Archive for March, 2014

Some aspects of love of neighbor that I have not practiced well!

March 29, 2014

(I need to report that my computer may be getting too old because publishing these blogs have becoming very difficult. In this blog, some paragraphs came up in darker ink and I could not correct it, no matter how much I tried. Some paragraphs are separated from each other in a manner that is not in the original. Therefore, accept my apologies.)

This blog will be long because there is much I have to share with you. The constant temptation has been to write a summary of what I learned, but such plan would not bring the way God led me to enter into a deeper relationship with Him by almost automatically trusting in His will for me as I often contemplated His blessings, and while doing it, receiving the graces necessary to understand how I have missed loving my neighbor in a deeper way!!! In other words, by trusting in His love, I surrender to His will (or showing my love for Him), and this act generated tremendous acceptance of my crosses, which purified my soul to treat my neighbor with more tenderness and respect regardless of what they do and in a many other ways. I also learned how capable I still am to dislike my neighbor. So, the calendar sequence will help me explain His agenda for me during this month of March.


By pure chance, I had left in my documents section the blog written one year ago… At the time I shared how I was reminding myself with a little card in my pocket (at home) or in my purse if I go out, of how I have to do His will regardless, hoping to re-wire my brain to do it automatically, that is to say yes to everything that God allows in my life, including my heavy crosses. My health issues got much worse after August 2013, when my allergy to foods skyrocketed. I suspect that there were many fruits from my attempts to re-wire my brain to accept God’s will as described last March. And then my God knew I needed more big crosses (allergy to all foods after two major gastric bleedings) to be able to advance in this quest of re-wiring my brain to do His will with great desire, joy and love for Him. And to be able to say yes to His will in a more perfect way, I had to clean my inner temple of the poor ways which I was using to love my neighbor.


I simply did not understand how to be more loving towards brothers and sisters by simply never letting go of opportunities to ask for their salvation. I had never thought much in truly atoning for their sins day in and day out, and using my crosses as instruments for this act of charity. It took a whole year for me to enter into this mystery of daily laying down my life for my brothers and sisters but in action… and as a routine form of loving them. I finally realized that Jesus asked us to follow Him as being part of a true disciple. We talk about discipleship but hardly sit down to see how we are living it, even that He said that if we are not disciples, we cannot enter heaven. So, it should be obvious for us that we have to work at living discipleship as He showed us and told us, with self denial, with our crosses being embraced and following Him to do what He did. And He laid down His life for us at Calvary. I must do the same in a quiet reserved way, but as effective as His sacrifice because of my purity of intention to gain their salvation and this purity of intention requires great LOVE FOR THEM… And so, I have to love them before I offer sacrifice (as Jesus did…) in atonement for their sins. Let me repeat this concept: à doing His will always and with great conviction brings the blessings of His mercy for me to love my neighbor (family, friend, enemy, stranger…), and then I can turn around and offer my sufferings in atonement for their sins in order to accelerate their conversion and the end result, their salvation. It is soo easy and yet it sounds super complicated…


In general, let me tell you that this blog has been so far the most difficult to put together because of my eyesight! Please pardon me for my English writing mistakes and for the length of the message. In this month I will explain how just reminding myself to say “yes” with a little card “was” good but it needs to be better. I learned how to say yes but based on re-wiring my brain with images of what He has done for me (great things… as in the Magnificat…) and run to say “yes” because such great things clearly prove that He is in charge and the least I can do is to say “yes” to His will to keep this shower of graces coming but FOR USE IN PREACHING THE GOSPEL! And one main use is for me to love my brothers and sisters and with the graces of my “yes” to His will, offer my sufferings in ATONEMENT for their sins.


Let me close this introduction with a quote from our beloved Saint to be, Blessed John Paul II.

“Prayer joined to sacrifice constitutes the most powerful force in human history.”


Saturday, March 1, 2014


When clicking 229 to view EWTN, my television set only entered 29 and this was C-Span. This fact made me sure that God wanted me to enter once more into this well known health matter, get the latest update and share with you some points which may help your own brains.


Just prior to March 1, 2014, Senator Harkin, the chairman of the committee on health issues had a meeting with several experts regarding Alzheimer’s. A retired Democratic House of Representatives from Kansas (1999-2011), Dennis More, has Alzheimer’s and came to this meeting. His father died with it. His doctor’s treatment at this point is:  take medication and exercise! (Ouch)


Comedian Seth Rogen came to testify that his wife’s mother and father had it. The mother showed symptoms at age 56. He mentioned that the present investigation on how to treat or prevent it IS NOT FINANCIALLY STABLE to go and do it. (It is apparent that they are trying to find new medications to treat it and that there is no enough money available for the federal government to proceed.)


Senator Jerry Moran asked a specialist in this disease, a Dr. Hurd, if the prevalence has increased or if it is due because we are living longer?


Dr. Hurd gave this forecast: by age 90, 38% of the population will have Alzheimer’s and we are not sure why?


Q. What is the difference between Alzheimer’s and dementia?

A: Some dementia is from vascular reasons but the majority is Alzheimer’s. (I personally differ from this opinion.)


Q. What is the prevalence of Alzheimer’s at an early age, 50-55?

A: there is no evidence available. Do not know.


Q. What about environmental factors besides high blood pressure? What about education, poverty?

A. With just a high school diploma education and an income less than $75,000/year, the prevalence is four times higher.  Nothing is known regarding environmental factors. (End of quotes from this meeting)

I immediately recognized how my God had placed in front of me the lack of studies done to remedy this major problem. They commented much on the impact to society of caring for people with no memory left!!! They did emphasize the tragedy that the entire country is living.


Here are some stories that I have collected for my book to bring out the tragedy of this illness, and I have to do it now because it is something that falls in my new perspective of how to love my neighbor. I almost did not share these short quotes with a few stories out of fear of making you read something that has nothing to do directly with my experiences with God for this month. But I suddenly felt that He had signaled me to share on this subject by finding this C-Span program without intending to; also, it is my duty to revisit some important points that I have found out through my own experience, since memory loss is a tragedy for the patient and for the family and there are no answers in sight from medical experts on this matter.


1. From “Living with Alzheimer’s Disease Copyright © 2007


Mary Blake Carver gazes from the cover of a neurology magazine this month, under the headline "I’m Still Here!" She often feels like shouting the message to her friends, her children, and her husband. Mrs. Carver, 55, is among the growing ranks of people in the early stages of Alzheimer’s disease, when short-term memory is patchy, organizational skills fail, attention wanders and initiative comes and goes. But there is still a window of opportunity — maybe one year, maybe five — to reason, communicate and go about her life with a bit of help from those around her.

 Yet, Ms. Carver is often lonely and bored. Her husband leaves her out of many dinner table conversations, both say, because she cannot keep up with the normal pattern. He insists on buttoning her coat when she fumbles at the task. She was fired as a massage therapist because she lost track of time. So Ms. Carver fills her days by walking her neighborhood on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, always with her dog, so she looks like "an ordinary person," she said, not someone with "nothing better to do."
They are impaired but not helpless or demented, and now a growing number are speaking out about how it feels to be them: silenced prematurely or excluded from decision making. Bristling at well-meaning loved ones who boss them around. Seeking meaningful activities to fill their days.

2. Anesthesia Linked to Increased Dementia Risk in Seniors

Exposure to anesthesia has been linked to a 35 percent increase of dementia in patients over age 65, according to a new study.

FRIDAY, May 31, 2013 — Caregivers and seniors struggling with the dilemmas of elder care have another risk to weigh against potential rewards — senior patients exposed to general anesthesia face an increased risk of dementia, according to research presented at Euro-anesthesia, the annual congress of the European Society of Anesthesiology (ESA).

Researchers reviewed the medical information of 9,294 French patients over the age of 65. The patients were interviewed several times over a ten year period to determine their cognitive status. After two years, 33 percent of participants had been exposed to anesthesia. Most of the exposed patients (19 percent overall) were exposed to general anesthesia – a medically induced coma.  The rest were exposed to local anesthesia or  any technique to relieve pain in the body — anesthesia.

In total, 632 participants developed dementia eight years after the study began. A majority of these patients, 512, were diagnosed with probable or possible Alzheimer’s disease. The remainder had non-Alzheimer’s dementia. “Elderly patients are at an increased risk for complications following anesthesia and surgery,” said Jeffrey H. Silverstein, MD, MS, and vice chair for research at the Department of Anesthesiology at Mount Sinai in New York City. “[They] are particularly prone to postoperative delirium, which is a loss of orientation and attention.  Anesthesiologists have been evaluating higher cognitive functions (for example, memory and executive processing) and found that a substantial number have decreases in one or more of these areas after a surgical procedure.”

(Notice how even within my own specialty, they have no clue to associate this finding with the fluoride in the anesthetic gases. If any of my readers has started to have memory lapses, and if they confront the need for a general anesthetic, beware of the possible consequences and that our anesthesiologists are not yet aware of fluoride as a major toxic. In fact, in 1954, when the first fluorinated gas came in, Halothane, a great gift for us instead of using ether and cyclopropane, both of which were potential explosive agents, and surgical electrical instruments were out of use because of these gases, halothane was embraced with ardor. Soon, we started having a few cases of death of patients due to fatal hepatitis. Their liver could not stand this toxic… By the time I came to be a resident, decades later, I still used sporadically ether and cyclopropane because we needed a special machine to deliver the exact amount of halothane, and for patients with family history of problems with halothane, we had to abstain from its use).

3. Alzheimer’s Strikes Women Harder Than Men

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

A 65-year-old American woman has a 1 in 6 chance of developing Alzheimer’s disease later in life, while a man the same age has about a 1 in 11 chance. That’s one of the key findings of a new report that highlights the heavy toll that Alzheimer’s takes on women as both patients and caregivers.  

Women in their 60s are also twice more likely to develop Alzheimer’s than breast cancer, according to the report — "2014 Alzheimer’s Disease Facts and Figures" — from the Alzheimer’s Association.

The report also found that there are 2.5 times more women than men providing 24-hour care for a loved one with Alzheimer’s.  Women caregivers are also more likely than men to switch from full-time to part-time work (20 percent versus 3 percent), more likely to take a leave of absence (18 percent versus 11 percent), and to stop working (11 percent versus 5 percent) to meet the needs of a loved one with the disease.

"Women are the epicenter of Alzheimer’s disease, representing [the] majority of both people with the disease and Alzheimer’s caregivers," Angela Geiger, chief strategy officer of the Alzheimer’s Association, said in a prepared statement from the group.

The total health care cost of Alzheimer’s and other dementias is expected to hit $214 billion this year in the United States. The charge to Medicare and Medicaid will be $150 billion, and Medicare will spend nearly $1 of every $5 on patients with Alzheimer’s or other dementias, the report said.

That $214 billion figure doesn’t include the unpaid care giving provided by family and friends, which is valued at more than $220 billion, according to the report. Currently, 15.5 million caregivers provide 17.7 billion hours of unpaid care and many suffer their own health problems as a result.

The physical and emotional demands of providing care led to about $9.3 billion in increased health care costs for Alzheimer’s caregivers in 2013, the report said.

The impact of Alzheimer’s is likely to increase as baby boomers age. If current trends continue, as many as 16 million Americans could have Alzheimer’s by 2050 at a cost of $1.2 trillion (in current dollars) to the nation. That includes a 500 percent rise in Medicare and Medicaid spending and a 400 percent increase in out-of-pocket spending, the report predicted.

Even though Alzheimer’s disease is the sixth-leading cause of death in the United States, many people still don’t understand it. For example, 24 percent of Americans mistakenly believe they’re only at risk for Alzheimer’s if it runs in their family.

"Despite being the nation’s biggest health threat, Alzheimer’s disease is still largely misunderstood.  Everyone with a brain — male or female, family history or not — is at risk for Alzheimer’s," Geiger said.

"Age is the greatest risk factor for Alzheimer’s, and America is aging. As a nation, we must band together to protect our greatest asset, our brains," she added.

The report appears in the March 2014 issue of Alzheimer’s & Dementia: The Journal of the Alzheimer’s Association.

