Being trained to improve the “quality” of my yes to God’s will

This blog honors Blessed Pope Paul VI

It has taken me a while to understand what the title of this blog would be. It is obvious that the central theme is the same, the Truth of the Gospel. What varies is the training that God places me in and month by month, in order to change my ways and grow in faith. It is faith that can move mountains, and if Jesus said so, as well as how He could not heal many in a certain town because of their lack of faith, the times are here for some of us to become radical in our way of living to grow in faith, and this radicalism starts with the quality of our commitment to do God’s will!

But how radical? To begin with, I want to quote just three sections of the encyclical that Blessed Pope Paul VI wrote for us… It is simply a dream…

From EVANGELII NUNTIANDI (On Evangelization in the Modern World) by Blessed Pope Paul VI

Apostolic Exhortation promulgated on December 8, 1975.

10. This kingdom and this salvation, which are the key words of Jesus Christ’s evangelization, are available to every human being as grace and mercy, and yet at the same time each individual must gain them by force – they belong to the violent, says the Lord, through toil and suffering, through a life lived according to the Gospel, through abnegation and the cross, through the spirit of the beatitudes. But above all each individual gains them through a total interior renewal which the Gospel calls metanoia; it is a radical conversion, a profound change of mind and heart. (!!!!! I am adding these exclamation signs)

15. The Church is an evangelizer, but she begins by being evangelized herself… In brief, this means that she has a constant need of being evangelized, if she wishes to retain freshness, vigor and strength in order to proclaim the Gospel. The Second Vatican Council recalled and the 1974 Synod vigorously took up again this theme of the Church which is evangelized by constant conversion and renewal, in order to evangelize the world with credibility.

41. As we said recently to a group of lay people, “Modern man listens more willingly to witnesses than to teachers, and if he does listen to teachers, it is because they are witnesses” It is therefore primarily by her conduct and by her life that the Church will evangelize the world, in other words, by her living witness of fidelity to the Lord Jesus—the witness of poverty and detachment, of freedom in the face of the powers of this world, in short, the witness of sanctity.

76. … We therefore address our exhortation to our brethren in the Episcopate, placed by the Holy Spirit to govern the Church. We exhort the priests and deacons, the bishops’ collaborators in assembling the People of God and in animating spiritually the local communities. We exhort the religious, witnesses of a Church called to holiness and hence themselves invited to a life that bears testimony to the beatitudes of the Gospel. We exhort the laity: Christian families, youth, adults, all those who exercise a trade or profession, leaders, without forgetting the poor who are often rich in faith and hope—all lay people who are conscious of their evangelizing role in the service of their Church or in the midst of society and the world. We say to all of them: our evangelizing zeal must spring from true holiness of life, and, as the Second Vatican Council suggests, preaching must in its turn make the preacher grow in holiness, which is nourished by prayer and above all by love for the Eucharist(End of quotes)

I want to emphasize that this topic of a call to a deeper conversion was already considered in the blog of October 2013 but a year later there is a slight difference. In 2014, I am seeking a further inner conversion that may lead me to say yes to God’s will but with total certitude and conviction that I must say yes but out of love, out of wanting to give Him glory and also, never looking back to see what it is left behind or worrying about what is ahead. It has to be a yes full of desire to be His servant with every breath of my life. This attitude will give me the graces necessary to grow in faith, and with much faith added to prayer, the Holy Spirit will bring a deeper conversion to me and to the lives of my family members, dear friends and enemies, and in areas of the world where Satan is reigning with violence, hatred, division, lies, etc. And this is evangelization at its best, but it starts with me and I “must gain them by forcethey belong to the violent, says the Lord, through toil and suffering, through a life lived according to the Gospel, through abnegation and the cross, through the spirit of the beatitudes”

Notice that all His efforts to show me His Presence everywhere (it sounds like the commercial that mentions how EWTN is everywhere!) are graces reminding me of my need for a deeper radical “yes” to His will and moment to moment. On one hand, it is refreshing to see His Hand into my daily conversion. On the other hand, it reminds me that I must pay attention to the changes necessary to become that truly dedicated disciple who works daily at loving Him and loving my neighbor as myself. It is a very active process of His love and my “yes” to His guidance. And the best of all is that I do not have to figure out how to do it… He gives the teaching, the guidance and the power through His Spirit to all of us in order to change ourselves and become His devoted disciples as our Mother in heaven was! It is a lot of fun. I want to quote a small part of that blog of one year ago, to show you how my Mother was alerting me as to how to proceed in this inner conversion and hinting at my need to purify the quality of my yes to God’s will…

From blog of October, 2013 titled:

Some stories about my personal relationship with Christ and a call to a deeper conversion

Let me close with a teaching I received from my Mother on All Saints Feast Day and a repetition of other teachings, and probably signaling its importance!

Our Lady: “Faith is to say “yes” to whatever is happening in your life but convinced that it is perfect and necessary to glorify God and for your salvation and of that of your neighbor. The most important prayer is to ask for the above to be so!  Anything that interferes with your faith and prayer life should be identified, rectified and repented from, since faith lived as explained, expresses continuous trust in God’s love. And this attitude of your mind and soul will be needed for His mercy to make of you a diamond that sparkles and reveals to everyone that God truly exists.

“Evangelization with just words in these times of so much confusion, excessive communication and lack of love cannot win souls and keep them in your ranks. The state of unbelief is too far gone. They need you to witness radical faith, radical hope and radical love that will call their attention like a diamond does and become a proof to them that God not only exists but loves them. For you to become such diamond, you must partner with the Holy Spirit as I did with my “yes”, and my Son will be impregnated in their souls as a Real Presence. Give yourself to this type of partnership. Become small as His Words become part of your being. Use your crosses as powerful tools for your “yes” to transform you into an evangelist that shines and sparkles as a diamond. And always remember, God will transform the present Nineveh. You just say “yes” to whatever He calls you to do or say but without any particular plans of your own. He will provide the plans and the wisdom to do what is needed. Jonah did not have any plans at all when he preached at Nineveh. He was only used with God’s grace over him. You can do the same.” (End of quote)

Well, what else can I add to these messages? I am going to stop right here and leave my answer for the end of this blog. First, I will share a few stories on different days of this month of October, and how on Oct. 15, the feast of my beloved St. Teresa of Avila, I received some guidance as to what the topic of this blog would be.

