This month turned out to be very interesting. Satan was around and I had to be patient because God was allowing it in order for me to become skilled at not paying attention to what he does and believe that I am under the protection of His mercy and it should be sufficient.
Under the many things that I found difficult to do for different aspects of my health, I grew by leaps and bounds regarding the aspect of learning to be merciful. Of course, I still have much to grow in this aspect. It is apparent that this theme has been the highlight so far for this Lent. And on February 24, I had a wonderful understanding of many spiritual topics necessary for my becoming a merciful daughter of God. Here are the different stories according to the calendar.
Monday, February 2
I received a call from the ophthalmologist office that my BRAND NEW glasses were ready. Huh! It was a miracle since they were not supposed to be done until around February 15 or so and I had made my next appointment with this doctor for some other checkup he wanted to do on February 20, precisely to be able to pick up the glasses at the same time. This office as written before is about 45 minutes from my house via several freeways if the traffic is perfect… and I needed my son to take me, especially because my pupils are usually dilated at the doctor’s office and driving back could be next to impossible with my left eye’s vision being so impaired!
After receiving the phone call, I suddenly had this certainty that I could make a trip by myself to pick the glasses up since there would not be any pupil dilatation. However, there would be some fog in the next days until Thursday, February 5. It was very important to find out if these glasses were O.K. because I need them for my Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) tests to renew my driver’s license, and I was concerned since two previous set of glasses by two different optometrists had not worked. As you may remember, I reported that one pair would help me read and the other was good for long distance viewing, although both were supposed to do both things.
Thursdays, February 5.
I went to 8 AM Mass and asked Jesus after Communion, “Is it alright for me to drive by myself to pick up my glasses? He said, “If you feel up to it regarding your health status on this day, I will take you there.” And He did! I had a small breakfast and I went and came back without any problem and never got lost with the change of expressways, nor did I encounter any traffic problems. After I came back, I asked my Mother, “How can I thank Jesus for this trip to San Leandro that not only helped my son not to take another morning off, but that it was rather easy for me?” My Mother said, “The best way to thank Him is to always keep trusting blindly in His love and mercy for you, by acting accordingly.”
How much good her words did to my heart! Sure enough, as I wrote last month, I forget often to truly rely on His mercy for those things that are difficult to do, like trying to get an appointment at the DMV in order to take a driving test, especially with the bad memories I had from two years ago with this department. I clearly identified my need to grow in feeling how much God loves me and act accordingly as she suggested. Again and again, He wanted His Divine Mercy image to show at the bottom the phrase, “Jesus, I trust in You.” What a hint! One of the most important aspects of our conversion is growing in this certainty that He is absolutely crazy about each one of us… In John 3:16, a very famous quote from the Bible, it reads, “For God so loved the world that He gave (as a gift in the Incarnation and Crucifixion) His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him might not perish but might have eternal life.” I then thought, “Without belief and trust (faith without fear) in Him but lived at all times, my relationship with Jesus is in peril. Yet, what is worse is that I do not take it seriously enough to look for ways to correct my behavior of worrying for anything I want or need!”
Saturday, February 7.
EWTN aired a program from a Conference in Steubenville, OH from September of 2014, and the speaker was Franciscan Fr. Andrew Apostoli. He spoke about some interesting points regarding God’s mercy. I took some notes and this is what I wrote, hoping that I did get his teaching correctly:
There are two types of God’s mercy: 1) One that is God’s love for a person in need and this could also be called “compassion.” 2) God’s love for a person who does not deserve it.
When Jesus was asked by a scholar of the law what was the most important commandments (and they had 613 precepts in their Law), He answered that they were the loving of God and of neighbor as we love ourselves.
Fr. Apostoli spoke of St. Francis de Sales and quoted him by saying that “by the love for others we will be known as His disciples.” St. James asked that what good is to have faith but without works, and one example is to have faith in God but without serving others… The speaker also mentioned that 1) Jesus is hungry to love us; that He thirsts to do so and to save the entire world. 2) At Fatima, Our Lady asked the children to fast and sacrifice for sinners, and that this satisfies Jesus’ thirst. 3) He added that we have to build a civilization of truth that can change the violence in our world, and by the works of mercy, by being merciful, we can put love in the world. 4) And then, in the process, we become transformed.
This presentation reminded me how His mercy has come to visit us especially through apparitions of His Mother, with the one in Fatima being very prophetic.
At 4 PM, this same day, I was led to go to page 888 of my Bible. Here the Lord connected His mercy with TRUST…
Jeremiah 3 – Verse 1. In the tenth month of the ninth year of Zedekiah, King of Judah, Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, and all his army marched against Jerusalem and besieged it. 11. Concerning Jeremiah, Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, gave the following orders… 12. “Take him and look after him; let no harm befall him but treat him as he himself requests.” 15. While Jeremiah was still imprisoned in the quarters of the guard, the word of the Lord came to him, 16. “Go, tell this to Ebed-Malech, the Cushite. ‘This says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel: Behold, I am now fulfilling the words I spoke against this city, for evil and not for good; and this before your eyes. 17. But on that day I will rescue you, says the Lord; YOU SHALL NOT BE HANDED OVER TO THE MEN of whom you are afraid. 18. I will make certain that you escape and do not fall by the sword. Your life will be spared as booty; because you TRUSTED IN ME, says the Lord!’ End of quote)
Then I heard these words: “In your case, work for showing total trust in God’s will for you.” I realized that I had a great example of how the prophet Jeremiah was taken great care of by his captors, and how the Lord helped the Cushite to escape… This is an example of God’s mercy at its best! Why shouldn’t I expect the same? If my allergies cause so much distress and God allows them, there is no doubt that that He has a plan and in the case of Jeremiah, a great prophet, he had to remain with his captors although treated very well. It gives the hint that Jeremiah trusted in God 100%. The Cushite was a simple man and he, through trusting in God, was allowed to escape. Different plans for different people, but it is clearly an example that whatever we go through is perfect and necessary for our salvation and that of many others.
