LOOKING AT MY CROSSES WITH A NEW PERSPECTIVE!

INTRODUCTION

On Tuesday, September 6, I posted the blog for August and I wrote this:

 Note: I want to assure you that in the future if I happen to fall sick and unable to write the monthly blog, my son Ernesto will post a note in this site with the announcement. The same, if I were to die, he will post a note in this site.

Well, it turned out to be a prophetic note… You shall see!

EVENTS ACCORDING TO THE CALENDAR SEQUENCE

Thursday, September 8

I did not feel well but was able to shop in the supermarket for a few things. That evening I started to have some discomfort in my belly area. During the night it became worse since there was no pain but severe unbearable nausea.

Friday, September 9

By 3 AM I had to call my son because I truly was desperate with this constant need to vomit. At times I did vomit but basically a watery stuff since my dinner from the day before had passed to the large colon. By 6 AM, I asked him to call an ambulance since I had no medical reason for this nausea. There was no diarrhea or pain involved.

I arrived at a private hospital, the same where I had ended up for my second gastric bleeding in one week’s time in August of 2014. When in the emergency room, some studies were done and a C.T. scan performed over my abdomen and the DIAGNOSIS OF SMALL BOWEL OBSTRUCTION came to be!!! Immediately I KNEW THAT IT WAS NOT! From here on I was exposed to a comedy of errors… for the next 60+ hours (2.5 days).

I was placed in this bed with no medication and waiting for the floor doctor to come and see what to do. She eventually came and said that they would insert an NG (naso-gastric tube or a tube through my nostrils to my stomach) in order to hope to get better (apparently this is the new way of treating such obstruction) instead of having surgery. Of course, surgery for me makes me cringe because I may wake up without memory at all… and also because I do not trust doctors in general. Maybe I could have similar results as in my bladder suspension, when the urologist condemned me to visit the bathroom very often or pass urine all over… He does not know what happened since when I had my first post-operative visit, he had been let go after 30 years of experience. I dealt with other urologists who would look at me as if waiting for a law suit for the entire group… Shortly after, my surgeon urologist had joined another group, his secretary called twice to offer his services and to answer any questions. Obviously, I did not answer because even if this error requires another surgical revision, he would not touch me…!!! I actually need lots of money to pay cash in a major place like the Mayo Clinic to hopefully get it fixed correctly. Besides, this reality places me in a difficult situation: I could never travel in an airplane… If the weather is bad, the pilot may ask to remain in our seats regardless and I would go crazy needing to empty my bladder or else… As you can see, the cross is getting heavier by the week.

 Wednesday, September 14

But now look at a few more mistakes… I underwent during my hospitalization. This is what I wrote to my sonsà

Email:

I went to hell and back by spending 2.5 days in this private Hospital… Error after error had me in total anguish. For example: 1) they ordered pain medication in a form of a pill while I had an N-G tube in my stomach connected to suction!!!!! In other words, the pill would dissolve in the stomach and be extracted by the NG tube into a suction device on the wall…2) On top of it, the medication was Hydrocodone to which I am deadly allergic. 3) I had very high blood pressures but they did not seem too preoccupied… I kept saying that if I got a stroke, I surely would tell the story in the courts. They would treat it with IV medications but in minor amounts and of course I would have BP’s of 190/102 for example that would come down to 170/90, also a very dangerous number. The nurses would themselves tell me that it was too small of a dose. 4) THEY INVENTED THAT I HAD A SMALL BOWEL OBSTRUCTION by CT scan… I knew it was an error since I had zero pain or cramping in my abdomen… I underwent terrible torture until they proved that I DID NOT HAVE IT through a series of x-rays that they took of my abdomen after injecting via the NG tube, a contrast substance to see if it would advance to the colon. Of course, I was nicely irradiated… 5) plus I had to lie down for some 3 hours on a metal bed under the x-rays emitting cone, which gave me severe pain and my blood pressure was high to begin with! Ouch. 6) When I was changed to have clear liquid diet, they kept sending me stuff with fruits to which I am allergic to, even that they had a list of my allergies and the dietary chief had called me to inquire about this list. One of them had carrageenan but they of course did not know my connection of this thickener with depression and obviously I did not touch. So my clear liquid diet was basically nonexistent! 7) Some nurses came to tell me that they read that I had had multiple abdominal interventions…! And no… never had except for the laparoscopy (small instruments placed in the lower abdomen to suspend the bladder from the outside and without opening the abdomen …).

 

I was sent home on Monday, September 10. My nausea had subsided by pure luck but I had gained much irradiation and thanked God for my medical knowledge since I was able to point to some errors… Friends from Panama who recently had visited sent me a note saying that they could not imagine how in a private well known and respected hospital in the U.S., things like that were possible. They said how they felt knowing that they were living in a third world country and with no knowledge of medicine.