Tuesday, October 7

I wrote in my journal:

My health is a disaster because doctors have no answers for my many food allergies and how my body reacts to them. It is requiring much faith on my part to trust that God knows it and allows it and therefore, it is perfect to feel that way. Today, I thought of saying many Rosaries for my health and especially for the small amount of memory I lost after my rapid and surprising weight loss with the use of the probiotic VSL#3, which followed my severe gastric bleeding of August of 2013. It is obvious that I released much toxicity from the fat dissolved and in a very short time. Since I do not have an efficient production of the main detoxifier chemical from my liver, gluthatione, parts of my memory center in the brain became sickly again. Yet, the Spanish language which was gone for some years and even after my memory recovery in 2010, now it is simply a dream. Daily I come up with words that I had not said in years! It is amazing that this is another proof that yes, our memory loss is reversible and that in time, with good detoxification, I will reverse what was lost after the recent weight loss. It is also amazing to realize that the probiotic is not allowing more weight loss as it did shortly after the gastric bleeding, which is an indication that OBESITY is partially the product of toxicity…!!! This explains how some of us who never over ate, have gained weight. I wonder if all obese patients should be detoxified first and then placed on a diet… Otherwise, the diet will shed pounds that will worsen the toxicity by releasing the toxics dissolved in the fat and help regain the lost pounds. Basically all people that have gained weight without excessive abuse of food, if they lose weight with X diet, will regain the weight… I always remember the famous Oprah Winfrey, who some years ago lost many pounds and regained them shortly after. This science is becoming clearer and clearer to me… but now through my own experience. No one in the scientific world seems to address toxicity as one of the causes of obesity; therefore, I bless this moment of even losing some memory again because it is the only way that I can prove a point to many others, and which will be part of the book in progress! (I am working often in the final editing of this book. If at any time, any of you readers of this blog think of me, please pray for the grace to finish it. My problem is of course, my left eye which does not like being exposed to the brightness of the computer’s screen for long periods of time)

Well, after I had thought of saying more Rosaries per day to get my health in a better shape, I suddenly realized that it is more important at this point to grow in faith by saying to all these findings, “yes, so be it”… I need to submit my will to His will with the full understanding that He is in charge of all that is happening, as well as gaining these battles for me but in His time. Therefore, this big mountain of little things that I need to change regarding my health will be moved (resolved) when I simply stay dressed with great faith to watch how He will do it… Living with Him, through Him and in Him is so doable! I also must remember often the words of Pope Paul VI in his encyclical.

On this day and by chance, I found a channel where the Hispanic television Telemundo re-runs old soap operas. Sometime in the early 2000, they had one called “Las Cuatro P’s”… or, The Four P’s. Well, this P stands for prostitutes. Sodom and Gomorrah did not broadcast such things… They could not do so at the time… In our times of massive media communication, Satan has used it to prostitute our brains and some of us must… run and become radical Roman Catholics by doing what it is already written for us by Blessed Paul VI: “This kingdom and this salvation, which are the key words of Jesus Christ’s evangelization, are available to every human being as grace and mercy, and yet at the same time each individual must gain them for forcethey belong to the violent, says the Lord, through toil and suffering, through a life lived according to the Gospel, through abnegation and the cross, through the spirit of the beatitudes. But above all each individual gains them through a total renewal which the Gospel calls metanoia; it is a RADICAL CONVERSION, a profound change of mind and heart.”

 Thursday, Oct. 9

After receiving Communion Jesus said, “Keep saying yes with a pure heart to everything; a yes to your pain in joints; yes to being unable to clean the house as often as you want to, etc. And this attitude of yours will have blessed consequences. Major good things will happen soon.”

I visited the Target store and one more time (again) I needed to bring down from a high place, some large six pack bottles of Evian which were on sale. I waited and waited for some Target employee to be around to ask him/her to do it for me and even prayed some Hail Mary’s. I remembered that the Gospel says, “Ask and you shall have.” Suddenly, a man from some outside company who was unloading some bread walked at least 10 yards and offered to do it! He happened to be Hispanic. As a gift, and as I often do, I told him that I buy Evian because it has the least amount of fluoride and how this has to do with my memory recovery. Then, I asked him if anybody in his family suffered from depression. He said that his mother does… and despite treatment. I told him about carrageenan and his eyes opened wide and he had a huge smile in his face. I had made his day, but his act of love was the beginning of this gift for his mother. Had he not loved me with his helping gesture, he would never have found out about carrageenan, even if I write it in the book. The chances would have been almost minimal that he would buy the book! Yet, God was there for both of us as long as I would follow His guidance to keep this appointment, which means that I had to be wrapped in faith with my crosses embraced in order to detect the voice of the Holy Spirit indicating to me when and at what time I had to be in that store!

With a super heavy cart I ended up at the cashier section. Judith had no customers and came to invite me to move to her line. She also helped me get all items out. She called for help and Cody came. He seemed to be her supervisor because he came and started the checking of items as she was placing them in the conveyor belt. He offered to help me out to my car. In route, I passed on to him the two stories of memory reversal to explain why of the many Evian’s in my cart and I also told him about how to prevent depression. He was fascinated. I ended up talking about Jesus (he was Catholic) and how this Jesus had led me to find out about these things. I also mentioned how on this day, Jesus had placed this worker from another company to help me get the Evian down, and the need he had to know about how to help his mother for depression. Cody seemed even more fascinated. As I drove home, I knew that evangelization 101 had been happening in this routing through Target at a very particular time to find these three people. Who says that we have to super organize ourselves to evangelize? What we need is to super convert ourselves via our obedience to the Gospel, and this will send us to evangelize according to the needs of others for whom God made an appointment with us. It is soo easy! The problem is that we do not trust Him that He can do so… More and more I see religious programs where people work in parishes to bring many to the liturgies, but based in the so called success of others. If the Holy Spirit is mentioned, He is like the final organizer of these many different ways to attract others. We are all fools! And sorry if I sound very radical in this point.