(I want to add that as part of loving our neighbor, we should keep this illness in our daily prayers and do some fasting. We all can be touched by it. In my case, even without the Alzheimer’s gene, I lost my memory BUT it was reversible. This is why I must publish my book soon, also as part of love for neighbor… Here is a report on the mineral that caused my problems)

4. Fluoride Poisoning It’s All Over
By Mary Sparrowdancer – Copyright 2011 – All Rights Reserved


German and Austrian scientists knew in the early 1930s that an overactive thyroid (hyperthyroidism) could be successfully treated by bathing patients in water containing minute amounts of fluoride. They had discovered nearly a century ago that fluoride blocked thyroid function. For the US government, long partnered with the pharmaceutical industry, to then force this same treatment on a nation of people with healthy thyroids under the lie that fluoride "prevents cavities in children," is unconscionable. The Nuremberg Code of ethics pertaining to human experimentation labels it an act of crime, stating, "The voluntary consent of the human subject is absolutely essential."  Today, 70% of the US is being forced to receive this thyroid-blocking chemical via their water without consent or medical monitoring for overdose, allergic reaction or blocked thyroid function. The benefits are being reaped by the largest of US industries:  The pharmaceutical industry. Fluoride has created a nation of suffering people seeking more drugs to treat blocked thyroids and fluoride toxicity. We might drink bottled water, but most of us cannot avoid the bathwater

Many physicians are unaware that in addition to the daily doses of fluoride their patients are receiving via water, air, dental products, and our fluoride-contaminated food, a growing number of prescription drugs are now fluorinated as well. Lipitor (to lower bad cholesterol), for instance, is fluorinated and has been known to cause aches and pains, and according to the Lipitor website, can cause serious muscle problems resulting in kidney failure, as well as liver problems, edema, tendon problems, jaundice, nausea and GI problems. A number of patients are reporting memory loss, as well; however, this complaint has not yet become an "accepted" side effect. All of these complaints are, however, "accepted" symptoms of fluoride poisoning. High concentrations of fluoride can also be found in other unexpected items, such as tea, grapes and raisins, and some American wines contain too much fluoride to be sold in European markets

5. September 14, 1998

Statement from Phyllis Mullenix, Ph.D.

It was 1982 when fluoride was first brought to my attention as a substance in need of investigation. At that time, I was in the Departments of Psychiatry at Boston’s Children’s Hospital and Neuropathology at the Harvard Medical School. My studies focused on detection procedures for neurotoxicity, and they typically considered a variety of environmental and therapeutic agents, i.e., radiation, lead, amphetamine, phenytoin, nitrous oxide. Dr. John Hein, then Director of Forsyth’s Dental Infirmary for Children in Boston, was interested in neurotoxicity studies and invited me to continue this research at Forsyth and to apply it to substances used in dentistry. Fluoride was prominent on his list.

Five years lapsed before our investigations of fluoride began. The delay was due to time spent on technological improvements, specifically development of a computer pattern recognition system for the objective quantification of behavior in an animal model. In early June of 1986, the Forsyth Dental Center was noted for this achievement in the Wall Street Journal and the Boston Herald, and applications of our research grew. The new technology enabled us to study the clinically recognized neurotoxicity associated with the treatment for childhood leukemia. Simultaneously, we started investigations of fluoride, the “safe and effective” treatment for dental caries. (My note: part of this report is not being passed on to you because it is too long).

3) There are ways to restrict fluoride exposure:
drink distilled water or bottled water with known low fluoride content (i.e., Evian)
b) avoid drinking processed beverages made with fluoridated water- colas, etc.
c) avoid drinking tea
d) avoid foods sprayed with cryolite- used often on potatoes (outer peel may have as much as 20 ppm fluoride)
e) avoid foods that labs have confirmed as being high in fluoride- some cereals (fruit loops, wheaties), vegetables grown next to industries- spinach, celery
f) whenever possible, switch from fluorinated to non-fluorinated medications. Besides steroids, antibiotics, anesthetics (methoxyflurane, enflurane, etc.) and antidepressants (prosac and paxil) contain fluorine in chemical structure. When metabolized, they may contribute to fluoride levels in blood.
g) Get plenty of calcium in diet (magnesium can help some too).The pineal gland (in he brain), should be a real eye opener for many. I am not at ease with this enzyme poison (fluoride) being that close to the hypothalamic-pituitary-axis functions in the body. Research is needed immediately, but will it happen for this politically sensitive subject? (End of reports)

As you can see, it is amazing that we know so much and available via Internet and yet the entire country seems to be blind to all of this. Our Lady has been very explicit trying hard to push me to finish my book which can bring one more light on the subject matter. On this particular day she pleaded with me once more to hurry up to finish it, that is to edit many parts and give it a configuration, since it is already put together. She did say that I should do it out of “love for neighbor.” Well, this was the first time for this month’s report that I was shown how we fail to do things for love of brothers and sisters. In my case, something so very simple like finishing this job of editing should have been done years ago. The subject is so important and to think that it is not just to shed more light on what it is a cause of dementia without the gene of Alzheimer’s, but HOW REVERSIBLE IT IS. Simple natural detoxification can bring the memory back… This would be the pearl of great price in this subject matter, and God gave this great gift to me and I have miserably failed to pass it on to others. Please pray for me and my major sin!

And without I suspecting it, my God had started to speak about “atonement” for sins which became one of the themes for this growth in love of neighbor. I was asked to get to a page of one of my Bibles and found several references for atonement for sins.

Numbers 28:22 – At Passover … “and offer one goat as a sin offering in atonement for yourselves.

Numbers 29:5 – At News Year’s Day… “Moreover, one goat shall be offered as a sin offering in atonement for yourselves.

Numbers 29: 11 – On the Day of Atonement Moreover, one goat shall be sacrificed as a sin offering. These are to be offered in addition to the atonement sin offering, the established holocaust with its cereal offering and their libations.

Numbers 29:16 – On the Feast of Booths “Moreover, one goat shall be sacrificed as a sin offering.

Sunday, March 2, 2014

This was my birthday and I was born on an Ash Wednesday! At Mass, I consecrated myself to do the will of God at all cost and offered this Mass in atonement for my sin of wanting to resist the will of God for me in several aspects, one of them, finishing this book! After Communion, I understood my need of self-denial to let God use me to win souls for Him, and that this represents true love of neighbor!!! Here I found another aspect of how to love my brothers and sisters!

And it was Oscar’s night, when 2 million people tweeted in one hour regarding a “selfie”, a self- taken picture by the hostess of this event while surrounded by many Hollywood “stars.” I was amazed at the amount of work that “we” all have to do in our personal conversion in order to grow in loving all these actors and actresses and pray for them for their salvation, since they distribute many forms of “entertainment” which is a nice way to spend time that could be partially given to prayer or to help the poor, etc. There I had yet another major show of how my love for neighbor is so incomplete. I realized that year after year we all are surrounded by events like this one and every time I fail to pray for them (members of Hollywood) and to sacrifice for them in atonement for their sins.  And it was so consoling to hear the best actor Matthew McConaughey, thanking first of all, God and then his wife, who happens to be Brazilian!!!

And much earlier on this day, my oldest son had sent this message:

“I just met a film producer who was recently in Bosnia and visited Medjugorje. I told him I had been there and he was very interested. What dates where we there and where did we visit?

  “I remember we went to Dubrovnik and Mustar and Medjugorje and Belgrade. Can you remind me of any other highlights?”

My answer: we were there in December 1987 or 1988, and it is easy to find out what year if you find the date of the Pan American flight that was blown over Scotland.

  We left Mishawaka, IN to depart from Chicago O’Hare for the trip. Because our trip out of Chicago would depart very early the following day. We visited with our close friends, ate with them and left our car with them. They took us to the airport and we spent all night in this huge place and even were able to find the many homeless human beings who regularly sleep in at O’Hare. We arrived in Dubrovnik to travel to Medjugorje in a rental car up the mountains. I do not remember if we visited other small cities nearby since I visited Medjugorje four times and it is hard to differentiate the memories for each trip. This was my third trip. I returned one more time but with a group to take your brother Ernie since he could not go with us because Notre Dame was playing in the Fiesta Bowl in Arizona and he played in the band. Coming back, our connections were all messed up because of the Pan Am flight disaster.  At this point, the only way to leave this country was to fly from Mustar to Belgrade and from there to Germany. In due time, we were flown to Chicago via Montreal.

 Our Lady keeps giving messages from this place and the Vatican is still deciding if to call these apparitions true. And today, this is the message she sent and precisely on my birthday… Huh!

 Message of March 2, 2014 (given to Mirjana) 

"Dear children, I am coming to you as a mother and I desire that in me, as in a mother, you may find your abode, consolation and rest. Therefore, my children, apostles of my love, pray. Pray with humble devotion, obedience and complete trust in the Heavenly Father. Trust as I have trusted when it was said to me that I will bring the blessing of the promise. May out of your hearts, from your lips, always come forth: ‘May Your will be done!’. Therefore, trust and pray so that I can intercede for you before the Lord, for Him to give you the heavenly blessing and fill you with the Holy Spirit. Then you will be able to help all those who do not know the Lord – you, apostles of my love, will help them to call Him ‘Father’ with complete trust. Pray for your shepherds and place your trust in their blessed hands. Thank you." (End of email to son)

Well, she keeps appearing and on my birthday, she reminded me one more time that doing God’s will is the first thought I should have early morning and all day long! And she moved my son to inquire about our trip… precisely on my birthday, so that I would check up her message as a gift for me, since the subject matter is my favorite… My husband went with us and I have always thought that his total conversion and peace of mind when in 2000, he was told that he had 6 months to live, plus his very holy quiet death in front of two of us, was all prayed for by my Mom, after he visited this place.

Monday, March 3

Holy Hour, 11:25 AM – My Lord said, “Remember that the only thing that you will be judged at the end of your life is not for your sins committed since you have confessed and repented from them, and were pardoned; therefore they have been forgotten. You will be judged for the sins of omission of all that you were meant to do for the salvation of souls and that you did not nor confessed them as such; these represents a flagrant disobedience to the commandment to love your neighbor! The only way to atone for this sin of omission is by giving yourself day and night to lay down your life for them, that is offering sacrifices in atonement for their sins. And one of the most important sacrifices is doing My will, which requires the major sacrifice of denying your own will.” Later I understood that the denial of my self-will as a form of laying down my life for my neighbor works well because it frees me for God to use me in the salvation of brothers/sisters that He places in my path. In other words, doing His will leads me to obeying the commandment to love them but daily, often, and never forgetting my duty.

By now, my pills of Tramadol (a synthetic narcotic pain killer) were few in number. I needed enough to last me until March 13, when I would visit my gastro-enterologist, who ordered them to begin with. The pain in my knees was excruciating and I kept offering it up for the salvation of my brothers and sisters. As you can see, the second most important commandment was starting to become a very important item in my spiritual life. I want to repeat that although I know of this commandment being a major one to obey, I never had grown into being there for them with my own crosses but out of love for them. I started to realize that fulfilling this duty of love of neighbor has several parts in which I have not grown at all…

Tuesday, March 4.

During the 8:30 AM Rosary with Mother Angelica, I was moved to adopt Vladimir Putin as my own son (as I had done with Mr. Obama) and started to feel some vestiges of love for him. I arrived at 11 AM to my parish and it was rainy. I prayed two more Rosaries. After Mass, I felt called go to a supermarket in the same city where my parish is and I inquired of my Lord if with this bad weather, should I do it? He said, “Yes.” Lo and behold, sometimes but rarely they sell Evian water, a six pack large bottles for only $6.99 versus their regular price of $10.49. Target gets the price down more often, like every third week, but one has to visit regularly this store just to check the price and with my health the way it is, it is hard for me. This visit to this supermarket saved me $42… It amazes me how God works. We have a project of rebuilding the corner of the parish property which we just bought. I had offered to give a monthly stipend for three years to be used for this purpose, besides the ongoing regular donation given to the parish for its maintenance. On just this day, God had given me back $42. He is funny!

During this week there was much teaching via television on how to work out our salvation. There were excellent points made regarding this work-out. We need to exercise our will and accept the grace to help us do God’s will. But how? They mentioned these points: like going to confession, trying to replace vice with virtue, reviewing the capital sins with the objective of  supplanting them with the opposite virtue. For example, generosity for greed, diligence for sloth, humility for pride, etc.

Despite the beauty of the presentation, it became obvious to me that all those things are necessary but the fastest way to accomplish all that was recommended, is to do His will at all cost and at every present moment. Doing His will means loving God. And as I enter the obedience of faith to love God, this attitude, even if I do it imperfectly,  graces me with practicing the love of neighbor in all its different angles and possibilities. If I try to supplant the capital sins with virtues, but do not pay attention at doing His will as my primary action of every moment, the struggle will remain and for years to come. The battle will be hard to win. Our Lady was placed in the Bible and in great detail for us to understand the power of “Thy will be done.”  Jesus came to display the same power of doing the will of His Father. This is a little twist in our growth to become perfect as our Father is perfect. Just to have found out how many times I have been missing the love of neighbor shows me that we need the greatest of graces, to truly love God by doing His will without any questions asked, and of course, accepting/embracing our crosses as part of such will, and then we will have the Holy Spirit imparting the wisdom and knowledge, courage and understanding to deal with our vices as if by magic, and to love our neighbor in so many aspects…Once again, our walk with the Holy Spirit is crucial and indispensable to work out our salvation, but it starts with the “yes” of Our Lady!

