I started typing this blog on February 23 and it has been a very difficult task to do. I will give you a few reasons.
1. I had to study 80 pages of traffic laws to pass the test to renew my driver’s license in California. I had all prepared to have an ophthalmologist look into my left ailing eye with plenty of time to order glasses for the good right eye. I had my appointment on January 15. The glasses came January 29 and they were wrong… I had to have another test to order new glasses. So, my driver’s license test had to be moved to February 20… Therefore, the writing of the blog was relegated to February 21, but I could not do it. I had a lethargy coming from I do not where… and of course, this blog is one of the most difficult ones that I have written. As you know, I never choose the subject to be discussed. During the previous 4 weeks, slowly but surely I understood what it will be about. However, with a bad eye and the SECOND pair of glasses being also incorrect, although better than the first pair, you can pretty much guess that there are forces that are working against completing this chore. In fact, I have to use my old glasses in order to read and type…!
2. Because of the content of this blog which at the end will look like a collective examination of conscience, something good for Lent but tough to discuss, some of you may suffer deep spiritual pain but I want to repeat that I write what comes to me in prayer, in Holy Hour, after Communion and many times, as I pray the Rosary…. Recently and out of the blue I started checking some of the old blogs and I was amazed… How did I write what I did? This gave me even more concern regarding the responsibility of writing ONLY what truly seems coming from God.
I must report that I have received the grace in this Lent to continue “watching with Him” hour after hour and taking my crosses to a new level of spiritual use for me and others. More on it later because miracles have come and big ones, and I suspect that this new life of dedication to keep my will under surveillance, has much to do with it. I will share the entire four weeks in a calendar order as I have done before, and this time with more reason for you to see how I slowly started to understand many things regarding evangelization. You will find many repetitions of the same topic, but I am sure that this is the way the He wants to re-wire my brain, so in different days, He tells me the same thing in different ways.
II. SEQUENCE OF EVENTS
After I went to pick up my glasses and far away in another office of this ophthalmologist, and could not use them as I drove back some 40 minutes because the long distance prescription was totally wrong, I started laughing and laughing. I went to Mass and with much joy before and during it. At no time did I get mad or resentful for the mess. Later, I wrote in my journal: “Many times this day I started thinking about the future and the same number of times, my Lord said, “Concentrate in the moment! What are you doing now? Think of it.” So, for the rest of the day I would go to the moment and stay there, blinded to anything else, while saying “yes” to whatever was going on, including the fiasco with the lenses.
Wednesday, January 30.
I had an appointment with the retinologist referred by this Iranian ophthalmologist.. It took 3 hours between drops and different tests, all very sophisticated and I was given a different diagnosis. I do not have a central retinal vein occlusion (CRVO) but a hemi retinal vein occlusion (HRVO) with better prognosis. The retinologist was very optimistic compared to a CRVO. The scans showed a left retina full of fluid and very inflamed. I do have much ischemia and so he suggested the use of Avastin injected intra-ocularly, every 6 weeks or so. No promises were given but it reduces inflammation. The retinologist this time and compared to the one in Toledo, OH was the total opposite. He was nice and reverent or respectful. With his care he erased the bad taste I had for the other one. No doubt that God was healing me of resentment… This God is too much… He has everything super prepared. I received the first injection inside my eye and yes, 3+ weeks later I have lost the total dark spot in the center of the eye. I can see images, poor but they are there. In the Internet I found the case of someone who had the same diagnosis with injections for one year with resolution of the problem… So, there is hope.
Thursday, January 31
This I wrote to family members:
Today I went to pick up at the ophthalmologist’s office the form filled out to be presented at the Dept. of Motor Vehicles in order to prove that I have a 20/20 vision in my right eye. Of course, I took my new glasses to report the mess… They soon realized the problem. So, I was told that I could get another appointment to see the optometrist in order to prescribe new lenses. I very nicely said that I would need instant action or had to move on to another office… because of my driver’s license approaching deadline.
So, because I wanted ASAP action, the original optician was too busy but another one was available and in a short time I was tested again. Of course, by now, I had even taken one of my Bibles, a small one that I use every day, because the size of the letters could give me a clear reading of how the new glasses were not good and the old glasses are still fairly good. When the second optician came to do my testing, she found out that for long distance vision, the new glasses were wrong; in fact, my new measurements placed the new glasses in the middle as far as potency compared with the new testing she had done. For reading, also my old glasses which still work, they were much different than the new glasses. Somehow, this second optician knew about my Bible which I had used with the optical technician to prove to him of the difference in vision with the old and new glasses since she said, "Get your Bible and try the new prescription” – the one she was putting together. She was smiling when she saw the Bible… NOTICE THAT WITHOUT REALLY TRYING OR PLANNING IT, I HAD ENTERED THIS OFFICE WITH THE WORD OF GOD IN MY HANDS… Hmm.
Why did this happen? I did not ask… Why to humiliate them more… The error was humongous. This is how Satan works. He confused this woman and she wrote something totally wrong. In the other hand, Satan wanted me to build resentment at all cost, to get angry and dislike my neighbor… and worse, TO BECOME DISTRACTED with the natural emotions of disgust… since even driving to this office takes me forever. And there it was God giving me much laugh and happiness and zero resentment… I could not get mad… To this moment I do not resent them. This is how I know God exists… He takes bad things and turns them into good for those who believe (Romans 8:28).
The glasses were ordered today and of course, they may take up to 10 working days. So, they suggested to change my appointment with the Department of Motor Vehicles for February 17 or so… and this of course, will give me a lot more time to memorize the stuff for my test. Just imagine if I had started much later my visits to the eye doctors? Without the new glasses I cannot pass the eye test at the DMV… and so on and so forth. But God had a plan and all is working out well. He is so precise, so just, so infinitely in charge of every detail of my life. (End of message to family).