Saturday, October 11

After going to Confession, I had some time to pray two Rosaries before Mass and entered into the realization that the Synod of Bishops discussing the family was going on and that much division “seemed” to be present. After the Synod was over, Fr. Mitch Pacwa in EWTN clearly explained that the translation of words into different languages becomes part of the problem of the description of what went on. However, the pagan media takes all these concepts and ideas, twists them and come up with alarming stories about the Synod. In another program I heard the Cardinal from Washington, D. C. and one of my favorite American Bishops, saying that this was a process of discernment… and it made sense that there were many ideas thrown to be considered as per request of our Pope Francis. It is natural to find such process to be one of many considerations for the pastoral care of families and other “hot” topics that are important for the Church in these times. 

Well, on this afternoon after my confession and only after one week of meetings in the Synod, Jesus came and explained to me how He suffers with the confusion that at the time was evident, but for me, He said that I only have to grow in faith that He is in charge… It is not the Pope or the Bishops. He is in charge and my work is to offer all my suffering for the sake of all Bishops and the Pope to be able to hear His Spirit’s guidance, and to kick out Satan… one more time. I did remember that after Vatican II, most of us did not pay attention to Satan’s work in the midst of the implementation of this Council. We simply ignored the evil one as he sowed division and confusion. Suddenly, I became certain that this is the time for me to undergo a brutal conversion and to work in the quality of my “yes” to all things, good, bad and in between, for the sake of the Church… This Church that received me as daughter of my Father when I was baptized, and sanctified me with His Holy Spirit in order to become a disciple able to help my brothers and sisters. Now this Church needs my assistance with my sacrifice, and above all, with my greatest sacrifice, to deny my will always and say yes to His will for everything in order to be able to end all attempts of confusion, division, lies, etc within and coming from the flesh or Satan.

That same night and after being purified with the blessing of the priest who heard my confession, it became apparent that I have received so many gifts and owe Him total obedience to whatever He wants. My inner conversion in this matter is not only necessary but I owe it to Him…

Wednesday, Oct. 15 – Feast of Santa Teresa de Avila, the Saint whom I knew very well even as a little girl, because of my maternal grandmother’s influence, fact that emphasizes the need for a holy human family behind us.

On this date I had another left intra-ocular injection. The status of my eye was depicted by a computer picture as stable. However, I feel I can see much better than 6 weeks before. My next injection was scheduled for December 3.

Later on this day while in prayer, I was given 3 pages in the Bible to look up and told that it would give me ideas about the topic for this blog.

Page 1333 – Ephesians 4: 17-18, 20-24. Renewal in Christ. “So, I declare and testify in the Lord that you must no longer live as the Gentiles in the futility of their minds, darkened in understanding, alienated from the life of God because of their ignorance, because of their hardness of heart… that you should (1) put away the old self of your former way of life and (2) be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and (3) put on the new self, created in God’s way in righteousness and holiness of truth.”

Ephesians 5:15. “Watch carefully then how you live not as foolish persons but as wise, making the most of the opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore, do not continue in ignorance, but try to understand what the will of the Lord is.

Page 1250 – Acts 20:21-24, 35. (Paul’s farewell speech at Miletus). “I earnestly bore witness for both Jews and Greeks to repentance before God and to faith in our Lord Jesus. But now compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem. What will happen to me there I do not know, except that in one city after another the Holy Spirit has been warning me that imprisonment and hardships await me, yet I consider life of no importance to me if only I may finish the course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to bear witness to the Gospel of God’s grace… In every way I have shown you that by hard work of that sort we must help the weak, and keep in mind the words of the Lord Jesus Who Himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”

Page 615 – Psalms 83 to 86. They are all on prayer to God

The message for this day can be summarized as our need to seek a renewal in Christ (conversion) which calls for a renewal of our minds, 1) by seeking God’s will and 2) going to where the Spirit sends us regardless of any hardships and difficulties that may come with it, 3) remembering that it is most blessed to be instruments of giving the Truth of the Gospel to others than our own needs and desires and 4) with prayer in our lips at all times. 

Friday, October 17.

I woke up remembering that God wins all battles. At this time, I heard this interior voice of the Spirit and this is what I wrote in my journal:

“Trust that I win all your battles! Only LIVE each moment in my Presence ready to do My will. The state of the Church with the division among Bishops during the present Synod, is My war to win. You only have to have the radical faith that I will fix this division but fully believe it! And the best way is to stay in the ‘yes’ of My Mother, which will bring all the fruits, including winning all battles in the Church and in the world. Have faith that I can do all things and go to Mass to make a deal with Me: you will work on the quality of your fiat to obtain the fruits to trust that I will win these battles plus your personal crosses, and never waste time on why’s or why not’s!” I realized that He was repeating again what He has said the previous night.

As soon as I entered the church and before I started the Rosary, just as I was saying good morning to Him, He repeated again, “I will win all the battles regarding your health issues. Just believe that it will be so! Ignore everything that you may see around of lack of attention to My Eucharistic Presence. Let it be! I will win that battle as well.”  I prayed the Family Rosary and the format for preparation for the consecration to Our Lady. I immediately remembered when I was a child that Oct. 17 was the feast of St. Margaret Mary, and that it was a huge day for me at the Convent/school of St. Margaret Mary Alacoque. Soon after, I also realized all the blessings given to me in all areas of my life since childhood, and did understand how He won all battles around me to give me a profession without any cost to me and bring me to the U.S. to learn English. So, I believed even more that He truly is in charge.

