Personal Spiritual Combat in this Year of Faith


This month of June has been very special… I have so much to share and I truly wished I could write shorter messages but I must just let the Holy Spirit decide. By the middle of the month and because I had been hunted by the letter of St. Jude, I have decided to treat it as if this were my last blog. What would I say?

My Bible introduction to this letter speaks of St. Jude as a rather obscure personage in the early church and even say that he may have been the Jude named in the Gospels among the relatives of Jesus. “This little letter is an urgent note by an author who intended to write more fully about salvation to an unknown group of readers, but who was forced by dangers from false teachers worming their way into the community to dash off a warning against them and to deliver some pressing Christian admonitions.”

Jude 3, 5, 7: “Beloved, although I was making every effort to write to you about our common salvation, I now feel a need to write to encourage you to contend for the faith that was once for all  handed down to the holy ones. I wish to remind you, although you know all things, that the Lord who once saved a people from the land of Egypt later destroyed those who did not believe. Likewise, Sodom, Gomorrah, and the surrounding towns, which, in the same manner as they, indulged in sexual promiscuity and practiced unnatural vice, serve as an example by undergoing a punishment of eternal fire.”

I must report that there is no question in my mind that the Lord has given me many opportunities in this year where we are supposed to think of our faith and contend for it, as St. Jude puts it, so that I can truly get spectacular experiences where I have gotten more faith than I thought possible. For almost 5 years I have written blogs that cover almost every important aspect of our faith. By now, I started wondering what else could the Lord reveal to me that is different? But as always, He is a treasure of Light and surprises and comes up with the weirdest ways to grow in faith, hope and love. The “parables” of the “wedding dress” and the “loaf of bread” shared in the blogs of April and May, left me with my mouth opened. At all times and as you know, I have been trying to escape the call of writing blogs and for doing more for the Kingdom with a very clear call to fulfill a particular job that I have received. But every time I try to escape, He comes with ideas like the two “parables” which leave me more intrigued and obliged to share them in a blog, plus it reveals to me His work in my soul and I end up believing more than the month before.  

In recent times I have been astonished by the call of praying many daily rosaries. Yes, I had tasted their power for particular U.S presidential elections, but now, why so many? I suspect that I needed them as well in order to keep writing and not trying to escape this work still to be done. A relative of mine asked me, “How can you say 16 Rosaries in one day?” I had to explain to her that I have an old IPod and my own dictated audio-cassette with Rosaries, and that I use them to alleviate a dry mouth… It is not easy to pray that many Rosaries…So, I only respond with the second part of the Hail Mary and have time during the first half, to silently meditate on the mystery or simply to truly say hello to my Mother over and over with the words of the Angel and of Elizabeth.  But at no time, I say them as routine memorized words… That doesn’t happen. Why? Because when God calls us to do something, He gives us a mighty power, and since I truly would love to disappear on thin air and never be known again, and pray the same but totally away from the public’s eye, the Rosary has been the treatment He chose to keep me writing. In this month of June, He has shown me with more detail the power of Satan… over me (and presumable over others), and how real he is. In fact, I will share later how Satan became very obnoxious in the first half of the month, and how my Mom had prepared me to fight him! Of course, I write about it after the fact. I did not know what was coming or how important it was so that I can share it with you!  

It caught my attention that St. Jude was living an era similar to ours, our modern Sodom and Gomorrah. With his thoughts in mind, I also felt compelled to examine more closely what are modern facts that need to be addressed and what I need to do to take a radical stance to make God an even more central theme of every hour of my life.  This month of June brought the training for me to die to self in a more aggressive way and fight Satan at the same time. Of course, God has to do it, but I have to try even harder to keep a strict plan of action so that He can take over. And as St. Jude said, “I now feel a need to write to encourage you to contend for the faith.” The same I say: I need to encourage you to fight Satan as well…

II. Modern facts which Satan controls and that are activating a decline in faith and morals

1. In past blogs I have explained at length how we have very plastic brains! Brain plasticity is a fact, is pure science, and we have not truly introduced it in our journey of faith as a pivotal point. Your brain and mine have been usurped by so much information, so vastly, that Satan basically has taken a nap while we intoxicate ourselves with so many idiotic television and Internet pastimes and news of all kinds. Silence is a nonexistent fact anymore. WE ARE NOW WIRED to think constantly about trivial things. We have become intoxicated with the need to communicate with people to an extent that will not give us time for anything else but distract us.

In the religious world, we now review over and over everything possible about sacred themes and our brains are kept absorbing much information, but we keep doing what the pagan media has taught us to do: to become distracted from the hour by hour care of our souls, even if the topics are great. He wants us distracted with full of information tidbits and unaware of the need to manage our time in a proficient way. In my early years, my grandma used to tell me and often, “El tiempo perdido hasta los santos lo lloran.” “Lost time, even the saints cry about it.” Personally, the call is for me to constantly switch from wasting time to actions that bring the Presence of God to my soul.

2. Of course, here we go with the same problem from another angle. Do’s and don’ts in any religious preaching or writing are meaningless unless we work at applying them to our lives… O sure, that I have to read the Bible often and hopefully daily; it is good to know or to be reminded of it. But my work is to go to my brain and place in it a mandate: to do the do’s and stop the don’t’s… YET, HOW TO DO WHAT WE HEAR PREACHED in the Bible or good books or homilies? This month I learned some points to truly make a change; we must become “true disciples” doing the three things He told us in Luke 9. Once you truly try very hard to become a follower of Jesus, He takes over through His Spirit. It is so simple… How I wished prayer groups would be just “discipleship” groups and pray together and share together how we deny ourselves, pick up our crosses and follow Him to wherever, and that includes Calvary. This would be a mine of treasures in order to evangelize others. And this month, I have been practicing the part of picking up my crosses and it has worked wonders.

