time to ask God for His mercy in order to become aware 24/7 of 1) our dignity as kids of our Father; 2) the powerful consequences of our “yes” to His will which includes feeling much love for ALL our brothers and sisters and how He can correct us when we feel anger or resentment for anyone and bring us to repentance. Our constant yes to His will acts as healing oil that eventually erases the lack of anger, resentment or envy and even we find ourselves loving our enemies. 3) We find the way of how prayer becomes a super attraction to keep alive our relationship with Him at all times of the day and night!

I promise you that from now on and since I have much time to do it, that I will offer all my suffering due to my health problems for those who read this blog; I will also pray a daily Rosary that I will call, the “Rosary for the battle of souls” for us to become TRUE servants/disciples of the Lord and for His glory! Please pray for me that I keep up my “yes” to all my suffering. Thank you for all your prayers… I am super sure that as my pain increases in both legs, that it is your prayer that keeps me accepting this heavy cross!  


1. A true disciple or follower of Jesus has to give up his/her free will, exactly of Our Lady and her Son did. IT IS A SIMPLE MATTER. If this sacrifice of total self- denial is protected by an intense life of prayer, prayer meaning a serious effort to communicate with God day and night, plus using the Rosary as a powerful tool against Satan, we truly can become great disciples. As we grow in becoming great disciples, our prayer for the conversion of others will be answered every time we present it to our Lord.

At such time, we find ourselves refusing to plan anything until the Holy Spirit will lead us to do so and the courage and wisdom to stay within the boundaries of God’s will for us at each present moment. Our true denial of our will is the first cross that we embrace by acting as just described.

A constant desire to repent from any sin of disobedience or any other sin with a desire not to sin again, keeps the evil one tied up.

II. We must embrace our crosses daily…! Only by the grace of God, on April 4th, 2017, I noticed in this site that someone had read a blog I wrote on April 4 of 2009 but in Spanish…!!!! In those days, I would translate every blog but usually post it in the section of “pages”. So, eight years later, I looked for the English translation within the blogs for 2009. I was fascinated…At the time, I had posted a prayer I wrote in 1992 in order to become a “friend of the Cross. So, our Lord had moved someone to take a look at it in Spanish and it hit me that I had to post it here in its English form! I am super sure that the Holy Ghost had done this job in my soul and mind. HERE IT IS:

1992 – Cleveland, OH

FRUITS of this Lent from mixing prayer and embracing my crosses as best as I could during these special 40 days of 2009:

1. I am finding out that every time that I am concerned about some item, whether seen in TV or at Church, something that needs fixing, I switch immediately to pray for mercy for the person (s) who is(are) involved. Before, I would stay pondering in the scandal I had just received. Now, without much thinking, I am reminded that my reason to be present to this event is to pray for the people in it…

2. I am finding that I am loving people who offend me with their sins like I never did before. In fact, this love shows as that of a mom for her children, as merciful love… I do not work at it. It is just grace given to me… I have also arrived to the complete surety that all prayer done for others must come from a loving heart, and if one does not love the person we are praying for, we must ask for this grace, and we get the answer quite soon. It is happening to me often…

3. I noticed that in the XVI C., the Lord sent us two prophets to put together for us exactly this sandwich of prayer and the cross fully embraced, in order to grow in the spiritual life as never before. Two giants and now Doctors of the Church were born in Spain almost at the same time: St. Teresa of Avila who suffered immensely while fighting to renew her Carmelite Order, and writing for us the stages of union with God through PRAYER. St. John of the Cross explained the cross as no one before him… His cross was huge as well, suffering persecution and being incarcerated by his own. And he grew in intimacy with God via the cross… It is interesting that he wrote most of his acclaimed book while in jail…

4. So, now I am quite comfortable at saying that prayer with love and embracing of our crosses as a sacrifice for others, are  the fastest way to convert the entire world… Nothing different of what Jesus did for us and that we are about to refocus in this coming Holy Week. So, embracing our crosses is one of the keys (besides loving the ones we pray for). But while asking for love for others, we also have to ask for the grace to embrace our crosses…