Later that evening, I saw a short story of St Alberto Hurtado Cruchaga, S.J. I keep his picture in my room and have known about him for several years. I love his saying, “Contento, Señor, contento,” or “Happy, Lord, happy.” Somewhere in these blogs I wrote about this great saint who truly gave me much help when I was stranded in Toledo before the Lord allowed me to come to California. So, I am going to give a short story of his life as an example of how he was so merciful to his fellow men.
ALBERTO HURTADO CRUCHAGA was born in Viña del Mar, Chile, on January 22, 1901; he was orphaned when he was four years old by the death of his father. His mother had to sell, at a loss, their modest property in order to pay the family’s debts. As a further consequence, Alberto and his brother had to go to live with relatives and were often moved from one family to another. From an early age, therefore, he experienced what it meant to be poor, to be without a home and at the mercy of others.
He was given a scholarship to the Jesuit College in Santiago. Here he became a member of the Sodality of Our Lady and developed a lively interest in the poor, spending time with them every Sunday afternoon in the most miserable neighborhoods. Later in his life, his apostolate was the expression of a personal love for Christ the Lord; and again, it was characterized by a great love for poor and abandoned children, an enlightened zeal for the formation of the laity, and a lively sense of Christian social justice. Pancreatic cancer took his life while still very young and in the midst of terrible pain, he was often heard to say, “I am content, Lord.”
What was predominant in his life was his capacity to love: a gift lavished upon him by God, which he knew how to develop thus establishing, in the light of the Gospel, an intensely growing personal friendship with the Lord. His ever-increasing familiarity with Him which, in the mind of Saint Ignatius, Father Hurtado acquired by contemplating the mysteries of the life of Jesus Christ, was at the root of the attitudes characteristic of him. Precisely because he was truly in love with Christ, he fixed his gaze on the Lord Jesus and His way of life while He was still on earth. He passed long hours contemplating the manner in which Jesus acted in various situations in which He found Himself. With the eyes of his heart, 1) Father Hurtado specially admired the way by which Jesus paid attention to persons, 2) how He made His the sufferings of those who were in pain. He was fascinated by Jesus, and thus Jesus’ way of thinking and living increasingly became in a way part of St. Alberto being. He conformed himself to Christ and thus was authentically His disciple. His relationship with the Lord, therefore, did not have anything to do with a spiritualist intimacy divorced from reality. It was a real and effective sharing in Jesus’ way of living and dealing with people, seen and loved in the social context in which they were, seen and loved truly and effectively in the measure of their need for authentic human warmth, altruistic love, formation and justice.
He kept this lively personal contact with God because he was convinced that only in living united to Christ could he be an instrument in God’s hands, and receive from Him the light and goodness to spread among the people. In the hours spent in silent adoration before the tabernacle, he allowed the risen Lord to communicate His Spirit to him and transfuse his soul with the living flame of goodness and love, which were the characteristic way by which he, in union with Jesus Christ, approached people. St. Alberto lived a life dedicated to be merciful to his brothers and sisters. He departed very young, but always happy!
Father Hurtado was called to be with the Lord on 18 August 1952 (age 51). He was beatified by John Paul II on October 16, 1994. Father Hurtado’s canonization took place on
23 October 2005 by Pope Benedict XVI. (End of notes on his bibliography).
Monday, February 9
I belief that I had reported before that my son and I had tried over and over to call the DMV department after we could not get them on the Internet, in order to make an appointment to have a vision and a driving test. This meant that I had to go personally and make a long line and try to get an appointment. Notice how resentment comes to our hearts and being merciful is thrown out! This attitude stops our life of true discipleship.
Tuesday, February 10
I was at the DMV before 8 AM, and the line was not huge. When I went to check with the girl about what to do for people without appointments, I asked why couldn’t we make an appointment via Internet or phone… Her answer: "Well, it happens sometimes." That was a lie since we tried so many times and were on the phone more than one hour at a time… I wondered if Satan was behind this events!
When it was my time to see one of the employees, she first told me (and after 20 minutes standing at her window) that there was a problem with my picture of my present license and that they had to investigate the case. I had to sit down to wait for the problem to be resolved, as she took care of somebody else. I thought that maybe they had used my picture for somebody’s driver’s license. She could not elaborate. While waiting, I started praying the Rosary!
Eventually, I was called and told that they could not do the investigation right away. It would take some time and she did not know how long! I asked that if I could get a special permit if it would go after my birthday… She said, "With this problem, you could not even get a temporary license! After your birthday, you cannot drive…” I almost screamed but again, I had to let the mercy of my God fix the problem, and I am sure that this was a fruit of the Rosary. I proceeded to quietly call the Holy Spirit. Suddenly, I found myself saying, "I need to appeal to someone else about this injustice. You make the mistake and now I have to pay for it. After my birth date, I will not be able to go to daily Mass or go shopping for food. I will not even be able to drive for an appointment I have with my retinologist for a treatment for my eye." She then said that she would check with her manager!!!!!!!
By now I was sure that Satan was into all of this. It did explain my anxiety of the last days about visiting this place since two years ago they also treated me poorly during my driving test. The anxiety was not related to the poor treatment as much as facing the possibility of losing my driver’s license, which God could allow to happen! However, since I have to live the Joy of the Gospel, I said to my Lord within, "Yes, Sir, I am here to do Your will. Have mercy on me a sinner and mercy on all these morons." Immediately I was corrected by God within me… Of course, I cannot call them morons… So, I repented and said, "Have mercy on these Your images who are a little confused by Satan." I had to go and sit down until she would take my case to her manager.