Notice how many obstacles were erected to make of the writing of this blog a very difficult task, including moving the test for the driver’s license for later in this month.
Sunday, February 3.
I could not go to Mass… My cough was impossible after the flu virus added to my recently developed allergy to all coloring of foods or medications.. We had this day the super bowl between two brother coaches, and these men and my family were close by in many occasions… They were born in Toledo, Ohio and when they went to hi school, they attended Pioneer High School next to our home in Ann Arbor.
During the Super Bowl, God and I were talking especially at the commercial brakes because I just could not look at them… They were too violent, pornographic or too stupid for me. I was looking at the crowds and felt great love for everyone plus players. I did not care who would win since both Harbaugh brothers have been part of our lives. I was offering my crosses for the people and the players. So, God came to ask me to stop the “offer up” words (like we say in our Catholic upbringing) because that is a cheap gesture. “Anybody can do that, say it and not mean it,” He said… Instead, I should run to become a friend of my crosses, a la St. Louis Marie Grignon de Montfort, and offer them in expiation for all the sins of the players, the people, the vendors, the people who made the commercials including the actors, all people in the media, TV or Internet fans watching the game, etc. This, He said, was full of great power for those souls. In other words, my life must be focused in busying myself as Jesus did in using the “cross” as an instrument of grace for others even during the Super Bowl. I cannot rest. The work must be constant and only then can I claim that I love my neighbor as myself.
In a move of lack of faith, I said, “I do not know.! I wonder! Are You sure this is so important to do it this way? Just offering my crosses is not enough? I want a sign that I must do it this way, just to prove that You are into this and not my flesh of the devil trying to distract me to run after my crosses, which I may fall short of doing, instead of a sincere offering up of my sufferings.” In ten seconds, the Super Dome in New Orleans was black… To this date, no one has come up with the real reason behind this blackout!!! I KNEW IT WAS HIS SIGN… Yet, I said, “I will not tell anyone about this because they may think I am crazy…” At the time of the 34 minutes black out, it was two minutes into the third quarter and the score was Baltimore 28 to San Fran 6. San Francisco was the favorite and they were looking ridiculous. But why? So, my Lord said, “O.K. Do you want to see what your offering of your crosses in expiation of their sins can do or the power behind it? But when you see some signs and wonders coming up because of such power, you must promise that you have to speak about it in your blog. Others must learn about it for the sake of proving what offering of suffering for the sin of others can do for evangelization.”
I promised and truly felt the grace to greet my crosses as a friend and use them with great love for so many people in expiation for the sins of all involved. Immediately, San Francisco started scoring touch downs. The Ravens which had been spectacular in the first half, looked totally confused. Nothing worked for them. San Fran did not win but they did not lose badly. And God used the Super Bowl in many ways… He was there…. After the game the Ravens’ player Ed Reed converted himself into a preacher and talked over and over about the power of Jesus in winning this ball game… The Raven’s kicker would sign himself as a Catholic would do but every time he had to kick an extra point. There was faith in God being expressed openly. And the most beautiful of all: God was there pointing to us how important is the family for this society. A pa,Jack – a ma, Jackie – two boys, John and Jim and the last two loving each other to pieces even after one lost the game. THIS WAS THE SUPER BOWL OF THE FAMILY…
Also for this date of February 3rd. I must report also that since I have adopted Mr. Barack Obama, my family Rosary decades have been reassigned: I used to dedicate one decade to each son, and the fifth decade to my daughter-in-law who has been part of the family for longer. Now, I gave him the fifth decade all to himself and of course, during the day, I often expiate for his sins with my crosses. My love for him has been constant and easy to feel.
Tuesday, February 5.
On this day I had an appointment with a cardiologist due to some changes in my electrocardiogram and I wrote to my family the following:
—My kids: I am still speechless… God has been talking to me in many ways and for many years, but these visits to doctors are truly a fabrication of love on His part. However, today’s visit goes beyond all foreseeable results. I am still scared of what I just lived, that is, heaven on earth, and also I am sad that I have not followed God even better. But first, I will tell you the story and then give you a few comments of what this may represent.
I had received in the mail a thick envelope with many forms to fill out for this appointment. They were truly obnoxious. They spelled out what they charge for filling any forms out for the DMV or for clearance of a patient for surgery. They also asked to sign a paper giving them my credit card number for them to use when a service is not covered by insurance. I did not. They are associated with Stanford University and wanted me to give them permission to be followed by residents if hospitalized. I declined. I filled up the papers and had ready for them my medical history as I did with other docs. Plus I had made copies of previous laboratory results, things that I ordered by myself in 2010 and 2008, plus the results of my normal 1987 cardiac catheterization.
I was not feeling super well since the new flu virus that came on last Friday has left me worse and with some cough and slight signs of laryngitis with a coarse voice. The temperature outside was 46 and I was sweating…, product of POTS. I entered the building and an old man was much ahead of me and as always, he realized I was coming, opened the door and stayed there until I got to it and he said with a big smile, “Do not rush. Take your time”!!!! I became suspicious again that God had something in store…The appointment was at 10:15 AM. As I entered the office, fire erupted…à The fire of love. The assistant was all love. She was called nurse E and I gave her both set of history papers. They had asked for religious affiliation if I wanted to do give it to them. I did and so they knew I was Roman Catholic…I sat for 15 minutes and started to recite the holy Rosary in my mind and using my fingers … and offered it for all present in that office. I did not want to disturb people by using the beads since freedom of religion is under attack.
Eventually, E called me and she loved me like crazy. She was more Catholic than I was. While she did an EKG and took my blood pressure, we talked only about God. She started saying how doctors know so little about Him… She was fascinated that I was so religious and a doctor as well. She said that just two days before, her teen son was biking in front of their home and that she heard God tell her to pull him out of the street. So, she did, and in the same moment that the young man moved from the main flow of traffic but in this empty street, a car was speeding some 70 miles per hour and just passed through the same area that the son had been. But notice that my history had nothing written bout my love for God… Somehow, the Holy Spirit had instructed her with this knowledge!!! She then said that the cardiologist would be in shortly.
