Romans 12: 1-2. I urge you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to offer your body as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, your spiritual worship. Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect.
Romans 12: 9-10; 14; 17-21, Let love be sincere; hate what is evil, hold on to what is good; love one another with mutual affection ; anticipate one another in showing honor. Bless those who persecute you, bless and do not curse them. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. If possible on your part, live at peace with all. Beloved, do not look for revenge but leave room for the wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay says the Lord.” Rather, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head.” Do not be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good.
Romans 13: 8, 10. Owe nothing to anyone, except to love one another; for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. Love does not evil to the neighbor; hence, love is the fulfillment of the law.
There is no doubt that this is a very special time for me to be prepared for the upcoming year of Mercy because strange things are happening and miracles are very evident in my life… You shall see… However, the main topic throughout the month of July seemed to always be how to GROW IN THE LOVE OF MY NEIGHBOR but as Jesus loves them… Why? It is simple: the world as we have it is running a race to destruction: 1) from worldwide famine 2) to weather conditions that are destroying many areas as it is very evident in the United States, 3) to extreme violence where killing human beings is like a sport: you practice it and often.4) Some demonic powers are trying to infiltrate this country (e.g.: ISIS) and we get distracted by all of these events. 5) On July 14, the U.S. Appeals Court ruled against The Little Sisters of the Poor. They must comply with the government’s HHS, forcing them to violate their faith! – 6) July 14: Someone said, “Congress should immediately begin an investigation of Planned Parenthood’s activities regarding the sale and transfer of aborted body parts, including who is obtaining them and what they are being used for. And it should renew efforts to fully defund Planned Parenthood to ensure that its morally bankrupt business receives not one penny of taxpayer money.
All of the above explains why we Christians and Roman Catholics have to do something AND NOW…
The good news: in this month of July, I was able to follow the Holy Father Pope Francis during his visit to three South American countries, and through EWTN/Spanish I heard him and others in my own mother language… The not so good news: President Evo Morales from Bolivia came to remind me of his antics in Marxism as if he forgot that Russia lost power and communism is not a major movement. Atheism therefore is history for the time being and the fight is about God, the God of the Arab world and our Christian God. To make things more interesting, el Chapo Guzmán escaped from his jail in Mexico through a tunnel that he sent to be built about one mile in length… Amazing display of the power of the narco-traffic in the area and unbelievable violence that I have ever seen… He has killed more than 34,000 people and many that we do not know about through the drugs he sent to the U.S.
In the midst of this scenario, the Lord made an emphasis to me in learning how to END THESE DISASTERS of different types. Did you read that? TO END WHAT IT IS GOING ON… After all, only He can do it but I have to ask Him for His mercy BUT from the point of view of MY DEEP LOVE FOR EVO MORALES, EL CHAPO GUZMAN, ISIS, etc, etc. The love for our neighbor together with our love for God (doing His will day in and day out without asking why and how) CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS. This is what Jesus came to show us from Calvary. He did the will of His Father and gave His life in the most horrendous way out of love for us… And yes, this is the kind of love that we can aspire to have if we simply do what HE TELLS US… under the protective intercessory prayer of our Mother in heaven. IT IS SOOOOO SIMPLE…
I understood during this month of July that entering the Year of Mercy without an absolute desire and doing what is necessary to receive the grace of HIS MERCY to love our neighbor as Jesus does, will represent something we do but without being able to stop the violence and destruction among ourselves. HIS MERCY CAN DO IT with us as partners in this endeavor and the times are calling us to jump in and suffer whatever is necessary to receive the grace of loving others…
Otherwise, the Year of Mercy will simply be a lost opportunity to bring His mercy to this earth and exterminate the evil one, save millions of souls and end the present spiritual chaos that is working full time in our different countries and societies. Asking for His mercy but without our obedience to His commands is simply a waste of time! Thousands of people if not millions, join EWTN daily and recite the Chaplet of Mercy. However, the different maladies continue their course untouched by His mercy because we asked for it with hearts full of resentment or even hatred in complete disobedience to His commands! This is the time to wake up before next December 8th and ask Him to give us the grace to love everybody, and I am sure that He will answer this prayer and allow us to do it! Then, and only then, the Year of Mercy will be the most powerful special year ever in the history of our Catholic Church. We will simply have to sit down and watch what He can do in the name of LOVE…
I must tell you that I had no idea how I would put together the blog that would cover so many angles and points of view… I did not know if I would have the health to do it… I almost died… at the beginning of the month… My fourth son and wife from Birmingham, Alabama came to spend the weekend of the 4th of July so that I could meet their baby girl, 10 month old and they brought their 2 year old son as well. They somehow picked up a virus in route here and we had to clean a few clothing items which were full of vomiting material from the babies. They left on July 6th very early morning and I had an appointment with the urologist that same afternoon. By then, I was dying… I had the virus which did not allow me to eat solids for the next 12 days. I missed one Sunday Mass and was ready to go to a hospital for hydration… I never went… It was not in the schedule of God’s will for me.
It was in this time of extreme sickness that I was present to all Live Masses with the Pope in his visit to Ecuador, Bolivia and Paraguay… It was a very calming treatment for me. Even the impending surgery for my bladder sometime at the end of August was not giving me great turmoil. I wrote to my family asking for prayers the following:
Email to family:
July 6. “I have the appointment with the urologist in two hours. Let’s see what he says… If the surgery could be done anytime soon, I rather do it because I cannot go any place without running to different bathrooms. The worse part for me is that it will be super hard to present my case to this urologist from the point of view of the anesthetic. I am a huge risk… Huge! My autonomic system is as crazy as ever and my control of blood pressures is a horror because there is total imbalance and for anesthesia purposes, this is ominous. A good anesthesiologist can handle it but a "not so good" could kill me. Death for me is gain… Yet, I hate to think to be left without memory if I have a general anesthetic and in need of 24/7 care in a nursing home. This type of surgery is minor because it is done with long instruments inserted and used as fingers as the surgeon sees what he is doing through a screen and does require a general anesthetic!!!” (End of quote from email).
By Sunday, July 26, I was not feeling well and wondering how I could write this blog… I was reading the miracles that Baby Jesus also known as the Divino Niño in Colombia had done in the lives of many and written in Spanish. A Salesian priest, Juan del Rizzo, was the one who God used to bring attention to el Divino Niño and Mother Angelica from EWTN, was summoned to Colombia and Baby Jesus spoke to her… Now we have the Shrine of the Blessed Sacrament in Hanceville, AL, but His statue is also there… He helped her to get the funds to bring attention to His Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity through this wonderful Church that I hope one day becomes a Basilica. By chance, I ran into a folder where I had written the stories I had in this little book but translated to English. However, it was incomplete and this led me to look into the three flash drives I had on religious topics. The first two had nothing with the topic of Divine Child Jesus or Divino Niño. The third was impossible to get into my computer… It was then I started wondering why? Knowing Satan as I do, I became suspicious and prayed to His mercy to make it work. Indeed, it went in and yes, there was a document with this name mentioned…
It was then that I had a HUGE MIRACLE IN MY HANDS with this document I had stored… It was written in Christmas 2002 and narrated stories since October 2001. I was in Toledo at the time as Director of a Surgery Center owned by Health South based in Birmingham, AL… It narrated my difficulties there and HOW I was called to love my neighbor as myself… It covered THE EXACT SAME TOPIC THAT I HAD BEING LED TO WRITE FOR THIS July 2015… I wrote it to share with a few religious friends (4 of them) and years before I started writing blogs… At that time, I did not even know what a blog was! After I read this document I realized that I had been prepared in 2001 and 2002 to truly be trained in loving my neighbor in order to suffer and receive the grace to leave this surgery center in 2003 BUT NOT MOVE from Toledo because I had no permission to sell the house! The graces that came with my repentance and several confessions regarding sins against loving my neighbor in its most perfect way, did contribute to my faithfulness to obey the Lord and stay in a home without I having an income to pay for all expenses. There is no doubt that going to confession becomes a huge blessing for our souls…
Five years later, when I received permission from the Lord, the home sold in 4 months (11 other homes in my street were in the market for more than a year…) I came to California in July 2008 and by November 1, I had written my first blog… Of course, those 5 years of suffering that followed the stories in 2001 and 2002, was the rock upon which I was prepared to write blogs to this day… Notice that my love for neighbor and how I practiced it in the surgery center DID PRODUCE THE MIRACLE of my waiting for 5 years to leave Toledo. This is ample proof that yes, loving God and neighbor, IS the power we need to bring His mercy upon the whole world to end all the calamities we face today. If you doubt about it, here is your proof in this story… And I had to leave the surgery center in 2003 (this is not in this document) because Mercy Health System that owned a Catholic hospital in Toledo, bought it from Health South and they refused to pay me my salary: $225,000/year, despite that I had passed this center through a Joint Commission’s review with the best ever percentage in the history of surgery centers in the U.S.A. Notice what God can do… Even with the name of Mercy Health System, they acted poorly and it was necessary for me to start my preparation to come to California to write blogs by becoming stranded in Toledo for long 5 years… AMAZING how God works in our lives.