 

I came out still unable to understand why my God sent me to suffer this horror. Well, I came out worse exhausted than I went in with the only symptom of SUPER SEVERE NAUSEA, with no answer as to why of the nausea. I had been in bed for 2 1/2 days and going through the hell of errors and this made me feel a little upset with my Lord….!!!! Ouch and ouch!!!

 

But yesterday, (September 13) the mail brought a card from a high school classmate in Los Angeles when I was there as an exchange student. We became very good friends since I was Catholic… She always tells me that I was sooo religious that she became attracted to my demeanor… She now lives in Washington State. Well, the card is very tiny but was full of little and yet extraordinary quotes like:

 

"We always find that those who walked closest to Christ were those who had to bear the greatest trials." St. Teresa of Avila

 

"Let us understand that God is a Physician, and that suffering is a medicine for salvation, not a punishment for damnation." St. Augustine

 

"Suffering is the very best gift He has to give to us. He gives it only to his chosen friends." St. Therese of Lissieux

 

"The soul that is destined to reign with Jesus Christ in eternal glory must be remodeled by the blows of hammer and chisel. The Heavenly Physician is treating you so as one chosen to follow Jesus closely up the Hill of Calvary…"

St. Padre Pio

 

"Can you expect to go to heaven for nothing? Did not our Dear Savior track the whole way with His Blood and tears?" St. Elizabeth Ann Seton

 

Well, I wished I had received this card while in the hospital or just before! Now I can have something in my hands ready to re-read for my troubles. (End of email)

 

I felt sorry for questioning the Lord as to why I had been submitted to this horrific series of errors, and now I am sorry more than ever because he had sent me the medicine to feel better after receiving this card with these quotes… He is always one step ahead of us… I needed this, especially because the hospital gave me an envelope with indications to follow at home, instructing me about what an obstruction of the intestine is all about…!!! Plus, it said that the symptoms for this obstruction are two: nausea and severe pain in the abdomen! There was the 8th error… I had zero pain in the abdomen and they asked me tons of times about it and touched my belly trying to be sure I was answering correctly. So, I was discharged with no explanation about the nausea plus 8 errors… I must add that all nursing personnel were very nice in each shift, except for one young nurse in the night shift. I had no suffering related to their demeanor towards me.

 

Friday, September 16

 

There was a beautiful program in EWTN about the Infant Jesus. It dates from 2005 by the departed couple Bob and Penny Lord called, “Miracles of the Child Jesus.” While in a church, the statue of the Infant of Prague (in Czechoslovakia) had suffered loss of His hands from enemies of the Church and the Child came to speak to Fr. Cyril (promulgator of the devotion). He heard a voice dip in the rubble. He found the statue. The voice said, “Give me hands.” A parishioner gave the money to restore the hands of the statue. In 1902, a new Shrine was built in Milan, Italy and the Infant of Prague came to reside there. Many miracles came to be from the Infant, especially financial help. Pius XI crowned the statue and wrote the document declaring the shrine a Minor Basilica, giving in this way a sign of approval to the devotion of the Infant of Prague.  They said that “the smiling face of the statue asks us to trust in Him.”

 

Deep devotion to the Infant was present in great Saints of the past. 1) St. Teresa of Avila, founded 17 homes of Discalced Carmelites and in each one, she left a statue of the Infant Jesus. She would call him “El Fundador” (The founder); “El Peregrinito,” (The little pilgrim); “El Mensajerito” (The little Messenger). She wrote that one day she found the Infant in the stairway and He asked her, “Who are you?” She responded, “I am Teresa of Jesus.” He responded, “I am Jesus of Teresa.” 2) St. Therese of Lisieux is also known as Therese of the Child Jesus! 3) St. John of the Cross would carry the Infant Jesus in his arms during processions. 4) St. Anthony of Padua is depicted with the Child Jesus sitting on top of the Bible.

 

Of course, all throughout this program, I remembered the story of the Divine Jesus (El Divino Niño) from Colombia and how He spoke to Mother Angelica and asked her to build the present beautiful Shrine of the Blessed Sacrament in Hanceville, AL. All of this I immediately took as a call for me to show an increase in devotion and love for the Divine Child. I realized that it would be the Child Jesus who would be directly responsible for my healing. I did not hear it; I just felt it. In fact, I had found recently a little card with the Infant’s picture as He was depicted appearing in Colombia and with a little prayer in the back. In fact years ago, a good friend of mine bought me via EWTN, a statue of the Divine Jesus identical to the one in the little card but it is still in the storage place as it came from Toledo… However, I also have in my bedroom an identical and large picture of His. The little card says in Spanish, “Divino Niño Jesús en Ti confío” or Divine Infant Jesus, I trust inYou, similar to the one appearing in the Jesus of Mercy picture.