Finally I was called by another lady, and probably the manager; she told me that they were investigating my case. Apparently, the photo that appears in their computer with my name and all my data, was defective and not exactly the same than the one appearing in my driver’s license card. Immediately I knew that Mr. Satan was truly behind this odd thing. Supposedly, it was new for them. She even had to call other people in the central offices but she gave me a temporary license until March 27, and also made an appointment for the driving test for March 13 at 10 AM... And, God’s mercy won this battle. But, what about if I were confused or with dementia and had not appealed the first decision? Even for these employees with Satan behind or not, they seemed to be very comfortable with telling me that I simply had to wait until they can fix my picture after the INVESTIGATION was done!!!! The first girl kept saying, "I am sorry but there is nothing that we can do for you until the investigation is over and I do not know how long it will take." Well, as she was saying it, her face did not show any remorse at all! And yes, this particular branch will be in my prayers for a long time, even after I get my new license. They truly acted as morons! It was as scary as two years ago. Obviously, I have to grow in praying for them but feeling merciful as I do it… The healing would consist in not feeling that they are morons at all and I am super sure that God will bless me with the necessary grace. What worries me now is that two years ago, when I suffered a horror at the same place, I never did anything about it… I say it because this time as I entered the place, I felt some resentment!!! Ouch!
If you want bizarre stories, that is one. And the scheme from Satan is for us to start resenting these people at all cost… and bingo, this is exactly the contrary to loving your neighbor as yourself. It is interesting that later on, February 26, a Hispanic TV station said that many who are trying to get their paperwork in order to get a driver’s license after the executive order of President Obama on their behalf is completed, have been sent home to have them scheduled to come back later after doing an investigation on them, when in fact, this is something that has been recommended by the State of California to be done for those who fit this upcoming law (5 million Hispanics), that is, passing the written test and whatever else prior to the final paperwork to obtain their residence, and which is still on the air at the end of February. Was this what I suffered? Have they fixed the computers at the central quarters of the California DMV, which is expecting so many that are trying to get their immigrant status in order, so that it forces the different DMV’s to bring these people back after they are investigated. What an amazing confusion…
Wednesday, February 11
I want to place here part of an email I sent my kids on this day. I want to share it with you because every illness is related in some form or another with toxicity coming from everywhere. At least, you can be reminded to do your best to read about it in the Internet and find ways to diminish the amount of toxicity we all are inhaling or eating. Cancer is totally related to it because toxins produce inflammation in our bodies, and inflammation is essential for cells to change their way of reproducing and to become cancerous. Atherosclerotic heart disease and subsequent hear attacks are also related to inflammation…Memory loss is related as well. So, as part of my love for you my readers, I must share with you what I did share with my kids.
From the newsletter titled “Blaylock Wellness Report for November 2014, I will quote a few lines on the subject titled “Air Pollution causes Brain Damage."
"It’s basic human nature that we tend not to fear what we cannot see. So much of our life experience has taught us not to fear invisible things such as the wind – until it becomes a visible tornado or hurricane – and infectious microbes – until they cause sickness. The same is true of air pollution. When I was starting out in medicine, I too rejected the idea that the world was filled with DANGEORUS TOXIC METALS and harmful by-products of modern industrial life. I’m not so naive anymore. This is an area of intense research by some of the best laboratories and scientific minds in the world. The problem is very real and very urgent, yet virtually ignored by the media and health professionals that POLLUTANTS affect the brain like Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s.
Risks to the developing brain: the most rapid and extensive development of a baby’s brain occurs during the last trimester of pregnancy and the first two years after birth. But the prefrontal cortex, which controls the most complex and advanced types of mental function, continues to develop until around age 27…. The prefrontal lobes are essential for focusing attention, which is critical for both learning and deeper thinking. Damage to this area of the brain can result in easy distractibility – what we sometimes call a ‘wandering mind.’
"Another part of the prefrontal lobe (the orbito-frontal cortex) is critical for making social decisions, as well as controlling fear and other types of social behavior. Teenagers often make poor decisions such as jumping off rooftops, driving recklessly, climbing high towers and other risky behaviors. The reason is that this part of the brain in teens, and even young adults, is still incompletely developed. Particulate pollution can impair the maturation of these critical brain areas.
The 10 most polluted cities in the US.
1. Los Angeles (metropolitan area including Long Beach and Riverside)
2. Bakersfield, CA
3. Visalia and Porterville, CA
4. Fresno and Madera, CA
5. Sacramento, CA
6. Hanford and Corcoran, CA
7. Houston, TX
8. San Diego, CA
9. San Luis Obispo and Paso Robles, CA
10. Charlotte, NC
THE ABOVE ARE ONLY HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS SPLENDID REPORT of 12 pages. It is interesting that California is a dangerous place to reside regarding toxicity! (Ouch).
Dr. Russell Blaylock is a board certified neurosurgeon, health practitioner, author and lecturer. He recently retired to devote his full attention to nutritional studies and research. His name will appear later in this blog and for something that I believe it will become a gift for me.
Friday, February 13
The day started with my Lord trying to make sure I knew He was right next to me.
I did not feel well at all and had to go to the next city (10 minutes via expressway) to the Whole Food Market (for organic food) and to a CVS pharmacy to buy the probiotic I take and that this pharmacy always has in stock, instead of having to order it in other places. As I drove from the organic market to the pharmacy, I suddenly felt so much love for Jesus and with tears in my eyes and in Spanish I said loud, “Señor , eres mi sol – mi luna – mis estrellas. Eres mi fé, esperanza y amor. Te amo tanto!” and immediately I started praying in tongues. In English, this is what I told God, “Lord, you are my sun – my moon – my stars. You are my faith, hope and love. I love You so much!”
