Isaiah 54: 10. “Though the mountains leave their place and the hills be shaken, My love shall never leave you or My covenant of peace be shaken,” says the Lord, “Who has mercy on you.”
At the beginning of the period prior to receiving instructions for this blog, little did I know that it had to do with the subject of God’s mercy! At the end of this month, I have not stopped thanking Him for revealing the power behind His mercy, the way it works and the importance of my trusting in His mercy like never before. However, for some of you lay people, this topic and the way that it is discussed may be redundant. I am sorry if it is so… If any Priest is reading this blog, I am almost positive that perhaps you will find the discussion somewhat repetitive and of a subject that you must know very well. Please have mercy of this lay person who has no theology background. And yes, it is very repetitive in its presentation because it was the way that was delivered to me. I imagine that it came that way in order to hammer my intellect with what I did not know about God’s mercy, but also by using the tool of repetition so that I would never forget it, ever again! Here are the details of my spiritual learning for this past month:
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
I attended the late afternoon Mass in celebration of the next day’s feast of Our Lady as Mother of God. I arrived early, prayed the Rosary and then the Lord wanted me to read a page in my little Bible that I keep in my purse. I read Psalms 136 and 138. In Psalm 136, the phrase “God’s love endures forever” was repeated 26 times…! It is a hymn of thanksgiving for God’s everlasting love and as an example of the repetition, verses 1-3 read: “Praise the Lord, Who is so good; God’s love endures forever; praise de God of gods; God’s love endures forever; praise the Lord of lords; God’s love endures forever.” It continues enumerating all the different times that God helped Israel’s walk for 40 years in the desert.
Psalm 138, verses 1-4; 7-8, read:
“I thank You Lord, with all my heart; before the gods to You I sing. I bow low toward Your holy temple; I praise your Name for Your fidelity and love. For You have exalted over all Your Name and Your promise. When I cried out, You answered; You strengthened my spirit. All the kings of earth will praise You, Lord, when they hear the words of Your mouth. Though I walk in the midst of dangers, You guard my life when my enemies rage. You stretch out Your hand; Your right hand saves me. The Lord is with me to the end. Lord, Your love endures forever. Never forsake the work of Your hands!”
I was amazed that in the last hours of 2014 and before His Eucharistic Presence, He wanted to remind me Who is in charge! And yes, the psalmist was recounting Israel’s history and how He never forsook them. But what about me? Has He forsaken me? O no… He never has, BECAUSE HIS LOVE ENDURES FOREVER, even on days like this when there was an event that I did not understand! I was not feeling too well just before the beginning of Mass. My many illnesses sometimes hound me. So, He knew my heart and my needs and wanted to be sure that I would enter 2015 understanding that there should be no fear or questions regarding my difficult present moment, simply because He loves me and big time!.
The Mass started and after Communion, He asked, “How many times have you asked for My Mercy to help you finish your book?” I was surprised when I had to answer, “Never.” Wow… This was my status: I was ignoring His mercy as the greatest blessing I can receive moment by moment. The Psalms had insisted that God’s love endures forever, and what is mercy? I believe that it was our Pope of Mercy, St. John Paul II who said, “Mercy is the other side of the coin of His love.” Since then, I have learned that mercy is not only an equivalent of His love, but actually it is the tenderest form of His love for each one of us. It is love but one which is very, very tender. Here is an example of the difference. It is not the same to love an adult person than it is to love a baby… that looks at you with a smile. Our love seems to become different and the word that best describes is “tenderness.” We melt with the smile of a baby or even if he/she is sleeping. This is how God feels about each one of us: He melts when He looks at us. We are His babies and I must start being alerted to such care from Him and like never before.
Well, that is His mercy and I had forgotten that with the problems of my left eye and my immune system becoming so hyperactive, I became distracted as I wrote this very important book where I will relate many topics to help my brothers and sisters in their fights with dementia, prevention of depression, cure of migraine headaches, understanding that we live in a toxic environment and how to help ourselves to minimize its harmful effects on our health, etc. I should have contacted His mercy, His tender love for all of us, in order to finish this book with the aid of His blessings… But no, I did not do it… Here I have been writing blogs on a site dedicated to His mercy, “Opus Misericordiae,” and yet, I have failed to understand the power of this His most tender love for us… It was then that I realized that this month’s blog had to explore this mystery, His mercy, but at a deeper level. And later, I found out that His mercy is the core element of the New Evangelization… a term coined by our Saint JPII… the Pope of God’s mercy… SO FAR, THE LESSON HERE is to never forget that He is crazy about us… And I mean totally crazy and that He loves us beyond our expectations and many a time, He is busy loving us when we think He is far away! Ouch!
Friday, January 2, 2015
I was not feeling well and I was again thinking about my condition of eating followed by pain in my knees and left ankle. My Mother in heaven showed up to remind me one more time that MY POSITION IS TO KNOW WITHOUT A MINIMAL DOUBT THAT HE WILL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING. My job is to TRUST IN HIS MERCY! This constant recognition of His tender love for me will bring a resolution to these problems. She said, “You must tap into His mercy with total trust in such tender love, and He will take care of the rest. Two days into 2015, you have been given the gift of understanding and of wisdom about the power of God’s mercy for your life; yet, it all depends on your faith in His love, and such faith depends on a “radical yes” to His will, united to prayer of worship and petition, asking for the grace to be an obedient servant. Then, God will do all necessary to lead you to the next stage of your life as intended when you were created , but you doing all of this with the desire to give Him glory… and not just for you to feel better…”
January, 3 at 1:30 AM
I got up and turned my television on to have some light to go to the bathroom, instead of turning on the nearby lamp. Why did I do it? I have no idea! EWTN was airing the life of St. Jeanne Jugan, who was a true disciple, that is, that she showed complete availability to the Holy Spirit. She obeyed without rebellion. She humbly allowed to be forgotten, to become anonymous. She was the seed that fell on the ground and died. Her heart became an altar of sacrifice.
She demonstrated the spirituality of a Eucharistic Sacrifice. Like Jesus, she lived a special quality of silence as she became an evangelizer. She did not lack forgiveness. She bore the injustices done to her. She did not ruminate while going through them in order to serve God with her crosses. She searched for the face of Jesus in all her sufferings. The Eucharistic Presence did not take the pain of her crosses; her crosses were simply transformed. She allowed the Holy Spirit within to pray on her behalf without ceasing.
It was wonderful how she was silent to the suffering of great injustices. And what prepared her for not protesting? It was her begging for the poor in these 23 years of silence. Her great suffering became great love for others, something like a fire within, and she gave herself more and more to Jesus with each person she encountered and that she helped. Her silence also spoke to the entire community, as she became the home of the ceaseless prayer of the Holy Spirit within, Who taught her everything to become a “new kind of evangelizer.” (Amazing example!)
Here there is a little more information from the Internet about St. Jeanne: She was born on October 25, 1792 and died on August 29, 1879. Her other name is Sister Mary of the Cross, L.S.P, born in Brittany, France, during the political and religious upheavals of the French Revolution and amid the anti-Catholic persecutions of the day. She was the foundress of the first Little Sisters of the Poor. She wrote a simple Rule of Life for this new community of women, and they went door-to-door, daily requesting food, clothing and money for the women in their care. This became Jugan’s life work, and she performed this mission for the next four decades. During the 1840s, many other young women joined Jugan in her mission of service to the elderly poor. By begging in the streets, the foundress was able to establish by the end of the decade, four more homes for their beneficiaries.
She was much sought-after whenever problems arose and worked with religious and civil authorities to seek help for the poor. By 1850, over 100 women had joined the congregation. Jugan, however, was been forced out of her leadership role by the Abbe Auguste Le Pailleur, the priest who had been appointed Superior General of the congregation by the local bishop. In an apparent effort to suppress her true role as foundress, he assigned her to do nothing but begging on the street until she was sent into retirement and a life of obscurity for 27 years.She was beatified on October 3, 1982 and canonized by Pope Benedict XVI.