When the doctor came it was even more of a surprise. This was a 38 year old married man with three babies and one in route, with Latin American and European ancestry and who had visited Costa Rica many times to surf…! It was a reunion of sorts…. But he entered with the greatest most lovable attitude as if we were friends forever. He asked me what I wanted to accomplish with this visit. I answered that I had come because my internist thought it prudent since my EKG showed some changes and that if I ever needed surgery for my bladder, he would have to clear me for the anesthesiologist. In the other hand, I told him that I was not interested in any major tests because I was super ready to die.
He immediately said that he wants to feel that way but still he does not want to die. He wanted to get there. We started talking about God. This man was fascinated with whatever I said. He thought I could have surgery without problems but asked me if I wanted an echocardiogram. I said, “You are the boss.” So, I will be back on Feb. 28 for it. I had written in my history that I would not take anti-cholesterol or Statin drugs nor have a mammography and he laughed… Of course, I took with me many lab tests that I ordered for myself through the years to see how much arteriosclerosis I had in my major arteries, like aorta and carotids and it was minimal in my last check up. Of course I eat to dissolve calcium in my arteries, but I never tell anyone about it because they do not believe me. I did it and proved it to myself in 2003 by dissolving plaque in my teeth in three months… The dentist could not believe it either but was very impressed. Yes, our teeth plaque has calcium and that calcium can be removed from our teeth and arteries as well…
PLEASE REALIZE this was surreal… This could not happen unless God is after me trying to show me something. So, after this extraordinary personal Super Bowl stories, I still was thinking how to approach the topic in the blog. People would not believe me… at all, and worse, many may think that I became crazy. But my Lord knew and decided to take my breath away with so many details at this cardiologist’s office. For example:
1. Nurse E did not have to be the one chosen to take care of me. There were others, but she was, and a Catholic and totally immersed in God.
2. It was supposed to be a meeting with a probably “know it all” cardiologist but turned out to be a beautiful humble doctor with Latin American roots and a frequent Costa Rican visitor who became my friend. He confided his personal health issues…
THE CRUX OF THE MATTER: all of this is simply a huge school for me. I have been living hour by hour without thinking about tomorrow in any way possible and of course due to grace but I have begotten much invested in cooperating. I have been trying super hard to be abandoned to God’s Divine Providence at all cost and offering up my crosses for souls, and now in expiation for their sins… THIS HAS ALLOWED THE HOLY GHOST to move souls to serve me as if I were a queen. The big teaching for me and as I mentioned to a friend just yesterday, letting God take over all I do and say and think, write or whatever is the only solution to evangelization because it represent unlimited faith in God. We have to wait for His timing, His ways, His funny crazy ways, and evangelization happens. Nurse E was so happy that she had met me… The cardiologist was soo happy that he had met me and insisted that he wants to be like me, not afraid of death and a believer, and I promised him that he would be in my prayers. But more than that, I have to offer my crosses in expiation for their sins… since the power coming out of it was demonstrated at the Super Bowl event. Thank you so much for those who were praying for me… The power of prayer and of love with our abandonment can change the entire world in an instant. Amazing grace. AND YES, GOD IS ALIVE… You cannot think otherwise after what I just told you… (End of message for family)
Wednesday, February 6.
In Holy Hour and with much cough present, I was told by my Crucified: “Run to embrace your crosses just as you would run to embrace your best friend.” I then realized the following recent growth in my life
1. I went from an intellectual and indifferent understanding of the need to say “yes” to God’s will, including all crosses but hoping to get rid of them
2. To a calm and collected but still frowning “yes” to my crosses
3. To a peaceful acceptance of them
4. To hourly offering them up for the salvation of souls
5. To offering them up in expiation of the sins of neighbor
6. To running to welcome my friends, the crosses. And in the midst of this transformation, God was throwing me signs and wonders with lights that went off in the super bowl and a doctor’s office full of friends.
7. To realizing that expiating the sins of others with our suffering is one powerful way of love of neighbor. (11:45 AM…) Yes, Jesus did it all for us with His death, but He wants us to participate in this work as we bring others home. In other words, this practice is for us and for them, but it transforms others through our love for neighbor.
I also realized that the Chaplet of Mercy is composed of the same facts: offering up the Eucharist in atonement for the sins of all of us, and based on this, we ask for God’s mercy…
The following story came on February 23… but it has to be told in here to make more sense…
On the above date, I had found by chance and as I was looking for another book, a little pamphlet titled Encyclical Letter – Dives in Misericordia – Nov.30, 1980 by Pope John Paul II.
Somehow I ended up with this encyclical in my hands and placed it next to my chair. Eventually I took a look at it and it had tons of notes written in several areas. I may have shared this information in years past, but I do not remember. It is apparent that I bought it in Steubenville at one of their summer conferences and most likely, after a day of talks, I was reading it in my Holiday Inn room on June 28, 1986. At the time, I had been home in Cleveland since January 1985 (18 months) and without a job after my first major professional persecution. I had used all my savings to cover the financial needs of my family. In my household, I made the more money and I covered most of the expenses. I had just landed a job in South Bend, IN area and was ready to start soon after (August), and I was carrying the sour cross of the horrible unjust persecution suffered in my last job, my first one. At this point, I was very naïve regarding persecution for us who are faithful in following God. My Lord spoke to me on this date and I had taken notes in the back of the Encyclical.