I want to finish this section by saying that it is indispensable that we must take into consideration the work of the devil through the brainwashing of our very plastic brains. We are sickly in regards to what our brains are full of. Complaining about the killing of babies and severe limitations on our freedom of religion cannot solve anything, EXCEPT to exacerbate our dislike and resentment for those doing it And then, the battle is won by the evil one. I propose that we, some of us, who are truly desirous to bring others to Christ forever and actively, must start to figure out the devil in this dilemma, and not to fear him but to defeat him. Not to complain about what others do under his influence but what we can do to bring God to tie him up. In short, we must love our enemies!

On September 2009 – I posted a “Page” (on the right side of the blog column) –à “Satan, the Cross and our power to bind him.” It describes how Satan has reigned century after century… and now, with the explosion of the science of cybernetics, well, he has handed us a terrible blow. In general, the devil is not a subject that is mentioned often enough. He has won that war too! We are his victims from Genesis to June 2013, and yet, we never talk about it. Why?

III. At this point I want to start sharing a few things I learned and lived in the month of June according to the calendar sequence because it will show you that the evil one has been super active, and I suspect that God wanted me to reaffirm my power  to fight him…

Saturday, May 25

On this date I attended the Ordination/Installation of our new Bishop for the Diocese of Oakland. I did not want to go because it was easier for me to watch it Live in EWTN and not drive to Oakland. But my Lord wanted me there and asked me to contact our pastoral associate, Sr. Dominic and ask her if she would know of someone who would be attending and for me to drive with him/her. She did and I found a wonderful couple Raul and Maria from Guatemala/Mexico respectively who took me. My reason for going was because my Lord asked me to pray LIVE for the Diocese and its new Bishop, another Jesuit member of my family!!! How could I say no, when to the day I die, the Jesuits are family to me by the way God has rerouted me to them.  

They worked with the very plastic brains of my four sons and gave me extraordinary men. I doubt very much that I would have a theologian son had we not been sent to Cleveland exactly when he had to start his high school. Besides, I would have never, ever imagined that I would have a Pope and Bishop who are Jesuits. God has funny ways and from moving my family to a particular city to receive a Jesuit education to have shepherds who are S.J.’s, well, it is only His will that could have done it. But as of lately, I am starting to suspect that I was meant to speak about Satan with great detail, and St. Ignatius and his Order have no problem in bringing the devil to our attention… Hmm.

Wednesday, May 29

I was led to read Deuteronomy 19: 10-13. It says, “Thus, in the land which the Lord, your God, is giving you as a heritage, innocent blood will not be shed and you will not become guilty of bloodshed. However, if someone lies in wait for his neighbor out of hatred for him, and rising up against him, strikes him mortally, and then takes refuge in one of these cities, the elders of his own city shall send for him and have him taken from there, and shall hand him over to be slain by the avenger of blood. Do not look on him with pity, but purge from Israel the stain of shedding innocent blood, that you may prosper.”  (Hmm!)

I felt a huge remorse for all of us who have allowed the shedding of innocent blood for so many years and have not entered a decisive conversion of our hearts to adopt with love à Planned Parenthood and the like. Again, Satan took over their hearts and we have only commented how bad they are, but if a few of us would have truly given our lives for them by changing ours and growing in love for them, I would not be writing these comments. And I am one of those poor Christians…  Abortion on demand was practiced in some places where I worked and although I turned out salary raises in order not to be involved in giving anesthetics to such women, I do not remember truly praying for them… with love as I passed by and saw them waiting on a stretcher for the abortion. Actually, I felt INDIFFERENCE for them and great love for the fetus to be aborted… but at the end, I did nothing for the souls of these women. Mea culpa! Why wasn’t I told in a homily to fight abortion by asking God to give me love for the members of this industry? Why?

Thursday, May 30.

I woke up very depressed, or was it, oppressed? Please pay attention to this fact because it will be part of other experiences that God allowed for me to recognize the power of Satan in my life. During the Mass, I felt even more oppressed. (Please remember that the difference is that oppression by Satan can disappear in seconds especially when praying or reading the Word!)

On this day, I received an email from Costa Rica with beautiful pictures of Pope Francis with things he has said (probably in Argentina. It did not say but were in Spanish) and they helped me a lot. They spoke to my heart and this is why I want to share them with you. I translated them for this document:


Calumny is worse than sin; it is a direct expression of Satan…!!!!


Let us not be satisfied with a mediocre Christian life… Walk decisively towards holiness.


The Church needs Apostolic fervor and not partying Christians


There is of little use to have rich pockets when there is poverty in the heart.


Prayer obtains miracles but we must believe!


When we want to create diversity but we hide ourselves in our particular ideas, then we create division


God gives the most difficult wars to His best soldiers


Gossip is like pulling the skin. Yes? Doing damage, one against the other, like if they want to diminish the other.  No? Instead of growing, I denigrate the other. It is a little like the spirit of Cain: to assassin the brother with the tongue!


When we confess a Christ without the Cross, we are not disciples of the Lord. (Wow)

This Pope says what I would love to write in these blogs, but of course, I cannot…I am amazed that he tells it like he sees it and I love his way of being clear and to the point. Toning down what is wrong is what has taken us to allow the evil one do so much harm, and we do not alert others of how easy it is to bind him.  If the devil has been present from Genesis to Revelation, we all should have a manual of how he acts and how to respond. But it demands our conversion, so that the Holy Spirit can guide us and alert us. Little did I know that I was going to be sent to fight this spirit who would heavily attack me in the two weeks that followed.