Well, this document that I found in the flash drive was also destined to be the blog for this month due to my health problems! After all it is the same topic and when I read it, I was amazed at what I wrote… Amazed… There is no doubt that the Holy Spirit had written it. I also remembered that I shared a very small portion of its content in a blog of some 3-4 years ago. Yet, I never did share the full document … And for this Augusts’ blog, since I will be having surgery at the end of August, I will pass a few of the teachings truly received in July 2015 plus the first 2 weeks or so of August. Also, AT THE END of this document from 2001-2002, I will add a story I sent to my daughter-in-law in Birmingham after they left. I thanked them for bringing the two babies and mentioned to her how difficult is to travel with children and told her how I moved my family to Costa Rica in the late 1970’s and how God came to talk to me for the first time in that country… You may like to know more details of how I started hearing the Holy Spirit and it continues to this day.
Here is the document from June 2001 to Christmas 2002 and titled:
What I have learned regarding the Second Commandment
“Love your neighbor as yourself”
(Note: To the few readers of the first draft of this chapter, I must tell you that I have only written the teaching received for my own edification, in order for me to implement the practice of the Second Commandment with a renewed urgent dedication. This chapter will be fashioned to be part of a book in progress, and in the style that will be chosen in the future (novel, biographical or simply written as private revelation). For the moment, I am sharing it with a very few friends to witness to them how my God is calling me to be obedient to His commandments. Always remember that this is private revelation for my soul to grow. I do not intend to pass it on as the Gospel Truth. The book itself will have to be reviewed by a member of the Clergy, someone the Lord will send to do that job prior to publication. At this point, I ask those few readers to pray for this book in progress. I have shown lack of interest in getting it finished, and I feel that it is due to my lack of belief that I merit to write of things privately revealed to me. These are the times when the Church is short in human resources to provide spiritual direction, and some of us would benefit from this service. Please, also pray that I can find the right persons that may be willing to help me. Thank you.)
This past October 2002, I was given an introduction on how to better understand “the practice of the love of neighbor” which has continued until very recently, and I have understood several sides of this commandment, which I never knew well. However, back in June of 2001, I had a lesson from my Mother Mary on the same subject, but directly applied to my daily work in medicine. I want to share with you parts of that message which at the time included excerpts from the Holy Father’s teaching on the Feast of Pentecost of 2001, titled “See Christ’s face in your neighbor”. As you will see, my mother Mary was very clear regarding my attitude towards my brothers and sisters in the practice of my daily present moment!!! Here I will copy for you what I wrote on June 9, 2001. At the time I had been about 10 weeks in my job as Medical Director. We needed to prepare for accreditation by the largest national accrediting body in the US, Joint Commission. Although it was my third encounter with this type of managerial work, the Administrator, Director of Nursing and the whole Nursing staff at that time, had no notion of the process and less how to start it.
June 9, 2001
(My Mother speaking while I was at Church)
“The devil wants to create confusion and division around you in order for you to get distracted and whiny! What you should do is to know his tactics well. He will use circumstances, events and people to harass you with their untenable errors, attitudes, lack of logic and lack of spiritual and mental maturity. Do not listen to their whining. Just forget their claims, fears and comments.
“If their actions force you to do things abbreviated, slightly sloppy in the case of your patients, call the Holy Spirit to establish order, silence, and patience in your heart for the sake of the Kingdom of God, the Kingdom of Love. Call on Him to give you fortitude to suffer this “less than correct” delivery of your care for them. Lastly, call Him to give you perfect peace and POWER to love those who created chaos in your life and as if they were your daughters and sons. After the fact or event, offer it as a sacrifice to the most Holy Trinity."
I then included what I had just read from the Holy Father’s message as follows:
“The Spirit calls us to “direct our thoughts to the future, which lies before us” (Novo Millenio Ineunte, 3), to witness and proclaim Christ, giving thanks “for the ‘marvels’ the Lord worked for us (Ps 89:2).
… the missionary commitment is born of ardent contemplation of Jesus. Contemplation of the face of the Lord leads the disciples to “contemplate” the faces of the men and women of today: the Lord identifies himself in fact with “the least of my brothers” (Mt 25, 40-45). Contemplation of Jesus “the first and greatest evangelizer” transforms us into evangelizers. It makes us aware of his desire to give eternal life to those entrusted to him by the Father (John 17, 2). God wants “all men to be saved and to come to know the truth” (1 Tim 2,4) and Jesus knew that the Father’s will for him was that he should announce the Kingdom of God to other towns: “that is why I was sent” (Lk 4,43).
The call of mission acquires a singular urgency particularly if we look at the part of humanity, which still does not know Christ or recognize Him. I hold impressed on my heart the face of humanity that I have been able to contemplate during my pilgrimages: this is the face of Christ reflected in that of the poor and the suffering; the face of Christ mirrored in those who live like “sheep without a shepherd.”
(Mk 6, 34). Every man and woman has the right to be taught “many things”.
Faced with the evidence of human fragility and insufficiency, the human temptation, for the apostle too, IS TO SEND PEOPLE AWAY. Instead, it is at this very moment that, contemplating the face of the Beloved, each of us must listen again to the words of Jesus: “There is no need for them to disperse. Give them something to eat yourselves” (Mt 14, 16) (Mk 6, 37). In this way we will experience at the same time both human weakness and the Lord’s grace.
Mission is “the joyful proclamation of a gift meant for all and to be offered to all with the greatest respect for the freedom of each one: the gift of the revelation of God who is Love, the God who “so loved the world that he gave his only Son” (John 3,16)… The Church therefore cannot forgo her missionary activity among the peoples of the world. It is the primary task of the missio ad gentes to announce that it is in Christ, “The Way, and the Truth, and the Life” (Jn 14,6), that people find salvation” (Novo Millenio Ineunte, 56).
This is an invitation to all, it is an urgent call that deserves an immediate and generous answer. We must set out! We must set out without delay, like Mary, the Mother of Jesus; like the shepherds, stirred by the first announcement of the Angel. The Risen Christ asks us to meet Him as it were once more in the Upper Room where, on the evening of the “first day of the week” (Jn20,19) he appeared to His disciples in order to “breathe” on them His life-giving Spirit and launch them on the great adventure of proclaiming the Gospel.
Dear Brothers and Sisters! Mission demands prayer and concrete commitment. Many are the needs for a capillary diffusion of the Gospel.
We need to ‘set out’ anew from Christ with the zeal of Pentecost, with renewed enthusiasm. To set out from him, above all, in daily COMMITMENT TO HOLINESS, with an attitude of prayer and listening to his word. To set out from Him in order to testify to his love…
Mary, Mother of the Church, Star of evangelization, accompany us in our journey. Through your intercession may the Lord grant us the gift of perseverance in our missionary duty, which is a matter for the entire Church community.
Joannes Paulus II
June 3, 2001, Solemnity of Pentecost.
(From my Mother Mary again)
“Keep delivering your medical direction with unassuming power even if it looks as a sign of weakness. Do not get frustrated by delays or even planned events to keep you slightly out of the loop of decisions. They are still trying to figure out what they can do without your eye on it and how much they can keep for themselves in the desire to look in command of the process of preparing the center for inspection. As promised on Pentecost Sunday, you and the center are in His hands. Without Him, many will go in circles trying to accomplish tasks with their plans, only to waste time. You just pray and ask for the wisdom to be there for the good of all souls, and remain somewhat uninvolved about the many plans that will arise. The Holy Spirit will give you the light you will need and the words and time and ability to write policies, create plans, say what you ought when you ought to. In my maternal role for all in that suite 101, I will be there overseeing that the power of Satan will not engulf you and crunch the process. Remember always, you are there not to “do” but to “love” the best you can within the human struggles around you. Persevere in getting his truth in the forefront of your actions. The rest of your actions are needed on a human level, but they are inconsequential for the Kingdom of God.