I entered the pharmacy and very soon after, a lady employee passed by and with a great smile, she said, “You hair is beautiful.” Again and again, people keep saying that… I arrived to the area of the pharmacy itself and there were 10 people in line waiting to pick up their prescriptions. I needed to the pharmacy department because the probiotic is kept in the refrigerator and besides is very expensive, or $120 for 30 small envelopes with the powder. I was walking with the aid of my cane. I went to the back if the line as customer # 11and within 3 minutes or so, a lady in her 40’s came to follow me (# 12) and almost immediately, she said to me, “Please go sit down and I will keep your space. When I get to the front, then you can get up and take your turn.” I was amazed. I did so and sure enough, we did what she suggested. It took about 15 minutes and I started to pray the Rosary in atonement for all the people in that pharmacy, whether employees or clients. We did as planned and at the end, I thanked her and went to the bathroom which is located inside a deposit area with many boxes. An old woman came out just seconds before, and she went back to open this heavy door for me. God was moving everybody to show me what being merciful is all about, and how much He loves me…! Wow. I left this pharmacy in a state of amazement! I thought, “This God is real… He is truly like a mom to me… He is everywhere, like EWTN is!”
That afternoon, I was led to check page 161 in one of my Bibles.
John 10 – Verse 1: Amen, amen, I say to you, whoever does not enter a sheepfold through the gate but climbs over elsewhere is a thief and a robber. 2. But whoever enters through the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. 3. The gatekeeper opens it for him, and the sheep hear his voice as he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. 5. But they will not follow a stranger; they will run away from him, because they do not recognize the voice of strangers. 6b …They did not realize what He was trying to tell them. 7. So, Jesus said again, “Amen, amen, I say to you, I am the gate for the sheep. 10. A thief comes only to steal and slaughter and destroy; I came so that they may have life and have it more abundantly. 11. I am the good shepherd. A good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. 12. A hired man, who is not a shepherd and whose sheep are not his own, sees a wolf coming and leaves the sheep and runs away, and the wolf catches and scatters them. 13. This is because he works for pay and has no concern for the sheep.
I understood these verses to be related to evangelization. Therefore, if we do not work at daily entering the GATE as a true disciple in all its meaning, our evangelization efforts can be a detriment to others because they lack the POWER OF HIS MERCY for us and for them. If we go over the fence and become super busy evangelizers but not out of love for brothers and sisters (resenting them!) nor denying ourselves and embracing our crosses, we can go through many Lent’s and Easter’s and see little progress in the overall sanctification of our parishes. At all times, we must work in cooperation with God the Father by working in doing His will; cooperating with God the Son by imitating His example, obeying His teaching and receiving Him as often as possible in the Eucharist and cooperating with God, the Holy Spirit, by receiving the Sacraments that allow Him to dwell in our souls, receiving His guidance. Once we pay attention to the points just mentioned and enter through the gate that Jesus spoke of, our work of evangelization will be successful. Have we ever thought about it in this way? I had not!
Saturday, February 14
At 8 AM, I heard a program from Fr. Robert Barron talking about the saints who followed Jesus with a “reckless abandonment.” I loved this description and felt the call to evangelize but with a “reckless abandonment”! Obviously, I will pray for this gift, which requires a reckless conversion on my part! Huh!
In the evening, I watched some television and fell asleep in a chair in my bedroom. The TV set was left in ABC where I was listening to the 11 PM news. As I woke up at 1 AM, the “Late Night Show’ was playing the Francis Effect. For a second I thought it was EWTN but realized it was not. It was an extraordinary presentation from 2013 about our present Pope Francis’ style in his guidance of the Church. Just two days before, I had read in the Internet a bunch of lies about his way of making many changes and inventing that he would change the Church in ways not expected. Well, my Lord wanted me to see the beauty of this Pope in many ways but most especially for his great love for the poor, and thereby, remembering St. Alberto.
In contrast, the prior news from 11 PM, had shown the celebration of St. Valentine’s Day in San Francisco. A large number of people got together to have a (feather) pillow fight. It cost the city $5,000 to clean the area! One pillow landed with much force on a man and he lost his balance and fell backwards, hitting his head on the pavement that made him loose his balance and became unconscious!!! Some people just came to watch the pillow fight and one of them said, “It is great to watch how people have fun on this day.” Ouch! This was an extraordinary demonstration of how childish some of our brothers and sisters are!
Sunday, February. 15
I also had problems with the Walgreens Pharmacy, which I use to fill out my medications and simply because it has a side window where I can pick up the prescriptions as if I were at a MacDonald’s… For someone like me who needs a cane to walk, this is a great gift. Well, this time they made a mistake and sent me in email saying that I had one more refill for my thyroid medication. I knew I had none but I allowed them to refill it so NOT to end up visiting my primary doctor for her to order this medication for the first time and this is why it would be her first time. I then placed the order via Internet on the Friday before. On this day, they called me and said that they had to contact my doctor to get another order… However, the doctor from this Medical Professional Group and who ordered it was an urgent care physician who did it because my prior primary care physician had been fired (one year ago), He simply ordered it and for one year as a favor… since I was a physician as well, so that I would have plenty of time to find another primary care doctor.
All this confusion… typical of Satan, forced me to call Walgreen’s and asked them NOT TO CONTACT THIS DOCTOR… since he had nothing to do with my present primary care per se… Thank God that I was able to get through on this Sunday without too much waiting on the phone and fixed the problem. Now I have to contact my present primary doctor to order more, for which she may ask me to visit her just to order it because the secretaries are set that it is the only way that she would order any medicine that she has not ordered before… Worse: even if she agreed to do it since she has become my friend, I need to pass on to her a special need for this medication… I take 100 mcg per day but I need to order pills of 50 micrograms because they are white (no colorant) versus one pill of 100 micrograms, which is pink. If I did not visit my doctor, it would avoid for Medicare and my secondary insurance paying for a visit that had no sense… since I have an appointment with her for March anyway. This is another example of multiple confusions and problems with very simple things for my health. Again, it looked like another chance to resent…
Monday, February 16
I was praying the Rosary at 12:30 PM with EWTN/español. I am re learning some parts of the Rosary which I had forgotten since I have prayed in English for 40 years… It is so fun for me… Well, as I was praying I received the idea of writing a PRAYER CARD with the essentials for my daily spiritual present moments and to cover it with plastic and carry it with me always, and pray it a few times a day. Of course, with time, I would know it by heart. Little did I understand then about the importance of this card, especially when surrounded by so many confusions as described above. This is the content of the card:
Prayer to open my soul to the Holy Spirit
(To be prayed often each day!)