Before the Mass, some school children came and most of them looked like they had no idea of Jesus’ REAL Presence in the Tabernacle and this has been observed in all parishes that I have belonged to in years past. It was nothing new, yet, what was new is that I felt the call to do something about it! I immediately realized that I have to grow in my faith as best as I can, with the greatest “yes” to His will in everything, and wait for Him to change this school right in front of my eyes. I felt led to adopt the school (first time in my life) and was reminded to include all teachers and then just as important, to let God do His work! But this radical trust that He can do marvelous things will also stop the evil one from dividing the Synod Fathers and the entire year will be one where I must grow in faith to obtain a major win for the Church until the next Synod in Oct. 2015. After Communion, I made the deal with Him related to this spiritual adoption of the school. In hindsight, what I missed on doing was to adopt the entire Church… Why not? Well, this proves how I can miss doing some very important things for the Kingdom, unless I am told to do so… This is exactly one item where I need some conversion. Notice how our Mother said “yes” to God’s will and immediately took off to help her cousin… and also brought the Holy Spirit to her and the unborn baby John. She jumped from something so personal and spectacular like being told that she was impregnated with the Messiah King, believed it and without being told what to she thought of her relative and her needs AND DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Wow!

In this act of evangelization, she modeled for us what it is to say a high quality “yes” to God’s will. In my understanding, the quality of her yes means that she received the grace to deny herself, embrace the cross of what this pregnancy as a non married woman would mean to her fiancée Joseph and to the community which could have killed her for this supposedly grave sin, and followed the path that the Messiah would have taken, to love her neighbor as herself. The END PRODUCT was fantastic. She became the first evangelizer after the arrival to this earth of Jesus, in Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity. It also clearly established the beauty and sanctity of the unborn child… Killing babies in the womb is like killing baby Jesus as a fetus in the womb of His mom, because what we do to others, we also are doing it to Him and He said so. Our Lady never thought of her freedom to “choose” what to do.

I came home and at 1:45 PM He came again to remind me of the importance of my lesson: I must say yes to everything. This is the fuel behind receiving the power to believe like my Mother in heaven did – and such complete trust will bring the Holy Spirit to reveal God’s Presence to the hearts of these children and the entire parish and many others. I remembered of His words, “Go and make disciples of all nations.” Only God can change hearts. But Jesus came to make a family of all of us as adopted children of the Father. Then, He ascended to heaven and sent us His Holy Spirit to conceive Jesus in the souls of many! My first job is at this parish and hopefully one day include all parishes in the world… I never can forget that it is the fire of my crosses with a firm “yes” to them but out of love of God and my neighbor that will give me such faith to move mountains, to move hearts through the power of the Holy Spirit. Evangelization is simple: we must do what Jesus and His Mother came to model for us or to do the will of the Father out of love.

Saturday, October 18.

At 1:30 AM I watched the Mass celebrating the 100 years of the movement of Our Lady of Schoenstatt in Germany. For many years I have been familiarized with this her title and story behind it. A second gathering was done with thousands of peoples from all parts of the world (I even saw the Costa Rican flag among them) to MAKE A PACT OF ALLIANCE, A BOND OF LOVE. The homilist spoke of the need of the members of the Shoenstatt movement to become saints and to be great missionaries.

Sunday, October 19.

I offered the Mass to make a similar pact of alliance with God, a bond of love with God, via my “yes” to all things He commands or allows in my life. I asked my Father to give me the power and conviction to always say “yes” to His will but out of my desire to give Him glory out of love for Him. Although I did not understand it at the time, I was basically making a pact with Him to say “yes” to His will but for the right reasons, that is because I love Him and love my neighbor… I also asked him to use this act of faith to produce many fruits and move mountains in the life of the students and teachers of the parish school and lead them to recognize Jesus in the Eucharist as He allowed me to do as a small child.

I realized that if Jesus called me to recognize His Eucharistic Presence so early in my life, it is obvious that I should pray much for all children up to age 18 to recognize Him as well, and then, have the witness of the children convert the adults around them. It is interesting that as of a couple of days before I was asked to also pray daily the prayers of preparation for the consecration to Our Lady, and do the actual consecration in her major feast days and do it all on behalf of the children and teachers as well, plus my boys, wives, children and a good friend of mine.

After Communion, Jesus said that something good would be happening in my family. A few days later, I received some good news from one of my sons. I trust more these messages after Communion since my Mother has said many times that with her Son within me and just minutes after, Satan cannot come and disrupt His Presence and His Truth and tell me lies. Yet, I always keep Satan in mind… When the message is corroborated, it gives me great peace of mind because Biblically, Satan is depicted when he came to tempt Jesus!

On this same day, Pope Paul VI was declared Blessed. I loved this Pope very much. His encyclical regarding the use of contraceptives (Humana Vitae) always impressed me and even that I practiced what he wrote before he wrote it, I agreed with this Pope even more. Yet, I did not know of the division AT THE TIME among Bishops and Cardinals around him because of this encyclical. This made me even more proud of his spirituality and obedience to the Holy Spirit. I cannot wait until he is canonized. His feast day is September 26.