With the story of this saint, I picked up much energy and edited my book “for hours”… My eye was not in the way. There is no doubt that His mercy was operating a big miracle of not only watching her story, but of getting up right at the moment of this program and choosing to turn on the television instead of using the light of a lamp. How many other great women have lived a life of severe persecution and yet, today they still serve as agents of His mercy, whereas the priest who persecuted her has been forgotten?
Sunday, January 4.
Jesus was very present during the Mass of this day. He is always present, or said in other words, I sense Him there with us, but sometimes, this feeling goes beyond a simple feeling of His Presence and I become inundated with joy, one that I cannot start or end. It just comes and gives me the certainty that He wants me to know He loves me… After Communion, Jesus asked me to add another RESOLUTION FOR 2015 à “To love every brother and sister as much as He does.”
I had been listening to some programs about the love of God for us, and how we should love others likewise. All of this requires that we deepen our relationship with Him, and many ideas were given as to how to deepen such relationship. I want to make a very special plea here to whomever is reading these lines: I am super convinced and actually have lived this in my life, that we could spend much time trying to read about what to do, and trying to work on the ways suggested by most teachers, writers, etc. This is the long way to do it. There is a short way: with a radical fiat to His will but moment to moment… which is the power behind our docility to the Holy Spirit’s guidance and help…which in turn opens the gates of His mercy like never before! Try it! I suspect that many times we confuse our fiat given years or months before regarding our work for the Kingdom, with the yes to be offered all day long regardless of the suffering involved!
Tuesday, January 6.
11.45 AM. My Mother said, “God’s mercy is the answer for the end times (this was also written by St. Faustina and St. JP II). Always understand that the mercy of God is His most tender love for you and everybody else. Yet, you open the gates of His mercy with the trust, that is, your faith without fear, that God loves you and He will win all your battles. If you do so, you will feel content, secure and peaceful as His mercy takes over your own heart, mind and soul. Then, this TRUST will shine in your life in all you think, say and do. There is one more thing to do: in order for this light of your trust in Him to shine, you must say ‘yes’ to everything in each present moment; that is to be opened to do His will, to hear His guidance to go to the left of to the right or to stay still. This will lead you to:
1) Evangelization of other souls with great success because it is the mercy of God based in your trust that will evangelize through you.
2) For yourself, you will become a witness of the love of God for you despite your crosses, and this way you will proclaim the Kingdom by preaching to the world without using words.
3) This overall activity on your part will give many fruits and blessings, which in turn will not allow Satan to crush your efforts of evangelization by seeding despair and fear in other souls, or by stopping your efforts to write blogs or finish the book.
“At the end, after all is said and done, God’s mercy will bring peace and joy, but the process starts with each one of you, with a yes to God’s will. Remember, all what you should do like growing in the trust of His mercy to resolve all battles present in this world in 2015, DEPENDS ON YOUR YES…”
12:15 PM – My Mother: “Do you want the concept of the action of His mercy in the Bible to prove to you that all you have written above is true? (“Yes,” I said)
I was given a page number and it was Exodus 34: 27-28
“Then the Lord said to Moses, ‘Write down these words, for in accordance to them I have made a covenant with you and with Israel.’ So, Moses stayed there with the Lord for forty days and forty nights, without eating any food or drinking any water, and he wrote on the tablets the words of the covenant, the Ten Commandments.”
Our Lady: “This is an example of God’s mercy for Moses and Israel. Instead of you finding the word mercy, this is an example of such mercy.–> In His tender love for Israel, He wanted them to have a way of living conducive to show their love for God and for neighbor and to abstain from all sin. And Moses, through fasting and spending time with God (40 days), believed in God completely (trusted His love for him and Israel), and was the emissary, a tool of evangelization, in order to bring them salvation and protection from God against all their enemies. In the other hand, it was due to Israel’s doubts in such love of God for them, that made them spend 40 years in the desert, and it took Moses only 40 days!!! His faith was such that his face became radiant…upon spending these days in His Presence.”
Personally, it amazes me that we forget to recall often this episode in the life of Moses, since we have God PRESENT in the Eucharist and just sitting in front of Him, no doubt that could transform our faces with similar radiance, which is the fruit of His tender love for us, His mercy!
As I called for His mercy during the rest of the day, I was able to edit the book for 3-4 hours… My left eye did not cause me any problem… Normally it starts to give me some discomfort as the eye dries up, probably because of the light and heat from the screen. I concluded writing in my diary that truly, just calling God’s mercy and asking the Divine Niño to give me much trust, I was able to advance in the editing of the book. Amazing! What a beautiful day when we celebrate the three King’s visit to the Baby in Bethlehem. This Baby’s Spirit had visited me as well!
Saturday, January 10
We attended the Saturday afternoon Mass instead of our normal 8 AM on Sunday because we had the visit of one of my other sons, the theologian, and he would depart the following morning. It was later on this day and already at home that I realized that I had lost the left side lens of my eye glasses!!! I did not miss it because this is the eye that has very poor vision! Thank God it was the lens that is not needed… I discussed with my theologian son the importance of doing God’s will but without thinking of any pros and cons, and just simply saying yes and staying away from any fears related to that fiat.
Sunday, January 11
On this day, the Lord sent me to check x blog in this site, which turned out to be the one from March 2012, and it was exactly the topic I had talked to my son about. I guess that the Lord has repeated this truth many times for me to truly practice it.
Monday, January 12.
It turned out to be an amazing day… During the prayer of the Rosary, I was bringing to the Lord my visiting son who was going to make an important decision regarding his career. I was asking my Father for His mercy for this decision but I had moments of fear regarding the outcome. So, my Mother intervened and said, “Do not ask for mercy with fear. Ask for God’s mercy with great confidence that it will be resolved according to His plans, which are the best for him and his family.”
Then, I was led to look at page 750 in the Bible as I was inquiring what to do with my pain and if I had to contact my primary physician to get more Vicodin, since I was using left-over’s of this drug prescribed a year before by another doctor. I was having doubts again regarding writing these blogs, especially because I have no theology background. I always want to be sure that God wants me to do it and check with Him from time to time. I was bringing up to Him the case of the book that I need to finish and how I do not seem to finish the editing, plus if I truly had to continue working for the Kingdom at my old age and after 6+ years of blogging? Notice that no matter how much I understand what I have to do, that is to trust His mercy without any fears, I find myself showing fear over and over. However, at these moments I always realize that He loves me so much, that to my constant harassing with fear of this tender love for me, He always shows super patience because His mercy is precisely that, to love me even when I sin with my doubts.
Page 750 brought me to Sirach 23: 27. “Thus, all who dwell on the earth shall know, and all who inhabit the world shall understand that nothing is BETTER than the fear of the Lord, nothing more salutatory than to obey his commandments.” This page also had the beginning of chapter 24 titled, “Praise of Wisdom.”
It was clear to me how I need to live in “awe” of God’s love and mercy for me and all of us, which is fear of the Lord and as I obey His commandments. Since part of His commandments and the most important ones are the love of God achieved by doing His will and the love of my neighbor, and in order to obey them I need the gift of wisdom from the Holy Spirit for me to accept doing it, plus asking for His help to do it! Then, God will take care of the rest for me and others. Again, there is nothing better than to love God by doing His holy will, loving my neighbor and calling the Holy Spirit to obtain the wisdom to follow this advice and to receive His help to accomplish it! Any other question has no reason to exist. When the time comes to stop the blogs, He will let me know. Regarding my pain medication, the Holy Spirit will guide me through this little storm. The book will be finished in His time, as long as I try to work on it as often as possible. In other words, living a day at a time but always wanting to do His will out of love for Him and for His glory, it is all what I need. All my fears turned out to have a very simple solution as you will read below!