The miracle has been that by God’s grace, just one week ago, I ended up with a notebook I started in the 90’s and which I found in one of the boxes in this garage, precisely focused on asking God for the grace to embrace our crosses. I will share these prayers with you, which I composed based on the writings of St. Louis Marie de Montfort, who promulgated the need to become “Friends of the Cross.” If you feel called to it, pray them and sit to see the results… on how you can evangelize many united to prayer… and as you get transfigured yourself. I suspect that all of this done in those years, a prayer that as I always tell my Lord, will be present to Him even if I do not repeat it, but that the fact that I wrote it and signed it… means it is present always in front of His Throne of Mercy, this brought with prayer, the salvation of my spouse in such a miraculous way at the time of his death. He went from non believing and actually being offended by the things of God, into acceptance of his death with joy, very little pain from his advanced cancer, and reverting to be a Catholic as if nothing had happened… So, becoming a “friend of the Cross” is spiritual money…

Here is the prayer:

January 1992:

1. Father, take away my fear to take up the cross that leads to Your Kingdom!

2. Make me understand that in the cross of every day, there is:

1) Salvation. 2) Eternal life. 3) Protection. 4) Heavenly sweetness. 5) Strength of mind. 6) Spiritual joy. 7) Supreme virtue of faith, hope and love. 8 ) Perfect holiness. 9) Heaven on earth. 10) The source to enkindle the fire of divine love in our heart by detaching from creatures. 11) The abundant source of every delight and consolation; it brings joy, peace and grace to our souls. 12) It is conduit for the salvation of my neighbor.

3. Dad, give me the faith to believe and understand the paradox of the CrossàThat to die in and with Him, in order to live with Him and to join Him in Glory, I must join Him in suffering, through daily dying to myself.

4. Make me understand the wisdom of bearing the cross: that if I bear my cross willingly, it will carry me and lead me to my desire goal, where suffering will end as I go to be with You.

5. Make me believe and remember that if I throw away one cross, I will certainly find another and, perhaps a heavier one!

6. Lord, show me Your Truth: that the more I get weakened by affliction, the more my spirit is strengthened by inner grace, by divine comfort, and that eventually, I will receive the great reward of embracing warmly those things from which I naturally recoil, and that being comforted by trials and afflictions, there will be a point where I will not want to be without the crosses themselves.

7. Dad, my nature is not to bear the cross, to love the cross, to discipline myself, to avoid seeking praise, to suffer insults willingly, to think humbly of myself, to appear humble to others, to endure adversity and loss, and not to seek prosperity as my first goal. Make me understand, then, that by not avoiding my crosses, by enduring them patiently, by drinking lovingly of Your chalice of the bitter cup, my nature will change, and suffering will become a great consolation instead; and that by enduring pain and sorrow to please You and my beloved Jesus, I will experience paradise on earth. Show me how You have enclosed in the cross such an abundance of grace, life and happiness, that only those who enjoy its special favors know about them. (From God Alone, Chapter 22)

8. Father, teach me that one must be humble, little, self disciplined, spiritual and despised by the world, in order to learn the mystery of the Cross! “Father”, said Your son, “I thank You for having hidden these things from the wise and prudent of the world, and revealed them to the little ones.” And I ask You therefore, to always remind me that I must be a little one to have the revelation of Your mysteries, most especially the mystery of the Cross!

9. Remind me always that however excellent is the gift of faith by which I please You my God, and draw near to You and overcome my enemies, the Cross is even a greater gift.

10. Remind me Father, that I am a living temple of Your Holy Spirit, and like a living stone, I am destined to be set by You out of love, into a building of the heavenly Jerusalem. And so, I must expect to be shaped, cut and chiseled under the hammer of the Cross; that I must respect the chisel that is carving me and the hand that is shaping me into that building.

11. My Lord, my Lord, as I resolve to become a saint, I thank You for I having found the pearl of great prize, a treasure,  my cross, fashioned by Your own hands with great exactness: its length, breadth, thickness and depth, according to the prescriptions of the Cross of Calvary that You carved for Your Son Jesus.

The thickness of my cross if made up of:

1) Loss of possessions: jobs, money, professional success according to the world standards.

2) Humiliations

3) Contempt

4) Illnesses

5) Spiritual trials

The length of my cross consists of:

1) Slander, persecutions

2) Suffering the temptation of fleeing the cross, as the twelve did.

3) Desolation because of it.

The breadth of my cross is made up of:

Harsh and bitter circumstances brought about by family, relatives, friends, servants and enemies.