Here I am Lord to deny myself. I am here
to do Your will. I am here to embrace my
present crosses. Here I am Lord to follow
You and Your example and to love You
with all my heart, mind and soul and my
neighbor as myself and as You love them.
Jesus, have mercy on me a sinner, and
increase my trust in Your love for me so
that I do not worry in each present
moment, not even for a second. Also,
increase my fidelity to obey Your will as
Our Lady and our Mother did. Amen.
When printed, I folded it in half and covered with a plastic paper and since then, I keep it close to me, whether at home or in my purse when I am out. It has the size of a credit card, so for all purposes, this is my spiritual credit card with which I am sort of dealing to obtain His mercy for me.
During the evening Rosary, a question came to my mind! What is the will of God for me minute by minute? How to find out? How is it revealed to me? Recently I heard a priest speak about the characteristics of the moment when God is revealing His will to us; things like how we have peace when we hear it. But here it is what I understood during the Rosary, something that can help me to know what His will is without I having to analyze the moment when I think a message or a sign are revealing His will for me. I wrote it shortly after I finished praying.
If my habit is to desire to do His will come what it may,
and this being the product of my faith on His love for me added to my remembrance of how many blessings He has allowed in my life to get me to where I am today (whether having learned English as a teen ager or getting an MD degree with little cost to me, or the best, to realize at age 6 ½ that He is alive in the Consecrated Host), plus a robust prayer life, then, in this case, I do not have to ever worry or question how or when God will reveal His will to me. Yet, if THEN, I still wonder or have any thoughts on the question of how do I know God’s will at any particular moment, it is a superfluous and insulting behavior towards God and worse, it reveals that I want to be in control of my spirituality trying to be sure I am doing the right thing. The latter is not faith anymore.
This another look at it: since faith can move mountains, or so He said while on this earth, 1) a radical trust in God’s mercy means that His mercy will show me the Way at any particular moment and what He expects of me (the Truth) and even help me to proceed and obey it (the Life). 2) Therefore, I must use my time to pray often (like with the card to wire my brain up to be in His Presence within asking for my will to be His). 3) This behavior can show Him how much I love Him. 4) Moreover, if I am attentive to the opportunities I find in serving my brothers and sisters (as part of His will for each moment), which will show my love for them, these four things will assure me that I do not have to understand too much as to how God will tell me what His will is, nor worry that I will detest His will and change my mind abruptly to do what I want. Again, blind total trust in God’s love and mercy for me, constant prayer asking for His will to be done in my life and love for Him and for neighbor (exercising mercy) are necessary to suppress my flesh and overcome the world and Satan’s ideas. Moreover, it removes the question regarding if any call to do whatever He wants is His or not. Of course, peace and joy must accompany this process but these are a fruit of my FAITH WITHOUT FEAR… or trust in Him.
I say it without being a theologian because for many years I have had that experience of this aspect of His mercy. In the other hand, we have St. Luke giving us a detailed account of a holy young woman that lived this concept. She not only said yes to God no matter if she did not understand too well how it would end up, but had the courage of thinking on the needs of her cousin and ran to serve her. The Holy Spirit inspired St. Luke to write these details for us to have a wonderful sign as to how His mercy works. Our Lady was merciful towards her cousin shortly after her big yes to God and He kept showing His mercy to her, and then more than ever since she was carrying God in her womb. Once more: this is my experience and I feel certain that this is God’s will for me to share it with you.
Sunday, February 22
On this Sunday including at Mass, I thanked God for His mercy since on this date and a little less than 4 decades ago, a nun from my parish in Ann Arbor, MI., Sister Mary Faith, took me to the first Charismatic prayer meeting in this city in a school gym with the Word of God Community, one of 3 or 4 in the same night, and I found 500 people praising God and praying in tongues. Sister had offered to go with me 3 times. I told her at the end of this first meeting, not to worry, that I would continue going by myself. The next week I placed my name to attend to the upcoming Life in the Spirit Seminar, at the end of which, members of this community would pray over me to have the Holy Ghost descend on me as in a brand new Pentecost, or said in other words, to say yes as an adult to my encounters with Him at my Baptism and Confirmation. And on May 19 of that year (the same 5/19 that you find at the top of this blog site), I did receive this new Pentecost or re-affirmation of my Baptismal and Confirmation promises, and the rest is history. I use 519 for my Internet address as well and for this site in order to always have the Holy Ghost in charge of all that I write and read… via Internet communications of any kind.
On this date of this encounter with the Third Person of the Holy Trinity, I already had four boy’s ages, 9, 7, 2 and one year olds. At the end of that year, we moved to Costa Rica to live there forever or so we thought. We had explored my husband’s country of origin, the Dominican Republic, but Costa Rica also known as the Switzerland of the Americas because we do not have an army, only a police force and a democracy never tainted by a dictatorship, was his choice My husband’s dream was to return to Latin America. It was not mine but I accepted it. However, 18 months later we were back in Ann Arbor. Of course, I needed the Holy Ghost to guide us, and God knew it but I did not. So, before our travel, He had moved us to Ann Arbor from a Detroit suburb and it is a long story of why it was done. By moving to Central America, my husband saw the problems of socialized medicine as present then and now in Costa Rica. He needed that picture to be clear in order to return to the United States without the temptation of missing a wonderful life in a Latin America.