Enter the Center signed with the Cross, in the conscious presence of the Most Holy Trinity and hand in hand with me. Give your lips, mind and heart in prayer to the Holy Spirit before you enter the Center. Satan will try over and over to mount a fight, especially in the little details of the Center, the things that keep re-occurring and that demand extra patience to endure them because they are easy to correct and yet they keep happening. Satan is a maverick at wearing out people’s good will and talents by creating despair and tiredness in the presence of these little peccadilloes, which are repeated over and over with no rhyme or reason or commitment from others to stop them. These are his bullets to especially attack your attention and your patience as well; however, the real problem is that you will start resenting their behavior and this will lead to the closing of your own heart to your brother/sister, and with it, to God the Spirit Who wants to pour His gifts over you: love, patience, understanding, peace, forgiveness, service. The end product of these struggles if left to mere human and demonic forces will create a sense of failure, hardship, but mostly frustration due to the inability to correct the “little” problems that keep re-occurring. If you add the power of God to the same actions, He will bring order but not just in the actions of other people who keep acting without a deliberate change, but also in their hearts. Therefore, totally ignore the day-to-day struggles and concentrate in divorcing yourself from the emotional tide that goes with living with this tug of wars in your midst. Be patient to the whole process of experiencing them and do not despair. Rise yourself over and above them and reach for the face of God to love with His love all the people involved in these wars. It is in this way that God can reign faster over these struggles, simply because Satan cannot stand the power of any human who is obedient to God. In any circumstance, obedience to the two Commandments makes Satan run away immediately, and then the hearts of all involved become vulnerable to the guidance of the Holy Spirit. This is the secret of living in any community (marriage, religious, and work place). You are an agent of God and only your Advocate the Holy Spirit should be reigning in your heart while relating in your community in order to gain the power and wisdom to obey the two commandments of love.
We have much to accomplish! Time is short. Submit to the Holy Spirit as never before and do as you plan: grow in a personal relationship with Him in order to bring about the Incarnation of the Heart of Jesus in your soul, so that your love for God and neighbor can conquer the world and even the devil in all circumstances and most importantly, in the souls of the children of God.” MOM
Needless to say, this was a sobering message and one that was prophetic. Yes, all policies were re-written, the following September the Administrator left us and a genius of a Director of Nursing whom I brought from another hospital came, and yes, we passed the review with a 98% score… At the time I could not see or understand fully what she meant, like I can do now after two months of teaching on the Second Commandment. Let’s see the lesson through a microscopic lens:
- The Holy Father says that we should not send people away, and it is exactly coming from Jesus’ lips when he said the same to his disciples in the occasion of having to feed the 5,000.
- The Holy Father defines missionary activity as the act to reveal God who is Love. Therefore, to be a missionary I must not send people away, there is no need to disperse them but to feed them, revealing to them God Himself, which is feeding them His Love…
- The Lord Himself had commanded us to feed them ourselves, and this underlines the fact that doing so represents strict obedience to His Gospel.
- The Holy Father says that this missionary activity, this feeding of our neighbor is an urgent call, and deserves an immediate and generous answer. He said that we must set out without delay like Our Lady when she went to visit her cousin Elizabeth, and like the Shepherds stirred by the announcement of the Angel. Therefore, we need to ‘set out’ anew from Christ with the zeal of Pentecost, with renewed enthusiasm, above all in daily COMMITMENT TO HOLINESS, with an attitude of prayer and listening to his Word. We must set out from Him in order to testify to His love…
- I also found out from my Mother that this missionary activity was my work in the Center. She was very clear about it. I must feed them love but I cannot give them what I do not have. I must “set out from Him above and in daily commitment to holiness, with an attitude of prayer and listening to His Word”. Obviously, if I listen to His Word, I must obey it… And this obedience to His word would get all demonic forces out of the way. What a plan I had in front of me. The problem then was that Joint Commission was still a reality, and that my Lord chose to start me with the First Commandment which was taught to me in great detail with practical hints, probably to fine tune it in the midst of these tumultuous months. I therefore, immersed myself in a tedious work of accepting every present moment as His precious will for me and embracing His will despite the crosses involved. I learned how to accept, embrace and actually thank God for my crosses, as I kept working diligently in getting the Center ready for inspection. My husband was very sick with cancer since Thanksgiving of 2000, but the trials and tribulations of my dying husband, better equipped me with a practical schooling for the First Commandment, and to a certain point, the Second Commandment was amply obeyed. He passed away on July 22, 2001 with a glorious departure, a Hollywood style death, which showed me that my God was with us beyond the call of duty.
The year 2002 arrived and graces exploded in my life: The visit to the Holy Father in Rome and the largest Basilica in the world, St. Peter’s; our passing the famous accreditation with so much success and my visit to the second largest Basilica in the world, Our Lady of Guadalupe, only to break a record in my life of having being in the two largest Basilicas in a matter of months…But nothing compares this year to my falling in love with my Lord Jesus as I did for a few months in 1992. It started in early September, 2002, and now I see that it was a preparation to enter into the mystery of the practice of the Second Commandment. I call it a mystery because I have learned so much up to these days just before Emmanuel comes again at Christmas. Here I will paste the writings from my diary for this particular week of October that will relate to you some stories.
Week of October 21-25, 2002
For the last two months I have felt madly in love with Jesus, my Master. Only once before I had lived this experience. It was in 1992 while in Phoenix and at the time when I went to Mexico to consecrate myself to Santa Maria de Guadalupe (Nov. 1). Today, I realized that I am at the same point this time, just before I go to visit her. The experience is brutally touching. I smile all the time whether I drive the car or give anesthesia or watch TV. I feel profoundly loved, cared for, protected. I feel I belong to my husband Jesus like if He was a human husband. He is always smiling at me (in my mind), always seeking ways to make me happy or make my work easy or just hug me tight for the sake of our mutual love. There is much joy and fulfillment in my heart; there is much contentment, satisfaction, ecstasy, and a fuzzy feeling for belonging to Him and only to Him. At times I want to scream and say that I am in love…with Him, the Nazarene, the man of my life and the God of my soul, but I would look like a total maniac. Very often, I find myself telling Him, “Te amo, te adoro mi amor” (I love you, I adore you my Love). Why in Spanish? I have no idea. Today as I was driving, I thanked Him for this gift, even knowing very well that it will disappear very soon, as it did in 1992. Within this frame of fuzzy feelings, the following happened this week.
Friday Oct. 25. Holy Hour before Mass: I was saying the fifth day of the Biblical Novena to the Child Jesus: the visit of the Magi. He said, “Bring me the gifts of the Magi:
“Gold = by adoring my will all day (I understood with the Hail Mary as done before and by practicing the Second Commandment) as best as you can.”
“Frankincense = the incense that constantly ascends to Heaven through living in My Presence as you say the Hail Mary as mentioned above”.
“Myrrh = constantly preparing for death through the continuous effort of changing your heart and soul to become My Image. As you bring your gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh, I will supply what you need as never before. Your trip to Mexico will be your consecration to the call to love.”
I then realized then that my trip to Mexico was to love: priests, babies and elders (praying much for a vote for pro-life members of Congress to win in order to approve new pro-life Judges for the Supreme Court as desired by President Bush No. 2 and for the US Priesthood).
Today I found a medal of St. Therese in the floor of my car and I remembered that her vocation was to love, save souls and to pray for priests!!!
Trip to Mexico City
I arrived in Mexico on Sunday November 3, 2002. The trip was full of perfect timing and a direct trip from Detroit to Mexico went without problems. A taxi car driver (I had prayed to end up with the right man since you can be robed by some of them) was adorable. He found the convent of the Missionaries of Guadalupe of Christ the King without any problem. These Benedictine Nuns do not wear a habit but were very joyful. The Order was founded in the midst of the persecution of the Catholic Church in Mexico (1930). They have several convents in Mexico, Guatemala, Honduras and one in Kansas (not active in the sense of work because the nuns are elders and retired). The motherhouse of the Order is where I was. They have a total of 219 nuns and 30 + are at this mother house, 3 blocks from the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe.
I arrived at 2 PM and I was informed that there were Masses still going on at the Basilica. They have Masses every hour on the hour, every day of the year, starting at 6 AM and the last one is at 8 PM… I went to 4 PM Mass celebrated in Nahuatl, the same language that St. Juan Diego spoke with Our Lady. I cried when I saw my Mother again. I know she is there, very present today as she was in 1531 for St Juan Diego. I came back from my short walk to Mass and prayed Vespers with the Nuns. Then we ate supper and went to bed tired, but full of God. What a day!!! They assigned me to what they call, the “Bishop’s room”, a large room with a private bathroom! It was next to the Chapel in the second floor.
I said to my Beloved, “I did not know that I had to come to Mexico to sleep next to You”. I felt so good…My Father wanted to chat for a few minutes. I was tired but I realized I was about to learn so much more. He asked to check a particular page of the Old Testament. It turned out to be Leviticus chapter 24:3-4. “The Lord said to Moses ‘Order the Israelites to bring you clear oil of crushed olives for the light, so that you may keep lamps burning, regularly. In the meeting tent, outside the veil that hangs in front of the commandments, Aaron shall set up the lamps to burn before the Lord regularly, from evening till morning. Thus, by a perpetual statue for you and your descendants, the lamps shall be set up on the pure gold lamp stand, to burn regularly before the Lord.’” He then explained to me the meaning.