Wednesday, March 5 – ASH WEDNESDAY

On this my other “birthday”… I was present to the Live Mass from Rome and Pope Francis’ homily was a call to conversion. After this Mass and while having breakfast, I thought of the beauty of our worldwide Church, and she is growing in numbers but not in conversion per se, since our baptized members tend in higher numbers to stay away from Sunday Mass and much more than 40 years ago. . I lived the post Vatican II revolt and misunderstanding of its documents and wondered, “Where was God in all of this?”

I heard these words, “This is why you met Me as a child so to never be alone or confused with what happened within the Church after this Council. Satan came and with redoubled force took aim at the universal Church. He surprised Diocese after Diocese. The Church did not have a plan ready to address this commotion. Extraordinary Popes were sent who have mesmerized the world up to this moment and tried in different ways to deal with the aftermath, but the severe wounds left by the confusion had closed the hearts of many to trust fully the Church at large.”

Let me say that these thoughts came to me very fast and gave me peace, which is always a sign to me that they came from the Holy Spirit. It was an answer to my question, “Where was God in all of this?” Obviously, He was around with us, within us but He respected our free will. We were responsible for smelling Satan’s intervention and responsible to know clearly how to deal with him. Have we catechized the laity on how to diagnose Satan intervention in our lives, a fact that it is super clear in the Scriptures, Old and New Testaments. If Jesus allowed to be tempted by Satan, who happens to also be the first figure in the beginning of the story of the human race leading Adam and Eve into disobedience of God’s will, isn’t it certain that we have to be aware that he will be around over and over and know HOW WE CAN DEFEAT HIM OVER AND OVER as well?

Well, on this blog, you will find a nice depiction of how Satan was harassing me and the way that God taught me to get rid of him… I suspect that as I allowed the Holy Spirit to teach me how to love my neighbor in areas that I was not doing it, this cleaning of my inner temple helped to zero in this topic of the action of Satan and one that I learned to pay attention to by God having me become a member of the Jesuit family through all my boys being educated by Jesuits… Please remember how He brought me back to Cleveland in a most odd move (Kaiser Permanente calling us to Cleveland with jobs…) I want to make sure that I shout through these sentences as if from a roof top that God is the greatest and most loving manager of our souls… Worrying about what is next is sooo stupid… Worrying about our crosses is sooo stupid as well! Therefore, to submit to His will with much desire and learning how to love my neighbor in the most detail, is simply a MUST… He will never allow me to do what He does not want me to do… Period! But since He cannot rule over my free will, He has ways to convince me of my need to follow Him. And Satan will be there to stop my “yes” and St. Ignatius taught the chapter on Satan in his Spiritual Exercises… Had I not become so immersed in these exercises, I am sure that Satan would have been placed in the back burner and I would have never discovered his dirty tricks to make me eat the fruit of the forbidden tree.!

At 9:37 AM I turned to Our Lady and asked her, “What do you think Ma? What to do to live in the after math of this attack from Satan and change matters fast to save many souls?”

My Mother said, “Be patient – No servant wants to direct the home of his owner.” (She sometimes is very funny!)

Jesus came to say, “I remind you that you survived this period well! Now it is the time for you to suffer with the remnants of this disaster but it is a good suffering in order to offer it up 1) in ATONEMENT for those who became seduced by Satan’s ideas while 2) asking with your suffering for their well being, deep conversion 3) and a new Pentecost in the hearts of those who are diligently working in evangelization.

“Walking with My Spirit is the only most powerful and sure way to secure a New Pentecost. The battle is Mine. In the mean time, your work is to pray and suffer that this Lent and subsequent ones can bring a new desire for many to receive My Spirit’s guidance with total humility and leaving their own plans aside. At this point, preaching alone will not do it because many were wounded by the scandals that followed Vatican II and they do not even get close to hear the preaching. Yes, preaching in general is very important but in this case, there are many factors in this particular battle. Your work is to pray and sacrifice for those who are trying to change their ways, so that they become full of My Spirit in action and not just as lip service.

“All must leave the “Egypt,” or the errors claimed as truths of the Council. I will lead you through great leaders in the Seat of Peter – but the entire change of this insipid status of many souls and to entice back those who abandoned the Church, must be done through the life of many others like yourself, who are growing in understanding and trying to live an inner Pentecost. And this Pentecost requires a day to day conversion to do My Will regardless. This yes to even your crosses will lead you to spend time with Me in prayer and repent for what you could have done and did not, with a firm understanding that I am in charge. Therefore, this exodus from the present Egypt of much self-created slavery united to the post Vatican II lack of trust in My Church (due to the scandals organized by the evil one) plus a poorly obeyed love of neighbor, is possible right now. Then, evangelization will become fruitful and a rather easy job that you will be part of but not with your plans to fight the present Pharaohs, Satan, the flesh and the world, but with My power to divide the sea that impedes to “see” what is needed: the realization of the need for this life in My Spirit which starts with your “yes” to my will, and gets sustained by the same obedience to My will. Acting this way, you will not eat of the forbidden fruit, since you will have awareness of Satan and how to defeat him.

(10:05 AM) “Go and participate in this Mass of Ash Wednesday but ask that you can change what you are still missing in doing and pray for a New Pentecost for the Roman Catholic Church, necessary before a true New Evangelization is possible. This will tie Satan up in a corner since this inner Pentecost will guide the Church to be obedient to My Will, something that Satan did not do and which destroys his power to damage the reputation of My Church as it happened in the late XX C.” (End of message).

At my parish and as I was praying the Rosary in my Holy Hour before noon Mass He said, “Today for this your birthday No. 2, you will receive your will which you consecrated to Me on your real birthday, but it will be sanctified with graces to discover My will for you and pursuit it, as long as you keep living according to the commandments and My Word.”

I suspect that on my real birthday three days before, deep in my heart I was again… giving my will to Him… which is the wrong thing to do. He was giving me on this Ash Wednesday a big gift… a blessing on my self-will to know what His will is and choose it with more certitude and fidelity. Not only that but part of this grace was to never ask for anything that it is against His will for me or others, and this requires His Wisdom through the Holy Spirit.

Saturday, March 8.

What an extraordinary day!

1. EWTN aired a 2013 conference presented by the Napa (California) Institute on “How to suffer well.” It was presented by Fr. Spitzer, S.J. and I believe it was part of a series on “Equipping Catholics in the next America.” Here are some highlights that called my attention. Fr. Spitzer’s web site is

Fr. Spitzer said that in 50 years we will be where Europe is today. In 2013, the youth ages 16 to 30, have a growth (numbers coming to the Church) of 1% per year. In times past, they would drop out of the Church first, then they would not believe in God. It took two generations for this change. Now, it takes one generation. They work on the myth that Jesus and the Catholic Church loads people with many rules. If other faiths are as reasonable as Christianity, why not go and worship with them and have fewer rules. Fr. Spitzer discussed the four levels of happiness, the first two coming from material goods (first one) and personal pleasure with ego satisfaction (second one).  Level three of happiness comes when we leave our narcissistic ego and contribute to the well being of others, leaving us with this taste that the world is better because of our contribution (love of neighbor). The fourth level takes us to understand that we are transcendent and we desire God and our hearts are restless until they rest in God. The process of changing the heart of the youth involves explaining how to convert the heart before the mind and accept suffering as well.

He continued saying, “if we want the transcendent truth, God will be there and this carry the young to have awareness of God. But above all, we have to choose to love. If we love without God at our side, it is not love per se. It is like the love of a robot. They must know that the ultimate gift to us as His images is to allow us the possibility of love. God allows suffering because He wanted to create an imperfect world, one that allows pain. If everything was perfect with no possibility of death, of suffering, of mortification, one would never know that we have the ability to choose love, to choose courage and self-sacrifice. We would be left with nothing to do, no chance to improve the world, no possibility to build the Kingdom of God.”

This very eloquent explanation from a physicist who also carries a heavy cross (partial blindness), could help us to teach the youth how to suffer well, and therefore, our crosses and the rules of our Church, are all necessary for us to know and “suffer well” as we contribute with love for all.

2. At 3 PM, a teaching from Servant of God (?) Archbishop Fulton Sheen addressed similar points. “If I know my weaknesses and still take care of myself, why not to equally take care of my neighbor? It is not that God is dead but that love is dead. And I mean love or caring upon realizing that we are not better than anyone else! And the Word says that if you cannot love the neighbor whom you see, how can you love those whom you do not see? This is the case of the parable of the Good Samaritan. In other words, I am a neighbor to the entire world if I love.” (Wow)

3. On this very day, I paid attention to a health newsletter I had received some weeks before from a Dr. Frank Shallenberger who sent me this January newsletter free of charge asking for my subscription. And yes, this was an example of how God loves me… This particular issue dealt with the immune system going haywire. This doctor suffered the problem himself and he explained some facts about why this happen. I HAD NOT PAID ATTENTION OR EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT THIS POSSIBILITY. And yes, this doctor explains how his allergies went away and explained very well the relationship of poorly working adrenal glands and problems of immunity. For a normal working immune system, normal adrenal glands (small body of tissue on top of each of our kidneys) produce x amount of cortisol. If the adrenals are down or working poorly, cortisol is not produced in sufficient amounts and the immunity goes crazy. On the other hand, if the adrenals are super active and producing too much cortisol, the immune system is excessively tamed and illnesses and infections will come because the natural defenses are down.

 In my case, my adrenals could be affected due to toxins from the 2002 mercury intoxication at a DDS office. Also, after my serious gastric bleedings and very low hemoglobin that carry oxygen to the tissues, some organs may have suffered much lack of oxygenation and my adrenals could have been affected by very low blood pressures and severe anemia. So, my immune system became crazy with my adrenals possibly mal functioning. President John F. Kennedy, Blessed Elizabeth of the Trinity, OCD and possibly St. Teresa of the Andes, OCD, they also suffered from ailments due to their adrenal glands… Not a bad company for me! At least, I can look into this possibility. I am adding this explanation with some detail to bring up again how God takes care of us. Somehow, they had my name in Nevada where this doctor has his clinic and they sent me THIS PARTICULAR NEWSLETTER of January 2014, which I did not look before this day, and my Divine Physician was using it to alert me of this possibility with my adrenal glands!!!

4. On this Saturday, the local ABC channel showed how a Dr. Vincent Gianpappas uses adult stem cell therapy to create a new immunity (  In 2009, I attended a conference facilitated by a local group called Catholic’s at Work and where this subject was explained by a very brilliant female MD and making a point against embryonic stem cells. At the time, it was a huge distance for me to drive to this place with total darkness outside (5:30 AM) and my memory was not good and I could easily get lost but God pushed me to do it. So, I wonder if God will provide the money for a treatment as such ($15,000) to give me NEW ADRENAL GLANDS… It is a matter of waiting to see how His mercy will win this battle.

5. Also within the same day and because I had seen the story from this doctor Gianpappas,  I clicked in one of the "pages" of my blog site where I had discussed in Spanish all about adult stem cell therapy as learned in this conference and also the fruits of my 2009 Lent. I found the English part  written in the main blog part on April 4, 2009 and where I also had shared the prayer I had composed in 1992 (when my life was very difficult near Cleveland, OH) and that I copied for this 2009 blog. So, God was preparing me to pray to embrace my crosses because they are made to exactly fit my spiritual needs.  In those days I would write more than one blog per month and in both languages until my left eye started giving me trouble. But Dr Gianpappas led me to the subject of adult stem cells, and looking for what I had written about as a possible a way out of this cross, yet I was reminded that I had been called to pray in order for me to embrace my crosses as beautiful gifts of grace!!!  I will add this prayer at the end of this “long” blog, in case you have the patience to read through it.

AS YOU CAN SEE, this Saturday was charged with great teaching and hope, and loving our neighbor much was a major highlight. Let me emphasize the fact of how the Lord works. When He wants us to pay attention to whatever, He leads us to a number of events in one day and just to make His point. Here was the beginning of what was coming for March 16…!

Sunday, March 9, 2014

I only want to share with you not what happened on this particular day but what I wrote for March 9, 2013. I was amazed…I had left the blog for March of 2013 in my list of present documents… On this day, I noticed it and decided to look it up to see what I had to say one year before. Here it is a part of it and very interesting! I am glad I was led to review it.

Blog of March 2013: We were in the period before the start of the Conclave when all the Cardinals, electors or not, were staying together and getting to know each other. At 2:40 PM, I suddenly felt so much joy and it would not go away… I asked my Ma if she could help me understand what was going on, and she said, "Rejoice. Something just happened in Rome. By now, all cardinal electors have surrendered their wills to the Holy Spirit but in a radical way. Now, God can elect the Pope He intends to!"