It was in Costa Rica when I received my first locution in November of 1979, and this was to know how God would sell all the things we had taken for our home in this country. This is one of the most explicit and clear proofs for me that God is alive, then, right now and will be forever. As you can see, the Lord has perfect plans for us, and our yes to His will is simply the most intelligent move that we can make! Walking the walk with Him is simple. He equips us with everything we need. Of course, the world and Satan have re-wired our brains to substitute His Truths with lies, but with Him, all things are possible… We lost about $100,000 dollars with the move down and back. In retrospect, it was an act of His mercy to get us back to the U. S. in order for the children to have an education here and find wives and the futures that He had in mind. As part of this plan of God, my second son who had studied Psychology at Notre Dame, in South Bend, Indiana, with time he learned computer skills and today he works as an engineer in this field. He was gifted with a very intelligent brain and never has had problems with this evolving technology.
And of course, I needed to be with him so that he could put together this blog site and assist me whenever there is a problem. I made much money in my practice of a specialty that I did not choose. I wanted to be a cardiologist. He sent me to be in the anesthesia business, which would help me enormously in two ways: 1) it is a specialty that produces much money. In fact, a few days back, I received an email asking me if I was available to do a locum tenens (to cover a practice for a certain period of time) with weekends free and working only 8 hours a day, and they would pay me $175.00/ hour, or $1,400.00/day or 7,000.00 a week or about $30,000 a month… 2) It also helped me to understand how fluoride was behind my memory loss…
In a few years and after I publish the book with the details of how I reversed my dementia, many people with this illness will be detoxified and recovered from this malady. And that is simply an example of God’s mercy for this entire generation. When I pass this information to people in super markets for example, as they see me buying many large 6 pack bottles of Evian, often I am asked as to why I buy so many. I, of course, use this opportunity to pass the story about my memory loss reversal, and every time, their faces express a huge surprise and much interest on the subject matter. No one has heard about fluoride being behind this common health problem. And of course, as written many times before, all anesthetic gases are fluorinated, and this fact led me to fluoride as the cause of simple dementia, not Alzheimer’s since I do not have the genes for this latter illness. Of course, I wonder if people with the genetics for Alzheimer’s may never have a full blown case of dementia if they are detoxified as well.
His mercy helped me in several angles besides money and memory loss, because not once was I attached to money or possessions. After driving 3 Mercedes Benz’, one Cadillac and many other cars and living in mansions with very expensive furniture, I gave my monies away and never missed them even once. But my son the computer engineer, makes money enough to help me cover my needs, since $2,700/month from the Social Security check is not enough to cover all insurances, my car upkeep and very expensive organic foods. I give you all these very personal details in order to underline the fact that God’s mercy is real, is magnanimous and it represents His love for each one of us. I always tell Him over and over that He is too much and therefore, that I do not know what to do with Him!!!
On this same day, the annual program selecting the best movies, actors, actresses, writers and producers of the cinema industry came to be (the Oscar’s). I prayed much for all of them, and of course, for all the people in this theater in Los Angeles. I felt a profound love for all of them. It was a magical moment for me because I truly loved them and asked for God’s mercy for their souls to be saved. This love was not mine… It was His merciful love for them and He was showing me how I could love them very much as well.
Tuesday, February 24
The Gospel for this day was about the Our Father. In this prayer, the most perfect one since it came from God the Son for us to address God the Father, we pray that His will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Here was the topic for all of us to consider, or how to know what that will of God is for each of us and I have written much already on this subject. Here is one more explanation from one of our priests. He asked, how do we find out what His will is for us? He said that we need to pray for this knowledge, and it seemed logical to do so. Then is when I was given EVEN MORE ideas on this subject.
A couple of days ago, when I was seeking how to title this blog, I was sent to the Gospel of John, chapter 4. It is about the Samaritan woman at the well and from whom Jesus requested some water; she was the first woman and convert evangelist on behalf of the Messiah King. His 12 apostles had already been chosen and they were working on the proclamation of the Gospel, but the Bible clearly places her as the messenger of the good news in this small Samaritan town of Sycar. She made disciples of other Samaritans after the story she told them of her experience regarding her meeting with Jesus; because of her, they invited Jesus to remain with them and He spent two days at Sycar. This encounter made more Samaritan disciples as they heard His Word directly coming from Him! It is clear that God’s Word is powerful. What an amazing chain of events especially because Jesus had been denied at one point, to pass through another Samaritan town!
Here we have a wonderful example of someone belonging to a group who detested the Jews and a woman, who would have never imagined that the will of God for her was to make disciples for Jesus. This was unimaginable or simply impossible. For us, it reminds us that we can do so many things for the Kingdom, even if we cannot fathom them as the will of God for us. It reinforces the fact that we all have a special job to do on His behalf. Of course, it leaves many with the same question: “But what is the will of God for me in particular?”
It is also interesting that in this same John chapter 4, the disciples came to Jesus with food and He said in verse 34, “My food is to do the will of the One Who sent Me, and to finish His work!” Huh! So, there is a general will of God for all of us, like obedience to the commandments, but also a very particular personal will of His for each one of us. Hmm! It is so clear in Deuteronomy 31. The Lord had told Moses that he would not cross the Jordan River. In verses 7-8; 23, Joshua is commissioned as Moses summoned him and in the presence of all Israel said to Joshua, “Be brave and steadfast, for you must bring this people into the land which the Lord swore to their fathers He would give them; you must put them in possession of their heritage. IT IS THE LORD WHO MARCHES BEFORE YOU; He will be with you and will never fail you or forsake you. So do not fear or be dismayed”…. Then the Lord commissioned Joshua, son of Nun, and said to him, “Be brave and steadfast, for it is you who must bring the Israelites into the land which I promised them on oath. I, Myself, will be with you.”
Here are again the same tactics of our God: He has a plan for each of us, and this plan when allowed to be developed, will commission each one of us to do something for His Kingdom. We have only one job: to trust that He loves us and that He will see to it that we, one day, find out what our commission is and be equipped to do it. I am sure that Joshua never thought of taking all of Israel to the Promised Land. In fact, they were just there ready to cross the Jordan River and suddenly, he became the successor of the great Moses…Do we think on these terms ever, that is, that God will reveal to us His will in due time and that our work is to convert ourselves to say yes to each present moment events as the sure way to get to wherever He has already decided for us to be? And that this form of faith requires that we live a life totally abandoned to His Divine Providence, which means that I do not have to know the hows, and where and when it would happen? And that such attitude is like an extractor of His mercy because we truly trust in Him?