The depth of my cross is made up of:

1) Hidden trials like negative memories that lie buried in my mind

2) Inability to find comfort in other people, spiritual partners who would like to run the race towards You with me, accepting to discuss my crosses, and holding my hands; however, when the going gets bitter and over powering for me, they fail me with their presence and love.

12. Therefore, my Father, thank you for the exactness of my cross: its size is perfect as You are perfect; this gift is your Love, as You are love Yourself.

13. And Father, my last request: give me the grace to boast about my cross, my rather little cross compared with others. I willingly accept it and willingly choose to embrace it, not drag it…

14. I love You  my God, Three in One; grace me with the power and the wisdom and love to dedicate my body, mind and spirit to the exclusive embrace of all my crosses with joy, with a “yes” larger than my own cross, and a “yes” that will resound in heaven as a love song to You. But I need perfect strength from You to attend to this work.

15. As I write this prayer, I see Mr. William Jefferson Clinton become President Clinton. He calls for renewal, responsibility, union and sacrifice. But I call for Your passion, Your passion to love me through Your Son’s Passion, and this will control little by little my transfiguration into whom You predestined me to be for all eternity, even before I was knitted in my mother Sarah’s womb.

Dad, when tears fall down my face because of my cross hurts too much and I am unable to embrace it tightly, do not worry about me. I understand the road. I want to climb the stairs of Your freedom. Just hold me tight, very tight, as You have been doing for so many years before when I have walked over turbulent waters. It is that tightness of Presence and Love which holds me the best, and make me feel the safest. Do not forget to hold me tight, Daddy, very tight. And please remind me often that every time I tend to flee the cross, I am like St. Peter to whom Jesus said, “Get away from Me, Satan.”Remind me that in these instances, I am seeing my life with my human eyes, and not through Your eyes.

My beloved Jesus, love me with Your Presence, with Your eyes of compassion and mercy; with the patience and the intimacy of the lover as You have shown me.

Holy Spirit of my Father and of My beloved Jesus, take over my all: my true and false self and my body. May You and my spirit be one in wisdom, love, compassion, mercy, understanding and knowledge for everybody in this world.

I want, Holy Spirit, to become a friend of the Cross, and as a friend, I want to grow in this relationship and intimacy; for it is the Cross, the royal path to You, that will finally subdue  my false self and its idols, which are dust, the cloud between You and me. I love You Holy Trinity. I love You. Amen.

III. We must follow Jesus

We can say it over and over BUT never stop to dig into the detail of what this following consists of. I realized on this day that to be a follower of any philosophy, religion, ideals, etc. means to do, accept and practice as “good” what that person, organization or religious group stands for as being the truth and worthy of being practiced… Well, the Holy Spirit led me to find out what Scripture says regarding Jesus’ practices, ideas, desires and commands at the center of His belief as our God, creator and redeemer. This search has taken me a couple of days and that is why I became much later to post this message… Yet, I think that we all have to review what WE HAVE TO FOLLOW in Jesus…

1. He wanted most of all to TELL US HOW MUCH HE LOVES US… One God with Three Persons and one of the Persons takes a human physical appearance out of love for us in order to teach us how to make it possible and how to bring others to Him! Therefore, as His follower I have to love everybody… Period! (New Testament)

2. He chose to be born in poverty and never owned any property. He worked for several years as a carpenter in order to pay for the expenses of survival. My call is to never seek riches; if they come, never to be attached to them, and on the contrary, to use them for the good of others. (New Testament)

3. He came to show us that Baptism was essential for our soul to become a child of God because He even went through it as God Himself. (Mathew 3:13)

4. If Jesus allowed Satan to tempt Him and as His follower, I know Satan will do so to me. (Mathew 4)

5. He prepared Himself to face Satan’s temptations with 40 days of fasting. I must always remember this fact and use fasting (food or fasting of the senses) as a good help for me to recognize when the evil is near. (Mathew 4)

6, Jesus said that we must live by every Word of God and not only by bread alone! (Mt. 4:4). Therefore, I must read the Word of God often/daily and reflect on it for the particular needs of any present moment.