Friday, May 31. (6 Rosaries)

This morning I went down to have breakfast and after, there she (my Mom) was again with a major message. She announced that Satan is very nervous and that he will not touch me too much but could harm me tempting people against me (my life story). But actually she wanted me to do an experiment in order to build my faith. She asked me to pray MANY ROSARIES and offer sacrifices from today, May 31, a major feast day till June 15. I went very early for the noon Mass on this great Feast of the Visitation and I was able to pray 4 Rosaries before the liturgy.

All the Rosaries and sacrifices would be offered against Satan… to protect certain people and myself and this is the list of petitions :

1. For my sanctification with a big “yes” to everything that God allows, and such yes means: acceptance to live only in the present moment as God wants me to, without trying to know anything else. She said (later in Church) that this first day, today, was for me to grow in “faith that God is truly in charge of everything.” I offered the Mass for this intention. And this yes also includes loving my crosses, so much so, that I run to meet them…

2. For my immediate family (sanctification above all)

3. For a special friend to be guided and blessed.

4. For the Catholic Church at large and most especially for the ministerial Priesthood.

5. For my physical healing ASAP but as God wills it.

6. For my spiritual healing: to stop all resentments/ judging and the moment I find myself doing it to immediately repent.

7. To seek to love my neighbor in thought, prayer and action.

8. For my parish needs

I understood that Satan will be stopped from harassing whatever the will of God is for many of us. In other words, spiritual warfare must be taken as a serious decision to do what we know stops him.

I went to Church early and in His Presence, I asked Him, “Did I hear my Mom correctly? I then was asked again, in His Presence, to fight Satan for 2 weeks until June 15. I asked, “Do you want me to keep writing blogs and becoming more active in the Church? He was clear ONE MORE TIME and He said yes… I felt that there is no doubt! This is the plan.  And then I knew that I have to grow in trusting that He is truly in charge, and if so, any thought of mine regarding the project and pros and cons is superfluous, idiotic… He keeps saying and said on this day, “Have I ever left you alone without any guidance? Have I ever taken you to the wrong roads that brought you loss of growth in your spiritual life? Who writes the blogs? Whose idea was to write them?” On every count, I had to open my mouth wide, in awe, and agree 100% with Him. Every time I have to recognize that even that my life has been full of crosses, huge ones, it is through them that I have grown in living closer to Him and loving Him more and more.

There was no question that this Feast of the Visitation was a time of visitation for me too. I needed to actively block Satan for the next two weeks in order to receive later (unbeknownst to me at this point) what I must do at all cost in order to CHANGE MY LIFE and not only brainwash myself about what I must do hour by hour (of course, I knew what to do but I never really busied myself in doing it for the salvation of souls and His glory!!!), but also to learn how to deal with Satan almost every day for two weeks, and with this, get trained to truly practice it.

Saturday, June 1. (7 Rosaries)

Sunday, June 2.  (4 Rosaries)

We had a Holy Hour in the afternoon to join the effort of the Holy Father to unite the Church worldwide in front of His Eucharistic Presence. Our Diocese was to be united at that hour and the same day when earlier Pope Francis had celebrated the Holy Hour in Rome united to many other dioceses in the world. During the times of meditation I asked myself, “How many times in my life I may not have paid attention to His will? How many? Why is He sooo good? Living without Him would be so hard for me… Just like in the Eucharist, I do not see Him as a person in the Host, or within Me, but He is there… He is real and I have to change my life and give Him all He wants of me at whatever cost to me! My problem is that often I want to run from things He has asked me to do but that look a little “crazy.”

Monday, June 3. (6 Rosaries)

I had a severe oppression. It was not a depression since I had not eaten anything to produce it nor it was changed with 5HTP, a precursor of serotonin, what lacks in cases of depression. Just notice these oppressions coming on… in this special period. I was able to say 4 Rosaries in His Presence before noon Mass.

Tuesday, June 4. (5 Rosaries)

I had felt asleep on my chair and woke up around 2 AM. I was not sleepy and started to think about our Church. What to do? So, I heard my Mother speaking and refused to listen because I was afraid that it was the devil… So, immediately she gave a number in the Bible to be checked.

Revelation 2: 8-10

To the Angel of the Church of Smyrna, write this, “The first and the last who once died but came to life, says this: ‘I know your tribulations and poverty, but you are rich. I know the slander of those who claim to be Jews, and are not, but rather are members of the assembly of Satan. Do not be afraid of anything that you are going to suffer. Indeed, the devil will throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and your will face an ordeal for 10 days. Remain faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life.’ ”

Alright, let me confess that I missed the whole point God was trying to make. This is June 4th. 10 days later would end up being June 15!!!! I was going to be harassed by Satan for those 10 days, and yes, I had been warned to say many Rosaries precisely to undergo the ordeal… but I did not know it nor understood it on this June 4th. In my particular case, I had just finished thinking about the Church and how many members of our family have lost the road of intimacy with our Eucharistic Lord. In fact, on this early morning, I had cried about it. And in retrospect, God was going to place me face to face with Satan, as he would throw me into the prison of oppressions, and yes, it happened as you will read later. Satan and I have always being aware of each other… Not only through persecutions to break me with resentment and therefore, lack of love of neighbor, but doing other things… For example: rosaries suddenly come apart. The rosary that Blessed JPII gave me during my private audience with him, the chain that hold the beads more than once was found broken in several parts, so I had to put them back together. Also, at times things disappear and on this day, a potato peeler vanished… I had to go and buy another one. And on June  18-19, things became crazier as you will read.

Since I had not understood at the time the meaning of this passage in Revelation, I did not want to talk anymore with my Mom as she was speaking about the need to pray for the ministerial Priesthood and their need to become witnesses of their love for the Crucified. Then, she insisted that I should go to another page and yes, there it was a more clear approach of what to do…

Page 455 – Nehemiah 1.