Regarding the Samaritan woman, there is another point: she came to believe in Him because SHE SPENT SOME TIME WITH JESUS… Notice how important is to just be one on one with Him. In the U.S, He is present in all Tabernacles without any of us being afraid of being persecuted for our faith (at least for now except for some unjust laws), which means that we should spend time with Him and not to pressure Him to tell us what is His will for us… Nooh! It is simply an encounter of love from Him to us and from us to Him. What He decides to do with this time of togetherness is up to Him but at least, we give Him the opportunity to “see” face to face, our love for Him; the fruit of the encounter could be how His Spirit within us guide us in the knowledge of His PARTICULAR will for us for that day. We know that Jesus’ overall will is to follow the Commandments, most especially those which involve love for Him and for neighbor. These two loves are like the yeast that makes us grow, as it does for a loaf of bread.
I was led to expand the understanding of what I have mentioned so far and it is to a certain point repetitious. I am sure that personally, I needed such repetition, so I will submit you to it as well! à Of course, we need and should know what His particular will is because as the Samaritan woman, we may not even fathom what we are to do. Yet, we cannot focus on just seeking on what His will is for that moment. We have to focus in our spiritual ongoing preparation full of small and major conversions, but needed to help us to hear His orders at a personal level. Here we have to add some yeast of our own: our total trust that He will find the ways to inform us of what He wants of us. AND YES, THIS IS WHEN THE LITTLE CARD I made with His instructions for praying it often during the day, is key to have His Spirit guide me to know His will at every corner of my life, BUT in His time and with many graces to carry it out.
Jesus also spoke to the Samaritan woman about another very interesting topic. In verses 23-25 He said to her, “But the hour is coming, and is now here, when true worshipers will worship the Father in Spirit and truth; and indeed, the Father seeks such people to worship Him. God is spirit and those who worship Him, must worship in Spirit and in truth.” My Bible has a note saying that “Worshipping in Spirit and truth is not a reference to an interior worship within one’s own spirit. The word spirit refers to God the Holy Spirit that reveals truth and enables one to worship God appropriately.”
Another similar explanation appears in John 14: 15-17. “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments. And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Advocate to be with you always, the Spirit of truth, which the world cannot accept, because it neither sees nor knows it. But you know it, because it remains with you and will be with you.” (This reflects the splendor of the Sacraments of Baptism and Confirmation).
These verses are super clear. If we love Him (for example, if we truly want to do His will at all cost and accept everything He allows in our life with reverence because He has decided it to be so) and keep the commandments, the Spirit will lead us to know God’s personal will for us, and also, we would be worshiping the Father as we should. Wow! In the other hand, if we pray asking to know His will but show little interest in truly following whatever He tells us to do as an act of love on our part for Him, then the prayer is equivalent to lip service and we will have a lot of trouble trying to keep His commandments. But since we are marred with the potential of not loving Him in the ways He explains above, there we have the Sacrament of Reconciliation to confess our sins, and the Sacrament of Communion to consolidate our love for Him, in order to start all over again, and the Spirit will guide us to know His Truth and His will in all its forms.
The Church under the guidance of the Holy Ghost, has the perfect recipe for all of us to become the BEST EVANGELIZERS possible bringing to Jesus all peoples from all religions and no religion, Who in turn will take us to His Father and we can become the stars that bring peace on earth, solidarity leading to unity and witnesses of what the “Joy of the Gospel” is all about… When everything is done and said, we should always be thanking Him for His mercy to create such a wonderful plan to do powerful spiritual deeds in a world that seems to be coming apart with Satan, the world and our flesh leading us to the killing of each other at different stages of our lives. At times, homilies are wonderful but incomplete and tend to leave us with a bunch of do’s and don’ts while we try to journey with hearts that are not 100% catechized and want to work very hard for our own personal salvation. Yet, God has it all super arranged and His Son came precisely to show us in detail the Way, the Truth and the Life as we have read in John’s Gospel.
On this very day, after this feast of the understanding of this matter, I suddenly remembered that after Communion at my daily Mass, He said, “I love each one of you so much that I would go through a complete passion and crucifixion but for each one of you in particular. I would suffer such cruel death over and over if I can rescue you from your own destruction.” I felt a deep inner sense of gratitude and at the same time, of pain and shame for me not understanding the width, length and depth of His love for me and everybody else. We simply have no idea! Yet, His Mercy is standing next to us and within us waiting for our yes to His plan and then His mercy, would do the rest… Also after Communion, He had asked me to offer each Mass and as often as possible in thanksgiving for His merciful plan of salvation.
Wednesday, February 25
I received a health newsletter for February, 2015 from the same Dr. Russell Blaylock, the retired neurosurgeon and an expert in toxicity in our bodies. He gave an ample explanation about an herb called Vinpocetine. I recognized the name but did not recall what it was for. Here there is a little information about it for two reasons:
1. It can inform you of what seem an excellent product for aging brains and everybody on earth has this potential. It is also a potent anti-inflammatory agent.
2. Because it is working quite well for me and may be, it could be an answer from God since toxicity is the primary source of my hyperactive immune system, and such toxicity is intimately related with the production of inflammation; so, this supplement would help me quiet my crazy immunity.