Unfortunately, one of the Cardinals who withdrew his support before this encyclical was published, I knew well in the 1970’s because he was one of the principal endorsers of the Charismatic Movement. Again, we all are human and must pray for each other although recognizing that all of us are weak at times. The Charismatic movement that in 1977 “baptized me in the Holy Spirit” in Ann Arbor, MI, would not deny the Eucharist or devotion to Our Lady, but they both were totally ignored in the name of ecumenism. This was a huge error… A short number of years later, I distanced myself from the movement as I saw the danger I had been exposed to, of trying to ignore Jesus in the Eucharist and Our Lady. Nothing was said against them, but they were never mentioned. The Holy Spirit, the Third Person of the Holy Trinity and Spouse of Our Mother was the only one brought to us with signs and wonders… And why do I mention this? Because at the time this battle was won by God in my heart even that I never recognized it as such. I just realized the problem and moved on… Yes, the Holy Spirit became central in my life ever since, and I thank God to this day because they introduced me to Him in a new way. However, God was there to protect me from ignoring the other two formidable Beings in my spiritual life. This remains a big teaching for me to this day. Many excellent Catholic teachers and theologians mean well with what they do, and yet, ignore Satan and his temptations… This is one more reason for me to work on the quality of my “yes” to His will so that I can receive ample graces to discern when Satan is around, and instead of dividing my heart with resentment, to pray for those who have fallen into this evil spirit’s suggestions.

Wednesday, October 22. Feast of St. John Paul II

I was taken by the installation of Bishop Daniel Thomas as Bishop of Toledo, OH. I visited so many times their Cathedral of Our Lady Queen of the Rosary. Since the Lord had decided to test me for five years without a job and without permission to sell my home to come to California as invited by my son, I would attend many important Masses in the Cathedral. It is soo beautiful. Even our Vatican representative, Archbishop Carlo Maria Vigano said so. Then, many memories rushed to my brain and I asked myself, “How did I do it? How did I survive all those years playing as a crazy mad woman in front of my sons?” – In retrospect, it was a huge blessing. My Mother has said many times that I needed to be tested in the fire of His love in order to write these blogs… No one can understand what this playing crazy means in one’s life until it is personally lived. It was an interior battle and I OBEYED through the power of the Holy Spirit. I will repeat some stories already told in past blogs:

To top the suffering of these years, one dear cleric said to me that I should not complain because people with money difficulties find a job and work! And yes, I had two possibilities for a job: one to direct a surgery center in South Bend, IN area, but suddenly after working for them for a whole month and being told that I was excellent and to go and put on sale my home and move there, they called me and withdrew the offer. This was in 2005 and I always remember that I had shown difficulty in writing at the end of each day, what amount of narcotics I had used for each patient. It was obvious but not at the time that my memory loss was there… They might of gotten together and realize that may be I was a drug addict and never gave to the patients what I said I did and to keep some for my personal use… since I would not remember well! This could be a reason.

Then, in 2006 I had another month stint in Ohio in a Catholic hospital and was given the job for $25,000 a month with no other benefits of any kind. Unfortunately, the preparation for patients before anesthesia was absolutely inadequate. By now, I had been chief of a surgery center and knew very well how important it is to assess the health issues of the patients before we attempt to give the anesthetic. Not in this place. We gave anesthetics no matter what because the surgeons expected these patients to undergo x surgery and according to their schedules at their office and vacation time. I had to say no to this fantastic salary rather than disobeying the second most important commandment. It was obvious that God came first and mammon second! So, there is no question that I was judged by others according to this crazy way of staying without job in a home that required so much money to pay the mortgage and semiannual property taxes, etc… I must have looked like super crazy and I do not blame them! This yes to the will of God had to place God and my neighbor first and myself second… Yet and unbeknownst to me at the time, this was also my way of giving a chance to my sons to excel at their obedience to the Fourth Commandment.  I know for sure that such care for me has granted them many blessings wifh more to come!

But Satan was super active at the same time that I was saying yes to God and staying in Toledo without a job…As you remember, I have written this story many times or that a lady sacristan in the parish I was attending became my enemy, and how much of an enemy was not known until I came to California and was summoned in writing by the Ohio Board of Medicine for being a terrible doctor and mentioned three huge faults, as written by a person from Toledo. The worse is that I had tried to kill the person, who sent the story to the Board, but she gave the wrong name and address and they could not find her!!! Imagine how Satan works… How was it possible that a Board of Professionals wanted to indict me with stories by someone who gave them the wrong name and address?… Ouch!!! So, I did go through a mini “hell” and I went to this Cathedral to pray to my Mom and ask her for her help in the matter. Was it true that I should not sell the home? It is obvious that seeing this gorgeous Cathedral LIVE also brought me incalculable pain from the “hell” that God allowed while living in Toledo… But He was with me all the time… and He sold the home four months after entering the market, at the time that homes were not selling at all. Yes, God is alive and loves us to pieces, and at times, take us to Calvary carrying a heavy cross but doing the will of the Father at all cost. What a grace! And yes, these memories did have a connection with the core of this blog but it was not clear at the time…

Wednesday, October 29

I had been very concerned that I had been unable to write the conclusions to this blog in a clear way. I was truly unable to put it together and yes, I missed big time to say “yes” to this His will… Huh! I get caught quite often ignoring a cross and not using it for the benefit of my work for the Kingdom. On this day, I had fallen asleep in my comfortable Lazy Boy chair in my room and suddenly woke up at 1:30 AM. I realized that it was already Wednesday and the time that the weekly LIVE meeting of Pope Francis occurs with the multitudes at the Vatican. I turned EWTN on and the program was not there. I then clicked a button to reveal the series of programs coming up and this also shows two other TV channels. EWTN is 229 and 230 is the Protestant channel TBN. Well, they had a program titled Baseball Champs of Faith… and as you know, on this day, we still had no winner for the World Series, which was tied up between my local San Francisco Giants and the Royals of Kansa City, MO team. It turned out that this program was CATHOLIC!!! Copyrighted in 2007, they had many well known baseball players of the past talking about their faith. Little did I know that they had so solid faith in Jesus, the Eucharist and Our Lady…!