He said, “You are a meeting tent and the light of your love, burns before Me day and night. In the New Covenant, instead of one tent with My Presence, My Son came to prepare many tents in each of His followers through the Baptism of water and the Holy Spirit. Look what you are doing here, you are burning with zeal and love for Me because you are praying for your brothers and sisters. Keep this light of love in your tent burning regularly before Me. However, when you do not love, you are at fault with the statue that I gave Moses!” I realized right then that the reason for this trip was to practice the Second Commandment and it explained why I had been told that this trip to Mexico would be my consecration to the call to love! This is the reason why I will continue sharing some details of this trip. My Father completed his tender message by saying, “The gift you will receive from this visit to your Mother is to become a lamp of love to burn regularly in front of Me.”
On Monday November 4, 2002, I had breakfast with the Nuns and the Superior took me to a Cyber Café in order to E-mail my sons. I attended 10 AM Mass. The priest spoke of pro-life issues. He said that Our Lady was a young pregnant woman with a child that was not her husband’s; with a son that would submit her to intense suffering and eventually would make her the mother of His executioners… She should have thought of getting rid of this baby! But on the contrary, she dedicated herself to encourage Him to finish His sacrifice for us sinners. I found that I had never thought of my Mother on those terms. With this Mass I asked for forgiveness for sins and mercy for all priests, but especially for those in the US. This day, being the feast of St. Charles Borromeo, became one for delivering love to my Priests, those I know and those that I will never meet (most of them).
At the 11 AM Mass I prayed for Priests in general, Bishops, Seminarians, for their well being, their holiness, and for the Gifts and Fruits of the Holy Spirit, in order for them to endure the present times in the US Church, especially.
I went at 11:50 AM looking for something to eat, when I saw the old Basilica with great activity (the sinking Basilica founded in the 1700’s). It had been closed for years, including in 1992 when I visited Tepeyac. The base of this sanctuary was reinforced and now it is opened and converted into the Chapel of Christ the King with the Blessed Sacrament exposed all day. At 12 Noon I participated in a glorious Prayer of the Trisagium (very common in Latin America, a prayer to the Triune God).I finished a Holy Hour for Priests and at 2 PM I attended my third Mass of the day. I consecrated all US Priests, during this un-bloody Sacrifice of the Lamb of God, to our Mother of Guadalupe, after my 33 days preparation in the US for this consecration. At the end of this Mass I said the actual consecration prayer to Our Lady. This last Mass was awesome. The young priest who was the concelebrant appeared very full of God. At the end of Mass, he asked for applause for the Most Holy Trinity. Then, 3 times he screamed: “Viva la Virgen de Guadalupe” (long live the Virgin of Guadalupe) and we all screamed back the same. Then he yelled, “Viva Cristo Rey (long live Christ the King!). We all yelled back the same. Finally, he yelled 3 times, “Viva Mexico” (long live Mexico). We yelled back the same. By then, I was more Mexican than ever… I must add that the main church was almost filled up for every hour on the hour Masses, from 6 AM to 8 PM. Is this a phenomenon or not? Is this a real site where she is? Of course! One could not understand it unless supernatural powers are at work!
Tuesday, November 5, 2002 was Election Day in the US. I left the motherhouse without breakfast in order to be at 8 AM Mass since the polls had opened already in the East (US – 9AM EST). A Mexico-American priest from Texas celebrated this Mass and it was for the US elections… In his homily he talked about the challenge we have to live the mystery of God. Our faith has to be one of witness as well, he said. He added that we have to take seriously our baptismal covenant, to be faithful to this Sacrament by living the Gospel of Jesus Christ in family life and in our jobs. At this Mass I asked for forgiveness for all the fetuses we have executed in the US by abortion on demand, and for all the cases of euthanasia. I placed all of us as the executioners, since many of us have not personally participated in these killings but we have participated by omission, by not having devised a spiritual warfare tactic to end this practice in this country.
At 8:30 AM we said “matins?” with 8 bishops, 7 priests, 7 cantors and 25 children choir, ages 7-10. They started by singing the Salve Regina. I did not know if I was in heaven and on earth or what part of this planet for that matter! The same group of clerics concelebrated the 9 AM Mass. The main topic of the homily was to have an encounter with Christ in His Word and His Body in such a way, that we become contagious with a vibrant faith that comes out of every pore of our bodies. We should never make excuses for not doing it. I prayed for all US voters, to choose life.
10 AM Mass: The celebration started with a song that is very popular in Mexico that says that “A beautiful morning from Heaven, the Guadalupana came to Tepeyac”. The Priest started by saying: “Good Morning dear white dove: we come today to salute your beauty in your celestial kingdom”. The homily was very interesting. The gospel was about the banquet that this King had for his friends. "In those days there was no refrigeration, and Jesus knew that, and therefore it was logical for Him to add that the King had sent for several groups of people to come instead (the blind, the poor, etc.) But there was still a lot of food left and he sent for more guests to the highways and byways. The Jews failed to go to the banquet since they were the first invited guests. Then the sinners and the sick were invited and they came". Then the homilist added, "Muslims tried to convert many in Europe by force and the Spaniards tried to force the Indians to believe in Jesus, but love cannot be imposed,” he said… “So, Our Lord sent His own Mother to Tepeyac. The Aztec Indians did not believe in many gods. They had several gods but they thought they represented only aspects of one god. They had great affection for mothers. The fathers were always working and fighting to protect the families, and therefore, the mother would govern each household. Our Lady was then accepted as the Mother of the one God with simplicity. Mexico became like the table of a banquet where we invite others to come and eat. But we are not doing that any more. We have renounced to our vocation of love, of being a banquet for other nations. We lost the way with crime and thefts and social injustice for many”.
I asked for the Mercy of God to be poured over all voters, pro life or pro choice.
I asked for His Mercy for all of us in the US, for mercy to attend his banquet, His Eucharist. I consecrated the US to Our Mother.
11 AM Mass: The choir was singing : “Desde el cielo una hermosa mañana, desde el cielo una hermosa mañana, la Guadalupana bajo al Tepeyac” (From heaven a beautiful morning, the Virgin of Guadalupe came to Tepeyac). This Mass was offered for all my friends and family.
I wanted to stay for the 12 Noon Mass in order to offer it up for my sons, but my Mother sent me home (Convent). I was tired of course, and she knew it. So I went behind the main altar to walk back and forth over these moving conveyor belts that pass under her and I said good-bye. I cried very much. I was not going to come back any more that day and I knew that it was the end of my visit. I love her so much that leaving her company was very difficult!
I rested all afternoon and in the evening, without prior firm plans, the Nuns had arranged their schedule to hear a conference on naturopathic topics. I had already taken their blood pressures and looked into their Calcium levels by measuring the pH of their saliva. I was very rested (thanks to my Mother) and for 2.5 hours I enlightened these sisters of mine on every possible topic of use for their health. I left Mexico the following morning and arrived in Birmingham, Alabama (EWTN headquarters) by 3 PM.
On Thursday November 7, 2002, I drove to Hanceville, to the Shrine of the Blessed Sacrament.
My first confession regarding the Second Commandment
As I sat all afternoon in front of the exposed Eucharistic Jesus, He started bringing aspects of my life where the Second Commandment was not exalted as I should have.
He dictated the following sins:
1) For the many years to the present time when I did not engage in trying (at least) to love my brother/sister.
2) For the many years to the present time that I did not see in my brother/sister, the countenance of Jesus Himself.
3) For the times lost in distraction that made me ignore the truths of the Gospel, especially the practice of the Second Commandment.
4) For the times spent in finding faults in my brother/sister.
5) For all the opportunities given to me and that were missed, to love my brother/sister.
6) For my lack of people hood, for trying to stay away from others. For my attachment to my solitude, to my inner life!
7) For undressing the character of my brother/sister by being participant in conversations regarding their faults.
8) For lacking understanding that I am my brother’s keeper.
9) For spending little time to find the good in my enemies or people that I resent or do not like.
10) For the undeserved crosses that I created in my brother/sister’s life because of my attitude towards them or my lack of understanding of their needs.
11) For the tepid ways that I responded to their love for me.
12) For not understanding that I have to leave everything else and pursuit the salvation of the sheep that are lost.
I did a summary of this long list and I was able to celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation right at the Shrine with Fr. Joseph.
Friday, November 8, 2002. I spent it in prayer and thanksgiving. However, my Lord gave me a plan of action to work on my love for neighbor.
· Plan the battle of how you will change your ways.
· Pray for them daily (those that I still resent)
· Pardon them (those that I still resent)
· Persevere in practicing love of neighbor
· Patience will be required for this journey of love
· Presume that each brother/sister is Me, your God.