“You need to rely more on My mercy. There are still moments of fear, of tiredness of starting over again. I assure you that when I equip, I equip fully. You will have what you need: stamina, endurance, faith, hope and love for your work and getting your family relocated. As I reveal this to you, I call you by name, in the power of My Spirit, to prophesy, to teach, to preach, to counsel and evangelize; I call you to a life of holiness, quiet prayer and living in the presence of My love. I’ll certainly give you all acceptance to a life mixed with suffering. You know how important suffering is for your growth. Give Me always your love. I grant you my serene yet overwhelming Presence in everything you do. Just draw from it. Write the book telling all about My mercy in your life. Read page 28 of this document.” (Notice that He was hinting to me to live in the presence of His love… Hmm. Who may that be? Of course, His Holy Spirit. But I was still very naïve and could not see… I am glad that I wrote it in this particular document…)
Page 28, section 8: ….”In the eschatological fulfillment mercy will be revealed as love, while in the temporal phase, in human history, which is at the same time the history of sin and death, love must be revealed above all as mercy and must also be actualized as mercy. Christ’s messianic program, the program of mercy, becomes the program of His people, the program of the Church. At its very center there is always the cross, for it is in the cross that the revelation of merciful love attaints its culmination. Until the ‘former things pass away,’ the cross will remain the point of reference for other words too of the Revelation of John: ‘Behold, I stand at the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with Me.’”
It was amazing to read such words some almost 25 years later… and yes I wrote the book and finished it in 2004 but did not find a publisher, and probably because the Internet ended up being the means He chose to write more than what one book could hold! In the other hand, Jesus was trying very hard and unbeknownst to me to alert me at the importance of suffering, since some 5 years later, another persecution would come from this job in South Bend that I had left in 1989, after the Lord re-routed me back to Cleveland providing jobs announced in Houston, TX, and this second major professional persecution would come from a Buddhist female anesthesiologist born in Thailand. I still truly believe that people are not bad, but Satan tempts them and they do absurd things and God allows it. Yet, in Steubenville, Jesus was making a point and naming suffering as a very important part of His program just as the Encyclical in my hands was saying.
Saturday, Feb. 9
I suddenly woke up and had to get up since much information was coming to me from within. It was 12:30 AM. I immediately got up, called the Holy Spirit with the prayer I have shared many times in this site and wrote in my journal:
I am trying hard to live hourly watching and praying. The point for this day is the following: abandonment hourly to His Providence is not just living without plans and waiting for God to do it all. No. It is to hourly live totally sure that much has to be done but instructions come through detachment from making particular plans ahead of time out of my need to be in control. Plans must be made but only as the Holy Spirit orders them. It is a form of “practical faith.” In other words, if I trust – He guides me. If I remain totally in the present moment, this guarantees that the gifts of the Holy Spirit of understanding situations, wisdom to know what to do or say or share, courage to do it without discouragement if the task looks enormous, peace to live hourly trusting in His love for me, with much fear of God, that is with my eyes fixed on God’s awesome mercy, all of those are the fruits of this practical faith.
Any attempts coming from Satan, the world or my flesh tempting me to act on my own will, will produce a cloud of fear and lack of trust in God’s love; it will create confusion that will blind me and make me deaf to recognize what is God’s will for me, and hour by hour.
3 AM: even wanting to be in charge of my own spiritual life or wanting to know how am I doing or trying to pass my own ideas about God could be the result of my lack of faith! And so, I can become a weak vehicle of repetition in the name of witnessing God’s love and mercy and at the end, I could not lead souls to a lasting transformation with ongoing spiritual growth, and this way to be able to replenish our parishes with those who left.
A sizable group of Catholics among the 28% that are faithful attendees to Sunday Mass claim to know Christ! Do we? Are we really doing and saying and teaching and writing only what the Holy Spirit ordains? Are we really the white pages where the Spirit is writing the Gospel for 2013? And of course, if this is preached to the crowds, it will be ignored because we all in this country of communication, have been re-wired to collect information about everything but making plans for ourselves and others regarding spiritual matters; therefore, deep within we are still in charge!
In the other hand, if we say or write or think while our souls have no plans but to do the will of God, enthusiastically embracing and becoming friends with our crosses as we offer them in atonement for our sins and those of others, the Holy Spirit will re-wire our brains to be totally disposed not to fear about tomorrow since today has enough troubles of its own. Satan cannot get in. The Holy Spirit shuts up the door to our souls and the evil one is done. Our lives then become a true exciting journey and a real personal Pentecost will be ours. Evangelization will be a natural way of living the Gospel. Besides, the Holy Spirit will arrange for us to meet clients. Evangelization is wonderful but only when we allow the Spirit to take over our souls on a constant basis! In other words, the same programs with much personal direction but with brains re-wired by the world, will not bring others to our parishes and to stay forever. “I believe in the Holy Spirit,” says the Creed. Do we? Are we truly letting Him run our souls hour by hour?
8:30 AM. Our minds are well trained by “our culture” in all its outlets to become extremely keen at reasoning away our crosses and losing the tool where the revelation of merciful love attains its culmination according to Dives in Misericordia. The moment we do it, we become blind to know what the will of God is for us in the little daily chores or in the big decisions. We may be doing something great for the Kingdom and sacrifice time and effort to proclaim the Gospel with our own plans, but regarding our crosses, we may be choosing lighter crosses, and all along doing our own will. But how to be clear about it and catch ourselves doing it?
There is only one way: total abandonment to His Providence, but it is not a resting period. This is a very active position of doing all that is required in that moment by our vocation in life with a huge “yes” regardless of the pain involved, as we embrace all the crosses found in our routing and not trying to exchange them. This is the faith that can move mountains, that is, it can move souls to turn around and become disciples and stay as disciples. Unfortunately, we tend to do the contrary. We act before we submit to God. Under the heading of “good and holy actions,” and they are, we proceed but not exactly under God’s holy will. Worse, our will obscures the signs and wonders of the Holy Spirit. We choose to do something very good but not the best which only comes via God’s will, and we even never notice it. And ¾ of the pews remain empty on Sunday’s. Just imagine if we did not have EWTN… We probably would have a 12% attendance. But even with EWTN in all its outlets, we are missing something… judging by the numbers that keep dropping through the years. What are we missing?”