And this test is related to another act of love from God. When I opened the newsletter so soon (normally I review them days after), I remembered having read about this supplement but a long time ago. Somehow, I was led to check where I keep my supplements and lo and behold, I found a bottle. I immediately thought that it was probably very old and being opened for who knows how many months or years back, it required that I would buy another one. However, the bottle had never being opened and the expiration dates was for later in 2015!!! Then it was when I realized that this newsletter had been written precisely at this time and that I had checked it right away, because God wanted it to be so. So, I started it in small doses as Dr. Blaylock recommends. And sure enough, I AM NOT REACTING TO MY PAIN MEDICATION with pain first from the TRAMADOL itself and as violently as before. I still have pain but now I can wait from dosage to dosage for longer and after I take it, I do not have as much pain as before. Amazing. At times, I had to take a small amount of the other drug, Vicodin in between doses of Tramadol since I only can consume 4 Tramadol tablets per day. The Vicodin, a much powerful narcotic has Tylenol and I get severe diarrhea… The most interesting part is that it works very fast since in short 4 days, I have had a pleasant diminution of my immune system hyper activity. So, I felt that I should share this little miracle with you… Would it work for the long term? I cannot even spend one minute on this subject. Who cares! I should only be interested in the fact that His love for me is so brutal that whatever He wants, that is alright with me. And thank you for your prayers… They work!!! Here is a little more about this supplement:
Vinpocetine (pronounced vin-poe-ce-teen), is a nutritional supplement derived from the periwinkle plant. It has just recently become available in the U.S. through food, drug and mass market retailers as a nutritional supplement.
The supplement is already very much in use in Europe, where physicians believe it is far more effective than other supplements — such as ginkgo biloba — used for memory and brain function. Vinpocetine actually contains many of the same cerebral-enhancing effects as ginkgo biloba, but has been shown to be more effective in much shorter time. Here are some of its beneficial health effects:
1. It is a natural compound that slows aging!
2. Increases blood flow in the brain with enhancement of cognitive ability (thinking), memory and attention, as demonstrated in studies in both animals and humans. It does it by increasing the levels of several neurotransmitters which are especially vulnerable in the aging brain, as well as for people with specific neurological disorders such as Parkinson’s disease and Alzheimer’s dementia, and also it reduces seizures.
It increases the brain blood flow by opening the smaller brain arteries and by making red blood cells flexible. The blood vessels that actually bring oxygen and nutrients to brain cells are the capillaries, which have such a small diameter that blood cells must pass through them in single file, and even then can pass through only if they are squeezed down to a smaller size. So, this flexibility of red blood cells is critical to brain health because with many diseases as well as with aging, red blood cells can become stiff and unable to pass through the capillaries. This can lead to microscopic strokes throughout the brain.
3. It inhibits excito-toxicity, which plays a major role in Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, Huntington’s disease, ALS, multiple sclerosis, strokes, brain trauma, depression, autism and anxiety.
4. It reduces inflammation and with this property it strikes at the central cause of many neurological diseases. By cooling inflammation, it can ease epileptic seizures.
5. It reverses hearing loss
6. It significantly increases the protective antioxidant glutathione (the natural body detoxifier made by our liver)
I have shared many things and the same theme was repeated over and over and seen from different angles, that is, to conform to God’s will without any fear that we would get lost if we are not in control of the process of knowing His will and obeying it. Our entire life is one of spiritual changes as we walk with Jesus day and night. In this month and with 2 weeks of Lent already gone, He wanted me to get rid of thinking too much about this journey. My major conversion is and will be to understand that He is the Good Shepherd and that He loves me in ways that I could not even imagine. My entire life has been made of many experiences where He blessed me with many temporal and spiritual gifts. Therefore, I must 1) daily recognize these gifts, 2) thank Him for them and 3) keep bugging Him with my prayer card, one that He composed for me to invite Him into my life to direct it and form it for the good of others, and as a form for me to praise Him and give Him glory. Of course, I must mean what I pray; if I cannot, I will ask Him for the grace and He will give it to me. Just repeating words will have little effect in my spiritual formation and ongoing conversion.
So far, He has given me much material to understand that all my health problems which He could heal instantaneously are necessary as a form of purification to keep walking in this valley of tears, in order to be His disciple in all its meaning. I have also understood ONE MORE TIME that love is the ingredient that changes the water into wine… I have an example: we have a new neighbor who is renting a home next to ours. There are a few things that I find in the back of our home and in front (once) that seem to mean she is not happy and this due to a short conversation we had about 3 months ago and that apparently she did not like it. It took me several days to recognize that Satan is using this image of God to seed division and controversy and I decided to place her in my community Rosary. However, shortly after and after Communion, He told me that I still did not understand that praying for others is lip service unless I do it with love for the other. He asked me to ask Him at a Mass to be able to love my neighbor. I did and sure enough, some 2 days later, I felt great love for her and ever since I have lost all my resentment.
Yes, any lack of love is contrary to God. I have a list of many people I have resented and still resent. Yet, I keep forgetting how cheap it is to ask and to get… That is to ask God for the grace to love them and to see how fast it happens and then to know that my prayer for them is powerful; yet, I must be careful and pray with love BUT NOT for my convenience, that is to get along with the other for my own good; I must pray with love for the brother or sister for them to receive the desire to convert and the ways, people or readings they must encounter to do so… Satan is very good at seeking ways to make us resent others. So, asking God to love them will totally ruin his plan…
Therefore, the main conversion I need right now is to always remember that I need to love everyone, and when I humanly cannot, to ask and He will give me such love ASAP. I must report that using this card for prayer, I found myself yearning to pray more and more… It is like a thirst I have now to talk to Him often but not expecting anything from Him, like a locution. It is a simple desire to tell Him how much I care for Him…I am also sure that the prayer from many of you for me is giving much fruit. Thank you!
May you have a wonderful spiritual experience for the rest of this Lent.
P.S.: as always I need some prayer.
1) On March 13 I will have my driving test….!!!!! At 11 AM, Pacific time. Please pray for me before that hour! Satan will try everything… since if I cannot drive by myself, I will not be able to attend daily Mass!!!!!!! And my eyesight with the new glasses is pretty O.K. I do not feel like I am placing other drivers in jeopardy.
2) On March 18: I will have another intraocular injection.
Thank you again!