· Practice to love always, in everything and regardless of how you feel.
· Pray daily for yourself to do above.
My trip was over and I came back to Toledo on November 10. On November 11 initiated a new week of work at the Center and demonic forces were moving to divide, confuse, lie, accuse and give fear. A storm of innuendos started mid week and by Friday, five short days after my arrival from praying a storm, I was made aware of a major battle with the administrator.
On Thursday November 14, 2002, and not knowing anything yet about the storm that would arrive on Friday, I was able to go to 8 A Mass since cases were later in the morning. Before I left the house, My Beloved Jesus asked me to consecrate myself to Him during the Mass, but to Him in the person of my brother/sister. He wanted me to be present and love Him within my brother/sister. I felt He was taking me one step further into the mystery of the Second Commandment. As I was getting ready, the 6 AM EWTN Spanish program was all on loving our neighbor. I sat down to cry, as I felt called to look at this mystery with different eyes. Then my Beloved said, “Let’s love them together: to encourage them, to be patient to them, to give all that we have to them, most especially our love in the right dose that their souls need. The sign that this is a covenant between you and Me, our union of love, yours and Mine for your brother/sister, will be the liberation today of Bishop Jimenez in Colombia." (Indeed, this Bishop was miraculously rescued by the police that day).
At 6:30 AM, my Mother continued the teaching and she said, “Evangelization starts with love and ends with love. In the middle we have Calvary, but the fruits of this kind of love are the best to present to the Divine Child Jesus, my Son.”
6: 35 AM. My beloved Divine Child Jesus said, “I have loved you from the very first cell that you were in the womb of your mother. I love you. I will be with you. Bear what you have to bear for my sake. I love you. I will be with you in everything. Let’s go and evangelize. Do things that you do not want to do giving yourself to all, especially My “presence”, our “healing presence,” yours with Mine. I love you and thank you ahead for the fruits of our love.” I went to Mass and at the Sacrifice of the Lamb in an un-bloody manner, I consecrated myself to my Beloved Jesus in my brother/sister.
That day I noticed several people being slightly nasty to me…
The following day, Friday, I had a huge fight with the administrator. She had invented a horrible lie and proceeded to act on this premise with some surgeons without my knowledge. She just happened to let me know about it that afternoon. I now see how I had been prepared the previous day for that moment.
On Saturday and before Mass at the Eucharistic Chapel, my Lord said, “Pay attention to your heart. You are resenting KM. Go and offer the Mass to My Mother for her to intercede to My Father for your liberation of all resentment, not only for KM, but for all your resentment until the present moment. I love you so much. I need you. Many try to explain the process of believing in the Gospel. You will describe in your book how you do not need any understanding or rational of why you should believe in Me. What they forget is that the least you rationalize your beliefs and enter instead into the mystery of My love for you, that much more my Holy Spirit will bring you to His fruits of wisdom and knowledge. In other words, you can acquire knowledge of the pilgrimage to the Father’s house in two ways:
1) By reading, talking and understanding this journey at a human level.
2) By immersing yourself in My ocean of love and mercy. Therefore, this is the best and the most desired plan for all of you. Love begets love. It is heart to heart language. The problem is that if you use your mind and reasoning, you can develop pride, but even without it you can develop a habit of seeking and not giving yourself to this life of our mutual love where love begets more love. Publish that. The door is narrow in this second plan, but the fruits are out of this world.”
I returned to Chapel that Saturday afternoon for a Holy Hour. I said three Rosaries for KM and for myself to love her despite the problem. After prayer, my Lord sent to me read a few pages from St. Paul of the Cross book. They clarified the present moment. Because of the legal implications of things said by the administrator, I was clear that I had to present my resignation the following Tuesday at the Medical Executive Committee Meeting.
Fr. Kelly Bennet, CP, the author of the book quotes St. Paul of the Cross and explains his teaching. The chapter is called “Mystical Death” and St. Paul wrote: “Attend to total abandonment to the divine great pleasure and a true detachment from all that is created. From this you will build a great palace of perfection, or to put it in a better way, God will build in you with your cooperation, and there He will take His delight.” Fr. Kelly adds, “To reach such inner peace and joy we must be willing to experience this death. The soul must die (like a grain sowed in a great field) in sufferings, contradictions, sorrows, persecutions and so forth. When it is dead to all, in the midst of these pains, it bears abundant fruit. The fruits he refers to are chiefly the virtues, as we have seen before. These virtues include love of others. Loving in a detached way means loving without seeking one’s own satisfaction in the love, but rather the good of the one who is loved. The Holy Spirit has to detach us from dependence on this self-satisfaction in others so that we will love with a love that is sheer giving, as Jesus loves, and not with a hook that seeks something back for self. This is true mystical death. This does not mean that we always give and never receive. We need to receive, to be loved. But do not have to maneuver or manipulate others to get this love. We have to trust that God knows our love-needs and will move others to love us freely. He might not always give it through the ones from whom we would prefer to receive it, but the love will come from somewhere, sometimes from most unexpected sources.”
I finished this precious time with my Lord with the knowledge that I did not have to have the satisfaction of how I would resolve the problem the following week because knowing what to do would give me pleasure. I only had to know that He was in charge and that I had to terminate any resentment against the Administrator.
Monday, November 18, 2002 came around and this e-mail sent to one of my sons, clearly explains what happened with words written at the time.
My son: yesterday I left you with the idea that I had in my hands a tremendous problem with the administrator. I have been growing in the practice of the second commandment big time. I think I told you that I was given a 5 minute lecture from the Lord on how "love begets love" (Saturday morning before Mass). I prayed 4 Rosaries last Sat. for the gift of loving KM in her stupidity, as Jesus loves her regardless of her sins. The Medical Executive Committee meeting tomorrow at 5 PM was going to be decisive and I could not get answers from the Lord regarding if I should resign as I mentioned to you. This morning, when I arrived at 6:45 AM, Kelly was there already (not common for her to do… to arrive so early). She came to my office as I arrived and dropped my purse before going to see patients, etc. She apologized and said she was possessed by the Devil when she attacked me the previous Friday and with all she had done prior to Friday, trying to have surgeons do cases with nurse anesthetists without my supervision, although she thought it was lawful, etc., etc. She confessed that she had prayed all weekend. The real miracle was not her change of heart, but mine. I had asked to love her and I did. Normally, I would have been stiff and accept apologies, but instead, I told her how I had prayed all weekend to love the Christ within her and that I knew it was not her fault completely, but the action of the Devil using her against me. At that moment, all the teaching of "love begets love" was amply consummated... I went and changed into scrubs and the Lord asked me to seek her and give her a hug. I went to her office (although I was running late) and I told her that I wanted to hug her. She got up of her chair in her office and ended up in my arms and I prayed loud for her… The rest of the day we talked about some matters of the surgery center and she asked to name the dates to meet regularly (something that I have been seeking for more than a year). We both had this feeling of freedom, the freedom of not tying the other up with resentment or anger.
This is the triumphant teaching of Our Lord Jesus put into action because of His grace. As you can surmise, I do not have to make a decision of leaving as yet. It will be in the time of my Lord, whenever. (End of email)
Tuesday, November 19, 2002. Holy Hour.
My Beloved said, “Prayer will be answered always, but how and how fast will depend on your state of conversion. If you are totally dedicated to obey the commandments (most especially the two I recommended), you can instantly get what you desire provided it is good (the will of God for you). But if you are not totally dedicated to the two commandments, answer to your prayer may stop your growth and may slow progress in your spiritual life. In the justice of God, it cannot be answered ASAP, or the way you want it! Your daily concern should be to love (God and neighbor). Anything else is secondary. This self denial that is required to obey these two commandments are a power house in itself, a great sacrifice to the Father, an ongoing sacrifice to the Father, an ongoing Calvary in an un-bloody manner… It is like a Mass, as you become one with the Lamb of God at the altar. It is then that you will have found salvation. Your Jesus.”
I then realized that my first thought should be not what brother/sister did to me but, how I can love him or her as myself, for the Glory of God and for His pleasure!!!
The Medical Executive Committee Meeting happened as scheduled and there was no mention of what KM had threatened to bring about…
Tuesday, Nov. 22, 2002. I had to give a general anesthetic for 6 hours to a 67 y/o male and retired pharmacist (not a dummy), with a coronary stent placed in 1999, obese (275 lbs.), with diagnosis of sleep apnea and high blood pressure. Sleep apnea is a very serious disease when associated with an anesthetic… He was to have plastic cosmetic surgery to look better!!! Surgery consisted of a face-lift with plastic repair of upper and lower eyelids, plus liposuction of face and a very fat short neck.