Monday, February 11.
Our Pope resigned and somehow I feel at peace. Knowing the trajectory of this holy man, I know that he made the decision with the Holy Spirit. Therefore, we cannot improve it… I am happy for him. I went to early Mass and renewed my Consecration to my Ma… I love her so much and under this title even more because I visited the site of her apparition in Lourdes.
On this day I picked up my second pair of glasses and they are incorrect as well, although better than the first pair.
Tuesday, February 12.
I had fallen asleep in my room chair and left EWTN on… I woke up at 12 AM and a program was starting on Our Lady of Good Health, also known as Our Lady of Vailankanni in south eastern India and a town with a population of 1,000. Yet, this town sees about 8,000,000 visitors a year from all religions because they are attracted by her miracles. What a Mom we have…
Later in the afternoon, I turned on EWTN at 3:30 PM and bingo, the same program was to start. I paid more attention this time, although this is the third time that I watch it… It has been presented before and because of my poor health, her title was attractive and perfect for me and my health… I have wanted to get her picture from India but to no avail… I ask and do not get it from people visiting India. However, it is God’s will and my love for her seems to increase since I was led to listen to her story twice in a one day… Her story goes like this: in the 1600’s, a 10 or so year old boy distributed milk to earn money for food for his family. One day, he was tired and took a nap and upon waking up, he sees this lady with a baby in her arms who asks him to give her the milk for the child. He gives it to her. Suddenly, he realizes that it is late and he has not milk to sell. He went to tell his boss with the whole story and the latter became infuriated, but suddenly, milk started coming out of the jar… It was full! So, his boss asked the boy to take him to the place of the encounter. (Evangelization? Possible)
Years later, another young boy had sour milk to sell. He encounters the same lady and with the same request. He ends up without sour milk and with a request from the lady to contact a Catholic man to build a chapel in the site of the encounter. Upon returning to his boss, again, sour milk comes out of the top border of the jar. He later related the message to this Catholic man who immediately understood it was the same Lady of Good Health of Vailankanni… and a chapel was erected, to become in subsequent centuries, a beautiful Basilica…
At 3:35 PM, as I was watching this program she said “Pay much attention to the story at 3:40 PM.” It was exactly at this time that the first boy of the story was giving the milk to her to feed the Baby, Jesus.
Later on she said, “That is what you have to do: to give all you have to me to give to my Son; He is the Priest that heads all others in the Church and they are in need of spiritual renewal.” She sent me to a page in the Bible, Deuteronomy 9. A priest and Moses’ brother, Aaron, had sinned and allowed the Israelites to build the golden calf and worship it. This made God very angry and ready to punish them. Moses had just come down from the mountain with the Tablets of the Law when he found this disturbing scene. He left for the mountain again and spent 40 days fasting and praying asking God to pardon them. And GOD LISTENED TO MOSES…
For me, the message was clear. My crosses with the big yes to them as a form of fasting my will plus my prayer must be offered in atonement for the sins of all the Cardinals that are candidates to become the new Pope. Seeing this program twice and exactly hours after the Holy Father announced his decision, was proof enough. I also have to offer all my sufferings and fast my will as best as I can, in order for these men to know very clearly who will be the one to lead the Church in these moments where a new evangelization must be sought and taught and witnessed by the new Pope.
Thursday, February 14.
At the noon Mass, I asked Him if this was the time to go and change my cell phone since the one I got upon arriving in California in 2008, was giving me some problems. I was given a yes. I was afraid of the time, close to 1 PM when many could be visiting this Verizon center in the lunch hour. It turned out to be an evangelization trip. I found a thirty something manager and a younger girl and no clients around. They treated me very well. In the midst of all, I asked the young man if he had dementia in his family. He said, “Yes, my grandfather has it.” I asked the girl and she said, “Yes, my grandmother has it.” I told them my story and how careful they should be in case their ancestors and they may have the same genes I have for natural poor detoxification and how fluoride had done for me… I explained the difference between Alzheimer’s and dementia. The girl did not even know that our tap water if fluorinated… They were super interested.
I asked them about history of depression in their family. The young girl does have someone who suffers from depressions. So, I told them what I do and how the person could make a differential diagnosis to see if the depressions are due to carrageenan. I left them both with tears in their eyes. Both had been very worried about dementia for themselves. At all times, I plugged the love of God leading me to find out answers for these maladies. I seeded them with God, and for sure, they will never forget me since the information was so important for their lives. As I left, I realized that the appointment with these people was well planned by God, since no one came to the store in the half hour I was there… Just imagine if I had made my own decision of when to go…
Sunday, February 17.
We had the Gospel of the three temptations of Christ by the Devil. The homily was excellent. There was mention about how we get distracted by many things and how the devil uses it against us. I started passing judgment on my own life and reviewing how I may be a distraction for others. Even this blog can become a distraction if I let my flesh write it. I was checking over some issues of this sort and after Communion I started understanding so many things. When I came home, I wrote about it.
And this discussion is one of the core subjects for this blog: I have written about the devil many times and I suspect that the devil is mentioned as a tempter but only for certain things. Sins of the flesh are at the top of the list. And I understood in an instant that the greatest temptation above all others is what it was for Adam and Eve and for Jesus as well: not to do what God wills for us. My sin is also to worry about how I can “control” even the devil… instead of worrying about how I am opened to do God’s will at all cost… and this faith moves mountains and takes care of getting things done but only as God wants them. In fact, the three temptations had straight answers of refute: 1) “One does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes forth from the mouth of God.” 2) “You shall not put the Lord, your God, to the test.” 3) “The Lord, your God, shall you worship and Him alone shall you serve.”