I asked the Holy Spirit when would be the time to call my primary physician’s office since I only had 4.5 pills of Vicodin left. I took ½ a pill because I was having much pain. I prayed the Rosary again at noon time in Spanish! Love it now that I have EWTN/Espanol… When I was ready to call my physician, then my Saint JP II showed up. I hardly mention him in these blogs but he has been a great advisor since 3 days prior to his death on April 2, 2005. He came to announce when and the time that he would die. And I do not bring him up more often simply not to scare you with so many advisors that I have. On this day of January 12, 2015, he came to say, “Wait for another day to make the call. In the mean time, concentrate in God’s mercy. Call Him all day and ask for His mercy for this situation. You need to trust that His mercy will do everything you need for your pain. Think of this morning’s teaching from Sirach.” I answered, “But this is what I have tried to do and not call this doctor!” He then said, “No. You did not call her because you believed that God will guide you moment by moment about what to do! The truth is that you did not call her office because you do not want to be judged as one seeking more narcotics and what that implies!”
I realized that it was so. Then St. JP II (I refer to him as Papa Karol) said, “Look for the same page 750 but in the little Bible that you have here in your room.” I did and found this,
Wisdom 1: 1-2. “Love justice, you who judge the earth; think of the Lord in goodness, and seek Him in integrity of heart; because He is found by those who TEST HIM NOT, and He manifests Himself to those who do not disbelieve Him.” (Ouch!)
Immediately I heard the Holy Spirit within saying, “Seek God because you believe all that He has done, is doing and will do for you in this matter of your pain! Be forever just to His love for you! Do not test Him with your fear, which is lacking trust in His mercy!” (Another ouch!)
Papa Karol: “Change your ways and ask for His mercy with purity of intention, which means with total trust in the TENDER LOVE He has for you, that is, trusting His mercy!!! You are still coming short in this part of your spiritual life. Did you have any problems for the cleaning the house to receive your son and his friend? (His friend: a lawyer helping my son to get the funds for his further theological studies and who lives in San Francisco)
I answered, “No, I had not problem at all despite the pain.”
Papa Karol – “So, it all worked out because His help was around?”
“Yes,” I answered.
Papa Karol – “Then, ask for His mercy all day today and SEE what happens! But ask for His mercy 1) as you accept that you need to share with many all these aspects of God’s mercy. 2) That all you will do to comply with point 1, depends on how much you fear the Lord, that is how you want to tell the world about His awesomeness and goodness through His mercy, as you also are ready to do so with the most perfect fiat! 3) That you will disband any fear and believe that He is in charge and giving you the right guidance for every step while allowing the crosses necessary to purify you of any lack of integrity of your heart. And with this, you will call on God’s mercy and receive it abundantly and immediately!” (Wow!)
I immediately accepted the proposal and realized that had I called the office of this physician, God’s mercy would not have resolved much of the problem because I was fearful, proud, not trusting in His mercy as I should! Wow again! How much I need help from my earthly friends who pray for me plus the Holy Spirit, my Mother and the Saints!
This was still Monday, January12, where the two top teams from college football were deciding who will be the champion: the game was between universities of Oregon and Ohio State. I prayed for mercy for the fans and the coaches and players, especially after having lived such a full day in spiritual terms. After dinner (7 PM) I took Tramadol for some pain to carry me through the night hours. At 11:30 PM, I had no pain in my body. I had not even reacted against Tramadol. I wondered if this was a sign that His mercy when asked with a cleaner heart had helped me in debunking any pain.
By chance, I looked at an old piece of mail (a couple of days old) from the California Department of Motor Vehicles and read it and realized that this time I do not need to pass a written exam to renew my driver’s license. I only need to pass a driving test! Wow… What a gift!
Tuesday, January 13
It was 12:15 AM and I still had no pain. The feeling was super awesome! I woke up at 4:40 AM to watch Pope Francis in Sri Lanka in an ecumenical meeting. I had almost no pain! I arrived in church for 8 AM Mass at 7: 20 AM. I had taken ½ pill of Vicodin, just in case the pain would be back since it needs to be taken with milk, for example and not with an empty stomach. At this point, I only had a minor discomfort in the right knee. I offered the Mass to ask for pardon for my not knowing what His mercy is all about! There is no doubt that He was sending me a sign and took most of my pain (more then 80%)away by just calling for His mercy but with the intention of doing it for His glory and the salvation of souls, and not just for my benefit!
I came home after Mass, had breakfast and went out again to buy a few things at a Target store. I had minimal pain without any further treatment. When I came back home, I ended up crying and crying for not having understood in all these years what is the mercy of God!!! I repented over and over.
Wednesday, January 14
After Mass, I visited Whole Food Market plus a CVS pharmacy and ended up very tired, probably because I had watched the Holy Father that early morning while in Sri Lanka!
I learned through a secular TV program that 21 billion dollars are spent in video games full of extreme violence. Adult women play them more than young people! There is no doubt that these are the end times and that we are testing God in many ways and some really stupid!
Thursday, January 15
At 10:15 AM, I was sent to read Sirach 34: 13 and following verses. The following verse called my attention, “Like clay in the hands of the potter, to be molded according to his pleasure, so are men in the hands of the Creator, to be assigned by Him their function.”
I immediately realized that I had been living such verse in the last days.
Friday, January 16.
After 3 days with minimal pain, IT CAME BACK! I still had 2 ½ pills of Vicodin since I had not used any pain medication for 3 days!
Saturday, January 17
It turned out to be a huge day of teaching, and by now, I was reacting badly after taking Tramadol! Please be warned that it will be a long, long story.
9:30 AM – I received this instruction. “When asking for guidance for what you need to do next, always also ask for guidance for that day for His evangelization plans as well! That is purity of intention in following Jesus and it is also true wisdom! I was sent to a page in the Bible: 715
Wisdom 10: 9-14.
“But wisdom delivered from tribulations those who serve her. She, when the just man fled from his brother’s anger, guided him in direct ways, showed him the Kingdom of God and gave him knowledge of holy things; she prepared him in his labors and made abundant the fruit of his works, stood by him against the greed of his defrauders, and enriched him; she preserved him from foes and secured him against ambush, and she gave him the prize for his stern struggle that he might know that devotion to God is mightier than all else. She did not abandon the just man when he was sold, but delivered him from sin. She went down with him into the dungeon, and did not desert him in his bonds, until she brought him the scepter of royalty and authority over his oppressors, showed those who had defamed him false, and gave him eternal glory.”
It reminded me of my old days when professional persecutions had shown in my life and this is exactly what happened to me. In one instance, my oppressors cried in front of my husband for the bad they had done to me! I realized that may be the Lord wanted to remind me that He knows and lives with us all our crosses and that at the end, He brings good out of them. In my case, it brought more faith in His mercy for me while the attacks of fears went on. Of course, this was discerned much after the facts.
I had to do some shopping and this time I asked God in what order I had to visit the different establishments and I also asked for guidance regarding any customers for evangelization! It was during the Rosary that I was told to make 3 stops with the following orders. 1) Go to 7 Eleven and get some money at the ATM machine. 2) Then stop at Target. Do not check if they have Evian bottled water. Just enter and pay the bill (I had forgotten to do it via Internet and this was the due date!) I will give you a sign to confirm that this message is from Me by preparing for you a very good parking space!” (This was very important since I had much pain). And yes, I found the closest parking space to the front door, which confirmed that yes, so far I was doing His will! I still didn’t know if I should call my primary physician to get a STAT appointment to get more Vicodin. Would this be the third stop? At this time I was told that the third stop would be announced later.