Mike Piazza who played with the Dodgers and the Mets, spoke of his meeting with St. John Paul II in 2002… the same year that I was able to kneel at his feet and receive his blessing and a Rosary. Piazza declared in this program that success, happiness, money and power meant nothing. He said that he had to daily slow down and think of God, because He is the only one that could give us fulfillment and happiness. Players Suppan and Eckstein also spoke of their effort to attend Mass on the weekends that they had to play. One of the past Bishops of this Diocese of Oakland, Most Reverend Salvatore Cordileone, appeared celebrating Mass and during the Consecration but around 2006, while he was a Bishop in the San Diego Diocese. He is now the Archbishop of San Francisco. In fact, the program closed with this theme of the Consecration of the Eucharist done by him. Piazza spoke how they would ask for a win for each game, but also understood that God may not answer this request and was accepted as His will. He said, “God tests our faith.” They gave an address as to the producer of the program à  

Then, at 2:10 AM I went back to EWTN and found in progress the meeting with Pope Francis. I saw a Costa Rican flag among the multitude! I was able to hear Pope Francis’ words in Spanish… What a gift! At this time, they do not have translators and I was able to hear him without another voice translating into English. God had all of this prepared for me. My spouse, who passed away in 2001, was a faithful follower of baseball, of course, being from the Dominican Republic. Of my four sons, three love baseball, and of all these years of being in contact with this sport via these faithful viewers, little did I know the quality of faith of some of these players. American football extraordinary college quarter back, Tim Tiboe was ostracized in the NFL for his faith and all along, faith in God has been around and many of the players of different sports, especially the Catholics who show their faith with the signing of the Cross, which is a Catholic custom, can be seen showing such faith. This program made me realize that the Holy Spirit is everywhere as well, like ETWN!, and God is working and alive in many more hearts than we expect.  I was very happy that I had not been able to finish this blog, since God had programmed this viewing to be reported here. I realized that waking up right at the point of watching in a Protestant channel, a Catholic program, and with the Pope being scheduled for later, well, it was His gift.

But God was not finished with me. Right after the end of the LIVE program from Rome, Fr. Dubay was aired as he discussed the meaning of heroic virtue. He discussed these verses, which looked exactly like what I had learned this entire month.

Colossians 1: 3-5a; 9-12. – We always give thanks to God, the Father of Our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, for we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and the love that you have for all the holy ones because of the hope reserved for you in heaven… Therefore, from the day we heard this, we do not cease praying for you and asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding to live in a matter worthy of the Lord,  so as to be fully pleasing, in every good work bearing fruit and growing in the knowledge of God, strengthened with every power, in accord with His glorious might, for all endurance and patience, with joy giving thanks to the Father, Who has made you fit to share in the inheritance of the holy ones in light.

Also in this same day and by chance, I ended up turning on EWTN and they were it airing a 2010 a program describing the status of Armenia after the communist occupation and subsequent exodus. The priest, who narrated his work in a town of this country, stated that what Armenia needs now the most is faith. They have none. And elderly man said to him that the Trinity is composed of the Father, the Son and the Mother! The drug cartel is alive and everywhere you have to pay for whatever it is your right to get. He had to pay $300 dollars for the right to use a cell phone. Men think that being unfaithful to the wife is normal and O.K. Mass does not mean anything to them except a way to socialize. To be treated in a hospital demands payment on the side of big amounts of money. Poverty is devastating to even watch it.

What I saw helped me realize the treasure I have by living in this beautiful country, the U.S.A., and that I have many parishes all around me. Yes, our right to our faith principles is openly being challenged but minimally compared to these countries. Communism came to finish with the faith in God. Our Lady of Fatima also came to warn us and asked us to pray Rosaries for peace in the world and for what was coming… Did we listen to her? What happened? I was left this day clearly touched by the many blessings I have received, and with how little I have improved in my inner conversion to become a warrior in prayer and in witness… My blessings are too many… I basically have failed my God!


The topics brought to me during the month had to do with a renewal in Christ. I would dare to say that every ecclesial movement has as its main chore to bring a renewal in Christ, or a life which always looks at Him and His Word and example and tries to follow it. However, there are degrees of purity of intention on our part when we seek to do it.

1. As we go through life, seeking God’s will, our yes must be one that shows our radical stance to suffer if it means to do His will, just as St. Paul did by choosing to go to Jerusalem compelled by the Spirit and knowing that he would be persecuted…

2. Our yes to His will must be one without looking back as to where we are and where we are going. I remember in my past life when after the first and a most severe persecution in my job in Cleveland Ohio, I had to sit down and pray for a year in order to calm the people who persecuted for no reason, although they invented reasons to let me go. People around me were convinced that I had to fight them in the Courts but it was not God’s plan. I needed them to give a good report of my work for the next job and it was better to use the funds that I had in the bank to pass this one year waiting for them to reflect on what they had done to me. And they did. However, it was a very long tedious year after what I had lived and not knowing if I would ever could get another job! This year gave me the opportunity to read what St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross wrote centuries before. It also led me to bring a Marian person from Illinois to consecrate my home and family to Our Lady Queen of the Universe! Then God sent me to look for a job and I found one in the area of South Bend, IN. I moved alone and soon after I rented a home and brought the younger two sons, 8 and 9 years old. The oldest was at the University of Michigan. The second and with whom I live now, stayed in Cleveland with his father while attending St. Ignatius High School. In time, they all came to Indiana after I bought a home and finished the ample basement and added three bedrooms and a library. So, the 6 of us were housed together again.

Let me repeat the story: it was on a May 4th, in Houston Texas, during a medical meeting, that I was sent to read Joshua 4 in the Gideon’s Bible at the hotel. I was told that I would receive an offer for a job and to say yes, and as Joshua with the Israelites, I would not get wet crossing the Jordan River. On May 7th we received the offer and we moved back to Cleveland… The quality of this “yes” had to be radical and the Lord knew I needed a sign so not to question this change of jobs and residence when it looked totally crazy.