My Bible explains the following: “Nehemiah was a layman and his generous dedication of talents to the service of God and God’s people remains an example of undiminished force for laymen today. Nehemiah was a man of good practical sense combined with deep faith in God. With Ezra, each helped to make it possible for Judaism to maintain its identity during the difficult times of the Restoration (445-436 BC). Nehemiah was the man of action who rebuilt the walls of Jerusalem and introduced necessary administrative reforms. Ezra, in turn, was the great religious reformer who succeeded in establishing the Torah as the constitution of the returned community.”

Nehemiah 1: 5-7, as he prayed to God for his compatriots.

I prayed, “O Lord, God of heaven, great and awesome God, You who preserve Your covenant of mercy toward those who love You and keep Your commandments, may Your ear be attentive, and Your eyes open, to heed the prayer which I, your servant, now offer in Your presence day and night for Your servants the Israelites, confessing the sin, which we of Israel have committed against You, I and my father’s house included. Grievously have we offended You, not keeping the commandments, the statues and ordinances which you committed to your servant Moses…”

I suddenly understood that since I had asked what to do regarding the Church, here I had an example of a layman who prayed and repented on behalf of his people and God heard him…and eventually was able to restore what had been lost. In the same fashion, I have prayed for the Church for years but not with the intensity that Nehemiah showed. I not only have to work on my own conversion, but day and night as he did, I should pray for the Church and offer sacrifice, and do it with great zeal and expecting God to answer. It was 2:25 AM by the time I went to bed.

I got up at 6:40 AM and I was feeling a huge oppression… I had breakfast and prayed the Rosary with Mother Angelica, their new Rosary… a beautiful one. After the Rosary, I suddenly started crying again for the dissipation I see or sense in the Church…  O yes, we may have great crowds coming and worshiping, but I could bet that many of them have not met and sensed Jesus in the Eucharist as a truly alive close friend with whom you chat often and this to no fault of their own. I felt that the problem has been that many of us could have prayed like Nehemiah, but did not!

. He is like a Magnet that attracts while you are in His Presence. I realized how Satan is into everything and the crowds that we think are great numbers, are half great. Is this passing judgment? I must tell you that the pain I feel because of it, points clearly to an observation that comes from the Holy Spirit within and I must share it here. Our Church MUST START addressing this malady, this misunderstanding and living with our crosses as sources of grace, can definitely change us to reveal Him to others.

I was very anguished and out of the blue, I realized that Jesus felt sort of the same at the Garden of Gethsemane. I then saw myself being scourged through the many persecutions in the past and now carrying my present crosses. I could say that I was also in route to Calvary, but this time, I should say a big “yes” to this road in atonement for all the sins of the Church and my own sin of not being diligent and suffer for her. I accepted and embraced the roads of God that are waiting for me, as hard as God wants them to be, and do it for the Church which allowed me to get to know the “Lamb of God.” The movie of my life must reflect the Passion of Christ. Little did I know the reason of being sent to see this movie 22 times (2004-2005). It was a call to accept whatever God wants for me as a holocaust for His Church. It is easy to pray for the Church in general terms, but it is more important to explicitly be open to suffer for her and do it regularly and with great gusto.

Before the noon Mass I received a way to handle my crosses.  It was given to me as I was praying many Rosaries,

1. To SAY YES to them as they occur, whether pain in my joints or dealing with many doctors with basically zero results, oppressions, etc.

2. I must ACCEPT THEM because a yes to them may just be empty wordsWhen you accept something, you mean that you do not want it to be taken away.

3. I must EMBRACE THEM as graces, which means to stop for a second to recognize their value and seeing in them powerful instruments to save souls.

4. Finally, I MUST OFFER THEM UP often for many things, including the Church, my family, my own salvation etc., and take this offering right to the altar in whatever Mass in the world at that moment… Back in September 2009, I wrote the same but with the difference that now I must offer my crosses LIVE, as I suffer them!

At the Mass during the Consecration, I offered myself to be crucified if need be, a crucifixion that can be a quiet one, on a daily basis, but geared to suffer for this beautiful Catholic Church. The same day I received a counsel from a friend quoting Mother Teresa: “We are not to be successful but faithful.  And this was what appeared in the counsel for the Church of Smyrna… Further, I understood the need to remain faithful to my crosses as a sacrifice for others.

Also on this June 4th, I received a requisition for the translation of a homily into Spanish (to be sent later) from another part of the country because they were missing their official translator. I told them that the following day I would be at the retinologist but that I would do it after the appointment in the early morning. The homily was going to be delivered the evening of June 5th. And here, Satan started another round as you will read next.

Wednesday, June 5th.

My visit to the retinologist started with his desire to dilate my good eye pupil in order to check it out a second time… with special technology. Right away I opposed the plan since I could not translate the homily as early as required since he dilatation of the pupils could last up to 6 hours. Thank God I was fast to think about it. I received my 6th intraocular injection, and this time, the eye had shown much more inflammation than before. I must report that there is much peace in my heart regarding this left eye. God gave it to me. If He takes it away, blessed be the Lord!

In the afternoon, I corrected the homily twice… which had been sent in two forms: English and an Internet translation, and both times, the corrections disappeared… I finally understood that the site of this Archdiocese probably was not accepting any changes to their documents. So, finally, I had to type the entire homily on my own as a separate document, and yes it was sent and got there and was preached, and Satan did not win this war… Yet, my left eye was painful post injection and with the late findings of what was going on, I truly had a cross to offer!!!

Thursday, June 6.