3) As I came out of Target, I was sent to the closest supermarket since I needed milk and this chain sells the same kind that I buy at Whole Food Store (organic products), which is located in another city. In this way, I did not have to drive there. When I passed the bottled water isle, I found 10 six pack Evian’s at a low price!!! Had I disobeyed and checked on this water at Target, I may have lost the big discount! God had been merciful even in the smallest detail. They summoned Matthew to help me out to the car, and there it was my evangelizing appointment. He was extremely nice, in his 20’s. I gave him the gifts of mentioning how I had reversed my dementia since I had bought so many Evian’s, and what is the reason for the dementia, plus how to prevent depression in some of us. He was fascinated.
I have not told you that when I speak of the above gifts, I always identify myself as a retired physician. My MD degree gives them more credulity that this is not a supposition on my part. Matthew asked me, “But how did you find out about fluoride being the cause of your dementia? I said, “Because of God’s love for me. He is alive, really present among us and within us and I met Jesus when I was 6.5 years old!” The face of Matthew showed great fascination. When I finished with all the science behind it, I asked him, “Do you believe in God and attend a church?” He answered, “I attend (X Name) church,” (I did not recognize the name). He added that he goes once in a while. However, he said that once a week he meets with friends for a Bible study hour. I encouraged to keep these meetings with his friends and to attend church weekly.
I left with the clear understanding that Matthew was my customer and that I had allowed the Lord to lead me to this appointment in a parking lot, precisely to have more time and not been watched by store managers around us. And again, I was just seeding this young man’s soul with stories about the awesomeness of God because He had guided me to reverse my dementia and to prevent depressions. I am sure that because these two illnesses are so common in these days, he will never forget our meeting! But what was more evident to me was to realize that THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF THE NEW EVANGELIZATION, where the mercy of God is the grace that can flourish within us to bring the joy of the Gospel to all people, even one at a time, as Mother Teresa did with the poor and sick of New Delhi. However, it required my total awakening to the fact that each day I must decide to do God’s will for me, like Our Lady did, and His will is to love Him and my neighbor as well, and out of such love, evangelization becomes a reality and He makes appointments for us. For me, I can see how it is “new” in my life! It requires that I pray daily for the Gifts and Fruits of the Holy Spirit, like wisdom to carry out these evangelizing moments under the mantle of His mercy in these very difficult times that the world lives.
Back at home at 12:10 PM, it was so clear to me that we are ONE BODY IN CHRIST. It is not just a song… Nooo. It should be a reality by the way we conduct ourselves as servants of the Lord, “doing whatever He tells us,” and when asking for favors from God, I must include my neighbor and its physical and spiritual needs, since we are ONE BODY, and what affects a part of the body, will affect all of us. I was being trained to be merciful as God is with me!!!! It also pointed out to me the need to have more zeal to bring God to others. So, every morning I should ask for guidance for any evangelization that He is planning, but doing it out of love of God, to give Him glory, and out of love for my brothers and sisters, plus showing zeal about saving other souls. Evangelization should be in my mind from morning to evening, and more often than my own needs or desires!
12:30 PM – There was a program via EWTN and Live, called “ONE LIFE LA.” It was a pro-life group from Los Angeles and were asking all of us to pray and fast especially before January 22, reminiscing the same date but in 1973, when the law allowing abortions on demand was passed. I understood one more thing while speakers came and went. If this prayer and fasting is done UNDER OUR YES TO GOD’s WILL, especially with a big yes to our crosses, and do it often during the day preferably hour by hour calling at the same time for God’s mercy to change this law, then we really would be talking of a powerful tool to end it. On the contrary, if we call for God’s mercy and fast but we run our own agendas regarding our lives, even if we work in pro-life activities, the sea of God’s mercy may become just a lake!
Again and again and as written before in other blogs, we have not done the right thing by not revoking this law and many years ago. Yes, pro-life activities are beautiful human efforts to save many babies; yet, many more babies are still lost per day. In that sense, our pro-life activities are a failure! We have failed as members of the Body of Christ by not showing mercy to the mothers and the entire industry of clinics where these abortions take place. This should be part of the New Evangelization, not only to save the physical lives of these images of God (the babies), but to save the souls of the perpetrators! Perhaps, this is the greatest fault of us within the Catholic Church, a body who has been fully evangelized on the power of God’s mercy with two Saints sent to do it for us in the XX C, and it is so, simply because we have remained totally blind regarding this issue.
Shouldn’t we be asking for God’s mercy for ourselves in order to grow into a great merciful love for our brothers and sisters, the perpetrators of these crimes, and through our love, to bring His mercy to change their hearts? I am SUPER SURE that behind our cold hearts showing no mercy for our neighbors, that behind all of this, it is not only the devil working overtime but also the fact that WE TRULY DO NOT TRUST IN THE POWER OF THE MERCY OF GOD!!! I say it because His mercy could do it in an instant!
Eduardo Verastegui, a very handsome Mexican young man was interviewed at this Los Angeles meeting. Most of us know about him, the one who has worked for pro-life activities forever. 15 years ago, he used to be a soap opera actor in Mexico and then moved to the U.S. and was behind a movie, Bella (2006?), that deals with saving the lives of babies. He now founded a clinic, Manto de Guadalupe Medical Center, dedicated to help mothers have their babies and placing them in adoption if so desired by the mother. He just produced another pro-life movie, “Little Boy” which will be released on April 14, 2015. It was very nice to see him again. He always brings me hope that yes, it can be done à to pass from actor to a serious worker in pro-life issues.
1:40 PM – I was led to page 636 in one of my Bibles. It was Psalm 115: 11, 12a, 13. “Those who fear the Lord trust in the Lord, Who is their help and shield. The Lord remembers us and will bless us… Will bless those who fear the Lord, small and great alike.”
One more time, it was made clear to me through the Scriptures that fearing God, that is, living in awe of His Majesty, of His tender love or mercy, will lead us to trust in Him, since many blessings will be showered unto us which will help us to trust Him more and more. In this way, we can truly say what it is written in His image of the Divine Mercy, “Jesus, I trust in You,” and mean it! I thought of how many years I had read the inscription but never understood well how to grow in this trust of Him. The two parts are complimentary: in one side, I have to enter into the mystery of His mercy for me, of His tender love and appreciate what it is, so that I can live in awe of this gift. This will lead me to be blessed, which in turn will augment my trust in Him. How simple and yet how poorly I understood it for most of my life!
7 PM: I watched LIVE from the Philippines, the Holy Father meeting the young people in Manila. Many questions were posed to him by them. I loved when he answered about the use of the Internet and said that the excessive use of the Internet, I-phone, etc. “makes them museums of information but not wiser!”
To the question of how to become a saint, he answered saying, “This is another challenge of love. What is the most important subject in life? To learn to love and not just accumulating information but through hearts that seeks such love in order to bear fruit. The language of the heart is to feel; the language of the mind is to think; the language of the hands is to do. True love is to love and to let ourselves be loved. We have to allow God to love us. Real love is to be opened to love and the surprise it brings. If you only love, you are closed to the surprise. God likes to surprise us! Allow yourselves to be surprised and not to believe in the psychology that you know it all! Then, you cannot be surprised thinking that way.”
The answers were full of wisdom. In fact, this month’s topic for this blog seems to point to what Pope Francis said, that is, to allow God to surprise us with His tender love or mercy.
At 11 PM, the Holy Father celebrated a Mass in honor of the Divine Child in Rizal, Manila. I was surprised and happy to see the Divine Child at the center of this celebration.