 

In years past, I had explored the entire story of the Divine Infant in Colombia and the many miracles He has obtained, just as He has done for Mother Angelica’s Shrine. I have the favorite prayer written by Father Juan Rizzo, the priest who made of this devotion in Colombia, a worldwide story, noting besides that Mother Angelica’s last name was Rizzo… Wow!

 

On this day, I already had prayed two Rosaries. At 11:45 AM, I got up to go to the bathroom and heard clearly, “If you renew your devotion to My Mercy coming from my Infant devotion, I will convert your entire family (two sons who in the 1980’s were scandalized by the Church and still have problems with any devotion to Jesus, except that they live very holy lives in general and are good to me), and all of them will become very loving to Me as they enter a deep conversion. You will also be able to work for Me in the spread of the Gospel of Love with the blog and in other forms and I as the Divine Child will accompany you.”

 

I went, “Wow. Amazing.” Somehow, I started realizing that my recent hell in the hospital needed to be in order for me to offer it up for what it is going on in the entire world, and mostly in our U.S. political scenario. Then, I heard, “Would you do it despite your poor health?” I answered, “Yes.” I heard, “It has to be such so that you can save many, many souls. Would you do it for those souls?” I instantly responded, “Wow, it will be hell but yes, I have to save souls regardless of my health issues. Those souls must come first. Yes, I will do it.” I then realized that such cross could be worse than I expected!

 

I came back to my seat in the living room, and on a wall I have multiple pictures of Saints and of Jesus. I was fascinated with the recent conversation realizing that it was NOT made up by me because the dialogue was fast and with a sense of peace and joy on my part! At one point, my Mother said, “You have done well. Asking for Baby Jesus mercy and offering His cross and yours for your sins, will help you especially for the previous days when you wanted to disappear from this earth due to the mess in the hospital! It was a sin to feel that way, instead of saying yes to His will. You have to confess this sin but it frees you right now to continue waiting for some physical healing.” “Wow,” I thought! No doubt that this was a super Friday? I realized that now more than ever I should continue with an ongoing novena to the Divine Infant.

 

Saturday, September 17

 

My son had the mishap to lose my debit card. I suspect that Mr. Satan was involved. In fact, there have been several instances this month where things have happened that look like Satan’s work. Another example of his work is how AOL decided not to open for me at all… I keep my main email with them because their system is the easiest for me than Yahoo, for example, and I do have an address for yahoo but do not use it. Of course I have to pay a monthly fee for AOL which is done directly from my account. So, they have no right to bother me and I know why they do it. This account was opened by my husband some 25 years ago. They have refused to take his name off, although I am the one paying for the service. After he died in 2001, they refused to erase his name unless he would call and discontinue the service!!! I had to scream at them and tell them that the man was dead and unable to do so!!! They then changed the account number to deduct the monthly payment!!!!

 

They still keep offering me tons of good things of protection. I do not accept them because if I do, they will soon increase the monthly stipend. Well, I had to call AOL subscriber department and they corrected the error and connected the site to this computer!!!… Hmm… But still, they wanted to sell me a $6 a month service, to make very fast the AOL use … I told them that it was done EVEN when other groups like Yahoo and Google do not even charge a monthly fee? Of course, now, the AOL service is slow… on purpose on their part. That is Mr. Satan so that I can despise their behavior and not love them… So, I have added AOL to my community Rosary… I have to love them all in that group, in order to fight Lucifer!

 

On this Saturday, my son and I went to our bank to get a debit card until I would get the final one, about a week later. I was able to minister to Jennifer (very obese), who took care of us. I told him about how memory loss is reversible and how one can get depressed with carrageenan. I added that I do it because since Jesus gave me these gifts, I had to pass them to her, until I finish the editing of the book and get it published. I also told her that some us gain weight just with toxicity in food (non organic food full of toxic sprays while being produced) and toxicity in the environment… She was very interested and would say, relieved to hear that toxicity can cause obesity in some ofus. I keep finding ways to evangelize, like it happened on this Saturday at the bank. Was the loss of the debit card important? O yes… I took me to Jennifer and she was fascinated with my gifts for her health and perhaps I just seeded her spirit for a future encounter with Jesus.