I did not understand at all what she meant. So, she explained this, "Remember that all these cardinals have a free will. They can choose to elect a Pope according to their human wisdom and reason, and as good as it may be, it may not coincide with God’s will. And God in His justice cannot do anything about it. However, now that they all have truly surrendered their will to the Holy Spirit, He can proceed and guide them to elect whom He wants. So, rejoice… The new Pope will be the key for the renewal of the Church as God has already given him the know-how for these very difficult times. But please, do not keep thinking about this over and over… I want you to know it, to thank you for your sufferings offered for this upcoming Conclave, and as an incentive for you to keep offering your sacrifice to stop the evil one so not to bother this process and tempt these cardinals to use their free will… So, do not get distracted… It is not over” — (End of quote)

It was amazing to have reviewed it… Wow…

Monday, March 10, 2014

I had 3 pills of Tramadol left… In the previous week I had to stop taking it daily in order to have one at least ready for my visit to the gastroenterologist, Dr. D.V. on Thursday March 13 at 10 AM. To help my pain, I was taking the herb Corydalis that I found through Dr. Oz’ program, but it is very mild in attenuating pain plus it bugs the lining of my stomach and produces some discomfort. I tried Aleve again, once, but it is blue, and of course, I react violently against this particular color blue.

 I was hoping that Dr D.V. could order a few more Tramadol’s until I see the new primary physician, Matthew W., D.O. (Doctor of Osteopathy), on March 20 at 9 AM. I asked for prayers to my theologian son and family since I did not know this young man at all so that he would not feel too challenged with my myriad of problems and yet, have merciful eyes towards me. I wrote to my son this, “I do not want him to sense that I have no respect whatsoever for our medical practice at large… where drugs, surgery and chemotherapy are the main answer to all illness.” (In retrospect and as I will share how this encounter went on March 20, notice then that I had been covered with prayer… In other words, God was in total charge and Satan was not bugging me to begin with!)

 Overall, this was a HUGE TRAINING that I was going through in order to be tested on how I was willing what God willed for me and with great fidelity and love for Him, but especially after my yes to the different moments of pain, to offer it up for the Church as a form of love of neighbor. This training is necessary because although I know what to do, often I suffer but forget to say yes to it every time that the pain becomes hard to take. I also know that this training is formative for my soul in order to be given greater jobs to do.

 On this day, I was having huge pain and was not going to use one of my Tramadol’s until later when I would cook 6 pounds of ground turkey for spaghetti sauce, and divide it in some 10 portions to be stored in the freezer for later use. My tummy was hurting and would not eat anything until 11 AM. Of course, Mass was out of the plans. So, while eating breakfast I asked my Ma as to why I have to go through all of this, so brutal in design. She, of course, without wasting a second said to go to page 799 of my downstairs Bible… Wisdom 10… In this chapter, it is clearly established how Wisdom preserves her followers. Then she reminded me of how I have been given so much… including medical knowledge to understand how to cope with these problems of pain due to allergies, even preparing me with acupuncture and this little hand held electric machine to reduce the pain when it is too harsh and I have no oral treatment. I further understood that I need wisdom, or the guidance of the Holy Spirit to cross this sea full of storms and get to a place where my relationship with the Holy Ghost may give me more power to give witness of His love, a form of helping evangelize my neighbor.  

There is no doubt in my soul and mind that our journey through this earth is tough and yet, if we live by every Word of God, He will protect us from any major error. And today while agonizing with pain at 9 AM, resolute not to eat breakfast as yet, the EWTN Mass homily was magnificent. This Father Anthony Mary, the Servant of the Community, gave one of the most straight forward explanations of the Gospel of how we can find Jesus in the poor, the incarcerated, etc… and how we love people but our way, and not in the way that they should be loved… He explained how love of neighbor has to be primary in our lives and gave excellent examples. Again, God plans all we have to hear when we most need it and in my case, it consoled me in this moment  of much pain and narcotic to treat it.  

 When I asked for prayers to my son and family, I wrote this, “SO GOD HAS BEEN WITH ME SHOWING ME THAT HE IS BUSY EVERYWHERE… and that the least I can do, is to follow the program. I tell you all these stories not to leave you preoccupied about my status. I only need prayers for these two occasions when Satan may be around trying to temp these doctors to bug me and also for me to grow in a deep trust that He is in charge and therefore, besides trying to have prayers from others for these moments, I have to say "yes" to whatever because I am in formation for a greater job. .And I suspect that soon, very soon, He will terminate these health crosses, that is, when my training allows Him to do it.  If He parted the Red Sea with Moses’ faith as part of the deal, it is nothing for Him to heal my immune system if I say ‘yes’ to this cross and trust that He will win this battle in His time, as He trains me to grow in faith, hope and charity.”


Tuesday, March 11

In the ABC channel, a wonderful young man who works for this company came to explain about his “search for happiness” He suffers from panic attacks, and this was a major problem for us anesthesiologists because patients would come for whatever surgery and tell us that they always were afraid of suffering one any place. He tried everything and even showed the very first time that he appeared as a reporter in the field, and how he suffered a panic attack LIVE. These panic attacks bring fear, anxiety that is difficult to subdue, sweating and all thoughts end in panic. He looked for answers and finally found it in Yoga. He did three things while under a panic attack and only for five minutes. 1) Sat straight up any place, floor, chair, grass. 2) He concentrated in feeling his breaths. 3) When a distraction would stop his attention in this breathing, he would gently return to it. He wrote a book called, “10% happier.”

 On this day and with this story, I realized that yes, Yoga is a way of subjugating your brain to stop these feelings of panic, but it has only made him 10% happier. What about if he knew that one can be 100% happy out of the blue in any place, without being warned and all because the Holy Spirit inside takes over and makes us joyful? How important it is for the entire world to get to know what it is possible when we try to follow Him, as one of the women in the present new season of “Dancing with the Stars,” who refuses to dance with any overtly sexy moves. She was a child TV star and clearly explained that she has a relationship with Jesus Christ and cannot show sexy moves, especially with a husband and three grown up kids… Wow… This whole story of being just 10% happier made me feel guilty for the little that I had tried to bring the Gospel to my brothers and sisters even far away from them, but just atoning for their sins with my crosses and praying for their conversion… I have received so many blessings, and happiness is one of them, especially in the middle of a storm… as I lived it last August while lying on the floor almost in shock!

 Wednesday, March 12.

 Fr. Denis Wilde, OSA, co-director of Priests for Life gave an excellent exposition regarding the importance of the Sacrament of Reconciliation or Confession. He started by saying that he is a pianist and that when the piano needs some tuning, it is given but the piano is not bad in itself. Then he reviewed the story of Jonah. He was sent to preach in Nineveh and Jonah refused and escaped, but God caught him and placed him in the belly of the whale. When Jonah was ready to obey God, He said to preach to them that “Forty days more and Nineveh will be destroyed.” He entered Nineveh but it would take him 3 days to cover this huge city. However, JUST AFTER ONE DAY, the Ninevites changed their hearts, acknowledged their sins (a form of conversion), repented with a contrite heart, wore sackcloth and God relented His punishment. Fr. Wilde also mentioned several mortal sins, and these were like strings of the piano that needed to be replaced. We also need to forgive ourselves in the process. Our deficiencies in our moral life are venial sins which in the case of a piano, do not need to change the strings but a good tuning will do. And “The best” he said, “Is that confession is free!” I did tape in a DVD the entire homily in case one day I need to convince someone about the need and the importance of Reconciliation.

 Afterwards, I decided to read once again Jonah’s entire story. The Bible says that Jonah was not happy with his assignment as follows, “But this was greatly displeasing to Jonah, and he became angry. ‘I beseech you, Lord,’ he prayed, ‘is not this what I said while I was still in my own country? This is why I fled to Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and merciful God, slow to anger, rich in clemency, loathe punishing. And now, Lord, please take my life from me; for it is better for me to die than to live.’ But the Lord asked, ‘Have you reason to be angry?’ “

 As we know, Jonah preached to Nineveh and then left the city for a place to the east of it and built a hut to wait to see what would happen to the city. The Lord provided a gourd plant that grew over Jonah’s head giving shade that relieved him of any discomfort. However, God sent a worm to attack the plant and He also sent a burning east wind over Jonahs’ head until he became faint. Then Jonah asked for death, saying, “I would be better off dead than alive.” The Lord said to Jonah, “You are concerned over the plant, which cost you no labor and which you did not raise… And should I not be concerned over Nineveh, the great city, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand persons who cannot distinguish their right hand from their left, not to mention the many cattle?”

It is obvious that Jonah had NO LOVE FOR NEIGHBOR. And God was reminding me that He is concerned over all human beings, even from the times of the Old Testament. Jonah had been chosen to be a missionary but he did not agree with the mission… Worse, he had no love for neighbor. And the question for me, personally, was, shouldn’t I be concerned with the moral status of my brothers and sisters in this XXI C. just as God is? This was a huge reminder to shape up or shut up… in what regards to my obedience to the second most important commandment. I realized that I have to seek all the ways necessary to learn how to love them whoever they are, regardless of what they do or say, against or for the Church, plus suffer and offer up in atonement for their sins, all day long, even if the cost is high for me like dealing with my health issues… And that I have to work at refining my yes to His will to get the graces necessary to do it, to love them… If I do not pay enough attention to their spiritual needs, I am trying like Jonah to flee to Tarshish.  

I immediately offered the pain of my knees of this day for all the people who heard this homily in any of the encore Masses, to be moved to go to confession and most especially those in mortal sin. I also offered my pain for all priests who have to multiply themselves during Lent assisting other parishes for their penance services, and not only that, I cannot fathom how hard it must be to hear so many people confessing sins.

 I had no Tramadol left except for one pill to be used to survive my going out for the visit with my gastro-enterologist Dr. D.V. I could not go to Mass using only the herb Corydalis to semi calm the pain produced by the foods I ingested, and only those foods that give me the least reaction… As you can see, the cross was heavy and yet, I was pretty much accepting it because of what I had learned so far… I had to offer it in atonement of my sins and of my brothers and sisters, but I was doing it with great pleasure, abnegation, and fidelity to the cause of their conversion. God was working miracles in my soul during this Lent.

 Thursday, March 13.


I had breakfast at 7:30 AM and had my last Tramadol. I was slightly worried regarding this pain and hoping that Dr. D.V. would order more Tramadol for me. I come from a family with powerful genes from my father’s side and we detest smoking and alcohol. Therefore, I doubt very much that I can develop a major addiction to this narcotic. I found out later that it seems that Tramadol (being a syntethic narcotic) does not produce major addiction as Vicodin (as a natural narcotic does), a mixture of Hydrocodone and Tylenol, to which I am deadly allergic anyway.

 Shortly after breakfast, my Mother came to explain a few things. She said and I wrote:

1. Worrying is a sin! (Hmm)

2. Whatever your crosses are, all are nothing compared to saving souls!!!

3. Love of God and neighbor are the key to happiness on this earth and despite circumstances around it.

4. They are also the “condiments” needed to evangelize the world since it allows the Holy Spirit to increase your faith, hope and deepen your charity, so necessary to obtain a true change in others for their conversion.

5. As to the love of God, give a “yes” to all at each present moment without questions or worrying, and with great indifference as to what is next.

6. Pray constantly to become a child of God who does the above but for the glory of God and to save many souls, and not for you to gain spiritual points.

7. What does it mean to do God’s will but not for His own glory but contaminated with your own control? It is a very imperfect surrender to Him. Your work is to obey Him and only out of love for Him, and let God do the rest.

8. Seek to be a true discipleship: deny yourself and that means when you place the salvation of souls first in your life, which is, feeling a true urgency to bring them to Jesus, and accepting all crosses as instruments to be used to this effect. Therefore, you must pray that you become a “friend” of your crosses and follow Him doing what He did: to lay down your life for your neighbor.

 I left early to be sure I would not get lost finding his office because for my last visit and just after my hospitalizations, my son drove me there. The cross of driving to this office was there since it is difficult to make the perfect turns to get to it which is next to Muir Hospital in Concord. My glasses do not work to see from long distance the names of the streets, especially on a sunny day. I was there at 9:33 AM and was asked by the secretary why so early… I was to be the first patient. Of course, I said that I wanted to be sure that I did not get too confused finding the office, etc. I did not read any of the magazines in the waiting room, all of which were on science (WEB MD and Cancer)… I simply sat to ask God for the best visit possible A Hispanic lady in her 50’s came at 10:05 AM. She sat next to me and I kept quiet. After a while, and as she was reviewing a health magazine, I commented that there is much to learn regarding nutrition and health. She agreed but in a very broken English. Since I had heard her talking in Spanish with the secretary, I started speaking in Spanish. I shared with her my memory loss cure and she became very interested. Then I mentioned about Carrageenan and how it gives me depression. She started to look at me with watery eyes. It happens that she has been treated for depression with zero results. I sent her to drink a can of Ensure and find out if she became depressed after it in order to find out if carrageenan was affecting her like I have been.