I woke with a severe oppression. Huge! After saying the Rosary with EWTN, the oppression lifted as if by magic!!!! But what are oppressions? They are horrible moments when I have no control and I feel so down, so desperate, so upset within, so rejected.  I have realized that these oppressions can furiously work at DISCOURAGING ME so that I quit and not do what has been told to me sooo many times. They have to be from the evil one…  On his early morning, my Mother corroborated the action of Satan. She suggested that in the midst of the oppression, for me to say yes to it, accept it, embrace it and offer it up for the several intentions discussed in previous blogs plus for the Church. To do the experiment…

I went to noon Mass and arrived at 11:15 AM. Jesus wanted to talk… These are a few of the things I understood.

“Remember what your Mother told you this morning. Let’s go back to the beginning. Your grandma (my main caregiver) gave you love and example. I came to give you My love. It is not that I loved you more but that you felt My love in a real way.” I suddenly started remembering my life at the convent of the Oblates of Divine Love, and how only one nun of the 4 was very nice (the convent and school had just opened in Costa Rica). It was then that I had decided never to become a nun!!! Of course, at age 5 I had received the certainty that I would become a doctor of medicine and a secretary. So, apparently this happened for me not to change any previous plans… It also clearly establishes how the Holy Spirit guides all of us even as kids. There is no much work to be done but by being faithful to the Commandments and to the Sacraments, He takes care of every detail of our lives.

He continued, 1) “Your trust in Me is at times little. Trusting in My love and mercy for you is essential. It cannot be replaced by prayer and good deeds. Your ‘yes’ to My will depends on following and trusting Me until you become used to feel Me next to you for everything. 2) You are chosen. You know you will be persecuted. This is even more of a reason to embrace your crosses. They will stop Satan, the world and your flesh from acting up! Do what you have to do but forget what you have suffered because it was all My plan. Why to remember the wrongs done to you when I allowed them?”

In this next story notice how Satan was around as well: I ran to the bathroom to come back and pray at least one Rosary before Mass. I had with me a precious booklet that I made with all my prayers, and visible in the front, I placed a copy of the Face of Jesus, painted by a member of the Blessed Sacrament Order in New Mexico. I received the original copy in Cleveland at my parish of St. Paschal Baylon, serviced by this Order. The two bathrooms were closed and unfortunately, they easily get locked… So, many times we have to knock and see if there is a person inside or just that is locked by accident and there is a way to unlock them… Nothing happened for 10 minutes…One of them had opened and a person ahead of me was using it. The other one was closed and no sign of life inside even that I knocked several times. So, I decided to open it… as I know how to do it, and found a woman talking on the phone…By now it was 15 minutes of waiting. I became furious… And this is exactly what Mr. Devil wanted me to do, to get furious before Mass against my neighbor plus not been able to pray at least one Rosary.  Wow… I was in the middle of the 10 days but I did not know what was going on.

Ah, but this was not the end of the story. I finally used the other bathroom since the woman on the phone closed the door and stayed inside even longer. I left and upset as I was, I forgot my booklet with my prayers placed up high on top of a device for diaper changing. After Mass and at home at 3 PM, I suddenly remembered that I had left it in the bathroom. I drove back to Walnut Creek in heavy expressway traffic, arrived at 3:35 PM only to find the church closed. This forced me to attend the 6:30 AM Mass on the following day… and I arrived at 5:50 AM. I found the booklet on a cabinet outside of the bathroom and where we place things that we receive in the mail and want to give away. My precious booklet could have disappeared… as a previous one was taken by parishioners when I left it in my pew… It had my name, phone number, email address, but this cabinet is next to the main door that is right on the sidewalk, and many people of all kinds come in to the church to use the bathrooms. Whoever found it did not to take it but left it in a place which indicated that it was for grabs! I am sure that Satan was behind most of this disaster… It would have been better had they left it inside the bathroom.

I want to stop here and make a point. Of course, God knew all about it… Yet, He allowed it and made a point to me… But notice how I became totally distracted by the loss of this important personal folder with my own private prayers and pictures. And worse, I FORGOT BIG TIME TO SAY YES TO THE CROSS, ACCEPT IT, EMBRACE IT AND OFFER IT UP. How many times we spend days so distracted by situations and suffering of any kind, and we WAIST THEM?

Friday, June 7.  Feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus (5 Rosaries)

Well, this is a very important feast for me and there I was in Church at 5:50 AM seeking my booklet… I was able to pray two rosaries before Mass. After Communion, He said, “You will receive many graces today but I will not tell you which ones because you will get too distracted.”

I did put together in a small card some points as He explained them to me that I must follow, in order to be able to continue my conversion and become an intercessor for the Church and for evangelization in general. These are not new ideas or concepts. They just came at a time when He wanted me to start “evangelizing” my brain through re-wiring…

This is what I was told and similar to other messages received in the past:

HIS MERCY IS the medicine FOR THE END TIMES… No doubt about it… In order to have His mercy work miracles, I must

1) Trust Jesus HOURLY with an unconditional yes with the CERTITUDE that all what will happen will be perfect and necessary for my salvation and that of others. There should not wondering, questions, fears, because JESUS HAS ALWAYS TAKEN CARE OF ME REGALLY.

2) My crosses must be treated as revealed above. They CANNOT BE WASTED.

3) Constant prayer should in my lips or heart or mind, like the one from St. Benedicta of the Cross, OCD = Edith Stein

“My God, I do not want to know Your roads for me. That is why I am your daughter. You are a Father of wisdom and a Father to me too, and if You take me through the darkness of night, I know You are taking me to Yourself. “

Or the Memorare, or prayers to the Blessed Trinity, short ones like the ones in Fatima.

4) My love of neighbor must be exquisite, seeking all ways to love them in my heart, mind and in action. I must refuse to judge or resent, and if I do, I must repent and ask for mercy for them, as they may be truly giving me a scandal.