7. Jesus said that I should NOT put the Lord, my God to the test. (Mt.4:7)

8. Jesus said that I must worship and serve my Lord. (Mt. 4:10)

9. I must repent often since the Kingdom of heaven is at hand. (Mt. 4:17)

10. I should expect to be called to be His disciple and become a fisher of men. (Mt. 4:19)

11. Just as he went around teaching and proclaiming the Gospel and curing every disease and illness among the people, I should go proclaiming the Gospel and praying for the cure of those in need. (Mt. 4: 23)

12. He asks me to seek His blessing in many different moments of my life. Examples: 1) To posses the kingdom of heaven by being poor in spirit, 2) To receive comfort when mourning. 3) To inherit the Promised Land with meekness. 4) To be satisfied when I hunger and thirst for righteousness. 5) To receive His mercy if I am merciful to others. 6) To see God by having a clean heart. 6) To become a child of God by being a peacemaker. 7) To inherit the kingdom of God when persecuted because of my righteousness. 8) I should become glad and rejoice when they persecute me and utter every kind of evil (falsely) because of Jesus, since my reward will be great in heaven. (Mt. 5:3-12).

13. As a follower of Jesus, I AM THE salt of the earth and the light of the world; yet, as salt I must not lose the taste. As light I cannot hide it for others so that they can see my good deeds and glorify my heavenly Father! (Mt. 5:13-16)

14. If I break the least of the commandments of the Law or of the prophets and teach others to do so, I will be called the least in the kingdom of heaven. If in turn, I obey and teach these commandments, I will be called the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. (Mt. 5:19)

15. If I get angry with my brother/sister, I will be liable to judgment (Mt. 5:21-26)

16. I should never commit adultery, which also means not to look to a man with lust; otherwise, it is better to lose any of my organs like my eyes, than losing my whole body ending up in hell. (Mt. 5:27-30)

17. For other believers (sinceI am a widow): divorcing a spouse after a lawful marriage, causes the other spouse to commit adultery. (Mt: 5:31)

18. I should not swear at all. I should let my yes mean yes, and my no, mean no. Anything else comes from Satan. (Mt. 5:34-37)

19. I should offer no resistance to one who is evil. When I get struck in one cheek, I should turn the other one as well. If someone wants my tunic, I should hand my cloak as well. I should give to the one who asks of me and not turn my back on the one who wants to borrow.(Mt. 5: 39-42)

20. I should love my enemies and pray for those who persecute me, so that I may become a child of my heavenly Father. I should be perfect as my Farther in heaven is perfect. (Mt. 5:44-48).

21. I should give alms without telling anyone. My right hand should not know what my left hand does so that my almsgiving be secret, and my Farther Who sees in secret, will repay me. (Mt.6:3-4)

22. I should pray to my Father in secret in my inner room and use a few words because my Father knows what I need. (Mt. 6: 8)

23. I must pray the Our Father because Jesus gave it to me (Mt. 6:9- 13)

24. I should forgive others for my Father to forgive me (Mt. 6:14-15)

25. I need not to worry about what I need for daily living but I should seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and things will be given to me besides. I should not worry about tomorrow. Otherwise, Jesus will remind me that I have little faith. (Mt. 6:30-34)

26. I should not judge. If I do it, likewise I will be judged. I need to remember always that I must remove the wooden beam in my own eye to be able to see clearly to remove the splinter from my neighbor’s eye. Otherwise I will be a hypocrite. (Mt. 7: 1-5)

27. My Father will give me all that I need always. (Mt. 7:7)

I should always remember what happens when I ask my Father:

From the Internet:

When I asked for strength, God gave me difficulties to make me strong.

When I asked for wisdom, God gave me problems to solve

When I asked for prosperity, God gave me brawn and brains to work.

When I asked for courage, God gave me dangers to overcome.

When I asked for patience, God placed me in situations where I was forced to wait.

When I asked for love, God gave me troubled people to help.

When I asked for favors, God gave me opportunities.

When I received nothing I wanted, I received everything I needed.

The Truth: my prayers have all been answered.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

28. I should do to others whatever I would have them do to me. (Mt.7:12)

29. I should choose the narrow gate because it leads to life, although only a few find it. I should never choose the wide gate (easy to pass through) because it leads to my destruction and many take it. (Mt. 7:13-14)

30. False prophets are known by their fruits. Rotten trees cannot bear good fruits and will be cut down and thrown into the fire. I must be aware of them and look for those prophets who bear good fruits, as a good tree would do. (Mt. 7:18-19)

31. I SHOULD ALWAYS REMEMBER that only those disciples that do the will of the Father will enter the Kingdom of heaven. (Mt. 7:21)