Before the case, I went to Communion Service as I usually do, and after I received my Lord, He surprised me by saying, “Kiss Me all day today”. I said, “What? How? A kiss?” He answered, “Kiss Me by adoring My will for you at the moment you do it.” I immediately thought He was right on cue. Of course, I was revolted with the thought of the case I was going to do, and He wanted me to embrace His will at a moment that could bring me great blessings and save many souls. I understood this adoration had to be heartfelt, not just lip service. I thought it was going to be awesome to make Him happy all day. He added, “And also, pray often a Hail Mary to honor my Mother and to thank her for all the things she is obtaining for you through her mediation”. I also felt it was a great idea. As I drove to the Center, I had a great idea myself. I was going to combine both and say, “Hail Mary, full of grace…. and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus, whose will I adore. Holy Mary, Mother of God, etc.”
I did it all through the case and it was so powerful, that tears would appear in my eyes, only to disappear under the surgical mask. Of course, my joy and fuzzy feeling for my Beloved was present as well.
Wednesday, November 23, 2002: the Center had no cases for general anesthesia. I went to Mass and later to work in the office in different projects. I became mad at certain things, the same things going on since I arrived: disorganization, lack of vision, mistakes that are not horrible but that are costing us dollars and cases… They are the same mistakes and the their repetition is what makes me crazy. To err is human but to repeat an error is stupid (my philosophy).
Teaching on love of neighbor begins for the year 2002!
Thurs. Nov. 24, 2002: 6:15 AM as I was finishing getting ready to go to work (leaving Mass for later, 5:30 PM at St. Pius X), my Lord started talking again and I had to sit down and take notes (I try to do that because I can never remember in detail these conversations later on). “For a kiss to be a kiss, remember to adore My will in the present moment, but My will for you is also to practice the commandments. The First you are trying to fulfill. The Second you are far away from. Practice to love everyone…You are working at the Center not because you are there to accomplish anything, but to love. I could have given you money in a different way. You are not there to get mad at the errors that others make. You are not there to make the Center successful. That is my job. Your job is to love and it is your full time job. To complete the fulfillment of the First Commandment you must obey the rest. Send kisses of love to Cincinnati (where one of our HealthSouth supervisors is) and to Birmingham, AL, (HealthSouth Head-quarters). If you cannot love, ask for My help.”
I had several cases and two nurse anesthetists. I also had plenty a reason to get mad because of administrative issues, but I made an effort not to get involved in those issues. After all, I wanted to make my Beloved, very happy! That was my job, to be at His feet loving Him and adoring His will for me that day, and not becoming a Martha, full of agendas and madness because others do not do what I believe they should do. It was interesting that I was able to talk to the Administrator and get through… It was like if I kept doing my job, my God would do His, and help my communication with others… What a lesson I thought!
My second Confession regarding the Second Commandment.
After this week of revelations on how important it was to love my neighbor, I was called to make a list of all the people that my conscious mind would identify as persons against whom I held a grudge, even if it was minimal. Armed with my list of seventy human beings…, I went to the confessional to ask my Lord for his pardon due to all this resentment. I knew I had pardoned them in general because I went through every name and I was accepting to give my life for each of them, if the Lord asked for it in order to save them (those who are alive of course!). Yet, in some form or another, I had no desire to be close to them, or if I had to be in association with them, I would have treated them with coldness of heart. It they were dead, I did not have fun memories of them, all of it based on my resentment. After this Sacrament, I started a campaign of prayer for myself to get the grace to stop all resentment. The Sacrament was not complete with my repentance and desire of amendment, until I figured out a way to totally cease resenting… Obviously, I realized I needed supernatural power to do so.
My third confession regarding the Second Commandment
Saturday, November 23, 2002, as I prepared for 8 AM Mass, my Jesus came to bring more questions about my practice of the Second commandment. I had just tuned to the one hour Spanish program in EWTN and a priest had spoken about how our Lord gave us a mother at the foot of his Cross and how Our Lady received us as her children. The idea was that we are our brother/sister keeper. He established a family at this moment. My Beloved then inquired of me the following,
1) “You are your brother’s keeper. Are you truly? Do you feel you are? (“Of course not”, I said. “No, I hardly remember ever that I am my brother’s keeper and less act as one”)
2) Do you love your neighbor as you love your own flesh and blood (sons)?
3) Do you worry about them? Do you care for them with predilection?
4) Do you lose your sleep when your brother/sister is suffering?
5) Do you have a genuine interest in their affairs and well being?
6) Do you make an effort to plan how to spiritually rescue them?
7) Do you really love them and sacrifice time that you do not have to help them or pray for them?
“If you are not there, repent, my precious child. Change your ways and do it to glorify My Father and for My happiness. Many will give their neighbor food and shelter with a passing superficial love service, but they do not love them all the time, especially in their spiritual nakedness. That is the reason why there is no peace among you. The majority of this service and love for the poor has as the force behind, the desire of self-satisfaction. To love requires pain, sacrifice. Love, without the sacrifice of the Cross, without the suffering of self denial, it is not love. Generous and kind love without sacrifice is very good, but it is human, not divine. Repent today from your sin of omission for the lack of love for your brothers, and for your sin of commission: loving yourself and your family so much that you have not learned how to live and love the family of God.
“How much and as much as you love (keeping the 2 most important commandments), always passing through the narrow gate, that much you will receive the Trinitarian justice. That means that you will receive Our Mercy and you can become a conduit of Our Mercy for your brother and sister. Make a plan of action to overcome your sin.”
At the 8 AM Mass I repented for my sin of omission and commission and I officially consecrated myself as my brother/sister’s keeper, and I asked for the graces needed for such job. After Mass I was sent to read 1Cor 9, where St. Paul talks about preaching the Gospel willingly or unwillingly, and how the recompense is different. I made certain that I willingly consecrated myself as my neighbor’s keeper, as I was able to enter deeper into the mystery of the love for my brother/sister. At that moment of the Mass, how I wished I had known these truths in depth, but years ago. I thank Him for this knowledge, since He had asked in the morning to do so. After Communion, He spoke of the plan for me to receive daily the grace to perfectly execute the two commandments. He also taught me how to pray always for the salvation of my neighbor. The following Thursday was going to be Thanksgiving Day, and I understood how precious it would be to THANK God for such a gift of understanding these matters.
Needless to say, I ended up at the confessional that same Saturday afternoon and made a Holy Hour in thanksgiving. My Lord wanted me to come back to 7 PM Saturday Mass for Sunday, Feast of Christ the King, a very strange request, especially being the Feast Day for my Parish. I complied. At the end of this Saturday, with two Masses, two Holy Hours, two Communions and the Sacrament of Reconciliation, all in 12 hours, it seemed like heaven wanted to equip me for something.
How my resentment affects my neighbor
Sunday I used for multiple chores left behind. At 11:30 AM, my Lord summoned me to my home corner chapel and started another major teaching.
“As you were reading your diary pages a moment ago, you started resenting KM all over again, and this and the other nurse, etc… No, forgive them because they did not know what they were doing! Repent and amend your ways by not allowing to rehash any bitterness against them because you make them sin against you all over again. As you re-live their sin in your mind and you resent, this resentment ascends to Me as if they were sinning all over against you. You make them, sort of speak, repeat their sin against you which in turn augment their spiritual chains for having failed to love you and for having broken their much needed obedience to the Second Commandment. To remember their sin once or twice after it happens is human on your part. Beyond that, it converts it into a spiritual revenge against them!!! It is equivalent to force them to commit the same sin over and over against you. Wake up to this reality. Go back to work and instead of treating them coldly, love Me in them, for love begets love. Revenge even through attitudes quietly delivered, will persecute them spiritually and they cannot love you back… Only your love, (being the offended party) can break the chains of this sin! Why do you explore their sin over and over? Take a look at them, all five of them: I made them in my image. I love them despite everything they have done to you. You do the same. I will give you the grace!”
I understood why heaven wanted me to be swimming in grace for 12 hours on Saturday, to prepare my heart to be open to hear the truth of what resentment can do to my neighbor. I trembled and felt sick…
With EWTN Mass audience on this regal feast of my King, I consecrated myself in a profound way to Him in a new magical way.
Lord Jesus, Redeemer of the world, we are yours and only yours, and we bind ourselves to you even more closely. We kneel before you today and offer ourselves to your Most Sacred Heart
Praise to You, our Savior and our King.
Have mercy on all who have never known you and on all who reject you and refuse to obey you. Gentle Lord, draw them to yourself.
Praise to You, our Savior and our King.
Reign over the faithful that have never left You. Reign over those who squandered their inheritance, the prodigal children who now are starving. Bring them back to their Father’s house.
Praise to You, our Savior and our King.