Sunday, January 18
On this day, I again experienced very little pain! I knew that God was trying to tell me something, but at the time I did not know what it was… Later in the month, when there were no more days without pain, I have surmised that He has shown me how He can take it away at any time. So, if I suffer it again it is His will to be so… It must be for a much needed purification for me in order to enter into a deep understanding of His mercy for all of us. I took some Tylenol by itself and almost died of pain and severe diarrhea. There is no question that this is the part of the Vicodin that gives me problems. I still have one Vicodin, which I use between the doses of Tramadol, despite that both give me problems. I have no other alternative. So far, I have not called my primary physician, since I was asked to wait.
Monday, January 19
During the praying of the Rosary, my Mother said that it was time to call my physician to get more Vicodin. I did and she sent word that she would be willing to see me that same day in her lunch hour since there were no openings. However, there was an opening for the next day at 3:30 PM and I chose to take it in order not to bother her during her lunch.
Tuesday, January 20
I was able to get a new prescription for Vicodin from this doctor.
Wednesday, January 21
On this day, feast of Our Lady of High Grace (Nuestra Señora de la Altagracia), patroness of the Dominican Republic, I had another intra-ocular injection. The retinologist uses a drop of iodine to put in the place of the insertion of the needle for sterilization purposes. Well, I discovered that since I have been allergic to iodine forever, it is giving me a much more horrible pain like a knife entering the eye even before the needle goes in, and there is no doubt that the pain is more severe than months before. I had to drive home around noon time with both pupils dilated and severe pain in the left eye… This day was not fun at all… but I prayed that I would say yes to it from my heart! It occurred to me (and most likely moved by the Holy Spirit) to place a cold Evian water bottle on the eye for quite some time, and it must have decreased the inflammatory reaction because the pain eased up by late afternoon.
In the afternoon I was present in spirit to the Live Mass from the Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in Washington, D.C., to start the night of vesper prayers prior to the walk for the next day witnessing our pro-life stance. It was then that I realized that my cross of the day would be offered to end abortion on demand and for those who are part of this industry. Of course, we all have to suffer something and offer it in atonement for this grave sin.
Thursday, January 22
I got up early to again be present in spirit to the Live Mass in Washington, D.C., closing the all night vespers prayer before the walk. I had much pain in my knees. The multitudes that came to march were astonishing, and just as astonishing was the silence from the secular media regarding this event. It always amazes me what they do! But the truth should be said: this happens over and over because we are poor witnesses… O yes, the multitudes like in the times of Jesus, are enormous; I only wonder about the status of our hearts, those marching and us who watch them with great respect for what they do. Yet, we are not calling the attention of the secular media at all, which should be supernatural, if only we were marching or watching and bringing God’s mercy over all, the pro-life movement and the pro-choice movement. We all need a conversion of some sort much before we complain about the media. I wondered if the walk would be offered for the media as well but in silence! What would happen?
To tell you the truth and nothing but the truth, we are failures regarding the evangelization of the secular media, and I suspect, just suspect, that we lack love for them!!! Have we ever asked ourselves if we truly love the secular media? We should! They are images of God, and we should act as Jesus did with the prostitute. Are we doing that? Personally, I fail a lot about my feelings for them in cases like this, when they ignore our marches… If they report even what happens to animals that are mistreated, shouldn’t they report the pro-life marches? But yes, we ignore them as well except for resenting what they do… and Jesus would not have done that! The babies who are victims in the womb and the reporters are His kids with equal rights!
On this day while at home praying, I lived one of those moments that come a few times a month, moments when I realize how much I love my Mother in heaven, and this profound love makes me cry. She is soo real to me!
I was present in spirit at the Mass for the youth at the Verizon Center in Washington, D.C. During the Consecration, I cried out of love but this time for Jesus. I asked Him how to title this blog. He said that instead and after the Mass, to spend time discerning the readings for this Mass. (Hmm)
Jeremiah 1: 4-10 – how the prophet was chosen and equipped with graces for his call. I understood that often I must remember that if chosen even when not a theologian, that I will be equipped with graces to write the blogs.
Romans 12: 1-8. – To always remember that we all are ONE Body with different gifts, and that as such, I must share with others what I receive as a gift, like the writing of the blogs. “Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us exercise them.” I must also “offer my body as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, my spiritual worship. I need not to be conformed to this age but transformed by the renewal of my mind, so that I can discern what the will of God is.”
Matthew 19: 16-30 – I must obey the commandments, but if I wish to be perfect, I must sell what I have and give it to the poor and then follow Him. If I give up everything like house, brothers, sister, father, mother, children or lands for the sake of His Name, I will receive a hundred times more and will inherit eternal life. O yeah, if I give up my lack of respect for the secular media for the sake of His Name, yes, I will evangelize them through the power of His mercy!!! It is that simple!
It was a very substantive teaching for this day. All the pain suffered the day before seemed necessary in order to have the time and EWTN availability, to consider how wonderful it is to be part of His Body.
Saturday, January 24
9:30 AM – This was a marvelous day and while waiting for the San Francisco Walk for Life to start, I found myself looking back at the mercy of God during my life’s spiritual itinerary. IT WAS A GIFT OF HIS MERCY! Many of these points have been shared before…
1. As a child, love for my Mother in heaven started early. I was formed in the Carmelite spirituality through the love that my maternal grandma’s family had for St. Teresa of Avila. I also remember the visit to me that St. Therese seemed to portray when I was 2 years old, by her picture falling over me and my grandmother, who was as always praying the Rosary sitting on her bed (4 AM), running to console me thinking I would wake up and cry, and yet, the picture went back to the wall. I never woke up and my grandma repeated this story to me many times!
2. Early as a child I was introduced to the Chaplet of Mercy by my grandmother. The Chaplet in Spanish arrived in my home in Costa Rica in 1944. It had the copyright from Dearborn, a suburb city of Detroit, MI… I still have this paper!!!!
3. At age 6 ½, I received the understanding that Jesus was present in the Host. At age 7 I went to live in the Convent of the Nuns of Divine Love attending St. Margaret Mary’s school, with the Sacred Heart devotion as the core of the devotion of the Nuns plus the Perpetual Adoration of Jesus in the Eucharist. It was then when I was chosen to be an assistant to the sacristan nun! For me it was another chance to be closer to Jesus after school hours.
4. In Medical School (1960’s), I was very devoted to St. John Bosco and attended the Sunday Mass in a church that had his name, even that it was quite distant from my house. I was always a very chaste student. It came to me without I truly working hard at it. Men came and left and I did not start a relationship with any of them.
5. The time came to get married in the U.S. It came suddenly and in retrospect, I can see the hand of God into this decision. I never practiced contraception, even before Humana Vitae was written
6. On May 19,1977, I was Baptized in the Holy Spirit in Ann Arbor, MI, and this started my personal relationship with the Third Person of the Holy Trinity to the present day.
7. November of 1979 – the Lord started to converse with me as a routine. I was in Costa Rica and ready to come back to the U.S., since our year in my home country was not what we expected (my husband and four sons). He came through and told me how to sell all the home appliances and a Jeep and this while living in the Pacific coast’s main city of Puntarenas. Indeed, His plan worked perfectly. All was sold and for cash! Amazing first verbal encounter with Him. We came back to the U.S. in March of 1980.
8. During the 1980’s, I read most of the books of St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross.
9. In 1985 , I consecrated my home in Cleveland, OH, to Our Lady Queen of the Universe. The daily Rosary or Rosaries were started.
10. In 1988, my Mother started advising me as well and as Jesus had done for several years.
11. In 1992, I visited my Mother for the first time in Tepeyac, MX and was prepared according to St. Louis de Montfort for a consecration to her on November 1.
12. Also in early 1992, while staying in a hotel working in a hospital in Steubenville, OH for 9 months, I read the Diary of St. Faustina. I felt in love with God’s Divine Mercy!
13. On November 25, 1995, I was asked to write a book to be titled, “The King of Jews is the Mercy of God,” based on John 19.