We became great friends. She was fascinated. She was Catholic and started saying that my faith had helped me finding these things out… I said, "No, I am head over heels for Jesus since I was a kid, and this love of ours has produced these huge miracles. Otherwise, I could be in a nursing home depressed and with dementia." She seemed even more moved by my words. Here I had a chance at evangelizing her. One thing is to say “my faith” was behind it, which was true but not the full truth…Sometimes we refer to the “Faith” as our Catholic religion; so, I was able to bring to her what my personal relationship with Jesus is… Who knows where she stands regarding His Real Presence in the Eucharist, but it had to be said as a seed left to grow in His time.

 I started realizing that this appointment had been made in heaven… This was love of neighbor at work and the Holy Spirit had used me to help this woman. But all along, my physician Dr. D.V. had been delayed in the hospital and was almost half hour late… Had this not happened, I would have been with him when she arrived, minutes after 10 AM… This story tells us and very clearly that He does great things for all of us… BUT it is better when  we truly believe that He is LOVE in ACTION… and that He can do all things, and not just a few things. The doctor gave me a prescription for Tramadol until we figure out how to tackle this problem with my immune system. He referred me to a rheumatologist just to hear her ideas regarding the pain in my joints (Is it because of rheumatoid arthritis and not just due to an allergic reaction?). He also ordered some blood work. After that, he wants to see me again for follow up and to take any counsel from this doctor’s referral and perhaps refer me to an endocrinologist since my story on the adrenal glands and immunity called his attention big time. I mentioned to him how I had lost my primary physician and that in one week I would meet my new primary doctor, one of the 87 doctors of this medical group. Since he was referring to another doctor and had ordered some blood work, I asked him if I should really have this primary physician? He said that I should try my best to stick to Dr. M.W. but that yes, he could help me in whatever ways. He will also will look into my tummy at a surgery center on April 8th, by doing a gastroscopy just to see the state of the 4 ulcers, how healed they are. Recently, I had thought about it and yes, I would like to have them checked… Little did I know that my heart was already announcing trouble with this new doctor to be seen on March 20! But in retrospect, God had a plan and His plans are simply super good…

 I came out of this office visit feeling very sorry for my stupid ways of not truly growing in my conversion of loving my brothers and sisters at a faster pace. When God goes out of His way to treat me like a princess, I then understand how poorly I have missed to truly love my neighbor. O yes, I want them saved but I still have not finished the BOOK, one that could help people like the lady I met on this day. Also, I get up each day thinking of my needs and pains and this and the other, but never do I get up with urgency in my heart to offer up whatever bugs me for other souls… God is sooo alive and I should have, by now, entered into a more adult relationship with Him in order beg Him to bless many souls with His Mercy, especially those dying that day without repentance for their sins.

 I want to thank you and immensely for your prayers (those who pray for me). I was evangelized big time and I was able to help this human being. Had I not being guided by the Holy Spirit, I probably would have sat next to this lady and never say a word!!!!! How important it is to be cognizant that seeking the Spirit’s guidance is a constant work we must do. And what about the many people I have met in airports or supermarkets or doctors’ offices and never spoke to them… and missed the possibility of evangelization through the use of science? I wrote to family members: “It is interesting that by next Thursday, I will not seek too many answers from this Dr. Mathew W. since Dr. D.V has advanced my care by seeking answers for me as if he were my primary physician… Therefore, I will not be distracted about it and then concentrate in loving Mathew W. as the Spirit will lead me. GOD IS SO ALIVE and TODAY He led me and felt compelled to use my time in a much better way… for the sake of others.”

 Saturday, March 15

 After my breakfast, I said to my Mother while looking at her picture under the title of the Sacred Heart of Mary, “Mamita (in Spanish, which means Mommy) what would I do without you? She answered, “I am just an addendum of the mercy of God for you. It is the Holy Spirit that gives you guidance!”

 After the family Rosary prayed with EWTN at 8:30 AM, I started thinking of the many titles under which we know her. She said, “All my different images under which the world knows me have come through the centuries. Under the name of Guadalupe, I looked as an Aztec Indian woman descendant in order to convert the many Aztecs to be Catholic. So, all other images were allowed by God in order to identify with each culture and evangelize them.

 I left to visit Whole Food market in Walnut Creek and the day exploded with His Presence. It seemed that we (the Lord and I) were walking together and making friends. As I arrived, an Indian younger tall man was cleaning a cart’s handle with a disinfectant wipe. He saw me and immediately handed to me his clean cart with a big smile. He then proceeded to clean another one for himself! I went to the yogurt section to buy some for my son (I am deadly allergic to it), and a Hispanic woman approached me as if she knew me forever and recommended a different brand, Noosa, as being the best. I checked it up for the presence of carrageenan as I explained to her why I did that. My son does not get affected by carrageenan but this thickener is known for causing gastric cancer!!! She said that Spanish was her main language and so I proceeded to tell her this story in more detail and how in 2009 I had recovered my memory loss after detoxification. She told me that her mother has dementia. I told her to google my full name about a year from now and that a book will be published by then with all the details. She wanted me to write my name and was soo happy because her own mother is becoming a major problem for the entire family… I was not comfortable with giving her my private email address, yet, with my name she could even find in Google my blog address where I have explained my cure.  She then gave me a great embrace!

 Notice a few things: 1) I had almost canceled this trip to this market and buy a few things after Sunday Mass, since my son buys his salad for the entire week and also his breakfast there. But something called me to make the trip. 2) Unbeknownst to me, I had this appointment with this lady at the yogurt section and the nice man who cleaned my cart basically accelerated my arrival at the time that she was there! 3) I chose to start my shopping with the yogurt I needed… In every detail, the Holy Spirit was guiding me… to be able to give hope to this lady about the cure of her mother. If she makes it until I write the book, or if the daughter is guided to find my blog via Google, everything is in the hands of God and He will take care of the rest. At least, she left with much hope…4) God had another plan in mind when this Indian man showed so much love for me. I am sure that when he saw my cane, he felt compelled to help me. Little did I know that was behind this encounter, which I will reveal in the stories that follow.

 Still somewhat overwhelmed by the grace of God helping this woman, I went to ask in the vitamin department if they had ginseng from the New Chapter brand. The girl took me to a man and his computer in the same department to check it out. He said that no, they did not. However, I had made a huge mistake and instead of asking for ginger (a great anti-inflammatory nutrient) good for my tummy, I said ginseng. I continued looking for something else and the man returned within 3 minutes and said, “Well, we have ginger made by New Chapter but not ginseng” and grabbed a bottle and showed it to me. Right there I knew that my Jesus and I were shopping together. He moved this man to come back and show me something that I had not asked for… but that was what I needed. I took the product and left with tears in my eyes. How could be possible that many do not know His love and mercy, and how adorable He is in blessing us even in the littlest needs of our life. He wins even the smallest battles. Just as He had sent me to give hope to the lady with a mother with dementia, He had moved this man to show me what I really needed!

 I left and pushed myself (some pain in my knees) to go to X supermarket and looked for a can opener because my old one had died and I had found and bought small can openers which require a lot of force on my part to open a can because they are not electric. I had checked Target and they did not have the electrical ones… And yes, they had ONE and what I needed…Again, this love and mercy of God for us, His constant attention to our needs, was evident twice on this day …

Sunday, March 16

This morning as I was getting ready for 8 AM Mass, and as every Sunday, EWTN Bookmark came on. It was about a book written by Frances Hogan in Ireland. Frances is a Scripture scholar and teacher. She has made several series for EWTN in different entire Gospel’s. Right now she is presenting the Gospel of Luke. Ms. Hogan recruits every reader of her book “A Path to Healing a Nation” to be a force for good – praying for national conversion, making reparation (or atoning) in small and large matters, and encouraging others to join in the rebuilding of the Kingdom of God.

 In recent times, she was called by an Irish publisher to write another book. She declined. She was asked if she were to write another book, what would be the topic. She immediately replied, "On atonement." They then proceeded to insist that she should write such book since she already knew the topic, as if God already had sent it to her. She did and in this book talks about our Church. A mess when Satan came in and took over the two most important vocations: marriage and the M. Priesthood. She clearly establishes that all leaders in the Church should take the problems of the last century seriously and solve them. She was asked if she referred to leaders like Bishops and the like.  She said no. Leaders are also lay people in leadership positions who should begin to pray and atone and lead others to do so for the Church. The scandals lived in our Church need atonement and not just knowing about them. She explained how in Ireland you cannot be a Christian any longer….

 She described many other aspects of this approach of atonement and it was clear that something has to be done. As a young woman she promised the Lord to spread the Gospel all over the world, and of course, through EWTN she is doing so, but this last book, one never intended to be written, came out as a call to all people, especially laity. 

Anyway, the most important aspect of this message is that it has corroborated my call, since she mentioned most everything that I have learned God wants of me. I am not inventing this need of the Church. It is apparent that the Holy Spirit is calling some of us to work 24/7 and in different places, in this case, Europe and the U.S.

 So, I left for the 8 AM Mass very touched… and I was going to offer the Mass for myself in order to "see" more and hear better what this call represents. While saying the Rosary prior to Mass, I FELT FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME AND I REALIZED HOW WE HAVE NOT ATONED AS A CHURCH for all the sins after Vatican II. Some of us should have thought about it and get together to do so… But today it continued to be a strange day. A beautiful family of 5, (all Indian) sat in front of us. I have never seen them before. The celebrant was an Indian Salesian priest from a nearby parish. Suddenly and without warning, I felt AGAIN a horrible repugnance for Indian nationals as I used to feel before my arrival to California. It was a very strange feeling and at the same time, I had super tons of joy (presence of the Holy Ghost)… I started to get intrigued what the message of all this was about.

 Just before the Consecration I understood that this feeling against the Indian people was allowed by Jesus Himself since I was full of joy. No doubt that it was not from Satan or my flesh. During the Consecration and my mind totally unable to decipher what this feeling meant, I was asked if I wanted to go back to my feelings after my healing and liking and loving people from India as never before. I immediately realized that this was a test!!! I have been told not to retire in total obscurity and not to stop the blogs. Now, He was testing me to see if I still wanted to take the easy way out despite of what He has done for me during my entire life and my call to go and work for Him in a huge way. But why was Jesus confronting me with my previous sin of disliking my neighbor based on 6 Indian doctors who made me suffer so much?  I then remembered Francis Hogan. After Communion I chose to love everyone and work in whatever ways in ATONEMENT for the sins of the Church, as Miss Hogan had asked to do. I had chosen the Cross of following Him closer than ever. By this time, my love for Indians had magically come back 100%. I realized that He wanted me to FACE MY SINS OF DISCRIMINATION against Indians even if produced by true scandals coming from physicians. I was reminded of how my love for neighbor had been so poor with this resentment against this group of people, His images, no less and no more, despite of what some of them had done to me. It was important in order to realize that such old feelings meant totally disobedience to the commandment of love of neighbor and how this could affect forever and ever my close relationship with Jesus, now that I was working on becoming the best disciple possible.   

  After Mass and at home, I still had to check with my Mom as to the understanding of all of this and she clearly mentioned that the call to proclaim the Gospel is always crowded by Satan and our flesh so that we doubt and with it to stop our trust, so His mercy cannot reach us in its entire power. (So, Satan was around!!!) She reminded me how I have to work very hard at living each moment in total silence as to what is next or why, etc. "It is a waste of time," she said. When I need to know something, signs and wonders will appear everywhere and I will understand clearly what is required of me. No other attempt to wonder is necessary. It is actually an offense against God’s love for me. He only needs me free of fears and questions. I have to let go little by little of all control, and then He can use me in huge ways. Today was one of those days of signs and wonders.

 I wrote this story to my son and daughter in Nebraska and mentioned the following, “This coming Thursday I would be visiting this new primary physician. I am planning to take all my old history in a San disk… I checked my profile in the Muir Medical Group site and there are some things missing from old stories, like my cardiac cath with normal coronaries. This will be another test to be patient and suffer a little in atonement for the sins of the Church. I am super sure that He will go with me and guide me even in this visit to say and do only what He wants of me. Every person that I meet, especially like this case of someone with whom I will have more meetings in months to come, is a call to evangelization. If you remember keep me in your prayers. On April 7 at 2 PM, I will have the visit with the lady Indian rheumatologist (arthritis expert)…. (Thank God that my love for them is back!!) On April 8 at 1 PM, I will have the gastroscopy to check up my gastric ulcers. BUT IN THE MEAN TIME I AM WAITING FOR THE MONEY TO HAVE AN ADULT STEM CELL TREATMENT…. I suspect that it may be the answer to my health.”