 

On this same Saturday, I also understood how important is to work in the purification of my intentions in my life. I was given this example in a matter of seconds and here it is:

A purified soul is like an engine together with all its parts in place and all screws keeping the engine ready to spread the Gospel. That is, to always show how much God loves us and through His mercy, He shows how His love in ACTION works in spreading of the Truth, the Life and our future resurrection as He did, but always under the cross! In the process of driving this engine (our soul), many stones will be found and the engine takes a beating. For the above not to become a problem once in the full swing of evangelization, we need to tighten all the screws to a maximum. It means to always, always do God’s will with the most perfect intention of loving our neighbor as Jesus does, and such love means to save their souls and our own! The tightening of the screws is an ongoing job since as humans under the ferocious attacks of a pagan world and of Satan, the screws tend to get loose!

 

Again, the only way of doing this job of tightening them as much as possible, is to live all day in the Presence of the Holy Trinity with a most perfect, solid, pure yes to deny ourselves, embrace the present crosses with great passion and to follow Jesus WHEREVER His Spirit takes us. The sign that we are on this mode of tightening our spiritual screws at all times, shows up as patience, love, joy, a joy that is profound or intense, fascinating at times, and principally to see our neighbor with great mercy and with love that reminds us that they are God’s images, worthy of our attention, of our desire to become their servants as called by the Holy Spirit! OUR PAY in all of this consists in falling in love with them to see them save even ahead of us, if necessary. This feeling is not constant but it is not rare.

 

One feels like a kid of our Daddy, great follower of Jesus in everything that He asks of to do, despite any difficulty of any kind. In other words, when we feel and want to be servants of the Lord and of our beautiful brothers and sisters, one even finds feeling love for those who have ruined our lives. In my case, for the urologist that condemned me to go to the bathroom so many times a day. I know also that out of God’s justice and mercy, He will fix this problem, sooner or later in whatever way (with human intervention or without it). Ah, but it was necessary for me to learn this lesson that I am sharing and remember to always tighten the screws of my soul/engine as I say and mean it, “Your Will be done. I am the servant of the Lord.” I must add that the heavier the cross is, the easier it becomes to tighten the screws of our engine/soul.

 

On this day and by pure chance, I found a program where they were explaining how to raise children and the opinions were varied. We must think that the spiritual life for all of us is one where each one of us gets remodeled by God. Just to pay attention to the many do’s and don’ts when raising a child will never be an efficient way. On the contrary, our Lord will show us the road for ourselves and for our children provided that we truly trust in HIS LOVE AND MERCY, mercy being understood as His love shown to us by actions that He lead us to take. Or said better, mercy is His love in action in our lives. This package is complete and totally according to the gifts He has blessed us with and to our weaknesses and sinful tendencies. Again, we need to practice self denial and our God comes and takes over. I SAY THIS because I have no idea how I raised four sons and they were simply wonderful children and teens. So, I am sure that as I sought the Lord day and night, despite my very busy life as a professional, He took care of them. On this day, it was clear that faith and trust (faith without fear) in His love for me, or gifts themselves given to me as I sought His Holy Spirit’s guidance for everything with the best yes I could come up with, was the source of the correct divine babysitting these four boys. I did not know that it was going on. It is now, years later, that I see the big picture. He is a faithful friend and lover!

 

Well, I thought this was all for this day, Saturday, Sept. 17, when looking for the readings for the next day Sunday Mass, Magnificat had quoted the Servant of God (died in 1956) and archbishop of Mexico City, Luis Maria Martinez. Here are some quotes.

 

“If we only knew how God longs to possess us? Love is possession, and as love is insatiable – because it is infinite or has the stamp of infinity – the lover is never satisfied with possessing the beloved. Even our poor hearts, so limited and miserable, have something of the infinite when love fills them, for they never tire of craving complete possession. If the human heart is never satisfied, how can the Heart of Jesus, both human and divine, be satiated with possessing the souls He loves so much?

 

“But for each act of a new love, a new possession, it demands a new surrender, more generous, more trustful, more tender than ever. And for such surrender a new forgetfulness is necessary, one full and perfect. To rest in the Heart of Christ is to submerge and lose oneself in Him. For these celestial attainments the soul must disappear in the ocean of oblivion, in the ocean of love.”

 

Monday, Sept. 19

 

A. Here is a little story of the mentioned Archbishop of Mexico City, Luis María Martinez. During my first visit to Mexico in the early 1990’s, we learned about this Archbishop and left Mexico knowing a lot about his holiness. What called my attention the most was his extraordinary teachings about the Holy Spirit. In fact, I bought a book he wrote on this subject. He also was the spiritual director of another future saint, Venerable Maria Concepcion Cabrera de Armida, also known as Conchita (this is the name we give to all the women named Concepcion). She came to become a light in the Catholic Church in the 1920-1930’s, exactly at the moment when the Catholic Church was being persecuted the most. She had many locutions that came to give hope to the Catholics in Mexico, especially to Priests. I have a book on all the teaching given by the Lord to Conchita for the Priests of Mexico, a time when they were been martyred by the Mexican Government, which was heavily manipulated by the Masons. In her writings, Jesus seems to speak directly to priests! I am trying to find the book of Archbishop Martinez among my many books and perhaps I will share some of his writings on the Holy Spirit in future blogs if the Lord allows me.  