Verse 19 – “Pilate also had an inscription written and put on the cross. It read, ‘Jesus the Nazorean, the King of the Jews.’ “
Verses 33-34 – “But when they (soldiers) came to Jesus and saw that He was already dead, they did not break His legs, but one soldier thrust his lance into His side, and immediately blood and water flowed out.” (His mercy flowed out as the prayer of St. Faustina says, “O Blood and Water who hushed for from the side of Jesus, have mercy on us.”)
14. On February 2, 1996, I was told that writing the book was very important.
15. In the early 1990’s I studied all the teachings of St. Francis de Sales; his “Devout Life” became my favorite and used him as my spiritual director. It was also in 1991 living in a suburb of Cleveland, OH, when I started attending a parish (and not the closest to my house) served by the Blessed Sacrament Order. They had perpetual adoration. Here I became a Holy Hour adorer.
16. I arrived in Toledo, OH in 1998, and found the Community of Saint Francis de Sales and fell at home since I knew their founder quite well by now!. From 2001 to 2008 while in Toledo, OH, I attended daily Mass and spent hundreds of hours in adoration of the Blessed Sacrament.
17. May 9, 2002 – Had a private audience with St. John Paul II.
18. November 2002 – Second visit to my Mother at Tepeyac
19. April 7, 2004 – I was told, “Finish writing the book.”
20. June 2004 – Visited Our Lady of Lourdes apparition site in France.
21. October 10, 2004, the book was finished but I could not find a publisher.
22. 2008 – I started writing blogs shortly after I arrived to California from Ohio. I did not know what a blog was. Out of the blue, I heard about it and had the inspiration to write them. My son had all the technical ability as a data base engineer to set up this site. It was done as if by magic…
THIS ENDS MY RECAPITULATION OF THE HIGHTLIGHTS OF MY SPIRITUAL WALK WITH GOD. I was tempted to eliminate this sharing but I was led to understand that this is a witness of what God’s mercy can do in our lives.
10:50 AM – Again as I waited for the start of the San Francisco Walk for Life, I was given a page in the Bible
Isaiah 10: 1-2a
“Woe to those who enact unjust statues and who write oppressive decrees, depriving the needy of judgment and robbing My people’s poor of their rights.”
Wow… I immediately thought AGAIN of all of us Americans who although do not agree with those who have enacted unjust statues and written oppressive decrees like it happened in 1973, but we have not converted ourselves enough to secure God’s mercy to end this destruction of the babies and the beginning of using euthanasia to end life at the other end of the age spectrum. And yes, the war by terrorists is part of our allowing this to happen. If our Catholic faith were what it is supposed to be as Baptized Christians who are fed the Body and Soul of Jesus, God’s mercy through us and the help of the intercession of Our Lady, would have ended this massacre and saved many souls of the perpetrators.
Monday, January 26
10:20 AM. After calling the Holy Spirit, I asked my Mother what I was supposed to do? (I meant how to resolve the allergy to Tramadol and the allergy to Tylenol, which is part of Vicodin à Hydrocodone plus 325 mg of Tylenol – plus the need of new eye glasses that can work for both, reading and seeing at a distance)
She said, “Always call for God’s mercy for each moment of your life! And expect help!!! Calling His mercy but without the certitude of His tender love coming to help you right and there, is not trusting in His mercy. Never forget that through God’s mercy you can change the entire world, but He expects you to trust that it can be so! Also, always have in mind that the present circumstances of the world that surrounds you, demands of you a constant alertness to call for God’s mercy for your brothers and sisters.”
(I suddenly remembered that in the early news for this day, they reported that 80% of 10 year olds have already been on a diet, because being super thin is the “cool” thing to do! Cheating and lying about everything is also the norm. I also thought that all TV commercials have a lie somewhere behind them.)
Our Lady continued, “Bring the mercy of God to the core of your spiritual life and tell others what the ‘work of mercy’ is all about! Tell them what His ‘tender love’ can do and have done for you. Ask for God’s mercy to heal your body but at the same time, ask Jesus in His Divine Infancy to give you the gift of truly trusting that His mercy can do so and never fear anything else! Again, when you ask for His mercy, do not do it doubting that it may not happen! If you find yourself doubting, it is then when you pray to the Child Jesus to substitute your fears with TOTAL TRUST that yes, God’s mercy will solve every problem with your health and very soon, in His time, but soon in order to stop the stress in your body, because you are needed to work for the Kingdom.
“One more time, when you say, ‘Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner,’ say it with the conviction that His mercy will take over. If you cannot have such trust, ASK THE DIVINE CHILD to give it to you. Remember, that saying the Chaplet of Mercy once per day and worrying the rest of the day IT IS NOT TO BE DEVOTED TO HIS MERCY! Praying the Chaplet is a formal prayer but one that should come from a heart that is convinced of the power behind His mercy, that is, à His most tender love for you and the entire world. You are not finding a solution to many personal problems and less to the problems of this society that is confused, divided, lied to, etc by the evil one, by the world and the flesh of many who seek power, money and possessions; you do not get solutions for them because you pray but not totally convinced of the power that you have through His mercy… If you trusted, you would pray the chaplet and feel that all is in His hands and that He will bring resolution to everything for His glory and the good of all His children, your brothers and sisters and it will happen.”
I was left in total awe as I realized that I had never understood how His mercy works… Yes, Jesus Himself asked St. Faustina to write at the bottom of His image “Jesus, I trust in You.” Yet, I had no idea that each one of us must ask for His mercy but trusting that He will respond with answers for His glory and our good… So, part of my problem with my immune system and so many allergies, even to the pain medication that makes me feel terrible discomfort in my knees and left ankle, is that I lack the wisdom and understanding of how much God loves me. God is awesome and this awesomeness means what we call “fear of God.” He can resolve everything, but needs our faith to trust in Him…
I must report that my problems with allergy to Tramadol plus to the Tylenol in Vicodin, has left me unable to go to daily Mass… I am considering that most likely I will have to get up very early to have a full breakfast and take some Tramadol. This does not allow the Tramadol to be absorbed fast… like it would happen with an empty stomach before Mass. I noticed that doing it this way works very well… and yes, I get pain from the Tramadol but not as severe, and then in about 2 hours, the action of this analgesic starts working even against the pain it produces… I know God has allowed this cross around me for a purpose… Now I have a much clearer picture of what I am lacking. God simply loves me a lot and I still do not comprehend it despite so many blessings on His part!
Wednesday, January 28
I had an appointment with my new ophthalmologist in the city of San Leandro, 40 minutes by car south of here but only if the freeways were empty… My son had to drive me there and he uses a google-GPS/I-phone instruction and it is fun but if I had the same gadget in my car, I could not read so many names of streets with my bad eye… and make the right turns… My trip to see this Dr. Batra was amazing… I needed from him three things:
1) The actual reason for this visit 6 months after my first one, was to decide if I should have cataract surgery or not. There is a small chance that it would go bad and it could ruin my good eye… I told him that no, that I would not take that chance. My retinologist recommended not doing it as well.
2) I needed him to fill out a form to present to the Department of Motor Vehicles to renew my driver’s license before early March. For this he would have to do some special tests since the form is very complicated.
3) I also needed to order another set of glasses since set no. 1 of a year ago, although re-done at the time, only helps me to read and not to see long distance even that they are supposed to do both. The second set of only 4 months ago from an optometrist, only allows me to see far away. Yet, I cannot read well with them and they are supposed to do both. That is the one that one lens is!! Of course, I had no idea if all of this could be done at the same visit and because I need help driving there, I hoped that it would be done. By this late January, I prayed the Rosary before departing and also asked for God’s mercy but in a new way: with total trust that the entire visit would be under His tender love for me and the doctor and his staff as well.