 All of this was also preparing me to receive a huge gift on this same Sunday. The Lord asked me to make a list of all my blessings. I came up with 27 different blessings! Of course, being aware of His True Presence in the Eucharist before my First Holy Communion topped the list. But I also added how I was raised in a Carmelite environment, and how St. Teresa of Avila was like part of my family. I wrote how my grandmother thought that I was visited by St. Therese of Lissieux when I was only 2.

 Then He asked me to make a list of all my present crosses… I came up with 18! Among them, my poor vision and little did I know that 5 days later I was tinting my hair and they had changed the number of the color I always use. It is No. 20, and they go from low numbers all the way to 30, or from blonde to dark black. Clairol had probably come up with another new shade and gave it the No. 20R for lack of numbers. With my poor eyes, I never saw the R since it was not there ever before. And you may ask why do I color my hair? I do it because He wants it so. The same thing happened with my diamond rings which I did not want to wear and some 20 years ago I wanted to get rid of them. I went to sell them and they offered me $200 for a ring that cost me $2,500. Obviously, I did not sell them and at this point I do not wear them either. The same happens with the coloring of my hair. Discrimination is real in our world. As a woman, I have paid a price for being a woman and older and Hispanic. How many times I have been told in my face that I was such a good anesthesiologist but with faces that are surprised, like if my Hispanic ancestry or older age would make me dumb. The same with my looks: I do not care how I look, except that my appearance in this world of false beauty values must look neat and nice and acceptable in their terms to preach the Gospel… God knows it and wants it as such and I hate to do it, especially because of the toxicity of these products. This time, I added one more cross when I used this new tone and gave me red hair instead of dark brown hair…!!!

 Once I completed the two lists, I understood that each cross would become a battle won by God for me and be turned into a blessing in due time when it would cease to be a cross. Then I understood the following: If God has won huge battles for me, if God has blessed in so many ways, and some huge blessings like not leaving me with resentment against enemies, it would not make any sense to worry about the present circumstances or future events. It would not make any sense NOT TO ACCEPT with great joy His ordained will at each moment of my life. Therefore, my “yes” should be always in my lips and heart and mind, especially for any suffering of any kind and turn around and offer up the corresponding cross IN ATONEMENT for my sins, the sins of my family members and for the entire Catholic Church, with special reference to all ministerial Priests. Therefore, this “yes” under these circumstances where I have so many blessings, must exclude any time wasted in wondering about the suffering, the why’s and why not’s… BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS ALREADY A WON BATTLE IN ITS COURSE TO BE SO!

 Suddenly, I found myself writing this prayer:


“Yes, dear Father, Son and Holy Spirit, I want to do Your will and I reject Satan and his works; I also reject all worldly ideas and customs and my own flesh. Mother of Jesus and my Mother, I consecrate my own will to Him through you. I thank God, Holy Trinity for winning all my battles in the past, for those You are winning now and for all future ones!

 “Forgive me and grant me Your mercy if at any time I miss following these resolutions. Give me the grace to love my brothers and sisters as You love them to the point of always seeking ways to lay down my life for them to obtain their salvation. For those who seek You on a regular basis, I ask You for their knowledge of Your Real Presence in the Eucharist and to have a great desire to grow in their relationship with Jesus. Send us Your Holy Spirit as in a new Pentecost to receive all the gifts necessary to become true disciples, grow in self denial, embrace our crosses and follow You by living Your Gospel each day with more commitment, fidelity and desire than ever before. Amen.”

 I then realized that I MUST constantly KEEP THIS PICTURE of the list of all blessings present in the background of my daily life or in my immediate  consciousness  since this would call me to say “yes” to everything because it is the minimum I can do to thank Him for so many of them received. At the same moment, I also realized that I cannot chance to be afraid or to worry about doing His will in anything He asks me to, since that list of blessings was given to me to use for the preaching of the Gospel… and it will grow even more, and all of this awareness is necessary to remind me that to whom much is given, much more is required, especially a big “yes” to whatever He wants of me! It will move me to be the most obedient disciple possible.

 I have said many times how I intertwine the Rosary with the Chaplet of Mercy for the family and community Rosaries… and have done it for many years… Immediately after I completed my lists of blessings and crosses, I also realized that through my family Rosary, I have been offering the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity (the Eucharistic Jesus) plus I add all my sufferings in ATONEMENT FOR THE SINS of my sons, daughter’s in law (certain mysteries for them) plus President Obama and Vladimir Putin (adopted sons) and all the five mysteries are offered in atonement for my sins and the sins of my pastor, two other priests in the Rectory, plus all Catholic Priests and Deacons . For the Community Rosary, I have written many intentions including for the Holy Father, the local Bishop, and friends and enemies and the people belonging to the industry of abortion on demand, etc. Therefore, for a long time, I have been atoning for all of us, and little did I realize how important all of this is!

Yet, there is another huge point in here… Jesus gave to Sr. Faustina the words of the Chaplet of Mercy and He was asking all of us to offer Him in atonement for our sins… Also for many years I have added my crosses to this offering. But altogether, the Chaplet of Mercy was created by Jesus in order for His Real Presence to atone for our sins and present it to the Father… as we ask the Father for His mercy for us!  What amazing words and devotion and exactly as the Gospel of today Saturday.  I wondered if this practice of mine, inspired by the Holy Spirit, of praying the Rosary (asking our Mother to pray for us) intertwined with this other extraordinary prayer for atonement, has been behind the excellent behavior of my four sons towards me and in their private lives. At the end of this extraordinary Sunday afternoon revelation, I was totally convinced that my “yes” to God’s will would become automatic, just as I understood its importance after having received so many blessings. I also understood that my crosses are simply gifts that I have to offer it in atonement for our sins before they become blessings and disappear… NO DOUBT THAT MY DISCIPLESHIP will be lived as He asked us to… because even my present crosses have become like a spiritual appetizer…

On this same Sunday, our Pope Francis had a major message on the second most important commandment! (From Zenit’s report)

Pope: Loving Our Neighbor Requires More Than Just Observing the Law

Also Denounces Ugliness of Gossip in His Sunday Angelus Address

Over 50,000 pilgrims from around the world gathered in St. Peter’s Square on Sunday to listen to Pope Francis’ address before and after the recitation of the Angelus.

The Holy Father reflected on the Sunday’s Gospel, which spoke of Christ’s desire to fulfill the Law of Moses. This ‘fulfillment’, he said, "requires a greater justice, a more authentic observance. The Holy Father went on to say that loving our neighbor, as Jesus says in the Gospel, requires more than just a strict observance of the Law, but rather "deeper motivations" that are a manifestation of God’s Wisdom.

Prior to reciting the Marian prayer with the faithful, Pope Francis concluded his remarks by asking those present to allow themselves to be open to the action of the Holy Spirit in bringing the law to fulfillment in their own lives."In the light of this teaching every precept reveals its full meaning as a demand of love, and all precepts are contained within the greatest commandment: love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself," he said.   (I say, Wow…)

Tuesday, March 18.

For my Holy Hour prior to the Noon Mass, I was exhausted and only wanted to be there with Him… Little did I know that I would experience an extraordinary hour like never before. I used my I-Pod (and old one which my son used to place the entire Rosary and also many songs which I delight with). This time I felt like listening to those lyrics. The entire encounter was in Spanish and I will record it as such with a translation into English. .

1. Canción: Pescador de Hombres ( Song: Fisher of men) While listening to it, this dialogue occurred…

Jesús: ¿Entonces nos vamos? (Sentí que sonreía de oreja a oreja)

(Jesus: Shall we go? – I felt He was smiling from ear to ear)

Yo: Nos vamos     (Me: Let’s go)

Jesús: ¿A cualguier parte?

(Jesus: Any place?)

Yo: Adonde sea. Si estás encargado de todas mis batallas, Tu trabajo es vencerlas. Mi trabajo es constantemente dártelas a Ti para yo no perder ni un instante en amarte y seguirte adonde sea que me lleves!

(Me: Wherever. If You are in charge of my battles, Your work is to win them. My work is constantly to give them to You, so that I do not lose an instant in loving and following You wherever you take me!)

2. Ave Maria

Jesús: Vamos a invitar a Mamita con estas palabras celebratorias de otra pescadora que siguió a Dios sin peros, sin miedos.

(Jesus: Let’s invite our Mommie with these celebratory words of another fisherwoman who followed God without buts’ or fears.)

3. Ave Maria sobre un preludio de J.S. Back by Bobby McFerrin.

(Ave Maria sung over a prelude from J.S. Back done by Bobby McFerrin)

4. Don’t worry, be happy. Bobby McFerrin (title already in English) (No te preocupes, sé feliz)

5. Pescador de Hombres de nuevo, por el Mariachi Lobo (Fisher of men agaom by the Mariachi Lobo)

Jesús: Entonces deja todas las valijas llenas de temores y control de tu vida y caminemos los dos en alta mar para que las olas de cruces que te faltan por llegar te arrullen con sus bendiciones. No te sueltes de Mi mano

(Jesus: Then, leave all your suitcases full of fears and control over your life and let’s both walk to the deep sea so that the waves of crosses that are still in route, may lull you with their blessings. Do not let My hand go.)

6. Ave Maria – Celine Dion.

Estaba como en trance entre cielo y tierra

(I was like in a trance between heaven and earth.)

The Mass was ready to start with the prayer of the Angelus. It may seem to you that this a crazy moment… but for me, it was a moment of hanging together as He allowed me to feel His love and mercy.

Wednesday, March 19. – Feast of St. Joseph.

Holy Hour: John 21. Jesus asked Peter three times if he loved Him. Peter said yes but at the third time, he became a little upset with the repetition since as he said to Jesus, “Lord, You know that I love you.” In each occasion Jesus asked Peter to do something: “Feed My lambs,” “Tend My sheep” and “Feed My sheep.” Then Jesus told to Peter what turned out to be how Peter would die… as a martyr, and gave him a command, “Follow Me.”

In an instant I understood something I never picked up before. I always have heard that Peter had to be asked three times if he loved Jesus, as a form of atonement for the three times that he had denied Him during the Passion. On this day, I also understood that IN ORDER TO WORK FOR JESUS IN EVANGELIZATION, we have to truly love Him… in order for Him to send us to feed His people. Suffering will be involved and when we love Him, then we are ready to follow Him.

He actually said this to me, “Follow Me after offering and showing your love for Me. How? By saying yes to My will. To follow Me must be done out of love for Me. Only by obeying My will for you and all the commandments, can you say that you LOVE ME! Constantly pray that you follow the instructions for a true discipleship! Once you become a master at living a true discipleship, you will be able to bring others to do the same and many will become true disciples as well. Just to bring them to Me without a plan against the devil, the world and the flesh, ends up in crowds that come and later leave. And this plan is always for you to love Me by doing My will and obeying the Commandments. Otherwise, your efforts of evangelization end up with many souls lost. On this feast of St. Joseph, ask for his intercession for you to become another obedient, humble evangelist as he was. He contributed to evangelize the entire world by protecting Me as any father would do, until it was My time to give My life for all of you.”

Thursday, March 20.

The day to meet my new primary physician had arrived. I wrote this to family members:

 “My kids: it was a disaster… And I should add that a disaster that God really controlled for me since it was obvious that t was a bundle of controversy.  Days like today, it is scary to meet people that are in charge of our health care.

 “As mentioned before, I had put together in one San disk my medical history, my hospitalizations of last August and tests done, plus what Dr. D.V (gastroenterologist) had done and his referral for this rheumatologist for April 7, etc, so that he could be updated about my case the easy way. I also wrote for him some of my blood pressures and treatment since the beginning of the year for him to see what they are and how I need only 1/4 of the medication I used to get. I needed a new prescription for the blood pressure medication. The assistant nurse well known me since the times of the physician that was let go, took my blood pressure and the San disk to him. I sent word that this was done for him to know everything about me since I did not want him to be left out of anything done or being done and his making of decisions for me.

 “This young man, maybe 30 years old, from a nearby osteopathic medical school, and who graduated in 2012, came in already furious… He refused to read the information which would have taken him less than 10 minutes of the 45 allowed to this first visit. In this way, he did not have to ask questions of the many variables of my care going on. He said it was too much for him to read and he needed more time. He proceeded to ask me questions all of which were already answered in this unwanted information. But the problem was also that this man seemed to be a very poor doctor, knowledge wise. He started to instruct me how blood pressure goes up… He mentioned that coffee was one of them… Non sense… Not true with only two cups a day. He said that salt was a problem which I do not take, besides, as a physician it was an insult to review such things with me. I told him that the pain in my knees each time I ate would make the blood pressure go up… but he said that may be that was one possibility…. Another huge non sense.