 

As I was relishing the meditation of this Archbishop for this day, I felt that it is possible that he would be the intercessor who will bring the healing of my body with so many allergies, and what it is worse is that these allergies are growing by the week. In other words, the pain in my knees is worse than ever as I become allergic to foods I was not before! And I also noticed that during the 2.5 days I spent in the hospital, I had no pain in my knees… Of course, I was not eating and only receiving intravenous fluids!!! Our immune system mostly resides in our small intestine, and if I would stop eating all together, I could rest from this pain. It would be a great honor for me to be the conduit for Archbishop Martinez to become “Blessed.” I decided to start asking him to pray for me before the throne of God’s mercy.

 

B. In EWTN/ Spanish, I heard a beautiful presentation of a group of young people who got together to form the “Soldiers of Mercy.” It is a Catholic ministry dedicated to help saving the youth of the errors and confusions that this world presents today, providing a system of support so that they can learn about the Faith and discover their vocation and the purpose that God has for their lives. It is comprised of young people for young people. Three of them are co-founders and the fourth one is one of their directors. It was founded on January 25, 2009 in Miami, FL.They belonged to different countries: Colombia, Puerto Rico, Cuba and U.S. from Latino parents.

 

Tuesday, Sept. 20

 

Much has been shown about St. Pio since his feast day is on Sept. 23. I woke up at 3 AM on this day and I had fallen asleep with EWTN/Spanish on. They were saying that Costa Rica is the second country after Mexico that has most visited San Giovanni Rotondo where this Saint lived and died. He built a huge hospital there and his love for the sick was obvious. I felt like at home with the story of this hospital and the sick since I lived for 43 years inside hospitals giving anesthetics! I felt I had much in common with him, and now my own birth country has also shown great predilection to visit him there. Somehow, I wondered if these two holy men, Archbishop Martinez and Padre Pio could be involved in obtaining my healing in order to work for the Kingdom like never before.

 

Also in this day, EWTN showed an ecumenical gathering to pray for peace. It was very interesting. The Jewish Rabbi said that the spirit of Assisi is the best example of humility and peace based on holiness of life as we recognize that we all are images of God. The representative from Islam said that our responsibility is to solve the problem we have of lack of peace, with the spirit of Assisi guiding us to solve the problems of the world.

 

It was also said that this work of Assisi came from God. St. Francis did not do it. God did it THROUGH him. I found myself thinking that God can do the same with us. But why do I say that God can produce peace through us? Well, the BEST EXAMPLE and the latest of us to recognize this truth, is St. Teresa of Calcutta. She did it and brought peace as a Christian to ALL PEOPLE FROM ALL FAITH’S!!! She brought more than peace. She became an example because she did what our Mother in heaven did… Our Lady ran to visit another human being to serve her. But above all, BOTH OF THEM RAN TO SERVE WITH THEIR LOVE…

 

In the same way, we need peacemakers as Francis of Assisi and Mother Teresa. SO, LET’S CHANGE the world. One of our prayers should be that we become peacemakers! We should pray that we become infected with the HOLY VIRUS OF LOVE! At the same time, become disposed for this job trying to be holy through denial of self, embracing our crosses as a GIFT TO GROW IN THE LOVE NEEDED FOR OTHERS, just as Jesus and His Mother did, or St. Francis or Mother Teresa. Men should ask St. Francis for his intercession to become lovers of all around them. We women should ask for the intercession of Mother Teresa to become lovers as well, and these two groups should also ask to become the best true disciples of Jesus transformed into peacemakers with their help.

 

We could start a spiritual revolution starting immediately and STOP RIGHT NOW emitting all the pros and cons of what is wrong and what should be done by others to proceed to bring peace in the world. God will bring peace one person at the time, as Mother Teresa used to say. Bringing peace is a universal responsibility for all of us. Also, it is not a topic to be developed in parishes with talks and reflections. Each one of us, one at the time, should enter this concept and ask for help to God and to our great models and work daily in our seeking of discipleship. GOD WILL DO THE REST! He will bring peace and I have no doubt about it.

 

Once love for others start running through our hearts, Jesus’ LIGHT will be shown to all, a light that is made of His love that in action, is also called His mercy.  The worse violence in the world is when we allow in ourselves, in our hearts, hatred, resentment or simply becoming bystanders and only repeat what is wrong in the world, when the source of what is wrong is within us, our own violent attitude of doing nothing about it. We should constantly call the Holy Spirit to truly reign in our hearts and do the job for us. May His mercy become our other “I” – If I am merciful, I would offer myself day and night to be used to show the light of Jesus Christ, and this light is simply LOVE for all.