5) Several Rosaries/day to keep the devil away

6) Frequent thanksgiving for all that God allows for me, good or bad.

7) Frequenting the Sacraments on a regular basis.

8) Often asking for His mercy to help me live the above.

However, on this Feast of the Sacred Heart, I also RECEIVED THE GRACE to put this plan into action. (For a while? Forever? I do not know but I can remember often to keep it up and truly do it) …

 Saturday, June 8th.

In general I did not feel well at all and had some oppression. So, on this Feast of the Sacred Heart of Mary, and the anniversary of my First Holy Communion, I had to pass the 8:30 AM Mass. Little did I know why!

Around 9:30 AM, the door bell rang. Two men, well dressed, one in his 40’s and the other in his 30’s, were at my door wanting to talk to me. In the hands of one of them I saw a “Watch Tower” pamphlet. I immediately knew what all was about and with great love, tons of love, I said, “I am a Roman Catholic. I am deeply in love with Jesus Christ and do not accept any other belief. God bless you!” THIS WAS THE VERY FIRST TIME THAT I LOVED Jehovah Witnesses coming to my door. Always, always, I have opened the door and detested their presence…

No doubt that the magic of love is real. I had started working hard at living a different life hour by hour, carrying a card on hand to remind myself of every point as jotted them above plus I was totally embracing my crosses for the sake of other souls, and love came to my heart… The two men looked frozen in time! Their eyes were wide open. My love had been taken by the Holy Spirit into their hearts and left them speechless. They only said, “Thank you,” and left. Please notice what LOVE CAN DO…But such love came to my heart as I had tried to convert my heart all day and every day.

Tuesday, June 11.  (6 Rosaries)

I was very oppressed. I was able to pray 4 Rosaries before the noon Mass. I thanked God for the two new priests: one associate from Brazil, and nowadays, Brazil is the place to be… The World Youth Day encounter will happen in a few weeks, and we have some super soccer games going on right now in Brazil, in order to classify for the 2014 Soccer World Cup in Rio de Janeiro. For us in Latin America, we breathe through the fun of soccer. Our JP II was a goalie and our present Pope is another “hincha” or soccer aficionado. Our other priest with us is a Monsignor who has entered retirement and came to reside in our parish, and both are very good homilists.

Wednesday, June 12.

I woke up super oppressed. I did my Holy Hour before the noon Mass and prayed 3 Rosaries. At 11:35 AM, a man well dressed about mid 30’s, came and knelt in front of the statue of the Risen Lord, on top of the Altar. He bowed for about 3 minutes and got up and left. I found myself crying. My Jesus, ALIVE, was not engaged in this moment by this beautiful man. Our Tabernacle is to the left of the main Altar, and this image of God missed the Presence of Jesus of Nazareth. I ached terribly… Not for the man since Jesus heard his prayer, but for all of us who have not worked hard at converting ourselves to show to others that He is alive in the Eucharist. And what usually bugs me the most is that His grace, His mercy and love are available to all of us 24/7… if we only love Him enough to make a 360 degree change and become a true disciple, especially if we truly pick up our crosses and do something with them.

I came home and continued with the oppression. I asked my Ma if may be I was crazy with ideas that I have to help the Church. May be I could be making it up. She said, “No. It is not the case. You should just do what you were asked to do on June 7. And sent me to page 461 in O.T. It was Esther 1 and following. Mordecai, a Jew and uncle to Esther, later a Queen, was persecuted because he would not bow to Haman, a superior in the Court of the King. Esther and Mordecai prayed and God listened… and eventually, Haman was executed by orders of the King and Mordecai became the second in power. It was obvious to me… To bother God with pros and cons is simply a total lack of trust. God can win all our battles, as long as we do what Mordecai and Queen Esther did… Pray and ask for guidance and protection with the certainty that God can do all things. Obviously, they were God fearing Jews with tons of FAITH.

And LOW AND BEHOLD, the oppression disappeared… after hours of feeling it.  She corroborated that it was from Satan.  On this day, I ended up praying 6 Rosaries… and they were a power house… I realized that I must work day and night in brainwashing myself with this plan of June 7 and before the Year of Faith ends. Of course, I must do my scientific part in my plastic brain, and God will add His love and mercy, and I will end up very well prepared for this job. Notice that so far, in this period of 10 days, oppressions were at the order of the day, and yet, I was learning how to stop Mr. Satan with my own re-wiring of my brain (with oppressions leaving as if by magic),  plus aided with Rosaries to have God complete my transformation. 

Thursday, June 13

As a child, on this day my family would give me gifts to celebrate my namesake saint feast, St. Anthony of Padua since my middle name is Antonieta. I still feel very attached to this Saint. I had a long dialogue with the Lord and part of it went like this:

JC: “Go to page 56 (Matthew 24: 33 and on. All about the end times when He is to return and nobody is paying attention…and some of us must make some noise about it) Keep doing what you are doing as revealed on June 7 (the Feast of His Heart that I just shared). However, do not do it just to be in the safe side and out of a sense of perfection. Do it out of love for Me!”

I THEN started to wonder who the celebrating priest would be and He said,

JC: “Pay attention to Me and not to the celebrating Priest. He brings me to the Altar representing Me but he is not My actual Body and Blood. Look at Me alive coming once more to this earth for you. Be awake!”

Me: “What about if I stay hiding in a hole, no blogs, praying tons and loving You?”

JC: “Then, it will be the end of your graces because they are given and they grow when you share them with others since this is the reason in the first place of why you have received them.”

Me: “My love, I love You.”

JC. “That is all what you need.”