 “He finally said that he has no proof that what I wrote in this paper is true. That he only practices evidence based medicine and that how could I prove to him that my immune system is over reacting to foods? I said that the pain that ensues after each meal is plenty. He said that no, he needs evidence of someone proving to him it is so… I HAVE NEVER HEARD SUCH A STUPID REMARK. When I was in med school, my internal medicine professor was a well known Panamanian who studied medicine in France at the Sorbonne…!!! He used to say that the history of the patient was the key to a diagnosis, not the lab report. In fact, he would make us diagnose a patient without being able to see the chart with their lab results, precisely to become good a diagnosing based on what the patient was revealing…Then to order labs or review results already obtained, accordingly.

 “Well, this day I was facing a young man who was very upset with me before he entered the room. I could not trust this man for any treatment of any sort. When he asked me if I had had a recent mammogram, I said, "No, I only had one in my entire life in 1985. None since then since I eat to avoid cancer, and if I get cancer, death is welcomed. I am totally free to accept death any time." Apparently he does not know that nowadays, mammogram’s are under great scrutiny for false alarms that take people to have more surgery without needing it. Also, the exposure to radiation has become very important… But what he hated the most is that I did not care if I were to die… I sent him to read the last page of my report, of which he had made a copy already, which states that I would not accept chemotherapy under any circumstance nor taking Statins for cholesterol  He kept arguing that he only practices evidence based medicine and that my beliefs collide with his. He kept asking how could he help me? I answered, "Right now with ordering some medication for me and in the future, I am sure that you will have your chance to help me. In the mean time I practice nutritional care of my body to avoid cancer to begin with" Of course, I did not conform to what most patients do, that is, to do what their doctor say… His ego was out of whack from before he entered the room. and he did not understand that someday all allopathic and osteopathic docs will have to learn a big lesson, that is  to combine both medicines, nutrition as a form of prevention in order to stop any DNA from becoming cancerous and regular medicine for surgery needed or for ordering medications to control any disease that is not cancerous but that come naturally with aging.  

 “All along I knew that this was God’s will and that getting rid of this young man is a must for me. He did order my blood pressure medication and thank God that recently I found the doctor friend at the Urgent Care department who had ordered thyroid medication for a full year… I would like for you to keep me in prayer because my plan is to ask the gastro-enterologist  when I see him for the gastroscopy next Tuesday, April 8th, if he could recommend a physician known to him but out of the system of this medical group… I am sure he will find one. I left this place and this doctor while we both agreed that we do not belong as doctor and patient team. We did not talk about a future follow up, and of course, he and I knew that we were done.

 “He did thank me several times for the information given to him, and of course, it was a great loving gesture on my part which I did by orders from above and not only true my own will. Yesterday, my Mother had said to keep thanking God for all the blessings He is sending and will send to me. I did so this morning while driving back. And before I entered the building with a furious traffic outside, I was able to pray the Rosary for this visit and all of us. In fact, as I walked to enter this huge brand new building that houses the offices of 87 doctors plus and Urgent Care section, I heard these words clearly: “You are not going to visit a new doctor. You are going to visit a new soul in need of salvation.”!!!  I left full of joy because the battle had been won. I visited a soul and from now on, this doctor will be in my prayers and I AM ALREADY LOVING HIM TO PIECES… by pure grace, and so, my prayer will be heard by God to save him.

 Friday, March 21

 During my Holy Hour I understood how the combination of loving God by doing His will brings with it the grace to love our neighbor as ourselves. The Virgin Mary beautifully portrays it. She said “yes,” and she took off to help her cousin Elizabeth. Wow… I also ended up with the following scenario:

 If Ministerial Priests would enter the confessional waiting for souls as images of God and not as penitents, and also, offering their own crosses (especially of hearing confessions) in atonement for the sins of all those who will come in but out of love for them, they could be sure that huge graces will be received for the penitent and for themselves. But there is something else: how do they know that they love these images of God? I do not know about you, but in my case and for years, I prayed for the salvation of souls but with indifference. I was not really praying as I would for one of my sons. However, if I confess this venial sin, repent and ask God to give me a deep care to see souls saved… and as never before, He would answer such prayer, and then, loving the penitents in this way, the ATONEMENT DONE FOR THEIR SINS… would be a power house. I wonder if seminaries teach this type of love of neighbor by the priest for the penitents! After all, they are acting on behalf of Christ and that is how Jesus would feel.

 Back at home (1:45 PM) I started to write this in my journal:

1. The most difficult crosses that we encounter are the ones that we create through fear and doubt. They become hard to overcome because we are at the same time, denying the mercy of God’s power by not trusting Him.

2. The second most difficult cross is letting God take over the solution of any crosses or suffering, as we surrender to Him expecting Him to do it. Therefore, letting go of our control over own actions, thoughts and desires regarding the solution of our crosses, is a must and at whatever cost.

3. The third most difficult cross is improving our poor love of neighbor. We love people but rarely do we place them ahead of our own needs, like power, prestige, pride, position, possessions and convenience.

4.  A distant fourth is Satan and his lies plus the godless examples of living under the world standards. And it comes last because if we take care of avoiding the previous three crosses, graces will abound to control Satan, the flesh and the world. (More on it later)

 2:45 PM – The most perfect happiness comes from the Holy Spirit’s action in our souls through the gift of joy. And the Holy Spirit’s full work in our soul is allowed by our love of God in doing His will and loving our neighbor (working for their salvation by atoning for their sins with our suffering). In the other hand and repeating it, if we train ourselves to keep in the background of our consciousness all the blessings we have received and see in our crosses, magnificent gifts of grace, doing His will becomes an attraction!!! The spiritual life or journey is, therefore, a constant exercise of loving God by trusting Him in everything, and it is also a simple road where faith, hope and love keep the road clean, clear and wide. If I forget what God has done for me, I am choosing a very dangerous path of spiritual dementia, as tragic and costly as physical dementia.   

 Monday, March 24


After Communion, I suddenly started thinking of how I have been instructed over and over of the need to offer atonement for sins…Then I asked myself, “In the Pro Life movement, how much have we atoned and fasted for the sins of those who are part of the killing of our babies?” Again and as written some months ago, why do we become enemies of those who kill the babies? Actually, with this attitude we are condemning them to lose their eternal salvation. If Nineveh converted in one day… at the preaching of Jonah who actually did not even love them, it was their repentance and own atonement for their sins that brought God to change His mind and no harm was done to this city. Are we wasting our sufferings and not offering them in atonement for the sins of this entire country in regards to killing our own babies? How many times have we said the Chaplet of Mercy in atonement for our sins of not loving God and neighbor as we should, and especially, for the people responsible for the horror going on of killing innocent human beings? Shame on us! I wonder if we would have ended this massacre and saved the souls of those involved, simply by repenting of our sins and atoning for their sins…

 On this day I had offered all my sufferings (list of crosses) and placed them on the paten at the time of the offertory. At the Consecration I offered them united with the Eucharist (Chaplet of Mercy) in atonement for all the sins of the Catholic Church. 

 March 25 to March 27:


I tried very hard to post this blog much earlier and my Lord had said to do so but later, by March 29 and to be patient! All these days I felt very exhausted and very somnolent. (Probably a product of my adrenal glands). I did write a little at the time since my left eye was aching throughout these days. I could not even finish the blog. Looking back, it was the perfect plan… I was also thinking how to close this blog, how to summarize all that I had learned. Yet, a big piece of information on loving my neighbor was still to arrive…!!!

 On March 25, Feast of the Annunciation, these were the headlines:

Supreme Court Struggles In Hobby Lobby Case With Question Of Companies’ Religious Rights

At oral arguments on Tuesday, the women justices were the most aggressive in their questioning of Hobby Lobby’s lawyer, former Solicitor General Paul D. Clement. Justices Sonia Sotomayor and Elena Kagan asked whether other companies should be allowed to refuse to cover other procedures, like blood transfusions and vaccines, if employers had a religious objection to such medical treatments.(My note: they keep comparing apples with oranges, and one of these women is Catholic).

"There are quite a number of medical treatments that could be religiously objected to," Kagan stated. "Everything would be piecemeal, nothing would be uniform." Kagan also suggested that corporations could challenge other federal laws, like minimum wage and family leave requirements and protections against child labor, based on their religious beliefs.But Clement said such a "parade of horribles" would not actually come before a court, and no company had challenged a minimum wage law, for example, based on religious considerations.

Justice Anthony Kennedy, who many expect to be the swing vote in this case, questioned both sides aggressively. Kennedy asked Clement why the company couldn’t just choose not to provide health insurance at all, pay a tax and then raise salaries to allow employees to purchase health care on their own. Assuming that would be a financial "wash," Kennedy asked Clement, "Then what would your case be?"

"How would we consider the rights of employees?" Kennedy asked. "The employees may not believe … in the religious beliefs of the employer." Justice Antonin Scalia alternatively asked why the government couldn’t simply pay for the "three or four" kinds of birth control that some religious employers consider to be "abortifacients" — namely, the morning-after pill and intrauterine devices. "That’s not terribly expensive, is it?" he asked.

I ASKED MYSELF: “What have we done for the Judges of our Supreme Court? Have we ever atoned for their sins?”

Friday, March 28. –

 Without trying at all, I ended up turning the television downstairs as I was having breakfast. Right at that moment in a Christian network, two people were talking about the horror of acupuncture as a form of “energy medicine.” It was said that this practice is a farce and also that demons encourage it. Then, my love for neighbor…. just plummeted. All that was said at the end of this program was false… like no science is behind acupuncture. So, I guess that I have been dealing with the occult as they considered acupuncture to be…  But there is a science for acupuncture based on the science of electricity that runs through our body. Otherwise, how could we understand the electrocardiogram and the encephalogram, both depicting the electricity or energy running through these two organs?  In fact, scientists have found that there are similar  electrical fields going in all cells but the energy is so tiny that there is not science yet to capture in paper as the electro and encephalograms show us. For each organ of our body to conduct the work required, like kidneys to make urine, liver to detoxify the body, brain to move the body and think and store memories for future use, heart to contract an average of 70 times per minute since we were just fetuses in the womb of our mother until we die, etc., for this extraordinary work of this body of ours, we need electricity to pass through it. There are 9 main centers equivalent to the transformers we used to have in our streets, transforming the outside electrical voltage into a voltage adequate for our household electrical machines (refrigerator, washer, dryer, stove, and lighting bulbs). These are known as “chacras” in acupuncture terms and the body is divided into 14 avenues and the main electrical flow runs through them.  This is energy that is real, and HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH NEW AGE.  New Ager’s have taken parts of the science and added spiritual guides (actual occult practice) and horrors to deceive the world.

 I have used acupuncture forever. Many decades ago, my first experience was when a Chinese MD cured me of migraine headaches with 5 treatments. Still, if I were to eat chocolate or drink wine, I would get a migraine and I can abort it with acupuncture. Eventually I studied this science and to this date, I use it to help my pain. For example, every time I eat… after my horrible allergies to all foods and colorants, I give myself a treatment with a little hand held machine which delivers a little electricity to a specific acupuncture points and the pain is much less, at least 50%… Is it because I produce endorphins (part of the narcotic science)? Noooo. Even narcotics as Vicodin would not stop the reaction. The reaction by the immune system does produce chemicals that bother my knees and electrical acupuncture apparently partially stops the reaction of the immune system when it aborts much of the pain from the meal. In fact, I just bought my second machine and needed a prescription for it, which my youngest son provided since he is a physician and I do not longer have a license to practice medicine, especially after I was accused to the Ohio Board of Medicine by this lady in my last parish. The machine is expensive, $300+ but lasts forever. My previous one lasted 14 years.

 As I heard that acupuncture was a lie because there are no studies to prove it otherwise and that those who claim it works has to do with their confusion, lack of knowledge and even demonic work… I started “hating” the people who said such lie… The worst part was that I questioned where the Holy Spirit is in the souls of these two people. I wanted to scream and started crying. I prayed my family Rosary and included these two in a special way, and prayed for myself (with the intertwined Chaplet of Mercy) to be able to love them. I atoned for my sin of disliking these two human beings and not having an iota of love for them. But I was writing a blog on how to improve how I love my neighbor and obviously, I am capable of hating! During this Rosary/Chaplet of Mercy, I was reminded to accept this cross with a big yes… as something allowed by God to show me of what I am capable of doing and also to offer the suffering for me and these two.

 At the end of the Rosary, I had no resentment… I did not love them much, but a little. The yes to the cross and ATONING for my sins of disliking these people, DID IT! So, what else could God manufacture for closing this blog than an actual example of how we can LOVE OUR NEIGHBOR ASAP if we are conscious that this sin ruins the work of the Holy Spirit in our soul to direct us and make us grow in walking with Him. Leaving any resentment in our minds affecting our soul has no way in our lives. We simply have to say yes to the will of God for whatever, including watching this insulting program with scientific lies in a Christian program and selling the DVD of the program… My yes to His will is for everything and at all times. Any resentment or dislike for neighbor, whether for good reason or not, must be annulled immediately with prayer, especially in atonement for our sin and to obtain love for the other. And voila, Satan will run and we will become sanctified little by little to witness to others that GOD IS SUPER ALIVE AND THAT HE CARES FOR US WITH GREAT DELIGHT AND CARE.