There is no way here to deny the fact that there was a big message for us from Jesus as to how to deal with Satan. The big question is how to effectively do the three things mentioned above… Again, we cannot do it on our own. I have to obey the Word of God. I cannot test God by doubting the Truth and instead, I must worship Him. However, all this dialogue with Satan came precisely after Jesus was baptized and under the Spirit’s orders had gone to the desert to fast…It is all there… He did not need to be baptized but was done to fulfill what the prophets had written about Him, and to hint to us how the Holy Spirit was behind the scenes as He was sent to be tempted by Satan. Without using many words, I get out of this story that I must have the Holy Spirit in charge of my fights against Satan. And how to allow the Spirit to reign within? Well, it is easy…To know the Word of God as the Spirit ordered to be passed on to us; I should never doubt that He is in charge of my every step, and I must worship Him and be present to Him as a servant, and a servant cannot give orders and his/her actual work is to obey…The fight with Satan and a personal ongoing Pentecost go hand in hand.
In our case, the desert is within and the devil will show up and that is a given… WE MUST REMEMBER THAT SATAN WILL TRY TO MAKE US AFRAID, DESPERATE, DISTRACTED and humiliated with whatever feelings we meet in the way; the human way of reacting to him is trying to control the situation over and over, only to return to do it. How do I know what feelings are from God or from the flesh or from Satan? I do not know… I have to respond in the same way as Jesus hinted us to do. Then, God with this act of faith in His Divine Providence will kick the devil away and clarify for me what it is God’s through His Holy Spirit… Otherwise, the distraction is not the situation but our desire to control it…
As it happened, days later on February 23, Fr. Anthony from EWTN spoke about our tendency of some to confess over and over the same sin. In other words, they do not truly believe in the mercy of God through the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Well, on this February 17, I had also picked up a book while looking for something else and it was the spiritual classic, Scupoli’s book, “Spiritual Combat,” and on Chapter 25 I found this:
Title: The Soldier of Christ, resolved to fight and conquer his enemies, must avoid, as far as possible, anything that intrudes upon his peace of mind.
“Our peace of mind when lost demands every possible exertion for its recovery. We actually never lose it or cause it to be disturbed except through our own fault.
“We must be sorry for our sins. But this sorrow must be calm and moderate… You will find it greatly advantageous to preserve a calm mind through all the events in your life. Without it, your pious exercises will be fruitless. I am convinced that if the heart is troubled, the enemy is ever able to strike us, and as much as he wishes. Moreover, in that state we are not capable of discerning the true path to follow, the snares that must be avoided to attain virtue.
“The enemy detests this peace. For he knows that this is the place where the Spirit of God dwells, and that now desires to accomplish great things in us. Consequently, he employs his most devilish means to destroy this peace. He suggests various things that apparently are good. It is a trap; you will soon discover that these desires will destroy the peace of your heart. Even when we are convinced that such actions are prompted by the Holy Spirit, we should, nevertheless, defer its execution until our eagerness to do this has been mortified. Proceeded by such a mortification a good work is more pleasing to God than when it is pursued too impetuously. It frequently happens that the performance of the act brings less merit than the mortification.
“Through the rejection of evil desires, and the suspension of even the good ones until we have suppressed the motivations of self-love, we shall preserve tranquility of mind. It is also necessary to overcome a certain interior regret. Apparently coming from God, under the guise of remorse of conscience for past sins, it is, without doubt, the work of the devil. “ (End of quotes)
I am convinced that the science of the devil has not been fully preached in the XX and XXI centuries… Satan entered with fury at the end of Vatican II… and we did nothing… We should have worked in standing firm in faith, hope and charity at all cost, and Satan would have lost a lot of his power, but we did nothing. We speak of Satan but in general terms.
On a recent program in EWTN they were questioning what to do to restore unity in the Church. It occurred to me that it is amazing how we in general, have the Bible full of stories of Satan dividing us, lying to us, from Genesis to Revelation, but do not have specific plans to counteract the evil one beyond praying the Rosary, if we actually remember to offer it to contain Satan.
1) In this program they mentioned how in the first 8 centuries we had just one church… So, what happened?
2) Martin Luther came, a monk, and we started dividing by the day. We know that this division brought different interpretations of the Word of God, and if you would not like one, you would go to found another church. The major fiasco was to consider the truth to be that “once we are saved, we are always saved, no matter what.” Only Satan could have played this trick through the centuries in the minds of so many good people.
3) I thought that most of us lived the most horrendous confusion after Vatican II, and that it was real and we cannot say that it was just pure chance… The magnitude of this collapse within the Church is still evident. However, I cannot recall what plans were made to diagnose and treat the causes, or maybe I missed them.
Wednesday, February 20
I had my appointment for the test for the new driver’s license. It all went very well. Since one eye is gone, at least for now and they do not know about my intraocular injections by the retinologist, well, they want me back to drive with someone to prove that I can see well with my 20/20 right eye. They gave me an appointment for March 11.
Thursday, February 21.
After the Rosary I was summoned to write the following and when I finished I was very impressed with this dissertation on our present problems.
It is true; the greatest work of Satan is to distract us even in holy ways not to follow the will of God. God had a plan for Israel and brought them out of Egypt. WE ARE IN EGYPT at this point. We are slaves to this world which flashes messages constantly defining new truths, and all these false truths have at the core to make us happy. They showed a woman in ABC who is teaching that couples that clean their home clutter together, stay together… Ouch… This Egypt is worse than the one in the Bible. The Media is our Pharaoh . Our brains are so plastic that can we can be brain-washed or re-wired by words and mostly by images without us knowing that this is a form of slavery.