Reign over those who are misled by error or divided by discord. Hasten the day when we shall be one in faith and truth, one flock with You, the one Shepherd.
Praise to You, our Savior and our King.
Give to your Church freedom and peace, and to all nations, justice and order. May the earth resound from pole to pole with a single cry, “Praise to the Divine Heart. Glory and honor be to Him forever and ever.
Praise to You, our Savior and our King.
As I did this consecration kneeling next to my bed, I realized how much I wanted to consecrate my all to my King. I felt the liberation of the prodigal son, coming home to my Master with a new agenda and ready to willingly put it into action! All this time I have been preparing (33 days) to consecrate the list of people I resent, to my Mother on the feast of her Immaculate Conception.
I arrived very early to Mass. I was led to a page of the book on St. Paul of the Cross and it was empty… He asked me to write on it! “This page is empty for you. There is nothing new to learn today, except to know that you are in route doing all the things necessary to empty yourself for our mystical union. You are thinking that our present levels of intimacy will dissipate soon. Well, it is the real thing and it is the product of your emptying and My filling you up with My love. I will bless you today for your thankful heart and for the next body of work for the Kingdom”.
When I came home, I realized I had been healed from resentments for many people, especially family members. I found myself writing a long e-mail to my four sons with stories for which I was deeply thankful to their father and to God, and I could feel the healing hand of God in all I wrote for our family of five.
Monday, December 2, 2002.
I went to Communion Service and said a Rosary in front of the Blessed Sacrament before departing to start an 8 AM case. Mother Angelica’s Nuns in Hanceville, AL, were praying for me all day for some money I sent. I kept bringing with the incense of their prayer, my soul to the Lord all through the case. At 10:20 AM as I sat looking at the computer monitor and gadgets in the delivery of this general anesthetic, the Holy Spirit visited and said, “Love all. See your Lord Jesus Christ in them all the time. Their sin, hide from your eyes.” He had caught me in my moments of despair, listening to music that I detest, hearing superficial mundane conversations that I hate, as I passed judgment on them for submitting me to this torture!…
Tuesday, December, 3, 2002. I spent all day in surgery. I could not even go to Communion Service and I finished too late for 5:30 PM Mass at St. Pius X Church. Rosaries were said while giving anesthetics and in general I was peaceful because they played glorious quiet Christmas music, but I was so thirsty for the Body of Jesus.
Wednesday Dec. 4, 2002. I went to Communion Service. I had a 5 hour case and the surgeon was a little difficult. I said four Rosaries and the last one, my Lord wanted me to pray to bind all demonic activity in this surgeon who is a wonderful person in general. It sure worked like a charm. He became a lamb and we finished the case with great peace and joy! However, I tried to love people and I felt emotionally stiff… In the evening I attended our weekly Advent Service. After I came home, I knelt to tell my Beloved King how terribly in love I was with Him. He gently came to remind me of something of great importance, “Our love can only grow in the fire of obedience to the Gospel. Therefore, do not forget to love everyone at work. You must not only love Me, but love your brother and sister and have faith in Me but without any fear (trust). I also love you very much. You are my precious little star who takes me to my other children. Continue doing it. Your love consoles Me.”
Monday December 9, 2002. I officially consecrated all the people that I have consciously resented to the Immaculate Heart of Mary.
The endless circle of Love
Tuesday, December 10. I was able to attend Communion Service and to stay for about 45 minutes in adoration of the Eucharistic Jesus. I could not find my wrist watch in my purse no matter how hard I tried, and I had to make two trips to the confessional to check the hour… When I was saying good-bye to Him, He wanted to say a few words. He said, “Remember that the center of true repentance is to acknowledge, own (sort of speak), repent and amend any and all sins against your primary occupation: to love… I did not want you to have the watch so that you would forget about time. Time is for men to switch from one occupation to another: eating, working, playing, sleeping. In my Kingdom, there is only one occupation: to love eternally, timelessly. You do the same: love all the time. Now, open your hands and your heart to receive My love so that you can give it to others.”
I did it and felt happy to receive it…But in my clumsiness I said, “Fill me up Lord now and every time that I am low with your love, so that I am always ready to give your love to my brother/sister.” “No”, he said, “It does not work that way. You are not a receptacle that needs to be filled up from time to time. You are only a vehicle of My love. It is like hemoglobin that carries oxygen to your human body. I give you My love and you give it away to others. Then, it will come back to Me and I will give it back to you to give it away once more in an endless circle of love. It comes back to Me, not because of your neighbor who received it sends it back, but because of your obedience to the Gospel. This is why you must LOVE all the time so that you do not stop the flow. Whenever you resent, whenever you look at your brother/sister with coldness or indifference, you stop the flow. Because this love of mine is for them, it cannot leave your heart but you cannot use it because it was not meant for you. I cannot fill you up because you are already full. I suffer when you do not pass my love in this timeless wave of giving and receiving.” I freaked out and left in pain for not having listened to Him earlier, when He probably tried to tell me the same, but I was too busy with self indulgences, self satisfactions and self love… (My wrist watch appeared in my purse as if by magic!)
Fourth confession regarding the Second Commandment
I am living the most extraordinary time as I am receiving His love through people everywhere! At times I do not know what to do with so much love from people in supermarkets, surgeons, most nurses (reversal of situation…), and I can actually feel Him constantly kissing me through them. Yet, when I dislike someone, I still pull away. In my parish community, I truly have no interest in them knowing about this stormy loving relationship, at least not in words, but in the way I should be seeking them to love them… My Communion Service crowd kind of knows me but I do not know any names nor do I care about their names. I smile to them if they smile to me, and I run away without actually trying to make any eye contact with anybody. I could spend the rest of my life doing the same thing and never going out of the way, like He does for me, and loving them, as I used to do many years ago in my parish life at Gesu, Cleveland. I was a Eucharistic Minister and I was very involved in the parish life. This particular Saturday December 14, I took blood pressures for the parish family, but I did it as a job, with little love. (Ouch) I found the confessor after Mass ready to hear our peccadilloes, and I felt I had to go and confess my still poor practice of my Second Commandment…
I asked my Most Blessed Trinity for the gift of seeing the Triune God in the face of my brother/sister, until one day, I could see him/her no more, but only the most Holy Trinity.
In this abundant love of my King for me, He answered the prayer. I anesthetized a woman who was repellent in every aspect of the word. It was a short case and she was so sick (mind, spirit and body) that the lady surgeon decided to try it with local as I gave deep sedation and see if it could be done that way. I kept the patient unconscious and as I held with my left hand under her chin to avoid respiratory obstruction, I saw her face and then, I saw the face of my King… I then took my right hand and placed it on her forehead and said in my mind, “I love you, Sarah; I love you so much.” I truly felt that I adored this image of this suffering Christ who smokes day and night, suffers from severe asthma and chronic severe back pain at a young 40 something, who had drank water before the sedation, no matter how much we said she should not. She needed the test to find if cancer was ravaging her body or not… It was a religious experience. I prayed in tongues, leaving the Spirit to anoint her according to His will and her needs. She woke up so happy that she wanted me to talk to his pain therapy group so that she could get the same drugs…I will never know what will happen to Sarah. I only know that I was able to love Sarah, and the miracle of loving my sister changed my heart somewhat. I wonder for how many years I will have to struggle to be able to be a true Christ to my brother/sister.
Thanksgiving should not be lip service
December 19, 2002. I was able to attend 8 AM Mass because my first and only case was scheduled for 12:30PM. I came early to avoid the parish school traffic and as I sat to adore my God in the Blessed Sacrament, I felt that thanksgiving was my most important prayer. (Only the day before I had experienced Him in the body of Sarah). My heart was also full of His love and Presence everywhere I went, and I felt compelled to say many times, thank You, thank You. My Beloved said, “Ah, but thanksgiving is not a word or lip service. It consists in ‘heart service.’ That means to love ME with every ounce of your being all the time, in every way and to love your neighbor at all cost, to the point of death on a cross while you are trusting in Me (or while you have faith in Me without fear)”. I answered, “I want to do that. I want to love you every second, every breath from every cell of my body.” He said, “But do not forget about love of your neighbor. Your New Year’s resolution will be to love your brother and your sister as yourself. You will receive the gift, provided it goes hand in hand with the practice of the First Commandment and of total trust in Me.”
Saturday, December 21, 2002. At 8 AM Mass, I heard my Divine Eucharistic Child Jesus ask me to give Him a gift for His upcoming birthday. He wants for me to write this chapter on the Second Commandment and I have finished this task for him on this Sunday December 22, 2002.
§ I am called to be a missionary at home, at work, at Church. I should not send people away. I must give them something to eat myself. I must feed them the revelation of God who is LOVE. Therefore I must do it through my love for them.