Friday, June 14

I woke up “oppressed.” I was sent to read a page which was Judges 6: 11-40. It was the call of God to Gideon and it is worthwhile reading it. Gideon is told that he is to go and save Israel from the power of Midian. Gideon would not accept it because he even complains how God had abandoned them and thrown them in the power of Midian. He then asks for signs that he can proceed and fight the Midianites and win. God answers the three signs and in chapter 7 Israel defeated Midian.

I was funny because Midian and Media are words that are closed in spelling and even rhyme! It gave me the hint that some of us must work in whatever God wants us to do and even if we are under the power of the different branches of the media, God can save us. We all are called at this time in history to do what God wants us to do, and let Him do what He wants to defeat the power of the media. And faith in our hearts that this is possible , should be irrefutable. Wondering if this could be possible is an act of lack of trust that for God all things are possible and truly mean it.

At 12:10 PM I was still deeply oppressed, I started crying, but immediately I accepted, embraced this feeling and offered it up. By 12:20 PM, all oppression was gone!!!  By now I had prayed 5 Rosaries.

By 3:15 PM, the oppression had returned. Again, frightful of what I have to do for the Church and all from this feeling of deep rejection!  At 7:40 PM I was sent to a page which turned to be Acts 13. In the Church of Antioch several were worshipping the Lord and fasting. The Holy Spirit said, “Set apart for me Barnabas and Saul for the work for which I have called them.” So, they were sent by the Holy Spirit to Seleucia and from there to Cyprus.  They met a magician named Bard-Jones who was a Jewish false prophet. He was with pro-consul Sergius Paulus who had summoned Barnabas and Saul and wanted to hear the word of God. The MAGICIAN OPPOSED IT in an attempt to turn the pro-consul away from the faith. But Paul said to him, “You son of the devil, you enemy of all that is right, full of every sort of deceit and fraud. WILL YOU STOP TWISTING THE STRAIGHT PATHS OF THE LORD?”

It was a sobering reading… The Holy Spirit has an agenda for all of us and every time that I try to oppose Him for whatever reason, and of course during oppressions I am ready to run away and never post one more blog and hide until my death, I become a daughter of the devil… Or, when someone tries to intervene in the plans of God for someone else, and even with great intentions and human logic, there we also have another Bard-Jones. I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD that the best way to advice others is praying that the will of God be done in their lives and nothing else…  And if the person who intercedes truly fixes the eyes on living his/her own conversion, the Holy Spirit could speak through him/her and give advice, BUT ONLY WHEN SENT TO DO SO AND WITH THE ADVICE COMING ONLY FROM GOD… It is soo simple.

It is so easy to use our own human brains to advice others with the argument that we are using reason. Yet, God has worked through the centuries with plans that have been super unreasonable: cases of Abraham, Moses, Our Lady, St. Peter, St. Paul, etc. Our faith must show up next to our human reason and believe that God has a plan and that we have to join His plan for ourselves and others through our own daily conversion, especially carrying our crosses for the sake of the one we want to help out with our advice. How often do we think on those terms? I am finally seeing how I must proceed with my own spiritual readiness to be open to change my soul and let God use me as He wishes but using my crosses as instruments of grace to be able to hear and understand the designs of the Holy Spirit. That is true discipleship… or denying myself, picking up my crosses and following Jesus to save souls in whatever ways He wants it done. Well, this wisdom seems to be a great fruit from this Year of Faith…

Saturday, June 15. (6 Rosaries)

I got up slightly oppressed but soon enough it turned into a full oppression. On this day I checked what I wrote on Satan in a page of this site and realized that it was written by God… There is no way that with my zero theology background I could make so many points.  It gave me hope to keep handling this cross as explained before. However, I asked for a big sign (like Gideon did) to not run away from writing blogs and becoming so public. At 12:15 PM I heard, “You are fighting Satan himself who hates you and wants you to disobey God!” I was asked, “Now, how is your oppression? It was gone… By 11PM I was oppressed again. I was referred to a page in the Bible, and of course, I needed to read it one more time, Luke 9: 23. “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross DAILY and follow Me.”

Sunday, June 16. (2 Rosaries)

On this day, something happened that gave me hope and certainty that I should continue learning about Satan’s attacks and with God’s wisdom fight the moments of attack, but knowing that nothing happens to me if not allowed by God, even Satan’s attacks and with oppressions on board. I had planned to offer the Mass and officially refuse to write anything else. Yet, the sign came and I even repented for what I was attempting to do. So, God was in charge even of such moment of confusion and distress.

Also, during the Mass, it became evident to me that this blog had been started very early because I may travel any time to Costa Rica, and it was all about Satan’s way of harassment, and of course, he was working overtime to stop me. After Communion,  He said, “When you get an oppression from Satan do not despair. Accept the pain it brings and offer it up for the Catholic Ministerial Priesthood.! Satan will run.” I finally realized that the Letter to Smyrna had all the information I needed but that I never saw. Ten days had passed with Satan all over me, and yet, at the end, I graduated from Spiritual Combat School…!!! A wonderful gift from the Holy Trinity.

Monday, June 17. (4 Rosaries)

I understood how accepting the beatings from Satan are part of winning the war against him.

Wednesday, June 19.  (4 Rosaries)

I had been asked to hurry up and finish this blog to post ASAP… But Satan had another attack… I had been without oppressions starting June 16 at Mass. So, he hacked my account with Yahoo where I have this blog site. After I came back from noon Mass, two sons wrote about it. With their counsel, I had to contact those emails hacked and tell them not to open the link. I never open any link at all, even from people I know. In fact, 24 hours before, my oldest son had sent a link to watch two babies laughing as they were playing with rubber bands… I asked him on a separate email if it truly came from him. So, I have no idea what happened. I never use Yahoo email to send any messages since about 3 years ago. I will continue doing so, but the blog had to wait trying to fix the problem… Hmm.