 

Somehow, despite great pain, I made it to a health food store and saw two tall blonde women, totally identical. I passed by them and stopped and looked at them again. They turned to me and we started a conversation. I realized that his was an evangelization meeting. God is always giving us clients without us thinking about it. I went to this store pretty late in the morning. I usually want to make it mid morning because the lunch time adds many cars to the roads. These girls were from Lincoln, Nebraska and were visiting the daughter of one of them. They were 42 year old twins and very religious… I gave them the gifts (which I usually do as I have written in other blogs) of knowing that dementia is reversible and that the thickener carrageenan gives depression to some of us. They were fascinated and one of them suffered from depression and a relative had dementia.

 

They asked me why it was that I found these so important facts. I opened up with my Roman Catholic background and how I had found that Jesus was totally present in the Host that the Pries consecrated at Mass. We finished the conversation with a big praise to Jesus Christ. I realized that this was a seed that I had planted for a future encounter they will have to join the Catholic Church. Otherwise, how could it be that we met when I was late for my shopping and they had come all the way from Nebraska and chose this precise time to visit this health food store in order to praise Jesus together!

 

For this Sept. 20, Fr. Miguel for EWTN spoke about our need to vote in the upcoming elections and mentioned 5 non-negotiable points:

 

1) Abortion on demand

2) Euthanasia. (I am adding that in Belgium they just passed a law allowing euthanasia practiced in small infants…)

3) The use of embryonic cells for research

4) Cloning in humans

5) Same sex marriage

 

It was excellent to tell it like it is and be very clear about those points that are not allowed in the candidate that we vote for or at least for the candidate that shows the best picture regarding these five points.

 

Wednesday, September 21

 

A. EWTN homily for the EWTN Mass of this day was preached by a visiting Polish priest, Fr. Pawel Rytel-Andrianik. He said (paraphrasing) that “Protestants go to church for their preaching. We go to church despite the preaching! (Laughs were heard). This is because we go to meet Jesus Christ in the Eucharist. It is not a symbol of God’s presence. Corpus Christi is the FLESH OF CHRIST. We do not adore bread. We adore Jesus. You can eat 4 pounds of bread (Hosts) and never meet Jesus Christ. Have you met Jesus Christ?” It was a very effective homily.

B. On one side I heard a great homily. In the other hand I learned that since 2011, the Well Fargo Bank started creating bogus accounts under customer names without their permission. It came to light just a few days ago. All of this with the Bank’s CEO knowledge! Ouch! What a contrast of topics, A and B.

Friday, September 23

 

On the feast of St. Pio, Fr. Miguel preached again a great homily. Using Padre Pio as an example, he explained how to embrace our crosses and how to offer them up. The topic is the same as Blessed Luis Maria Martinez wrote: self denial at all cost.

 

Monday, September 26

 

We had the first debate between the two candidates for the Presidency of the U.S. elections of next November. I just could not listen to it. I knew I had to pray and did pray for the ENTIRE time they argued. I said three Rosaries and Chaplets of Divine Mercy, asking God to elect in November, whomever He wants; of course, personally there is only one choice because the right to life on this earth is primordial for my decision.

 

Friday, September 30

 

I was very impressed with a report in EWTN News program by Robert Jones from the Religious Public Research Institute.

 

In 1991, 6% of the population had no religious affiliation. In1998, 14% had no religious affiliation. In 2016, 25 % reported no religious affiliation!!!

 

Tuesday, October 4

 

I have been sort of agonizing because I could not finish this blog… My eyes kept bugging me enough that I only can write for one hour at the time and stop… The eyes hurt me quite a bit. I was questioning the Lord if this was the end of the blogs plus in the closing comments (already written) you will also find out my mental anguish for other things happening. Besides this, having pain in my knees that is getting worse by the week, is deteriorating my physical and emotional status. My memory in English that I am losing due to toxicity of the environment, makes the writing of the blogs a huge task. By the end of the blog, I cannot remember what I wrote at the beginning!!!  My problem has been to figure out what is God trying to tell me? AND, BELOW IS THE ANSWER

 

By pure chance again, at 11:30 AM I ended up watching a very interesting program through EWTN in Spanish. The name: Consuelen a mi Pueblo or “Console my People.”  Fr. Ruben Francisco Bellante from the Orange County, CA EWTN site and in 2016, spoke about how Jesus asked us to take up our cross, and in Luke, it added, “Each day,” and to walk with Him. These are some notes I took, although I already taped the program on October 5 at 2 AM… In the future, I will probably translate the entire program. The notes are the following:

 

“The one, who does not embrace the cross, has not learned how to deny himself!  We have to live our crosses, crosses of all kinds, like when we are attacked for no reason, persecuted, having illnesses. It is not a matter of yes or no to the embrace. It is actually yes or not to follow Him…

 

“Our Crosses are daily and it is not a case of ignoring them but how I can use them! It is not the case of living our crosses in the darkness since now we can receive the fruitfulness of the daily crosses associating them to the passion of Jesus. I can live them with His passion so that the Church can receive many blessings. We are a mystical body united to the head Who is Jesus Christ. Baptism is what unites us with Christ, dying to ourselves so that we can be new men and women. Our cross continues to be the center.