§ To be born into being a missionary I must contemplate the face of Jesus with ardor so that I can set out anew from Him with the zeal of Pentecost. This setting out requires a serious commitment to holiness, with an attitude of prayer and listening to His Word.
§ This call to the mission field is an urgent invitation that deserves a generous and immediate answer.
§ I must understand that my full time job is "to love". The Most Holy Trinity will supply the rest of my spiritual, mental and physical needs, as well as of those I care for.
§ By virtue of my Baptism, I am a meeting tent for the Lord to dwell in. My love of God and neighbor is the oil of the lamp that keeps the lamp outside of my tent, burning before Him day and night, as requested by Yahweh to Moses.
§ I am my brother/sister’s keeper by virtue of the family created at the foot of the Cross. Ways that will help deliver this care (my neighbor’s keeper) are:
1) I will hide their sin from my eyes
2) I will find their goodness and exult it in my eyes.
3) I will care for them to the point of death on a cross.
4) I will pray daily for them
5) I will serve them as if I was serving Jesus Himself.
6) I will seek my mystical death, the detachment to love without self-gratification and only for the sake of my neighbor, out of sheer giving as Jesus loves them.
7) If my brother/sister sins against me, I will pardon him 70 times 7. I will proceed to empty myself of any resentment because of their sin and I will try to love them as myself for the glory of God and for His pleasure. I must always remember that my resentment makes my neighbor appear in front of the Lord as sinning over and over against me, and this will tie my neighbor up even further.
I am the only one that can free my neighbor by forgetting their sin.
§ My love of God and of neighbor can only grow in the fire of obedience to the Gospel. My soul must die in sufferings, contradictions, sorrows, persecutions, because when it is dead to all, in the midst of these pains, it bears abundant fruit. These fruits are the virtues and they include the fruit of growing in loving others. This love of neighbor is one that does not seek my own satisfaction in the love, rather the good of the one whom is loved. Love without the sacrifice of the Cross, without the suffering of self denial, is not divine love. It is only this divine love that has the power to beget more love and bring true peace.
§ I must pass the love of Jesus to my neighbor in order to keep this endless circle of love flowing in a timeless wave of giving and receiving.
§ I must contemplate the face of Christ in my brother/sister, so that I may be able to love them in Christ and Christ in them, in a seamless flow of love.
§ I should give thanksgiving to my Lord in a heartfelt and not lip service manner, by loving Him with all my heart, soul and strength and my neighbor as myself, as I trust (faith without fear) in His love and mercy for me in every circumstance.
§ In the Kingdom of God, there is only one occupation: to love eternally. My occupation on this earth should be the same: to pass His love in a timeless wave of giving and receiving.
END OF DOCUMENT
Email to my daughter-in-law on July 8, 2015
I hope that your daily life is by now more of the routine. This trip you recently made is hard for any parent. I went through those and worse, when we moved from the U.S. to Costa Rica, supposedly forever… and your husband was just 18 months and O a year older, plus E (71/2) and V 91/2 years old, I went through hell. We had to close the selling of our home in Ann Arbor, send our Mercedes Benz to Costa Rica, which my husband drove in the company of E and V to the port of Miami to send via ship. I was left with my 78 year old grandma living with me at the time (my Mom had died about 2 years prior) plus the two little ones. I had 13 suit cases and at the last minute I discovered that your husband had lost one shoe…. So, I had to go to a store and buy him shoes and head for the airport from Detroit to Miami. A friend of ours, our Costa Rican Consul (I was then the vice consul) rented a truck and took us to the airport in Detroit.
Once in Florida, I had to rent a hotel at the airport for 2 hours to put everybody to sleep and finally, we made it to San Jose. By then, my husband had shipped the car and taken an airplane to Costa Rica…. SO, DO I KNOW ABOUT TRAVELING WITH CHILDREN? O yeah… I had a home in Costa Rica and there my grandma’s 3 non married sisters and my aunt Cecilia, my mom’s only sister, were staying. So, we had to sleep like crazy for a while until we found out that we were headed to Puntarenas, a port in the Pacific because the promises of sending me to a San Jose hospital (socialized medicine and all decisions made by government and the politics behind), those promises were totally forgotten… and this about 6 months before when we had traveled and process this issue of work. In Puntarenas, we rented a home across the beach…!!!!! V Sr. as a pathologist was sent from the main hospital to visit many other hospitals in other provinces closest to Puntarenas…
In my case, I went to work at the main hospital and it was a disaster…The chief anesthesiologist was an alcoholic, nice guy but would come to work at 10 AM because he had to sleep late after the night before "fiesta." His wife was working in San Jose, so for all purposes, he was by himself. He was totally stupid in anesthesia… He started coming to work early and was after me big time. THEN, I LEARNED THAT IT WAS TYPICAL OF ALL MALE docs to sleep with whom ever. Patients were anesthetized without being properly evaluated and the big question posed to me was when was I going to pay attention to this man, my age… V. Sr. heard of the problem and was sooo upset. I quit working there within 6 months and we started planning our coming back to the US.
I never asked the Lord if we should go to Costa Rica… I presumed it would be so because V. Sr. was determined to return to Latin America and we had studied his own country, another disaster, and when he went to C.R. for the first time, he loved it and changed the move to be to my country… In a way, God allowed it because this way, he would never dare to want to return to that country or any other. The narco-traffic was in its infancy but was getting difficult. El Chapo Guzman was probably forming the network. Finally, V Sr. came back first to find a home in Ann Arbor… since we had to look for jobs and this was the city we had left. We bought a home just before I brought the rest of the family… All that money came from my bank account. Going down cost me $100,000… Coming back less but because we shrunk but I was able to sell everything in Puntarenas and cash… MY LORD SPOKE TO ME FOR THE FIRST TIME in November of 1978 and said, "Put an ad in the newspaper La Nación (main one in San José) for this next Thursday saying that you are selling a washer, dryer, some furniture, etc. to leave the country. I will bring the buyers, those who have vacation homes in the beach here and who travel on Friday and Saturday. You will sell everything." AND, YES, HE DID IT and even moved all buyers to pay cash and leave the items in my home until we left the area a couple of weeks later!… and from then on I have spoken to Him like to any other human being… I knew it was Jesus talking to me… This is why my life is simply a wonderful experience to be able to talk to God and write a blog that the Holy Spirit dictates to me…!!! This is why I gave all my monies away made after my return to Ann Arbor and after helping to boys get their schooling. We brought back the Mercedes Benz but sold in Costa Rica the jeep that my husband had bought.” End of quote.
P.S.: Please keep me in your prayers since I have to use the month of August to visit doctors to clear me for my general anesthetic on August 24 at 1 PM PT or 4 PM EST to fix my bladder prolapse. These are the intentions:
1. The most important intention is for me to trust fully in God’s mercy and that He is in charge of every detail of this surgery and anesthetic. My trust should consist in stopping all worries about how the anesthesia department that covers Muir Hospital at Concord, CA, would conduct the anesthetic as well as total success on the part of the surgeon, a good man and believer.
2. For them to choose the anesthesiologist that the Lord wants for my anesthetic, hopefully a person who believes in Him and not someone that Satan can manipulate. I also need the anesthesia department that covers the hospital not to get upset when I present to them all my health issues and expect proper care. Most doctors (allopathic) seem in general to be a little proud! So, prayer for them would be greatly appreciated.
3. To be able to find appointments for all doctors who will evaluate my medical status prior to the surgery, and not have to cancel the surgery for their poor timing in ordering them. I am saying this because I have lived a nightmare in recent days when I have to deal with much disorganization in the system and it is clearly stated in the Internet for the office of the surgeon!!!
The month of August is precious since my Mother has many feasts and this gives me great peace… So any Rosaries said on my behalf will be super great!
Aug. 2, Our Lady Queen of Angels, the patroness of my country Costa Rica!
Aug. 5, Our Lady of the Snows and Our Lady of Mercy
Aug. 15, The Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary
Aug. 21, Our Lady of Knock
Aug. 22, The Queenship of the Blessed Virgin Mary… and under this title Our Lady has obtained great miracles for some friends. She is in the screen of this computer covering it in its entirety
Aug. 26, Our Lady of Czestochowa
Aug. 28, Feast of the Dormition of Mary
FINAL WORDS: Thank you very much for your prayers and hopefully, my next blog in mid August will finish this topic of the love of neighbor as Jesus loves them…In the mean time, remember that we can change the world NOW, and the only thing required of us is to love, which is impossible to do without praying for ourselves day and night to receive the graces necessary to love our brothers and sisters as Jesus loves them. While we do that, let’s ask for God’s mercy to change the entire world’s present hatred and violence as we enter the Year of Mercy when all Roman Catholic members will ask Him to end the turmoil at hand, and who knows if in preparation for His Second Coming.