This constant avalanche of concepts, ideas and teachings have made us unaware that God has a master plan to liberate us from this Pharaoh. In my particular case, I ceased watching night time English programs for the last 10 years. Did I plan to do it? Of course not… But in retrospect He did liberate me. I started losing patience and interest in so many programs that are make-believe and for others with excessive violence, sex or discussion about whatever is going on. At this point I am only watching one story in Spanish at 8 PM because it is well acted and funny and only when I feel like watching it. So, yes, God can be in charge of the media in all of its facets, but we have to allow Him… because He is sooo just that He respects our free will!
Well, I am not a slave to the media but still I am a slave to trying to control what happens in my life… But in this year of Faith, His grace has entered me into this watching every hour and using it to offer my sufferings in expiation for my sins and sins of my neighbor. So, what is happening? The Lord is parting the Red Sea for me to cross to the Promised Land, the land of true freedom, where I am learning to deal with Satan in new ways (well, old ways that I did not practice) so that I do not get tempted to control even my spiritual growth. And of course, by growing in this understanding and practice that my faithful hourly adherence to what God wills for me has to be done, it will open all the Red Seas and Jordan River’s of my life without losing a beat, keeping my crosses as actual friends for this journey.
And the most important of all is that the fruits of this practice will open my spiritual eyes to hear the Holy Spirit, to follow His promptings, to receive His Wisdom, etc. It may seem a complicated matter but it is not… The problem is to fall into distractions of pros and cons about our lives and not stay saying yes to all that God wants for us. But the worse distraction is to do good things for the Kingdom and yet not having checked with the Holy Spirit if it is His will. I am convinced that this temptation has been out there for years and no one has addressed it. The most important point here is that if we proceed with anything, as holy as it may sound, without checking up with this Spirit inside of us, is NOT BELIEVING IN THE HOLY GHOST.
And we fail also to reassure our neighbor that Jesus promised to answer our prayers and He said, “And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. What father among you would hand his son a snake when he asks for a fish? Or hand him a scorpion when he asked for an egg? If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give you the Holy Spirit to those who ask him?” Luke 11: 9-13. There you have it… It is crystal clear… You ask your Dad for the Holy Ghost and it does not mean that He has to come… He already came in Baptism and Confirmation and never left any of us… What we are asking our Dad is to open our eyes and ears and heart to believe that this Holy Spirit, this Love between Him and the Son and Who was sent to us by Jesus Himself was precisely to guide us.
He was clear in His instructions: “Watch out for yourselves. They will hand you over to the courts (happening now with the HHS mandate). You will be beaten in synagogues. You will be arraigned before governors and kings because of Me, as a witness to them. But the gospel must first be preached (the gospel of Life, the gospel of freedom of conscience and of religious liberty). When they lead you away and hand you over, do not worry beforehand about what you are to say. But say whatever will be given to you at that hour. For it will not be you who are speaking but the Holy Spirit.” Mark 13: 9-11.
Having the Holy Spirit reigning in our souls and calling all the shots of our life, it means to say “yes” to everything that God puts and allows in our trajectory and never wanting to know what is next. If we had a company to run and which is losing value in their stock arsenal, we would have looked for all causes that led to it and changed things around. This is the wisdom of the world and even Jesus said to use it… Well, we also must look at the history of our first Pentecost. It is all there. The Apostles took very seriously the arrival of the Holy Spirit and they went and announced the Good News and thousands converted on the spot because the Holy Spirit did it… and it is well explained in the Acts of the Apostles. Satan was around, and even St. Paul was detained by Satan and could not visit a place he wanted to go. So, it only means that Satan totally lost his battle when the Apostles and disciples made the rounds empowered by the Spirit and we still have with us their teaching. Can we do the same? Of course, we can.
God’s plan was and is fabulous, but he needs co-workers to put this into place. We are mighty! We have it all! We can stop all wars and convert the entire world but as long as we truly follow God’s plan:
1. And we should be aware that without this constant submission to the Holy Ghost, we will be tempted by Satan to do even good things, but not the will of God. Under our own will, we will preach and teach but with our own ideas and wisdom, and miss opening the door of many souls for the Holy Spirit to become active. So, evangelization has to be proposed in a different manner.
2. We must understand that we have the power to evangelize like the 12 Apostles. The entire world needs us. We all baptized members ARE power houses if we lit our inner temple with His Love giving Him our submission to His guidance. We also should call the New Pentecost what it truly is.
1) A new Pentecost is not a new coming of the Holy Spirit and we should NOT call Him because He is still within us and never left.
2) A New Pentecost means to become agents of the Spirit within submitting hourly to His Love first and foremost, to His wisdom, and we do it by saying “Yes, be it done unto me according to Thy will.”
3) A New Pentecost is not us trying to work for the Holy Spirit doing what we want, or side by side with Him. No, the New Pentecost starts with our prayer to have Him re-evangelize us by dying to our will that wants to control everything. If our plans of the last 40+ years have not worked as they should have and if we allowed Satan to harm our Church and practically destroy the entire world that actually seeks the pursuit of happiness that comes from a false freedom, it is time to go back to the Upper Room with the biggest “yes” to God’s will, and this same Holy Spirit will arrange everything in no time.
3. I must remind the 28% that we cannot be too sure of knowing the Holy Spirit until we ask why He came to us in the Catholic Church in 1967 and we have lost many Catholics since… His coming must make us reflect how easily we can take over movements and make our own decisions and become evangelizers but with our own plans. There is no other answer to it. The Spirit arrived and good people at least in the U.S in different areas of this country, took off with their personal plans because they ignored the Eucharist and Our Lady in the name of ecumenism, and the cross was never mentioned. Our meetings were all geared to see the Spirit showing His power with prophesy and healing and speaking in tongues and much joy, but at no time we addressed the cross as vital part of our lives. It was quietly denied. The results have been rather poor.
Sunday, February 24.