 

“In 2Cor 12:10, St. Paul said, ‘Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and constraints for the sake of Christ, for when I am weak, then I am strong.’ St, Francis of Assisi was converted in front of Jesus Crucified. He found a new light. With a kiss to a leper he started his life of holiness. This is similar to St. Teresa of Calcutta. We must love with Christ crucified Who is a channel of mercy. Accepting our crosses that maybe others give us, is a way to feel the internal peace of the disciple who follows Jesus and walks with Him. In the pain of every day from other people, I find the cross that will give light to others.”

 

Ha ha… There was my answer! This is why I taped the program a few hours later. Yet, in my final comments I am extending the description of my crosses… including crosses at Mass… NOW, whenever I get a new cross, I will remember this wonderful program, which I believe should be translated into English and run it in EWTN in English

 

CLOSING COMMENTS

 

Time flies and our pagan world is winning big time over us, as we see in the previous news of Sept. 30. This is the point that truly makes me very sad. Knowing our Lord, at least to a certain extent, He is allowing this situation grow and we believers, we who never have doubted God’s existence and His Real Eucharistic Presence, we are trying very hard to do something, but so far whatever that is, is not working. I only see so many associations within parishes and no answers. I suspect that we have too many Martha’s and a few Mary’s. On the October 1, Sunday Mass, a lady in the front row and directly in front of me, distracted me twice. During the reading of this Sunday Mass Scriptures, she read the bulletin. During part of the homily, she also read the bulletin. And being in the first row, there was no doubt that the homilist was able to see it.

 

As a Roman Catholic of many decades, what shall I do about it? Was it my duty to nicely talk to her at the end of Mass and explain to her how much I was scandalized by her behavior?  Or is it my only duty to pray for her? Frankly, at this time in my life I am lost as to what to do! This type of scene normally takes me to want to stop this blog. I lose faith in my own love for Christ. Year after year we have so many retreats and thousands of people giving an opinion as to how to become a true disciple, but I do not see it and the percentage of people without a religious affiliation is going up! My main problem is that I should not judge anyone… But how not to do it when this was poor behavior from someone of faith since she was taking the time to attend Sunday Mass. It does not speak about her behavior only but about the state of spirituality of the entire parish and in the Church in general. I have seen many people reading the bulletin in church through the years in other parishes. In fact, in the Jesuit parish of Gesu in Toledo, OH, the bulletins were not distributed before Mass, precisely to avoid this problem.

 

My health as you have read through these blogs and in recent times is a disaster! God is allowing me to suffer immensely and to a certain point, this suffering is necessary to be offered for the Church, my Lord’s Church. I do pray several Rosaries per day and in the Chaplets of Mercy that I recite, I say, “Eternal Father, I offer you the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your Beloved Son Jesus Christ and ALL MY SUFFERINGS (I add this part to the original words) in atonement for the sins…” of different groups of people, some by name and including myself. But what else can I do? Where should I go for help? Among my own parish parishioners, most of the time I feel like a stranger!  From time to time I cry loud in my house when I am by myself. I think that I mentioned before that at one time I audio cassette taped my own screaming for the pain of seeing my Lord alone, sort of speak, and my physical pain exhausting me. It is not that I am depressed or oppressed at all. My friends, some Saints, have asked me to stop viewing television that shows a pagan world. EWTN is the answer but not all the times either. I am being asked to pray more and to suffer with a big yes in my heart. Yet, the suffering is getting out of hand. While writing blogs, my eyes require many resting moments. Of course, I do not want to damage my good right eye nor I want to get my left eye in more trouble. I had to stop my visits to my retinologist because when I am going through the dilatation of my pupils for the study of my retina (via a special scan and prior to seeing the retinologist), I cannot go to the bathroom… and in this office, the rest rooms are very far away from it.

 

My memory in English is sleeping away, although I know how to reverse it; yet, I cannot take any of the veggies that give the liver what it needs to produce more glutathione, the natural detoxifier of our body. Writing blogs are posing a tough exercise since I have to depend on the notes I have taken because right now, I easily forget the detail of what they say. Any other experience or Bible teaching is forgotten right away. Many words in English are simply gone and it is impossible to remember. At times, only the Spanish alternative comes to me and I have to check it in the English/Spanish dictionary next to my computer.