You are probably super tired of reading so many things about Satan. I am sorry and not sorry. It is obvious that in order to make of LOVE the remedy that can heal, we have to pay attention to the work of Satan who works day and night to make us hate each other.  Now, I want to add the final thoughts for this already long blog and remember, if this were my last blog (and it will not be at least up to this date), these are comments that I would like to write in such blog!

1. We have to become friends with our crosses. It is a concept that we do not speak about clearly and often enough. If Jesus triumphed against evil through the Cross, we as disciples are clearly called to sit down, look at our crosses and embrace them, for they represent a way to triumph against evil in our hearts and in the world.

We must keep in mind how Satan works and when feeling “down” for no particular reason, to do the experiment that can take the pain of the oppression and offer it up for the Church but accepted and embraced with a pure heart and not just to get rid of it. I can guarantee that most of the time, the “down” feeling will disappear. Satan cannot stand it! Please never forget these ideas… Even with real crosses of severe illness or chronic pain, when offered for others, there is much grace that comes through and we feel the same cross but with peace and even joy… Trust me on that one.

2. If you are reading this particular blog, I am officially challenging you to live hourly with a little card in your pocket or purse or memorized and DO IT! Re-wire your brain often enough each day in order to clean your inner temple by you getting out of the way and doing what the card says… and see what happens. Just keep a small reminder of what I shared above with the following points, and taste how Satan can be tied up most especially in the lives of those who do not know he is around. Here is the summary again but shorter:

TRUST IN JESUS to bring His mercy over you and the whole world by

1) Saying an unconditional yes to whatever the will of God is at that moment. Show certitude that He is in charge by giving away fears, wondering, and questions of any kind.

2) As you carry your crosses, accept, embrace and offer them for whatever your intentions are, but placing the Catholic Church also as an intention (In my case, the ministerial Priesthood is center fold for this offering)

3) Constantly pray in whatever way you are led by the Holy Spirit. Attend Mass as often as possible.

4) Make a resolution to ask God’s Mercy to be able to LOVE your neighbor at all cost and for the grace to find ways to show this love according to their needs.

5) Never go one day without praying one Rosary… and more is possible with the intention of asking Our Lady to intercede for this conversion.

6) Thank God often for all you have: spiritual and material, and especially for all suffering, something that conforms you to Jesus Himself.

7) Faithfully receive the Sacraments.

8) Do all for the glory of God, for love of Him.

This is the formula to re-evangelize your soul so that you can go and take the Good News to the entire world.

3. A little word about Immigration Reform in the U.S.A. I am an immigrant by God’s will. I love this country even more than my own, Costa Rica. But I understand clearly that Satan is behind the fights going on… Let me make my case:

If Latino immigrants were white, blonde and blue eyed, we would have a much easier way to allow them in. At the bottom of the controversy there is deep discrimination. I know because I have lived it in a different way. When I used to work locum tenens after professional persecutions (or going to different parts of three Midwestern States to give anesthetics for a month or months), I would see always the eyes of those receiving me very enchanted as they met me. One time, I went to work in Arizona with the HMO, CIGNA The regional lady chief anesthesiologist (born in Chicago) came to meet me at the airport. As soon as she saw me, she exclaimed in a loud voice: “Wow, but you are so beautiful.”

I AM NOT BEAUTIFUL and I am not ugly by any standards. I am just a face that looks like any other U.S. white citizen. Of course, this confirmed to me that she was expecting a darker person with some Latino features and she was glad for my appearance. So, I contend that behind the turmoil going on of giving immigrants some legal status we have much discrimination… O.K. Now the question is, “What can we, God fearing members of the Catholic Church in America, do to solve this problem?” It is very simple: if we favor immigration as we should, we have to quit feeling antipathy and even resentment for those who are against it. Can you see Satan using his “artimañas” or gimmicks to make us resent and forgetting to pray for ourselves to love those that are against it? Can we change our tactics and follow the Commandments…? The readings of the Mass of June 20 are clear, “If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions.” Matthew 6: 14-15.  And in Matthew 7: 12: “Do to others whatever you would have them do to you…”

As a Church, we should start a mission to pray for our need to forgive at all cost and for the grace to love our enemies… I would bet anyone that if we start praying for our enemies and receiving the blessing of being able to love them, the present war would end… Are we Bible lovers and not understand that LOVE CAN DO ALL THINGS? What is wrong with us? Well, this is how Satan works behind the curtains… He divides, accuses, lies, gives fear and distracts us big time… so that we keep fighting amongst ourselves. Sorry if I offend you, but the times are extremely precarious. We are losing souls to hell by the hundreds, when we could undergo a good house cleaning of our inner temples and let God use us to LOVE and transform the world.

4. I want to add what St. Jude taught me… and make it my own… “Beloved, although I was making every effort to write to you about our common salvation, I now feel a need to write to encourage you to contend for the faith that was once for all  handed down to the holy ones.” And contending for the faith needs to include our constant effort of conversion and how to deal with the devil. Then the Lord takes care of the rest… We do not have to worry about do’s and don’ts… except to run and do what it is asked of us hourly if possible, BECAUSE IT REPRESENTS TOTAL TRUST IN HIS MERCY, and we know what that means for us at this moment in history that seems to be part of the end times!

Every day that goes by and I have not loved all around me, or at least, begged God for the grace to do so, it is a day wasted to bring peace to this earth. Peacemaking is all about loving our neighbor and God’s mercy blesses this behavior. And we have to become super intelligent and discover the quiet action of Satan trying to stop our efforts!

Matthew 5: 9 – “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”

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