However, because of this move, my oldest son was able to finish his college degree. He had left the University of Michigan because he found too much drug dealing in his own dormitory. He tried to continue at the University of Indiana at South Bend but did not like it but in Cleveland, he graduated from a Jesuit university, John Carroll. My third son was able through his time at St. Ignatius to receive the call for further studies in theology and heard of Franciscan University of Steubenville, located a few hours from our home. There, he met his classmate and future brother in law. This led him to visit him in at the home of his parents in Vancouver where he met his present wife. (Just imagine if I had not had been faithful to do God’s will for me and return to the same place where I had been so badly rebuked, just because we had a new home and recently remodeled?)

But a personal relationship with Him it is not about talking about Him and saying many Rosaries, while I ignore what He did… Anything short of that is simply none sense. I could belong to all the ecclesial movements in the Church and yet, not be His disciple as He defined it. And as Blessed Paul VI wrote, it has to do with àThis kingdom and this salvation, which are the key words of Jesus Christ’s evangelization, are available to every human being as grace and mercy, and yet at the same time each individual must gain them by forcethey belong to the violent, says the Lord, through toil and suffering, through a life lived according to the Gospel, through abnegation and the cross, through the spirit of the beatitudes. But above all each individual gains them through a total interior renewal which the Gospel calls metanoia; it is a radical conversion, a profound change of mind and heart.

It was obvious that I have to gain it all by force, suffering or no suffering, with “a constant interior renewal, a profound change of mind and heart.”

Ecclesial movements are very important at certain periods of our lives and there is no question about it, but we have to understand that the basic question is how much I work at converting my heart and mind to be able to hear the Holy Spirit’s admonitions, guidance, and at the same time, to have the grace necessary to make of daily living, a way to follow Jesus, that is, to do what He did… and save as many souls as He places in our path. Socialization through the ecclesial movements is fun and good, but never a determinant to receive the graces needed to be true followers of the Messiah King.

In terms of the family, yes, we have to pay much attention to educate our families in the things of God, because the youth comes out ready to enter the world and find always ways NOT to do His will. And the youth is the future of the world. Yet, if we simply try very hard on our own to be good parents and spouses, this is also an invitation to the evil one to destroy what has been done. Therefore, we need the power of the Holy Spirit in our daily living, His power to make us witnesses that can change others as we go through life, the youth, the older generation, and even help our pastors to understand that their work is not in vain and that some of us are here to follow Jesus, just as they are.

There is another point in this discussion: at all times, each one of us has had a trajectory to follow as planned by God Himself once He made us and let us be part of x family. This has to be emphasized in all children as they grow up. We must tell them that we all are very important evangelists from day one and we all must understand that grace is available to accomplish what we were created to do. It is a matter of doing God’s will day in and day out, in order to open the door of our hearts and minds to the Holy Spirit to guide us in this beautiful plan of our own salvation and the salvation of many. In my own story, I know that I had little to do with everything I have lived. I had a super Marian and religious Catholic grandmother who fostered love for God and His Mom. There you have the importance of family. She was a witness. I simply followed her through the love she gave me, a profound love that to this date I have not forgotten. Love and witness can move mountains because it was an expression of her faith in the Lord.  This can prove that it is all a beautiful art piece of the Beatitudes and the Love of God for us that makes us beautiful spiritual beings.

But there are ways to brain wash ourselves as to how to remember how to be opened 24/7 to the Holy Spirit. It is not a part time job and this is precisely what the Lord tried to teach me during this past month. It is a constant job and there are a few things to do for this training.

I have made a list of the most important blessings that God has showered over me without I having anything to do with them. Of this list, I have chosen a few extraordinary ones and every time that I complain minimally for what is happening in that moment, even doing it because humanly speaking it merits some complaint, I then bring to mind His love for me by the things He has done… This takes me automatically to thank Him for all the good He allowed in my life and repudiate my conduct of not liking what is going on and SAYING A BIG YES TO IT, but with so much enthusiasm, and this simply because of taking a few seconds to admire the work He has already done in my soul. For example: at the beginning I disliked somewhat the division of ideas within the Synod. It was not just division but it gave me the impression that the love of God and neighbor was not truly present… I immediately thought of my reversal of memory loss and realized that He can win all battles, all of them. Of course, these Bishops are human beings like I am and my work is to admire them for serving Jesus with their lives and love them where they are at… Not changed! And sure enough, it was easy…. Then, I prayed for them to be led to a resolution of the division with the will of God for these meetings that will conclude in 2015. I offered all my sufferings with health issues and did it with love and care for the Church.

So, the one remembrance of how God won the battle of my dementia, led me to rebuke my dislike and to walk the walk of love and care for my Bishops. If they knew how much I love them NOW after this kind of observation of my own blessings!!! They are not alone. I am here to have the faith that they will find union of hearts and minds to bring us the Truth of the Gospel in matters of the family, and hopefully, my faith will help in allowing my God to produce miracles in their hearts. At times I hope that my Father in Heaven looks down in His creation and says, “Ah, here is a woman with great faith… What is it that she wants and answer her?” And He finds me loving my Bishops as His images, and my crosses tightly embraced and offered for them, looking like diamonds on earth. My Dad will hurry up and take care of Satan and all circumstances to bring to their souls the spiritual Incarnation of Christ, as He did with Our Lady but in her case with His flesh, soul and divinity.

At other times, when confronted with any resentment of any kind for my brothers and sisters, I know that I have to say “yes” to the suffering they are causing me, but almost immediately I now reflect on the quality of my yes. Is it a yes because I have to do it? Is it a yes but with resentment all around it? Then, I go to my short list of past blessings in order to correct the quality of my yes.

These are few of the blessings that I keep in mind:

Age 61/2 – I recognized Jesus as alive in the Eucharistic Host and this has been one of the greatest blessings ever received.

Age 17 – I came to a Los Angeles’ nearby beach to do my senior year of high school and learned English despite that I was not chosen in the first instance for this scholarship! (I needed the English language in order to come to the U.S.A. at a later date to obtain training in a medical specialty)

Age 18 – I started 7 years of studies to be a physician that cost me only $78, for the beginning of the career, simply because if I kept a GPA of 3.75, or higher, I did not have to pay tuition. This medical degree was key for my understanding of the brain function and how to reverse my memory loss.