And yes, everything was done to perfection plus I was treated as a queen… In fact, I could not believe what was going on. I will share the following story but be sure to realize that there is no pride involved on my part. It will only prove how God is in charge of every minute detail of our lives as He prepare us for the call He has for each one of us.
When I was sitting choosing the frame for the new glasses, a lady passed behind me and stopped and told me how beautiful my hair was… I commented to the employee who was helping me that this was like the 20th time in the last few months that people has passed by, mostly women but a few men also, and have commented about the beauty of my hair. I was surprised that she was able to explain why… This color, somewhat red by my mistake and I had reported it before, that my bad eye made me choose the box of hair tint with the No. 20 that I always use, but now some of the boxes had added the letter “R”… I did not see it and ended up with reddish hair. The girl said to me: “This is a color of hair that most women like but they cannot get it…” When I told her that I do it at home and not in a beauty parlor, she opened her mouth wide… She could not believe it! A little later, I realized that this had been a trick from my Lord… He wants His ambassadors to look good, as they teach to others important things for their health (e.g.: reversal of dementia, how to prevent depressions, etc.). In this world of fashion and superfluous looks, it is important to look a little like the rest… With many pounds recently lost and wearing expensive clothes, especially sweaters, that now I can fit in again but were bought some 25 years ago when I was super rich, my hair was part of the good looks to speak about Him… and of course, using health issues as the fishing net!!! Only He can do it and guide us to do so! I would have never thought about this way of becoming a nice “evangelizer” and using a fishing net with very important health tips narrated by someone with an MD degree! Living with Him, through Him and for Him is simply a lot of fun!
Thursday, January 29
I had been a little concerned about finishing this blog. I had much material ready from the beginning of the month but with the pain medication that tends to make me sleepier, or having much pain that requires that I sit down and endure it, I have been behind in posting it. I keep forgetting that He allows these delays because He wants me to live something else and report it here! And today, I had to go to Harvest Food store in the city of Concord, where I buy many of my supplements and frozen food items (10% discount because I get this discount if in my previous trip I buy more than $50), and special frozen turkey balls that my son loves… And so, my Lord did even more weird things and I left the place in awe!!!!
I was going to use the previous receipt when I bought more than $50 in order to get the 10% discount. I bought a few frozen food items and some vita-nutrients or supplements. As I looked for the supplements, one of the employees was working right in the area. So, I used her expertise to find for me 5 different supplements and she did help me and I did not waste much time looking for them. Out of the blue, an old lady came to me, a customer, and gave me a discount coupon for 25%. She left immediately and I had no chance to ask her why she was doing it?… When I went to pay, I learned that supplements do not get the 10% discount, only food items… So, the 25% coupon was applied to the supplements!!!
I then inquired about how to get this coupon? The cashier, Georgianna, wrote for me how the first Tuesday of the month I can go to the Internet and print the coupon. I never knew that in the 6+ years that I have been a client of this store! When I left, the main door was near to this cashier and she stopped what she was doing for the next client, and came to open the door for me!!! How can I not suffer this pain in my knees if He, my God and my old, my beginning and my end, as I tell Him over and over in days like today, wants to show me how much He loves me… I had to be in that store at a specific time, of course, all timed after I had breakfast with much fiber and the Tramadol and to wait for 2 hours to start my driving to this store. And there she was, an old lady who chose me to receive the coupon in order for me to learn how to get these coupons and when and what they can be applied to, so that I can use them on a regular basis…
It became more obvious than ever, that this pain needs to be offered in atonement for the sins of so many images of God whose work is to kill other human beings, and to ask for His mercy over them… Otherwise, I would be comfortable taking medication for the pain caused by a very active immune system, and I would not remember at all how Satan is working in the souls of these children of God…Also, if we are ONE BODY in Christ, I have to keep that in mind every day of my life, and do what I can to save those souls. I have to remember that I am a full time worker for the Kingdom, and not just a part time one… And the action of the lady who gave me the coupon was an example of living as a member of this Body. Amazing! God directed her to me to enlighten me with this truth. She could have kept the coupon which apparently she had no use for.
Now I have no doubt that I have been delayed in finishing this blog because I had to share with you His love for me… Many times, after something like this, and two days in a row, I end up crying… How poor of a daughter I have been… If only I had worked with Him hand in hand for the good of His children! Yet, most of the time, I am seeking my good first and foremost, and rarely I realize that my work is for others first because He goes overboard treating me as His friend, not His slave…
Satan is furious with me… and no doubt about it. Early this month and as I mentioned before, my Mother said that this blog would be very special, even before I knew what the subject would be. She also asked me that every time I sit to write, to pray a Hail Mary and call the Holy Spirit, in order to clearly follow the Spirit’s guidance, since Satan will be very active around me. And sure enough, something happened that gives me a hint of his influence. Yesterday I ordered via Internet at a Walgreen’s Pharmacy, a refill of Tramadol. I still have to take it because I do not do well with just small doses of Vicodin as explained before. It was supposed to be ready by today at 10 AM. Well, late this day I checked the Walgreen’s site and it said that they were having problems filling it out, unless I checked with the doctor or the insurance company… However, they did not send me any of this information via Internet and something that this store has done before.
I wrote in my journal, “Tomorrow, Friday, January 30, I will have to go and show the pharmacist the list of foods and other chemicals to which I am allergic to, so that they know why I have so much pain, plus I will tell the pharmacist that I am physician and that I never have been addicted to anything… Also, I will take the bottle of Vicodin and show him/her how I have hardly used it, due to my severe reaction to the Tylenol part. I will have to be dressed with much patience and mercy for these people. I only have left 4 Tramadol tablets … We shall see and will report it before I post the blog since I am still behind in finishing it.”
Friday, January 30
At 9 AM I was at the pharmacy and well advised by the Lord to be super merciful with the pharmacist!!! Of course, I was a little mad! It was not her business to stop filling out this prescription just because I was taking another narcotic as well. I took the tests done on June 2014 with the list allergies to 70 different foods… plus other chemicals and supplements. I found the window where one talks to the pharmacist with no other customer waiting. The young lady pharmacist came shortly after and I introduced myself as a retired physician and explained to her why I needed the Tramadol even that I am allergic to it. I said to her that the allergy to Tramadol means much pain, but the allergy to Vicodin because of the Tylenol, means pain and diarrhea. Yes, I had to make a point, but I had to do it without any anger! So, when I entered the pharmacy, I kept calling for His mercy for me and the pharmacist. A couple of times, I was reminded that I had fear…! Therefore, I was not truly trusting in His mercy even as I asked for it! I quickly repented and asked for help not to feel this way.
The entire encounter was easy. She confessed that they have to be very careful in filling narcotic prescriptions and addressed me as doctor… (It is interesting but in many places, even that they know I am a physician, because of age and gender, they still call me Mrs. or Ms. G.) I almost said that there is no law that prohibits them from filling out what a doctor has ordered. Of course, I could see Satan bugging them with suspicion and the wrong ideas. The pharmacist was very nice and she wrote in their computer page with my account, how I take these medications (not all together) and why. She said she would promptly fill out the prescription. I told her that I had to visit Walnut Creek (to shop at the organic food store) and that I would pass by to pick it up when returning home. When I was just starting my shopping at the organic store, the phone was ringing with confirmation that the prescription was ready to pick up! This was one more major confirmation as to how His mercy works…!!!
To some extent I will repeat some of the themes discussed above. Please bear with me.
In the XX C, God sent us two formidable Saints, a Nun and a Pope to emphasize His mercy like never done in the history of the Church. As a Catholic Church, many of us have embraced this topic with open arms.
In the other hand, EWTN came into existence as St. John Paul II was elected Pope and it has been the means to introduce the entire world to the life of St. Faustina Kowalska and also to the Chaplet of Mercy. Notice how God had everything so well planned.