32. The wisdom to build our spiritual life on rock comes from listening to His Word and acting on it. (Mt. 7:24)

33. I should always remember that Jesus cleansed a man from his leprosy as His response to the leper’s faith that Jesus would do it. (I should pray often for my faith to grow). (Mt. 8: 1-3)

34. A Centurion showed great humility and trust in Jesus’ power to heal his sickly servant, and Jesus applauded it and said to him,”You may go. As you have believed, let it be done for you.” The servant was healed at that hour.  (I should ask often for the grace to have humility and faith in the love and mercy of God). (Mt. 8: 5-13)

35. When God calls me to do something, especially to follow Him as I obey His counsels and share my life with Him with others, I must never show hesitation or make an excuse. (Mt. 8: 18-22)

36. Since I travel with Jesus within my soul, I should never fear any stormy events around, and not like the His disciples did while traveling with Him in a boat. Otherwise, I will also hear His Words, “O you of little faith, why are you terrified.” (Mt. 8:23-27)

37. When the Pharisees questioned why Jesus met with tax collectors and sinners, He reminded them that “The sick need a physician; go an learn the meaning of the words, ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’” It is clear that to follow Jesus I must look at other sinners like myself with mercy, with compassion, with love because they are His images. (Mt. 9: 9-13)

38. I cannot follow the New Wine, Jesus, and pour it into old skins (my soul without an ongoing yes to His will); instead, I must practice in my soul what I need to become a true disciple with total obedience to His teaching (new skins). (Mt. 9:16-17)

39. I must practice what it is needed to be the best disciple possible in order to receive more of the gift of faith, and this can bring abundant healing from God. (Mt. 9:20-22)

40. Such healing as above mentioned, can heal our blind spiritual areas. Jesus did it with the two blind men. (Mt. 9: 27-29)

41. I must pray for more laborers to bring God’s message and His love to all those who are spiritually abandoned. (Mt. 9: 35-38)

42. My job as a disciple is to go and preach with words or without, that is using my witness, about His love and mercy for me, without ever worrying in regards to my physical needs, since the laborer deserves to be taken care of. (Mt. 10: 5-10)

43. As a true disciple I will be persecuted by wolves. I should never worry about to say in my own defense. I will be given at that moment what to say. (Mt. 10: 16-25) I MUST REPORT THAT I LIVED SUCH SITUATION in one of my professional unjust persecutions… It is a long story to add and that I have shared in old blogs but necessary to prove how Scripture becomes a light at the time needed.

We had moved to Cleveland when the Lord told me in Houston, TX on May 4, 1979 that we would receive job offers and to take them. The offers came on Sunday, May 7. We started to work at Kaiser Permanente in Cleveland, OH. I was chief of the department of anesthesia. I had to leave the place after one year because the 3 anesthesiologists that we found were totally inept and committed many major errors, plus they were not willing to accept to be retrained for 3 months at a nearby university, Case Western. From there, I went to a small hospital run by an Egyptian doctor. I lasted only 6 months since I would be assigned to my own operating room and supposedly, I would supervise two other nurse anesthetists in nearby rooms…This meant to charge for three different cases in my name at the same time!!!

I applied for a job at Case Western U. School of Medicine. They knew me because my husband had trained there as his second specialty (he was a pathologist). When they asked for references to other hospitals, the one in South Bend where we came from (a small Catholic hospital), they gave the request to the head anesthesiologist (a lady from Indonesia who had shown great envy towards me) She wrote that I was the worse anesthesiologist possible and very dangerous and that I did not get along with people!!! (Clear presence of a wolf).

Case Western referred the case to their Catholic lawyer to deal with me since they could not give me the job based on this reference. Besides, it had to be reported to Washington, D.C. for my name to be added to the list of poor practicing doctors, so that in the future, other places would have to check this brand new way of policing bad physicians for the entire country.

 My own lawyer had no idea what to do but he was a wonderful religious Protestant. The Holy Spirit told me what to answer to the Catholic lawyer from Case Western (I have forgotten the detail because this legal answer  was dictated to me by the Holy Spirit and it is gone from my memory). This university agreed not to pass on the bad info to D.C. A priest from South Bend and Chaplin of this small hospital offered to send a letter to Case Western explaining the good person I was and how religious as he would find me often praying in the chapel. The Cleveland Clinic sent a letter saying that I had been a great anesthesiologist while with them and that I got along with everybody!  I did not get the job but my name was protected for future jobs.