Age 26 – I graduated from medical school and shortly after came to the U.S. to do my internship. I wanted to be a cardiologist and had a residency acceptance in this field, but overnight, I knew I had to be an anesthesiologist. (Important for my memory recovery and finding out that fluoride was the culprit).

1992 – Finding out that the food thickener, carrageenan, when ingested gives me a depression.

2010 – Recovery of memory loss

This new training can be summarized in this way:

1. Never let the blessings of suffering be wasted. Identify the pain, say yes to it.

2. Pay attention to the yes just given and make it shine. But how?

1) Remember one of the blessings received in the past

2) Say yes again, but this time say it with the conviction that God is eternally present in the Tabernacle/Temple of our soul with the Holy Spirit present. He is paying attention to your yes to His will.

3) Repeat it but this time embracing the cross of your suffering and giving it to Jesus to be offered for the conversion of other souls, happy to have this suffering and accepting it with great pleasure…

3. At all times keep in mind the Word of God that says,

Mathew 7:21 –Regarding being a true disciple. -> “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, BUT ONLY THE ONE WO DOES THE WILL OF MY FATHER IN HEAVEN.”

4. Often remember the quality of the “yes” of Our Lady, who forgot about herself and ran to help her cousin. Offer your suffering and help the Church at large. Own your suffering even further by trusting that it is part of the plan of God for your life as an evangelist, and as such, this suffering must be cherished as a tool of evangelization.

5. Pray often but with great pleasure for being a member of the family of the Father. From time to time, go back to 2Chronicles 29 and 30 — a nice story of the power of prayer. Pray Psalms 83 to 86.

One more thing: Our Lady’s yes and Jesus’ yes to do God’s will (the Father’s will) are behind the graces needed to “fatten” our faith, our trust in God Who counts every hair of our head! Prayer to obtain such graces of faith, hope and love are very important; yet, the power behind our prayer depends on our yes to God’s will. It is simple: whatever we need, whether be spiritual or material, for us or our neighbor like peace in the world, may require our own intervention through the guidance from the Holy Spirit. For example, Our Lady realized that at the Wedding of Cana, they needed more wine. She had to do something and asked her Son to solve this problem for the couple! Yet, how can God send us to intervene if we are opposing His will in our lives, or show indifference to what He proposes? He cannot force His will on our free will… If Our Lady had not agreed to be the mother of the Messiah, we would not have the Eucharistic Jesus today on this earth! If He had not come and died for us, we would not be adopted children of the Father!

Another possibility: I should mention that we cannot run to work for the Kingdom of God and ignoring at the same time the constant “yes” to God’s will to precisely be guided to do the work indicated for each moment. Martha’s are many! Mary’s are not as common to find. And it is in prayer at the feet of the Master Present in the Eucharistic Host that we hear the Spirit’s guidance the best and easiest; receive understanding and knowledge, and with our “yes” to proceed, we also get the courage, wisdom and power to proceed on God’s behalf. It is then that true evangelization occurs and the thousands will march back to our parishes, be converted initiating a change of life style, one of submission to God’s will, which is similar to becoming a Martha but under the prayerful stance of Mary.

Therefore, the New Evangelization must be new in its methods and ardor, so said St. John Paul II.

1) It is up to us to follow the example modeled by Jesus and His Mother. In each parish, the ministries may be many, but the definite success of evangelization of each soul depends on the method and ardor that the Holy Spirit inspires within their minds and hearts. We cannot do it without showing them our example of a continuous “yes” with great quality (perfect obedience to His will, not only saying yes!) to do whatever God ordains for us. If it is time of suffering, we say a big “yes.” If it is the time to enjoy life and His blessings, we say “yes,” knowing that each yes on our part is giving the clue to God to proceed and use us as to how to bring others to Him and giving them the example to initiate their own conversion!

2) At the same time, we must be aware of our flesh which frequently tends to make our own plans and execute them and only mentioning the Holy Spirit as our ally, and not acting as His servants.

3) We must be aware of the world which can distract us and confuse us with the coming of people to our parishes as a sign of worldly success, but later not staying and less growing through an ongoing conversion process. 

4) We must be aware of Satan who will try his best to divide us, to resent others and keep us confused with what success truly is!

5) At the very same time, we MUST NOT BE AFRAID OF THE WORLD, OUR FLESH AND SATAN, because if our “yes” is pure in its intention and constancy, God will win all those battles and even those we do not recognize as such!

6) Faith in His love and mercy for us, ultimately will sustain our “yes” to His will and the routing will be clear and doable!  And the fruit of our “yes” is an increase of faith in His love and mercy!

7) One more thing: we must always be cognizant that we are servants, and as such, we are not in control of our evangelization efforts! Otherwise, we may bring many back to the Church but lose them later or keep them in without any ongoing spiritual growth!

If I had to summarize in one paragraph what it is necessary to become a super evangelizer, I would say that we must say “yes” to His will with ardor and conviction regardless of any consequence, and use the examples of Jesus and Our Lady to give us certainty that this attitude united to prayer will give us the peace we need in the world, in our countries and in our families. If we do not stop worldwide our present Sodom and Gomorrah is because we are trying to do it ourselves while we ask God to help us… When it should be the contrary: we should expect God to do it and use us with our “yes” for whatever He needs of us for, knowing full well that peace on earth can be a reality… Yet, it us up to us according to Blessed Paul VI.

My work as of this month has been to undergo a metanoia or radical conversion, a profound change of mind and heart to say the “yes” to God’s will as Jesus and Our Lady did: complete, constant, and full of love for God in order to glorify Him, yet ready to die for my brothers and sisters. Once in this frame of mind and heart, He will do the changes necessary to give me such conversion because His Names are: Love and Mercy!

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