I heard LIVE the Mass of Thanksgiving in Washington, D.C. for our departing Pope celebrated at the Shrine of the Immaculate Conception. I learned then what I have heard before but had forgotten. They quoted Pope Benedict defining what the new evangelization is all about. The celebrant, Donald Cardinal Wurl mentioned in his homily that the hallmark of Pope Benedict’s Pontificate is to have brought the theme of the “new evangelization” and defined not as a specific plan of action but rather in a whole way of seeing the activity of proclaiming the Gospel, and re-proposing the perennial truth of Christ’s Gospel. Last October in his meeting with the Bishops convened in Rome to reflect on this new way of proclaiming the Gospel, he also referred to the Year of Faith as part of this new evangelization, and asked them to reflect on the Creed. He mentioned how faith is capable to change each one of us and with faith we can change all others guided with love and hope.
Well, by the time I heard this homily I had this blog practically finished and was surprised that what God had made me understand in the last 4 weeks, pretty much what looks like re-proposing the proclamation of the Gospel or the new evangelization. It was on this same date and many years ago as mentioned above that the call of the Holy Spirit came to my life to re-affirm my faith in Him. It all seems to convey a very special message at least for me. And it was this phrase in the Creed that started it all: “I believe in the Holy Spirit.” Amazing coincidence!
Tuesday, February 26
On the day of the posting of this blog, I had to see the original ophthalmologist who would investigate if I could have a normal intraocular pressure glaucoma in the good eye. Yesterday, I tried very hard to post this message but the editing took forever. I was a little oppressed with the fact that I had this appointment today, plus one tomorrow with the retinologist, plus one on Thursday with the cardiologist to have an echocardiogram done, plus one on Friday to have the urologist evaluate me again since the medication I was given is not helping out my bladder. For someone who did not visit doctors for many years, this is a true testing time.
Yet, this God is sooo real… I cannot cease to write about Him. He is too much. Today, I was given a test for peripheral vision with very sophisticated equipment and done by a technician. Later I found out that this can tell the ophthalmologist if I was showing symptoms of glaucoma regardless of normal intraocular pressures. He eventually came and again as a super friend… like the cardiologist. It was another totally surreal moment. He said, “Hello, young lady.” I had to smile because it is not infrequent that I am called a young lady… Ouch! Only God could blind people to say that. All the results were spectacular. No signs of glaucoma of the good eye. My left eye did show some vision in the lower half, and yes, I had reported that after the Avastin injection I can see images. He was also very happy with the new diagnosis of being only a hemi retinal vein occlusion. He re-measured my intraocular pressures and they were again normal. I have a cataract in the good eye but minor. In a scale of 1 to 10, I am a 3. This is the first time that I hear an eye doctor describe the size of the cataract, and it is good for me to know for follow up if I were to move. He does not want to do anything about it as yet. The professional love of this man for a patient was evident. GOD HAD DONE IT AGAIN… He knew that the cross was a little heavy with so many appointments in 4 days and wanted to use this doctor to send me a message that He was around moving hearts to be gentle and loving to me. And of course, some people close to me are praying and He heard their prayer.
Closing words: I want to apologize if I offended you with this message. Worse, it may look like I am passing judgment on the Church and I do not want to do so. In the other hand, I have grown in amazement to see how we have been attacked by Satan in all levels of the Church and of government and worldwide, and WE THE ONES who have it all to stop Satan, do not have definite plans to do so. Even today, as I walked into the office of the ophthalmologist, Satan was tied up in a corner judging by the way I was treated. When I was a young physician and fairly good looking, my personal doctors never treated me as such! And on this February 26, I walked in that building with a big yes in my heart for that moment of more tests and offering it all up in expiation for the sins of all involved…! I even had a little concern that the doctor may have been a little upset because I have made him pay the laboratory for a second pair of glasses. Normally, they think that it is the patient’s inability to clearly tell how they see with different glasses, as the optometrist tries different strengths of lenses to come up with a prescription. In my case, she was a nice woman and never hurried me to give her answers comparing one lens against the other. But the contrary happened. I MENTION THIS TO YOU WITH GREAT DETAIL TO MAKE SURE THAT it is true, Satan can be dominated with our yes to God’s will and our love for others. I entered in evangelization mode and left with everybody smiling at me…Only when we give the Holy Spirit all we have for Him to use it for peace, this can happen.
I invite you if so led, to think about re-proposing the preaching of the Gospel in your own hearts first, and then to be led to do whatever He tells you, during a time in this world where we are constantly losing souls to hell, and we do not have to… Just think how easy it would be to march and save souls, as the Apostles and St. Paul did and so many of our Saints… The first evangelization was controlled, blessed and led by the Holy Spirit BUT also as they left everything and did the will of God by going to take the Good News everywhere… The new evangelization should be a replica… but we must allow the Spirit to become our champion within and out.
We cannot speak of the Holy Spirit leading us until we truly believe in Him to direct us, which means that we should submit to the Spirit on a constant basis and accept His guidance ipso facto. We may believe in doing God’s will but if we do not abandon ourselves 100% of the time to Divine Providence, we keep the door of our souls closed and the work of evangelization will be jeopardized. In the other hand, when we submit, we should ignore our success or failures, since God has a plan and it is the best plan, and success is written all over it
We must be aware of Satan’s work around us but at the same time know that the Holy Spirit will handle his intrusions and give us guidance not to be distracted by his tricks, as long as we truly “believe in the Holy Spirit”…. Again, he will try first and foremost to entice us to co-manage our souls with God at our side if need be, so that we do not do His will all the time. Said in other words, count with him trying try very hard to tempt us to do good things but our way, in our time, whenever we feel like it, and always feeling that we are in charge… and therefore, devoid of true spiritual power to bring others to Christ.
I close with my biggest thanks for all those who prayed for me in my ordeal of looking for doctors and meeting with them. It all turned out as fantastic as the blackout during the Super Bowl!!!
May our God bless you and keep you and make His Face shine upon you all the days of your life, and may you be able to use this message only for His glory.