44. I should never be afraid under persecution (as it happened above). I should trust in Jesus’ love since He even knows how many hairs I do have in my head. (Mt. 10:31-33)

45. I must love Jesus more than anyone else on earth! I must lose my life for Jesus’ sake in order to be able to find it! (Mt.10:37-39)

46. I will be rewarded when as a disciple of Jesus I give a cup of cold water to the least of my neighbors. (Mt. 10:42)

47. I become the sister or mother of Jesus when I do the will of my Father. (Mt. 12: 46-50)

48. Unless I become like a child, I will not enter the Kingdom of heaven. If I humble myself like a child, I will be the greatest in the Kingdom of heaven. (Mt. 18:3-4)

49. I must forgive others FROM MYHEART as much as 77 times, if I want God to forgive me. (Mt. 18: 21-35)

50 I must give up family and riches for the sake of Jesus’ Name in order to inherit eternal life. (Mt. 19:29-30)

51. When I get invited to a wedding feast (heaven), I must dress with a wedding garment (lack of deadly sins). (Mt. 22: 1-2; 11-14)

52. I must love God with all my heart, soul and mind and love my neighbor as myself. (Mt. 22: 37-40)

53. Jesus will return one day unexpectedly at an unknown hour. As His true disciple/servant  I must take care of His household (Church) and distribute food (love) while He is away. He then will put me in charge of His property (the Kingdom) helping others to do the same. (Mt. 23: 45-47)

54. I have given many talents and instead of hiding them not to lose them, I have the duty to multiply them. (Mt. 25: 14-30)

55. I should always remember that I must give food to the hungry; drink to the thirsty; welcome strangers; take care of the sick; visit the incarcerated. I must do it because they all are images of God, and when I do it, it is as if I do it to Jesus Himself. (Mt. 25: 31-40)

56. I must remember that when suffering is around, I must pray and accept it as the will of my Father. Jesus Himself prayed three times and accepted His Father’s will at Gethsemane. (Mt. 26: 36, 46)

57. I need to remember always that He resurrected but is sending me, as He sent His disciples, to teach others what He commanded us while on earth, knowing that He is with us to the end of time, which means that He is in charge of my work and truly present in the Eucharistic form. (Mt. 28: 19-20)

58. I need to remember that Jesus warned us about the end times when many will come in His Name and deceive me. I cannot be alarmed when I hear about wars, famine, nations rising against other nations and earthquakes, because they must happen and not yet be the end. I must watch for persecutions and yet, THE GOSPEL MUST BE PREACHED at all cost. I need to persevere to the end. (Mark 13: 3-13)

59. I need to remember that there will be a great tribulation which could happen while I am alive. There will be false Messiahs and prophets. (Mark 13: 14-23)

60: Often, I need to thank Jesus for all His blessings in my life and for the ones to come. In this way, I am going to be healed of my spiritual maladies in order to become a true disciple, since my thanks represent a sign of my faith in His love and mercy… (Luke 17: 11-19)

61. In my growth to be a true disciple, I must always see myself as a sinner in need of God’s mercy. (Luke18: 13-14)

62. I must remember how powerful the prayer of Our Lady on our behalf…is. The story of the wedding at Cana did not need so much detail except for Jesus’ actions to make more wine. However, the Spirit led the writer of this story to make clear that Our Lady basically left no alternative to Jesus than to make more wine… (John 2: 1-11)

63. I need to always believe that Jesus is truly Present in the bread and wine that becomes His Body and Blood through the hands and words of our Priests. Also and as important it is to remember that I need to consume the Eucharist to have life within me and be raised in the last day. (John 6: 53-57)

64: I always should refer to Jesus’ Mother as my Mother as well, since He gave her to me… to take care of me! (John 19: (26-27)

FINAL THOUGHT: In order to become a true disciple of Jesus, I must aim to do what He left us as the way He wanted us to live and give glory to His Father. We do not have to worry about how to do it. Simply, we have to aim to do God’s will with the most perfect self-denial possible,  while becoming a friend of the Cross and doing what He tells us in the Gospels. He will provide the graces necessary to become such disciple.

I have understood that during this Lent of 2017, I did have to write a summary of His main teachings in order to read them here and there and remember how to act as a true disciple… plus often ask for His grace and MERCY to do so