It is obvious that God wanted a Pope from Poland who knew St. Faustina very well, and who would canonize her. But the Lord did not simply elect St. John Paul II right from the beginning. He first led the College of Cardinals to elect a wonderful Pope who only lived for one month, St. John Paul I. This was a huge sign for us… although we did not know about it at the time. Also, this was not due to the Cardinal electors choosing the wrong Pope. Nah! And simply because the Holy Spirit would not allow such thing! This happened in order to call our attention to His mercy because without St. John Paul II, we would have never acquired such a deep knowledge of this nun, now St. Faustina Kowalska and of the theme of God’s mercy in general. He also wrote an encyclical about it. The diary of St. Faustina is a wonderful document of God and His mercy. Jesus asked for a painting of Him as the Jesus of Mercy and wanted the inscription below to read, “Jesus I trust in You.” Again, another major hint as to what He was asking of us, to TRUST IN HIM, who is mercy Himself… And of course, He was asking to believe in His mercy once and for all… Just think if that image did not have the inscription… Also, the image had Blood and Water coming out of his chest. Our right brains would be imprinted with the words that He taught St. Faustina. He wanted us to believe in His mercy but with no fear… Again, as my Lord told me many years ago, “Trust = faith without fear!” In other words, we can have faith but mixed with fear… and this does not trust His mercy at all.
After St. Faustina died in 1938, Word War II came to be. Many other smaller and regional wars came plus the recurrent and greatest of all wars, TERRORISM. Also, the Bible, Old and New Testaments, is full of verses regarding His mercy! Yet, we cannot stop the hatred among human beings. Truth has become relative. For most, “truth is what helps me.” An entire Concilium, Vatican II’s interpretation became confused by our own Catholic members! Satan came with fury, as prophesied at the end of the XIX C, and as experienced with Hitler and company! Yet, we did not act and defeated him, even that we could have, especially after the gift from the messages for world peace of Our Lady at Fatima of 1917. Worse, then and now we talk about God’s mercy but as another devotion! In the mean time, books are published by the hundreds with all the things we should do and what not to do to grow in holiness! It is obvious to me that no lay person could read so much and memorize it, and less could try it with his/her power. This is next to impossible. Yet, as Jesus said, “For God everything is possible” and one way to grow in our conversion is to ask for His mercy but trusting that He can do lead us to conquer the world and win all these wars, especially the ones that terrorists seem to impose on us, and yes, we could become saints!
Something else: we seem to ignore the fact that it is God who will take care of taking us to live saintly lives, if we only do what our Mother in heaven did, that is, to say “yes” to everything that He allows in our lives, this being the most important practice of trusting in His love for us. Do you want to trust Jesus? Well, “do what He tells you to do,” as our Mom commanded us, and one of the most important messages that He left us was for us to obey the will of the Father, as He did in order to show us its importance, that even death would not get in the way of His obedience to His Father. It was precisely this yes from a lay person (Our Lady) that incarnated Mercy Himself… THE HINT IS SOO CLEAR! Yet, we keep calling for God’s mercy as a concept, as a devotion and always begging for help because we really do not trust Jesus’ love for us, and for that matter, the Holy Trinity’s love for each one of us. Are we crazy by ignoring His love, His most “tender” love?
Today, I solemnly invite you, my lay reader, to ask the Divine Child Jesus to give you all the gifts of the Holy Spirit necessary to be able to enter into the mystery of His immense love for you as if you were His only child. And every time that you ask for His mercy, like when you pray the Chaplet of Mercy or when you simply say, “Jesus have mercy on me, a sinner,” believe that a river of His mercy will flow into your mind, heart, soul, an act as His most tender love for you, but one that will bring a desire to say “yes” to His will like never before. Then, sit down and watch what will happen. Remember to keep the Rosary in your hands and say it often just to stop Satan who will hate all of His love coming to you. You will find out that your spiritual life at whatever stage you are at, will take off and you will see your crosses as instruments of grace, which will lead you to conform your will to His as a matter of fact.
And I must remind you AGAIN, what His mercy is all about: it is rahamin in Hebrew, which means the tender love that the mother has for the baby in her womb. If you happen to be a man, it will be hard to comprehend this feeling; for us mothers is easier, since we live 9 months with this little body growing within us, and his/her companionship becomes a very special sweet relationship which is very hard to describe. The mother becomes “mercy” for the baby, and this is exactly what God does with us… Your own blood carries nourishment for the tiny body that you house within, just as His Body, Soul and Divinity feed us. Our own normal temperature and metabolism keeps the baby with the perfect temperature and comfortable surroundings, just as the Church He founded does for us. She is the mother of this ONE BODY in Christ, whose womb feeds and houses us. And all of these perfect scenarios are the product of His tender love for us, His mercy.
His mercy is the force that forms you and me into the persons that He meant us to be from all eternity. Again, and again and again, His mercy is not a devotion. His mercy is not repeating words like a parrot would do. I am very sorry that I sound so preachy! Yet, the Lord has done the same for me in the last month and called me to truly understand what He can do as a mother would do for her baby in her womb.
The Lord needs us accepting a daily conversion, since we are in a very precarious form of living for the entire world. The famous SUPER BOWL will be played today. Tickets are going for $9,000 each (cheapest) to the most expensive, $35,000… This absurdity classifies us as totally confused and divided in regards to our worth as children of God. There is almost nothing wrong with this sport (except for its violence and now cheating associated as good because it wins games). What it is wrong is the demonic attachment to the frivolity that goes with spending so much money to see a ball reach the other end of the field by hitting the opposing team players, while many people in this country have nothing to eat and no place to sleep! To make matters more demonic, this gathering of thousands will have a very active prostitute ring renting young girls to any men during this weekend. The news said that about 100,000 children in the U.S. are forced to give themselves to these lewd acts. Woe to us if we do not do something about it! We need to have the faith that moves mountains in order to have God’s mercy end these horrific scenarios. And for that, we need to allow God to love us and we do it by getting up every day ready to say yes to His will FOR THAT DAY, and ready to be instruments of evangelization, but agents who are so merciful because they asks God’s mercy in order to love even those who actually persecute us or the Church in different scenarios.
Why not test His tender love for us and change our lives for His glory? We do not have to be perfect. We only need to be faithful to His call as His children and work at saying yes to His will as our Mama did! Amen!
(I addressed the previous conclusion remarks to lay people, since the Ministerial Priesthood by reason of their long formation has been prepared to understand what mercy is and they most likely are the ones who should lead us in this battle of God’s mercy against evil forces for these end times!)
P.S.: I sense that there is much prayer being said for me coming from some of the readers and as I had asked you to do. Thank you so much! May you be blessed for this merciful act for me. You are included in every community Rosary that I pray daily. And I have given enough examples of how I become harassed by the world and Satan, and such prayers are instrumental to be able to write these blogs! Thank you, thank you again and muchas gracias!
I have a very special request:
I. I have to renew my driver’s license before March 2. I will have my new eye glasses on February 20 and I will make an appointment with the California Department of Vehicles (DMV) between these two dates which I hope I will do today after I post this blog. However, due the recent immigration law with the President’ executive order, they are saying that this department has no appointments available for some time since 5 million undocumented migrants are seeking a driver’s license!
1. I need to pass a driving test only. Two years ago, I underwent Calvary with the so called instructors of this department who acted almost like demons. Suffering will not be the problem. I only need for them to be nice and that Satan does not get in the way for the test, and to agree to renew my license despite the problems of my left eye, which are not worse than they were in 2013
2. I need to get an appointment before March 2. Otherwise I will not be able to drive for a long time…
II. I need to find a way to be able to get to daily 8 AM Mass. It is soo difficult to miss my daily encounter with this God/Man!
Therefore, I am requesting your protection through prayer. Thank you very much. You have no idea what such protection means to me… especially with the devil being so interested in my life affairs!