 By the time that I went to Mass, I did my Holy Hour and offered the Mass in atonement for having “hated” these two… I felt depressed or so I thought… I started to feel sad of seeing the confusion of using the Holy Spirit and in His Name, doing reports that are soo negative and untrue. In His Presence I understood that Satan wanted me upset and God wanted to teach me how easy it is to get rid of him. Satan wants us to hate each other. Jesus, on the contrary, is there to forgive everyone, regardless of their sin. I accepted my present suffering regarding this matter plus the depression,  and I offered it up in atonement for the sins of these two people, and my sins for not being able to see in them, at least for some half hour (until after the Rosary/Chaplet of mercy), as images of God. And voila, I felt joy and total happiness. Their error was not important any more. Then, my Lord said, after Communion I will talk to you…

 The Gospel for this Mass was on loving God and neighbor as myself. He never misses one!!!! After Communion He said,

 “From now on, every time that you feel offended or disgruntled by the actions of someone else and you get depressed, it is actually oppression from Satan. If you are upset about your neighbor and lack love for them but do not feel depressed or sad, then it is coming from your flesh, and you should immediately repent and atone for your sin, asking for My mercy. From now on, the recipe to tie Satan up is what you did under my guidance: 1) Accept the suffering they cause you but with a huge yes because it was allowed by Me… 2) Use the suffering and before it disappears, in atonement for your negative reaction and the sins of the person(s), who offended you and ask for their salvation. 3) Now, once you are cleaned, ask for a New Pentecost for them. And of course, Satan knows that he has lost his battle and retrieves… And you will see your joy back… Your joy goes away from your sin of not loving your neighbor. I have used your past distaste for my images in India, to further teach you of the importance of loving your neighbor. I have placed them near you as doctors and families and Priests, so never to forget that you have to work at it to become their lovers for their true dignity. In this way, as in the list of blessings, these memories will help you correct any other form of discrimination. ”

 Wow… And He had announced three days before how He would send me a sign… even that in that Holy Hour I did not ask for one… and it would corroborate my future work for the Kingdom as foretold before!!! Well, this day, the sign came in, and this even helped me feel a spiritual resurrection since I realized that He had it ready precisely as a spiritual candy after my sad moment of the day, and my learning clearly how to get the devil’s attention and stop him from dividing me against my neighbor.



I learned these things:

 1.A way to keep in mind all my blessings in order to understand that my yes to God’s will should be automatic, since He truly is my Shepherd and gives me all I need; therefore, I have found a way to accelerate my acceptance of whatever He wants of me.

2. I found out that atonement for sins is very important, so much so, that in order to implore for His mercy, I must offer His Eucharistic Presence in atonement for all our sins, and then, turn around to ask our Father to have mercy on us.

3. Also, when I pray in atonement for my sins, I am acknowledging that I am a sinner, as the tax collector did and then asking for God’s mercy is a most needed act of humility to be justified (Luke 18: 9-14)

4. Always I must keep an eye on my crosses and learn to appreciate them and pray often to accept them.

5. I cannot pretend that I will hear the Holy Spirit if my heart carries the sin of not caring for the salvation of all other images of God, and not for what I do, as much as for what I have failed to do for them. I must pray and atone for their sins as I do for my own sons. Therefore, I must use my own crosses to ask for the gift of loving my neighbor as myself.

6. True discipleship needed to evangelize many (in the exercise of love of neighbor as myself) requires a constant denial of my will, the joy of carrying my crosses and the exercise of love of God (doing His will) and love of neighbor in all its forms, for in this consists our following of Jesus, or doing what He did.

 P.S.: as mentioned before, the writing of this blog has been extremely difficult for my eyes. In the other hand, I am sure that your prayers have permitted me to finish it. Thank you, so much!! May my Lord bless you in every form, and may you be able to extract from the contents of this blog, all the instruction that the Holy Spirit has in mind for you.

 I will add here the prayer that I composed in 1992 and copied from the April 4, 2009 blog. Notice that I had fruits in learning how to love my neighbor after Lent of 2009, but little did I know how much I was still missing…

 FRUITS of this Lent from mixing prayer and embracing my crosses as best as I could during these special 40 days of 2009:

1. I am finding out that every time that I am concerned about some item, whether seen in TV or at Church, something that needs fixing, I switch immediately to pray for mercy for the person (s) who is(are) involved. Before, I would stay pondering in the scandal I had just received. Now, without much thinking, I am reminded that my reason to be present to this event is to pray for the people in it…

2. I am finding that I am loving people who offend me with their sins like I never did before. In fact, this love shows as that of a mom for her children, as merciful love… I do not work at it. It is just grace given to me… I have also arrived to the complete surety that all prayer done for others must come from a loving heart, and if one does not love the person we are praying for, we must ask for this grace, and we get the answer quite soon. It is happening to me often…

3. I noticed that in the XVI C., the Lord sent us two prophets to put together for us exactly this sandwich of prayer and the cross fully embraced, in order to grow in the spiritual life as never before. Two giants and now Doctors of the Church were born in Spain almost at the same time: St. Teresa of Avila who suffered immensely while fighting to renew her Carmelite Order, and writing for us the stages of union with God through PRAYER. And St. John of the Cross, who explained the cross as no one before him… His cross was huge as well, suffering persecution and being incarcerated by his own. And he grew in intimacy with God via the cross… It is interesting that he wrote most of his acclaimed book while in jail…

4. So, now I am quite comfortably at saying that prayer with love and embracing of our crosses as the sacrifice for others, is the fastest way to convert the entire world… Nothing different of what Jesus did for us and that we are about to refocus in this coming Holy Week. So, embracing our crosses is one of the keys (besides loving the ones we pray for). But as with asking for love for others, we have to ask for the grace to embrace our crosses…

The miracle has been that by God’s grace, just one week ago, I ended up with a notebook I started in the 90’s and which I found in one of the boxes in this garage, precisely focused on asking God for the grace to embrace our crosses. I will share these prayers with you, which I composed based on the writings of St. Louis Marie de Montfort, who promulgated the need to become “Friends of the Cross.” If you feel called to it, pray them and sit to see the results… on how you can evangelize many united to prayer… and as you get transfigured yourself. I suspect that all of this done in those years, a prayer that as I always tell my Lord, will be present to Him even if I do not repeat it, but that the fact that I wrote it and signed it… means it is present always in front of His Throne of Mercy, this brought with prayer, the salvation of my spouse in such a miraculous way at the time of his death. He went from non believing and actually being offended by the things of God, into acceptance of his death with joy, very little pain from his advanced cancer, and reverting to be a Catholic as if nothing had happened… So, becoming a “friend of the Cross” is spiritual money… Here is the prayer:

January 1992:

1. Father, take away my fear to take up the cross that leads to Your Kingdom!

2. Make me understand that in the cross of every day, there is:

1) Salvation. 2) Eternal life. 3) Protection. 4) Heavenly sweetness. 5) Strength of mind. 6) Spiritual joy. 7) Supreme virtue of faith, hope and love. 8 ) Perfect holiness. 9) Heaven on earth. 10) The source to enkindle the fire of divine love in our heart by detaching from creatures. 11) The abundant source of every delight and consolation; it brings joy, peace and grace to our souls. 12) It is conduit for the salvation of my neighbor.

3. Dad, make me believe and understand the paradox of the Cross!  àThat to die in and with Him, in order to live with Him, to join Him in Glory, I must join Him in suffering, through daily dying to myself.

4. Make me understand the wisdom of bearing the cross: that if I bear my cross willingly, it will carry me and lead me to my desire goal, where suffering will end.

5. Make me believe and remember that if I fling aside one cross, I will certainly find another and, perhaps a heavier one!

6. Lord, show me Your Truth: that the more I get weakened by affliction, the more my spirit is strengthened by inner grace, by divine comfort, and that eventually, I will receive the great reward of embracing warmly those things from which I naturally recoil, and that being comforted by trials and afflictions, there will be a point where I will not want to be without the crosses themselves.

7. Dad, my nature is not to bear the cross, to love the cross, to discipline myself, to avoid seeking praise, to suffer insults willingly, to think humbly of myself, to appear humble to others, to endure adversity and loss, and not to seek prosperity as my first goal. Make me understand, then, that by not avoiding my crosses, by enduring them patiently, by drinking lovingly of Your chalice of the bitter cup, my nature will change, and suffering will become a great consolation instead; and that by enduring pain and sorrow to please You, and my beloved Jesus, I will experience paradise on earth. Show me how You have enclosed in the cross such an abundance of grace, life and happiness, that only those who enjoy its special favors know about them. (From God Alone, Chapter 22)

8. Father, teach me that one must be humble, little, self disciplined, spiritual and despised by the world, in order to learn the mystery of the Cross! “Father”, said Your son, “I thank You for having hidden these things from the wise and prudent of the world, and revealed them to the little ones.” And I ask You therefore, to always remind me that I must be a little one to have the revelation of Your mysteries, most especially the mystery of the Cross!

9. Remind me always that however excellent is the gift of faith by which I please You my God, and draw near to You and overcome my enemies, the Cross is even a greatest gift.

10. Remind me Father, that I am a living temple of Your Holy Spirit, and like a living stone, I am destined to be set by You out of love, into a building of the heavenly Jerusalem. And so, I must expect to be shaped, cut and chiseled under the hammer of the Cross; that I must respect the chisel that is carving me and the hand that is shaping me into that building.

11. My Lord, my Lord, as I resolve to become a saint, I thank You for I having found the pearl of great prize, a treasure,  my cross, fashioned by Your own hands with great exactness: its length, breadth, thickness and depth, according to the prescriptions of the Cross of Calvary that You carved for Your Son Jesus.

The thickness of my cross if made up of:

1) Loss of possession: jobs, money, professional success according to the world standards.

2) Humiliations

3) Contempt

4) Illnesses

5) Spiritual trials

The length of my cross consists of:

1) Slander, persecutions

2) Suffering the temptation of fleeing the cross, as the twelve did.

3) Desolation because of it.

The breadth of my cross is made up of:

Harsh and bitter circumstances brought about by family, relatives, friends, servants and enemies.

The depth of my cross is made up of:

1) Hidden trials like negative memories that lie buried in my mind

2) Inability to find comfort in other people, spiritual partners who would like to run the race towards You with me, accepting to discuss my crosses, and holding my hands; however, when the going gets bitter and over powering for me, they fail me with their presence and love.

12. Therefore, my Father, thank you for the exactness of my cross: its size is perfect as You are perfect; this gift is your Love, as You are love Yourself.

13. And Father, my last request: give me the grace to boast about my cross, my rather little cross compared with other’s. I willingly accept it and willingly choose to embrace it, not drag it…

14. I love You  my God, Three in One; grace me with the power and the wisdom and love to dedicate my body, mind and spirit to the exclusive embrace of all my crosses with joy, with a “yes” larger than my own cross, and a “yes” that will resound in heaven as a love song to You. But I need perfect strength from You to attend to this work.

15. As I write this prayer, I see Mr. William Jefferson Clinton become President Clinton. He calls for renewal, responsibility, union and sacrifice. But I call for Your passion, Your passion to love me through Your Son’s Passion, and this will control little by little my transfiguration into whom You predestined me to be for all eternity, even before I was knitted in my mother Sarah’s womb.

Dad, when tears fall down my face because of my cross hurts too much and I am unable to embrace it tightly, do not worry about me. I understand the road. I want to climb the stairs of Your freedom. Just hold me tight, very tight, as You have been doing for so many years before when I have walked over turbulent waters. It is that tightness of Presence and Love which holds me the best, and make me feel the safest. Do not forget to hold me tight, Daddy, very tight. And please remind me often that every time I tend to flee the cross, I am like St. Peter to whom Jesus said, “Get away from Me, Satan.”Remind me that in these instances, I am seeing my life with my human eyes, and not through God’s eyes.

My beloved Jesus, love me with Your Presence, with Your eyes of compassion and mercy; with the patience and the intimacy of the lover as You have shown me.

Holy Spirit of my Father and of My beloved Jesus, take over my all: my true and false self and my body. May You and my spirit be one in wisdom, love, compassion, mercy, understanding and knowledge for everybody in this world.

I want, Holy Spirit, to become a friend of the Cross, and as a friend, I want to grow in this relationship and intimacy; for it is the Cross, the royal path to You, which will finally subdue  my false self and its idols, which are dust, the cloud between You and me. I love you Holy Trinity. I love You. Amen.