 

Even getting my medications can become a problem. The director pharmacist of this particular pharmacy that I chose because it has a side window (like MacDonald’s) to pick up the medicines, she is extraordinary. Yet, from time to time, the other employees either write the wrong things in my computer history that they keep, or simply are confused. My secondary insurance will NOT PAY FOR MORE THAN 2 PILLS a day OF MY BLOOD PRESSURE MEDICATION. But I need 3 pills per day most of the time because my blood pressures vary a lot, and so I asked the pharmacy to let me pay for my third pill out of pocket instead of the regular secondary insurance (after Medicare). It worked for a while but the last time I was there, the confusion was exhausting. The story is too long and difficult to narrate but the girl that took care of me was totally confused about this agreement. So, for the next filling of this prescription, I will have to get out of the car and walk for a long distance within this huge pharmacy building in order to see what will happen. Obviously, the director pharmacist if in the building will have to get involved somehow but again, she is blessing for me. In this case, I wonder if Satan is involved in this confusion…

 

Well, as you can see I am going through a tough time in my life. I will try to write the next blog for October but maybe not. Of course, I keep telling Him that it is up to Him to decide what He wants to do in this aspect. I know He is around and also know that He loves me… My faith is the same but the present circumstances are eating me little by little. I have chosen to explain so much about this health problem with respect to the posting of more blogs so that you can help me with your prayers. Perhaps, the time has arrived for me to retire from worldly and Internet presence and become a recluse like many great Saints gives us as an example to do. I do not mind it. I do know that I have to finish the book with very important medical information and dedicate my days to pray many Rosaries and Chaplets of Mercy for the Church and the world at large and all united to this extreme physical suffering, My joy and peace still are my faithful companions and thanks to the graces I receive from God, graces that I am sure are due in part to your prayers for me. Thank you so much.

 

The last possibility is that my time to leave this world may be near. I have already discussed this possibility with my sons… To the one with whom I live, he has been directed to use any funeral home in the parish bulletin. To the other three, they know that I do not want a funeral. I want my body to be cremated in order to go and live inside a cup and in a niche that I own in the Temple of the Sacred Heart of Jesus in San Jose, Costa Rica, some 10 yards from the Tabernacle!!!!! I have asked for many Masses to be offered in this Temple instead of the funeral Mass. I will be so much fun…for my body to finally rest near His Eucharistic Presence, just as I wanted to be at 6.5 years old. What a delight! And hopefully, with the Masses offered for my soul, I would be doing some short time in purgatory in order to go and rest in His SUPER REAL PRESENCE in heaven…

 

We shall see what will happen to this blog for next month. I will certainly tell you if I would have finished these writings! I know that there are a few mighty Saint’s feasts during October such as St. Therese of Lissieux, St. Francis of Assisi, St. Faustina, St. John XXIII, St. Teresa of Avila, St. Paul of the Cross, St. John Paul II PLUS SEVERAL FEAST DAYS OF OUR MOTHER:

 

Oct. 7 – Our Lady of the Rosary; Oct. 8 – Our Lady of Good Remedy; Oct. 11 – The Motherhood of Mary; Oct. 12 – Our Lady of the Aparecida. There are others like Our Lady of Toledo, Spain on October 25; Our Lady of the Pillar (Nuestra Señora del Pilar)  also on October 12 and Feast of Mary, Wonderful Mother on October 20.

 

And with the help of all of them, I may have a major miracle one way or the other (I did on Oct. 4). Until then, may you have a wonderful month of October. In my side of things, I am offering this suffering for the good of this world. I pray for the presidential elections and all the lies and cover ups of both candidates, and pray as well as for EWTN, to continue growing to keep our eyes opened and in prayer together for the salvation of all souls through the sanctification of the entire Church, while we grow in trust that the Infant Jesus will cover us with His mercy.

 

P.S.: I LEFT MY “LAST WORDS” INTACT although they are repetitious and written at the end of September, in order for you to SEE how my Lord Divine wanted me to focus my messy cross from a different point of view as it happened on October 4. St. Francis was busy praying for me! Now I understand why I am so late with this blog… He wanted me to share with you what He can do to help us… He is too much! In the other hand, I may or not write a blog at the end of this month. If God does not help me to do it without so much difficulty, I will surmise that He wants me to stop them. We shall see. He has the last word. I always think that there are so many talks, opinions, books, TV programs all related to His mercy, that perhaps my words are not that important! Just help me praying to do God’s will and for me to know such will.

 

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